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Text of the page (random words):
d less on grudges and differences not to take anything away from ben all of our lives are way to short to spend them all selfishly find some common ground learn the power of forgiveness make everyone feel welcome thanks for reminding me ben and ben was a fighter ben reminded me that real life isn t in the easy moments real life that s the moments you re scrapping to keep it all together real life is happening in those times when everything is resting on hope and prayers real life is found in those moments when you don t have any other answer but to keep swinging swinging with purpose and might grabbing for every precious moment and finding every precious moment its own victory yes ben is a very real part of my life ben is my nephew he and his twin brother were born to my beautiful sister and her husband on february 2 2010 and this is why my heart is so heavy i love my sister i know how precious these gifts were to her family but my sweet baby sister god s gift of ben will always live on in you and the incredible man god has given you to share this life i encourage you keep leaning on each other now as you learn what life looks like from this point on it s still a good life it s going to be different to be sure but it is still good i m so proud of the way you looked after your little man you gave everything spared nothing to make sure ben had the best life he could sister you gave me a new definition of grace in the way you took consistently overwhelming situations and made them seem like they were just today s to do list i can t remember one time that your thoughtful explanations and updates weren t markedly optimistic and positive you and your husband are such a wonderful combination of strengths that compliment each other perfectly so later today they will be celebrating ben s life in a church in virginia i won t be there at least not in body but my heart and mind are extended east as they remember that scrapper ben i take comfort that in heaven we will be known as we are known i m looking forward to meeting ben posted by adkillam at 10 03 pm 1 comment sunday march 7 2010 dear stella i got your back i suppose i should welcome my new granddaughter with an entry about how beautiful and amazingly wonderful she is well she is but i need her to know first and foremost i got your back you see because you are so beautiful and innocent and full of great potential you need someone you can count on to be there for you i m your guy this isn t the world grandad grew up in i m so glad you re here but this is a pretty hazardous time to arrive my love you ve arrived in the golden age of selfishness there is so little respect for other people one of grandad s favorite movies is blast from the past it didn t win any awards most people probably brush it aside as fluff but i love it adam the main character played by brandon fraser has lived separated from the world in a bomb shelter for the first 35 years of his life and then is suddenly thrown into the world without much explanation at one point in the movie adam explains to some of the people he has met that the short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible and he says manners are a way of showing others we care about them this isn t the world you have entered my tiny one this seems to be a world that is more and more everyday interested only in self what makes me comfortable a world that is so convinced that each person s personal interests are more important than anyone else s so manners are becoming more rare i would say endangered even you see it in the way people drive traffic laws are more about what is common practice than what is right or wrong if people think they can win a race between you and them to the place they want to be they will try to beat you or they just figure insurance will replace whatever they break so they turn in front you even if you have to pull off a trick worthy of houdini to avoid a collision speed limits are suggestions your uncle jared was told in driver s ed to stay the speed of the traffic around him regardless of the posted speed limit you see it in shopping centers be it the parking lot or the stores everyone is racing to be first and to get the best spots or sales you see it in the way kid s activities have become all too serious when grandad played youth baseball he was given a t shirt and a cap most of us wore jeans and tennis shoes it was not the focus of my life no one screamed at me and called me names laced with expletives if i struck out or missed a play and i usually went home happy just want you to know i got your back i m here for you kiddo and before you get to caught up in all the technology and we ve got plenty of it to throw at you don t ever forget that nothing takes the place of one on one face to face communication text me if you need to but hug me every chance you get it really is better i don t mean to paint a gloomy picture little one there are plenty of things to smile at and be encouraged about still around in this world i usually wear rose colored glasses myself but reality forces me to point out these small deficiencies your aunt kaylea is one of the greatest girls in the whole world she s always gonna be my baby girl but if you ask her i think she d tell you it s true from time to time you ll need me i ve had her back too you re beautiful baby stella your mom and dad will do great but if and when you need me remember i got your back posted by adkillam at 8 57 pm 1 comment sunday august 30 2009 the dark side of facebook is facebook here forever now before you answer remember xanga it took me way too long to let go of xanga and dabble in my space does anybody remember how to get to his or her xanga page then i remember thinking my space was the best that there would ever be it s amazing how quickly the world shifts sometimes so now we re in the age of facebook what a great tool to connect and reconnect friends from so many different places it truly is a great way to catch up and see how everyone turned out right there is a dark side as much as i enjoy making new connections as addicting as pushing the facebook app on the iphone can be there is a dark side and it leaves me somewhat uncomfortable sooner or later it happens you log in to see all the witty status updates and top news stories and there it is in your notifications someone you really don t care to reconnect with and they want to be your friend hasn t happened to you you say i ll add anybody fine the dark side has other ways to find you you are happily scrolling through the home page reading updates and looking at wall photos etc and there they are someone you hurt either intentionally or unintentionally and you get to relive that as you stare at the screen wondering if to them you are the person they really wouldn t care to reconnect with the human tendency is to remember the past in a positive light we all hope we have been remembered well as a good memory but sometimes facebook forces us to accept the fact that it wasn t all happy i have friends connections right now that i struggle with every time i see one of their posts my usual reaction is i m removing that connection and i probably should there are certain standards and life experiences that i have adopted and many that i have left behind but i would rather not sow that seed i m sure that i have been that person to someone else and i would like to think that eventually they might come to realize that i m not that person anymore so i would rather hold on to people as long as i can in the hope that i will see through the eyes of one who is forgiven and forgives while we re on the subject i want you to know that i am well aware that during periods of my life you would be hard pressed to find anyone more selfish or self centered than i was i know i was loud and outspoken but it might have been a cover up for incredible insecurity a mask for a young man who s greatest fear was that he was as big of a social handicap as he suspected may i take a moment to say i m sorry i know it doesn t change anything but it is sincere i wouldn t have room or time to personally name each of you and that s probably for the best some of you i have wanted to apologize to for years some of you the dark side has just recently reminded me of that need whatever the case i m sorry and realize i m good with never hearing from you if you choose to take this opportunity to forgive i just don t want to be on the dark side of facebook for you anymore posted by adkillam at 10 30 pm no comments sunday august 2 2009 eureka i think i ve finally figured it out it isn t our fault i have figured out how old guys transform from cool well pretty cool okay would you go for at least current into the stereotypical old guy with no fashion sense and it isn t our fault now we all know the universal male joke show of hands for all the guys who have innocently become the subject of female piling on for the lack of ability to match colors because that matters or because we hold on too long to the comfortable underwear regardless of thread count every male has felt that humiliation at some point or will in the very near future but what i m speaking of is the level beneath that i m talking about the guys who wear black socks and dress shoes with their shorts i m talking about the guys who think it s acceptable to wear the one piece coverall jumpsuits with the stretchy elastic belt that connects with the cool metal puzzle pieces parenthetically my dad and i had a matching set of light blue coveralls when i was five ish really or even the guys who wear tube socks with 2 inch stripes with all the elasticity gone so they fall unevenly down around the ankle how does this happen the answer to this mystery can begin to be unraveled with a few questions next time you see one of these men you so openly point out and laugh at ask yourself is this man a father i would lean toward a blanket statement that the vast majority are indeed fathers and the follow up question would be is this man a father of a teen ager undoubtedly there it is i ve exposed the ugly truth show me a man who dresses in such a way that his teenaged children are embarrassed no mortified at his clothing decisions and i ll show you a man who has learned to dress out of self defense let s create a scenario to prove my hypothesis it s the final few minutes before our father of three has to bolt out the door for a day he will spend hard at work making the life of blissful entitlement his children have come to take for granted all he needs to complete his wardrobe are his socks the cool comfortable socks that he bought just to make his hard day bearable on his poor feet he opens the sock drawer empty well empty but for the singles that he hasn t been able to find the mate for since college where have the cool socks gone deflated but not defeated he moves to the closet thinking that he might move past this disappointment by wearing the new shirt his wife picked out for him the shirt that hasn t faded from over washing or fallen into permanent collar crease yet sadly after rummaging through the closet for several costly minutes the search comes up fruitless gone also are several belts and his favorite sports team windbreaker hoodie where has this poor man s wardrobe gone you ask all you have to do is open the door to his kids rooms and sift through the refuse long enough and i promise you will find almost all of the clothing it is an age old conspiracy and i suppose i should accept it after three kids representing each gender i should stop fighting their instinctual behavior and just accept that this happens i get to wear something once this is kind of like walking the runway at a fashion show i walk through the house modeling the latest fashion as the kids take notes and make it a point to be on the look out for an opportunity early on this was a game the oldest child would take things but not wear them until he had left the house he would also take things off either before he got home or before i got home to notice this is not deemed necessary by the current roster they blatantly wear things right in front of me and wave a hand at any comment i might make what hasn t changed is that kids are smart enough not to put the clothing in question back in the laundry hamper to be reclaimed by dad i wore it once they wear it once then it dies in piles in their rooms and any subsequent reference to the clothing is met with heavy sighs and eye rolls so i made a painful purchase the other evening i purposefully picked out clothing that i knew whether from style color or label would be deemed too uncool for a teenager to wear it wasn t until i was waiting in line to consumate these purchases that the revelation hit me i didn t want to wear these items i had been pushed to buy these items so i would at least have something to wear and the truth shall set you free we aren t fashion disasters out of want or callused indifference we have been mistreated and pushed to this unenviable place it is a cry for help our children have left us with no options or alternatives so the next time you see a sad man walking in public in clothing that you would never be caught dead wearing count how many years you have until your children are teenagers it s closer than you think posted by adkillam at 11 44 pm no comments wednesday july 29 2009 i m spending the morning at medical center hospital this morning with the love of my life yesterday i was in san antonio for the annual texas bandmasters association tba convention when my phone rang it was the new manager of the midland store letting me know he was taking my wife to the doctor an hour later my phone rang again this time it was my friend letting me know he was with my wife taking her to get a cat scan for a possible stone in her kidney so i packed up the scion picked up my abilene counterpart and headed for odessa i ve never dealt with stones of any kind but this experience with my wife and all those who helped her has convinced me that there can be very few pains worse so here i am we ve been here since 6 00 a m i ve watched her sleep prayed for her played on the computer and phone and they say that sometime soon we ll be going in for the super cool ultrasonic laser to break up the 1 x 4 cm stone that is sitting in her kidney causing the pain guess it s a good time to put up the next installment of the summer vacations after kk and i spent a weekend in san antonio my wife and son and i spent most of the next week in dallas with our really good friends this was a nice time of conversation relaxing and a lot of laughing one morning the guys all decided a tour of the new cowboys stadium in arlington would be fun so we loaded up and took the thirty minute drive to the new stadium it is a huge structure colossal comes to mind but we were interested at how much activity was g...