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rimester getting answers i love you baby mfm pregnancy waiting over 7 15 2010 doubling beta on tuesday 1317 beta today 2817 yahoo for more than doubling numbers ultrasound for 7 27 don t forget no celebrating until september 1st well maybe just a little celebrating we sure are posted by baby hungry at 3 46 pm 17 comments labels bfp first trimester i love you baby mfm pregnancy 7 08 2010 life and death i have good and bad news i guess i should get the bad news over with first my dear sweet friend lost her battle with cancer last weekend she fought a very good fight but in the end the stupid cancer took over i am heartbroken at the thought of going through the rest of my life without her but so glad that she went quickly and peacefully it could have been a terrible process but from the time we knew there was nothing left to do and the time she passed was only a couple of days i was able to see her and say goodbye 2 days before and for that i feel very lucky we are burying her this weekend and i am sure that is when the reality will really set in for me it is still so hard for me to imagine the world lost a beautiful soul when they took her good news we got our 3rd bfp yesterday morning we are not really celebrating until we hit 12 weeks so don t get to excited for me yet i hate what rpl has done to me every time i go to the bathroom i expect to see red every time i have even the tiniest amount of a cramp i think i am going to lose it i see my dr on tuesday he will keep seeing me every week until i make it to 12 weeks september 1st is when we will celebrate posted by baby hungry at 10 37 am 17 comments labels bfp cancer sucks cheer up charlie first trimester pregnancy 6 22 2010 a little bit of denial that would explain my lack of blogging and reading i have been in a huge state of denial i am just trying to continue on as if i have everything i want in life no reason for this i just think it is the stage of grief i am in here is a little update job i didn t get the career job i was talking about in my last post i am ok with it it has made me feel really grateful about the job i do have an quit complaining about the pay i love having my friday s off and right now that it more important that any amount of money i am also really busy so my days go super fast life we went to california for a week 2 weeks ago it was nice to relax and play in the sun we have been playing every weekend since the memorial day cabins california you name it my house needs to be dusted and my garden has weeds taking over but we have needed fun in our life so that is what we have done we are actually planning a trip to japan for this fall we just need a timeshare hotel to open up for us my veggie garden that i started from seeds is doing great it is so fun to watch something grow because of my love and care i will have to update project creating life soon i can t wait to eat the fruits or veggies of my labor i have a dear friend with ovarian cancer she was diagnosed last may fought and got a clean bill of health in december and then it returned with a vengeance march she is one strong fighter but it isn t looking very good right now i am way to young to bury a best friend so i am praying for a miracle ttc my friend had her baby today we would have been only a few weeks apart i should have a 3 week old right now i am heartbroken that she is holding a baby and i still have an empty womb the only comforting words people have to say to be is it ll happen really when my last cycle ended in a bfn the good news with this cycle is that i did get a positive o and started the progesterone i am not a fan of sticking something up there each day but you gotta do what you gotta do i also started af all on my own that is big for me i haven t done that for 2 5 years thank you col mid i am now just in my o2ww this is where i wait for ovulation then i will have my real 2ww i am on cd13 and have gotten o around day 20 21 one more week my mom thinks this is the one i really hope she is right i hope you are all doing well congrats to any good news and hugs to any bad even in my absence i have been thinking and hoping for each one of you if i can work on this denial phase i promise to be better posted by baby hungry at 3 58 pm 6 comments labels updates of a slacker blogger 5 19 2010 to career or not to career how do i always get here weeks without posting feeling guilty about it and having to try and remember everything to update boo on me my latest dilemma i took a non design related position about a 6 weeks ago my unemployment was running out and the market for designers hadn t even started to go up in taking this job i took a 35 cut in pay this was not easy for me to do once you work for a certain pay amount it is hard to take less then that i have really been enjoying my job and find that my days go fast and the work is fun i also have fridays off which is wonderful on friday i checked my email and had an email from a commercial furniture dealership saying that they were hiring another designer and wanted to meet with me i interviewed with them yesterday and am now waiting to hear i am so torn about this getting this job would put me back into my field doing what i love and getting paid a lot better it would also take away wearing jeans to work and having friday off it would also add pressure and overtime but the pay would be much better i think the biggest hangup i have to this new position is that it feels more like a career i don t want a career i want to be a mom i want to spend my days taking my kids to the park seeing the animals at the zoo playing in the snow just savoring every mom moment taking a career job some how makes me feel like i would be farther away from that goal i know my success in having a baby doesn t matter where i am working i can leave one company just as easy as another i have tried to explain this feeling to my mom and husband but they don t get it they can t see why i wouldn t be excited about a job that i like to do and that pays well am i just crazy or has anyone else felt this way i guess right now i don t want anything that feels farther away from my dream but dreams don t always come true posted by baby hungry at 9 02 am 8 comments labels emotional affects of if i think i m going crazy if is so confusing real life updates of a slacker blogger 4 29 2010 mfm appointment wrap up we had our follow up appointment with the mfm rpl dr that is a lot of letters i feel like i am speaking in code on tuesday afternoon i really really like him he is very good at letting you know what his professional opinion is but is also very good at listening to you and letting you have an active voice in the plan we started by talking about my negative workup and what that ment i told him that i was bummed that it didn t show anything and that there wasn t anything for us to fix he completely understood where i was coming from and helped me understand why a negative workup was a good thing the thing that ment the most to me though was the fact that even thought all my testing didn t show anything wrong he still told me that something is he didn t just dismiss my miscarriages as random he just said that whatever is wrong isn t something we can detect but that he strongly believes that i will go on to have a successful pregnancy he is all about putting the positive vibe out there and wants me to do the same then we talked about options he told me that in cases like mine the most common treatments are heparin low dose aspirin or progesterone there have been no studies done that give credibility to these two practices and he personally doesn t feel like they make a difference but he is happy to try either if i feel like i want to there was a study published about 2 weeks ago that showed heparin low dose aspirin doesn t change the outcome in mpl patients so he feels like that would be a waste i was taking lda with my last pregnancy and it didn t work for me so i don t care to try it again i think i am going to go with the progesterone option though in his eyes it might not make a difference but what if it does i would rather be safe then sorry and i feel like i need to do something different if i was a different outcome we were given the go ahead to try again this coming cycle i am in the middle of taking my provera and so as soon as af comes we are good to go i have been taking 50mg of clomid on cd 5 9 he wants me to try 25mg on cd 3 7 his reasoning for wanting me to lower to does is so i have a lower chance of multiples i understand his consern but if something isn t broken don t fix it 50mg has worked twice for me so i don t want to mess with it we agreed that i would try 1 cycle on the 25mg and if i don t get a positive ovulation then i am going back to my 50mg if and when i get prego he will do weekly monitoring to make sure everything is going ok and if it doesn t we will be able to learn more overall i feel excited to be at the beginning of the journey again i am hopeful that the 3rd time will be the charm i feel like i am in the right place with this dr and it has given me extra hope and peace if you read this entire long and boring post you deserve a treat go eat a cookie the calories won t count posted by baby hungry at 9 54 am 8 comments labels a better attitude getting answers if lets try this again low dose asprin mfm waiting over 4 20 2010 i wish i was still asleep i had the best dream last night i was pregnant 9 months pregnant i went into labor i was completely surprised when i delivered not one but two healthy babies i was holding one baby boy and one baby girl in my arms as my alarm went off i woke up with so much happiness in my heart wishing my dream was real life and trying to go back to sleep so i could keep living in my dream world i finally gave up and came back to the real world my dream gave me hope at how wonderful it will be when my dream becomes a reality i know it will some day well maybe except for the twins part multiples scare me posted by baby hungry at 9 38 am 8 comments labels dream life i think i m going crazy my dear friend hope 4 19 2010 hi my name is baby hungry incase you forgot i realize that i have fallen off the face of the earth life has been a little crazy and blogging has had to be on the bottom of the list i still love all of you and hope you are doing good i will try and read about how you are all doing as i find time for those of you who still even reading even though i am a bad bad blogger here is an update if update sonohystogram not a fun experience at all but i had gotten myself so scared and worked up that it was much better than i thought the cramping was really intense once they started filling me with saline and looking around everything looks really good the lining and shape are normal he also looked at my ovaries and there were plenty of eggs it was really cool to see that and hear that i have lots of eggs waiting the cramping stayed bad for about an hour or two and then slowly went away and i was totally fine the next day mfmd now that i have finished all my testing all of which are normal i have an appointment to see my mfm dr for follow up on the 27th at this appointment we will talk about everything that my tests show and come up with a plan on how to move forward i have been pretty bummed that all my tests came back normal i really wanted there to be something to fix either way i will be glad when we come up with a plan i keep telling myself that the 3rd time is the charm project creating life my plants are amazing some never sprouted but the ones that did are huge i will take pictures tonight and post them asap life update job i actually found one it is for a company that i used to do design work for i have always loved this company and am excited to finally be working for them i am a little sad that it isn t in design anymore but the change has been really fun too bad it is an almost 50 cut in pay to what i was making as a designer stupid economy another plus should be more frequent blogging since i am at a computer all day marriage my dh and i have had a hard time in the intimacy department of our marriage lately i think that all the pressure to make a baby has really taken a toil we are thinking of meeting with a counselor to see if they have any ideas and to talk about how we are feeling and why we might be having the problems anyone else have ideas on how to help with this problem weight loss back in january i posted that i had lost 8 lbs sadly my miscarriage emotional eating caused those 8 pounds 3 more to come back i really hate myself for letting that happen we are going to the beach in 6 weeks so i am trying to work really hard to get back down i have lost 5lbs so far and have 15 more to go to be at my ideal weight i would like to be down at least 10 more for the beach overall i am doing pretty good the weather is beautiful and i have lots of things to look forward to i am excited to move forward in my quest to become a mom and am keeping my fingers crossed that it will come and stick in the next few months posted by baby hungry at 1 46 pm 10 comments labels updates of a slacker blogger 3 28 2010 1 45 pm mst tomorrow sonohysterogram me freaking out just a little bit wish me luck for tomorrow part of me hopes that everything is perfect in there and part of me hopes there is a very easily fixable problem so i know why i keep losing my babies the mind of a multiple pregnancy loss er crazy i ll make sure and tell him to check for mold posted by baby hungry at 10 22 pm 18 comments labels getting answers i think i m going crazy if mfm waiting over you want to stick that where 3 18 2010 operation creating life cd16 well i thought it was time for an update on my operation creating life experiment i have had both successes and failures i feel like i have been able to draw some conclusions about my fertility as well look at my veggies they are doing pretty good i have tomatoes cucumbers hot peppers bell peppers and my basil hasn t come up yet my cucumber is the big tall one i am so proud of it maybe next time i am pregnant i need to eat more cucumbers look at my flowers they are doing ok but not great the morning glory and lobelia are doing the best i think about half have sprouted and the other half are still just dirt if that was true about my pregnancies then my last one should have stuck i am starting to get discouraged they might not be warm enough to sprout i hope my uterus isn t a cold place that my little babies don t want to snuggle in i will have to ask my dr about it this may look like snow but it is defiantly not it is mold mold of all things i am growing mold and it is doing great i clean it off all my plants every couple of days and then it comes right back even stronger it hasn t killed any of my plans yet but i am really worried that it will i hope the lining of my uterus isn t all moldy i keep telling my mom that i must have a cold cold moldy uterus and that no one wants to li...