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ty my posts will probably be shorter and less reflective and more about gia and wedding updates but i m going to try to be more active last night gia took a bottle from me for the first time since she was a month old i was away from her for four days while she stayed with jen at her childhood home i missed her but thoroughly enjoyed going to see tarzan by myself with a waterbottle of vodka and lemonade and a bag of coconut curry cashews anyway despite pumping four or more times a day by the time they got back i had barely any milk i was pumping nothing and even with her nursing on one side just a dribble now we have to give her bottles after nursing but since my supply isn t completely gone i m trying to get it back up by nursing and pumping and eating lots of carbs and fats and drinking water and lactation tea she got used to taking a bottle while we were separated and now she s nursing and then drinking a bottle all in one cuddle session gia has overall been sleeping a little better with only one wake up around 2am until she got a cold and another leap started this week i m dragging myself out of bed after just a few hours of sleep and getting through work bleary eyed and hyped up on caffeine again she is doing great though crawling standing climbing onto to couch and getting down carefully all by herself she even opens her bedroom door with the handle she also says up mama and uh oh i ll do a one year post soon here are some pics from her birthday party at my in laws cake time smash cake whole grain banana cake iced with greek yogurt and fresh strawberries by yours truly wonderful old friends and my very pregnant sil opening presents with mama wiped out from all the partying july 4th boat ride happiness uncle and cousins categories 6 12 months breastfeeding sleep lack thereof what to do june 6 2016 4 as much as i want to blog it s just not happening right now i m not giving up i want to continue sharing our adventures especially with so many coming up gia s first birthday wedding trip to europe i will try i hate feeling built that i haven t posted updates on her though especially since this is the only baby book i have i will try to do an update and maybe share some wedding stuff i m following everyone though categories uncategorized wedding plans may 4 2016 14 we re finally planning our wedding we really committed to our six weeks of diy couples therapy which has improved our interactions a lot we got excited about wedding planning and have come up with an affordable and fun weekend plan as some of you know we had planned our wedding for sequoia national park while i was pregnant but medically it wasn t a good idea and since gia was born we haven t exactly been in a place to plan a wedding it s not the hippie wedding in the woods i planned two years ago and it s not in the tuscan countryside we considered but it s convenient for our family and close friends especially now that there are seven baby and kid cousins between our two families when we looked at our priorities having our community there was really important keeping it low stress and outdoors y was also important i planned the whole thing in about a week and it came together so easily the ceremony and reception will be at an amazing brewery in north san diego craft beer country there are gardens a koi pond stone walkways and a small green lawn where the ceremony will be held my best friends from college are doing the officiating and music and another talented friend of ours is doing our photography afterwards we will have a farm to table meal on the garden deck here are some pics from someone else s wedding in the same spot and some pics of us checking out the ceremony space and trying the food gia loved the sautéed greens we found a fun hotel near the brewery and stayed there saturday night to see if it would feel right for the wedding we booked one of its cottages on a lake to stay in on our wedding weekend it has its own porch and fire pit plus a kitchen to make cocktails and snacks and the hotel has two really nice pools and hot tubs i m excited to share this here and wish i had more time to write about my thoughts and daydream about my vision i ve waited so long to plan my wedding and now that it s here it s also bringing up some difficult feelings of course mostly fear and perfectionism i had mixed feelings about the hotel but after a lot of processing and analyzing we decided to go ahead and embrace the plan today we put down deposits sent out save the dates and launched our website gia has been sick and work has been stressful we sleep trained using the happy sleeper for three nights and she responded well then promptly got sick and has mostly been in bed with us for two weeks in reaching a breaking point again but when she gets better we will do sleep waves and get her back on track 9 month update to follow categories 6 12 months same sex marriage wedding planning swimming april 20 2016 6 gia has been in swim lessons for three saturday s now at the rose bowl aquatics center it s two outdoor pools with a gorgeous mountain backdrop the first week she cried most throughout most of it the second week was overcast and the pool was heated and she was just kind of skeptical by last week another sunny day she was smiling and laughing especially at the end when j would sit her up on the wall and let her fall into the pool in her arms one of the instructed exercises i love her little swimsuits and hat and her face absorbing the new sensations so cute one of us goes in and the other hangs out with my friend s husband cheering the babies on they do tummy floats back kicks doggie crawl hold onto the wall and fall into the water plus singing circles and splashing now that gia goes to music and swim each week it feels like the beginning of many years of classes and sports this is both overwhelming and exciting at the end they release a ton of rubber duckies into the pool tags baby swimming gaybies rose bowl aquatics center categories 6 12 months tainted water april 8 2016 8 you know when one drop of ink taints a crystal clear bowl of water my work situation is tainting an otherwise beautiful time in my life i won t be listing all of the horrible awkward details here but they include our program head making passive aggressive comments in meetings calling me out on mistakes no one else would have even noticed and hiring people who don t fit into our clinic and make everyone uncomfortable many of the coworkers i was close to have left or are waiting for their new hire dates seven to be exact in a clinic of only about thirty people altogether the program head has stopped making weird comments about my pumping and now is uber sweet about it then today she called me out on a mistake which was really embarrassing and then told me with a falsely sympathetic and patronizing look on her face that i could come to her if being a new working mom is too difficult and i need to talk the thing that s bothering me the most is how i respond i ve spent the last few months processing all of these happenings in my coworkers cubicles or in the hallway i ve given one of our new supervisors who doesn t fit in and acts better than everyone else mind you i have a higher degree have been licensed longer and have worked at the clinic for longer the silent or bitch treatment depending i ve said things to this woman that shock me and recently since she s started being grossly sweet i ve made myself vulnerable to her ie admitting how tired i am identifying my weaknesses suffice it to say i just don t feel comfortable about how i m handling it all when i began to realize how serious the situation was a few months ago my intention was to rise above and end up proud of how i handled it in some ways i am i haven t quit i ve delivered what i believe to be excellent services to my clients and i ve supported my interns the best i can in other ways though feel ashamed of my mistakes and sometimes dirty for venting so much it took me a long time to learn how to behave at work and in social and professional situations i ve been diagnosed with adhd twice by specialists who do extensive testing usually people grow out of this disorder but i was re diagnosed at age 25 which is rare because of my inattention and related anxiety i do make small mistakes i do behave impulsively sometimes i do lapse into fight or fight reactions i m also really emotionally sensitive i want to be strong and deal with this situation effectively but it s hard every day i leave my awesome child and commute to a job that then makes me feel sick i drive away from my family i pump three times at work and get barely any milk sometimes in meetings i m so anxious and offended i m shaking and my heart is racing i m on high alert all the time and now tonight i m feeling like some of it s because i m not smart enough professional enough organized enough i ve known for awhile that i need to work in a certain type of environment with a boss who is supportive easy going and appreciates my strengths this is not that environment anymore it really was when i started so it s very disappointing i am working so hard seeing clients back to back working with women who refuse to see the new therapists because they don t like them she hires people who don t fit into the culture and supervising the two psychology interns day in and day out i m working so hard and things just get worse i feel defeated i m not sure what the universe is trying to show or teach me but i know it s something hopefully writing this will help me come to that realization i ve tried mindfuless being strong recognizing myself as much as possible and always getting support from j i m hoping things will get better soon and a little surprise if you ve made it this far we are seriously considering moving back to san diego soon so maybe there s a light at the end of the tunnel tags working mom categories uncategorized work 8 months april 7 2016 14 better post this before the 9 month mark this month has been a game changer in terms of both physical and cognitive development gia s movements social interactions and interests have taken a huge leap weight 21 5 pounds size 12 months 18 24 months depending teeth four on top four on bottom development fully crawling pulling herself to standing starting to cruise carefully sitting back down by putting one hand down first playing peek a boo turning pages of books mimicking sounds like up and uh oh i think she may still be slightly cross eyed so we are going to have our pediatrician refer us to an optometrist naps 3 with nanny 2 on weekends with us favorite activities reading books clapping knocking down block towers standing up and walking while holding our hands and laughing while we re being silly food loves zucchini and apple oatmeal with flax seed vegetable soup with beans pieces of beets broccoli asparagus etc sautéed greens berries and noodles oh and definitely breast milk sleep not fun leap 6 has been a bitch and interesting considering how alert and interactive gia is a lot of her ability to self soothe is still there but it s as if she s moved on to needing new ways of connecting anyway some nights she has trouble going to sleep and she s harder to settle after her night feeds she wakes up twice i m planning to wean her from one of them once her teething and sleep regression settle down i nurse her in bed and we sometimes end up bed sharing in the early morning hours the rest of the time she s in her crib with a knitted blanket and her fox lovey we re doing some research and consideration of how to organize gia s sleep again now that her behavior has changed so much i need to figure out how to help her sleep better now that she stands in the crib staring at us as far as mom life goes i be been struggling with my work environment not being as healthy as i d like low pumping productivity and sleep on the positive side being a mom just gets better and better i find it easier to care of gia without feeling anxious and overwhelmed j and i have started going out more during the weekend days since we re always home at night for gia s bedtime and it s been fun we are working on our relationship too and it s slowly paying off playing with gia together is the best she loves to read books dance to paul simon and ride around with j on my exercise ball chair making her laugh is more fun than going out drinking any day well we least for now the other day i was watching parenthood and there was a cheesy cathartic but well edited scene tying an episode of parenting strife together i thought very clearly i can t believe i almost missed out on this i can t believe i didn t realize how incredible having a baby is i am so so happy being gia s mom is the best thing i ve ever done categories 6 12 months sleep lack thereof uncategorized older entries search for archives october 2016 august 2016 july 2016 june 2016 may 2016 april 2016 march 2016 february 2016 january 2016 december 2015 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transfer family fertility hormones fet first trimester food recipes hpt in between time ivf medications labor and delivery miscarriage recipes same sex marriage second trimester sleep lack thereof sperm donor stimulation phase strep b subchorionic hematoma suppression phase third trimester uncategorized wedding planning work recent comments santosha1203 on hiatus mamaetmaman on hiatus vaheideh gudeman on hiatus santosha1203 on hiatus andiepants on hiatus follow blog via email enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address follow join 89 other subscribers create a free website or blog at wordpress com back to the top subscribe subscribed reciprocallove join 89 other subscribers sign me up have a wordpress com account log in now privacy reciprocallove view site in reader manage subscriptions sign up log in report this content collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email required name required website create your own 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