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4ever21christina a blog for a girl who doesn t know anything skip to content 4ever21christina a blog for a girl who doesn t know anything menu and widgets search my blog search for follow this blog enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address follow join 1 927 other subscribers top posts pages about the author love through leonid afremov s strokes diy an elegant and cute vase the beauty of life a lighthouse rules of happiness spend out inspiration feel okay start the day on a good note proverbs wisdom happy happy happy a happy monologue about unrequited love pages about the author blog stats 114 485 hits archives archives select month may 2020 january 2019 december 2018 march 2018 february 2018 january 2018 september 2017 august 2017 july 2017 january 2017 november 2016 september 2016 august 2016 july 2016 june 2016 may 2016 february 2016 january 2016 september 2015 may 2014 april 2014 march 2014 february 2014 july 2013 august 2012 july 2012 june 2012 may 2012 follow 4ever21christina on wordpress com perfectionist fallacy my shopping addiction a few confessions my intentions i have a shopping addiction i think i use it to cope i possibly have ocd add depression ptsd bpd npd i binge shop a lot i rarely use my stuff i am unemployed i have no source of income i have a lot of credit card debt i accept myself as is i accept my bad habits as they are they are not inherently bad i am trying to expose myself to myself i am trying to appreciate what i already have i am trying to use up what i own i have always had a stream of new stuff coming into my life and thus i feel like i don t know my likes and dislikes i want to learn about my likes and dislikes i attach a fantasy fantastical sense of self or an emotional tie to things i don t want my things to be part of my identity although i feel that way deeply with books i need to find a way to figure this out maybe i need to attach my identity to the idea of the book out there existing in the world without the need to own it i don t know maybe i shouldn t attach my identity or romanticize books to begin with though i know that i always will i am a sentimental person it is not a bad thing i accept myself as i am maybe it is ok to buy a copy of a favorite book just because it makes me safe i had an excellent credit score though i always struggled with buying returning but i was able to afford it i am ashamed afraid to look at my finances my shopping habits make me embarrassed i spend a lot of time money energy researching fantasizing returning buying stuff that i seldom use i have a poshmark and mercari accounts and i was so successful with them last year i d like to get back to decluttering and being active on aforementioned platforms i d like to declutter more by selling donating giving away as gifts i want to know what i actually have and how i feel about them i would like to partake in project panning or no buy i wonder how my life and my personality will change if i fixed this unhealthy habit i return a lot of stuff to a point where i have to hit different malls or have friends do it for me because i am embarrassed by the quantities i would like to have a concrete savings account i would like to feel the joy of shopping what i have been doing gives me no joy it just feel like it is something i have to do i want to have less stuff that i love i want to learn about my preferences which will lead to having more intention when i shop i hate feeling like i need to try everything to find the best item as i am in the drowning in this process i recognize that those decisions are trivial in the long run but i can t stop myself i am embarrassed to admit my shopping habits to others i feel crazy in my head i don t feel normal i feel like i make my life hell but i can t stop myself i will add more to this i hope i can be consistent with this i struggle with consistency i am in therapy i am on medication i will add more to this as i think of my more confessions intentions i needed to do this as just i binged on makeup shopping i was afraid to tally up everything i am still afraid to open my bank account i need to go to mail a bunch of returns tomorrow i feel happy when i get rid of stuff i don t understand the root roots of my shopping addiction i don t understand it i just want to talk about it i believe if people find out about my bad habits that they will think i am a psychopath or is it a sociopath i believe that i can never find romantic love if i expose my shame and weird obsessions habits to the other person today my therapist said what i suffer from is called a perfectionist fallacy and most people don t have it but a significant minority have it and are just like me i am glad it has a name i want to learn about it i want to attend a shopaholics anonymous meeting i hope they take place around me my therapist said i have a hard time accepting reality as it is my credit card doesn t go through on ulta com anymore i believe the have banned me i have so many fictional accounts fictional names and emails posted on may 9 2020 may 9 2020 categories my shopping addiction tags adhd buyer s remorse confessions depression mental health ocd pbd perfectionist fallacy ptsd shopping shopping addiction leave a comment on perfectionist fallacy my shopping addiction a few confessions my intentions c12 what a life c12 what a life i look at you and it s like i am 18 again i remember what it s like to feel young and miserable but now it s different i have more wisdom limited i shall say but able to carry me through seeing life outside of you i taste second chances i feel grace i am in awe of what a life it is posted on january 14 2019 categories uncategorized tags art faith friendship getting old god journal life love relationships writing 2 comments on c12 what a life letters to lovely a dead pigeon posted on december 29 2018 categories uncategorized tags animals birds god heaven journal love pigeons rescue thoughts writing leave a comment on letters to lovely a dead pigeon c3 selflessness c3 selflessness i was discussing with my argumentative therapist an intense extreme optimal example of human selfness a person that i know that sacrifices all he has of time energy and finances for a a very noble cause if not the most noble cause there is i can t quote my therapist exactly but he minimized and diluted my friend s efforts by counting them off as self gratifying at the end so not entirely selfless if the epitome of selfness has to have an iota of self gratification in the equation because noble causes are fulfilling to the human moral consciousness then why should that weaken the quality of selflessness in other words if the quality of selflessness itself as humans know it contains self gratification then why should that even be mentioned posted on december 13 2018 december 13 2018 categories uncategorized tags anecdotes animal rescue animals egypt god life love therapy travel writing 2 comments on c3 selflessness c2 road trip c2 road trip there are things that i am afraid of dark truths about the world that i am afraid to face and look in the eye maybe they re not entirely dark but they are not entirely light either maybe the hidden the parts that i don t know or see will give me the relief and courage i need to face the dark parts but the healing doesn t come before the hurt i wrote this hoping that writing would be cathartic and alleviate my fears i am literally afraid to take a road trip because i am afraid of what i am going to see and suffer the emotions and the actions that those truths warrant posted on december 12 2018 december 12 2018 categories uncategorized tags animals god journal life literature love personal road trip travel writing leave a comment on c2 road trip c1 fixation c1 fixation calling you beautiful is an understatement looking at your face against the glimmering sun spreading its rays to take more beauty from the world looking at your shimmering eyes giving it back sometimes sucking it all in and the rays in them become brighter fiercer sucking me in as i am left to feel or not feel at all the lightness of existence i woke up to an image in my mind that that inspired this image it was of s looking at me through the corner of his right eye as the falling sun and the ocean behind made it sparkle we were standing on the pier arguing obviously i embellished a bit to allow the moment its glory that can only be found in poetry fiction and our imaginative minds when we recall what could have been and make it more posted on december 10 2018 december 10 2018 categories uncategorized tags beauty god loss love ocean poetry relationships sunset travel writing leave a comment on c1 fixation dysfunctional comfort posted on march 12 2018 categories uncategorized leave a comment on dysfunctional comfort mercyme i can only imagine the movie session official music video posted on february 28 2018 categories uncategorized leave a comment on mercyme i can only imagine the movie session official music video an open letter to procrastination procrastination i hate you i hate you i hate you because of you i am a late bloomer and i hate it you make me feel paralyzed you make me feel unable you make me feel like a loser i hate how you play a big role in my life and i hate that you just creep up on me everyday i hate how many times i tried to battle you and failed i hate knowing how capable and close i am to achieving my goals and dreams but you just stand there between me and them you stand there mocking me with a look in your eyes about how weak willed i must be to succumb to you everyday you re so good at at making me self loathe the smirk on your face says it all some people have great obstacles like lack of health money resources or time and yet they rise above themselves and their scarcity whatever it may be but here you are wasting away your years because of me i am nothing to other people but to you i am your enemy how easy is it for me to lure you in with sleeping in lingering in bed watching just one more show i relish in the idiotic ways i can make you surrender to me even without knowing sometimes i even make you think that you have everything under control so what is wrong with just a little entertainment a little venturing off the way the high you get from being productive and staying on task have become so foreign to you that you can t even keep it up for more than just one day it literally scares you and makes your heart beats faster truth is i am scared of who you could be without me will you be able to conquer me i will posted on february 13 2018 february 13 2018 categories uncategorized tags fashion inspiration journal letter life love procrastination productivity self improvement travel leave a comment on an open letter to procrastination for the love of picnics i went on a picnic in the fresh air posted on february 10 2018 february 11 2018 categories uncategorized leave a comment on for the love of picnics posts pagination page 1 page 2 page 33 next page blog at wordpress com 4ever21christina create a free website or blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed 4ever21christina join 1 927 other subscribers sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy 4ever21christina subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email name website design a site like this with wordpress com get started