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description=the words hidden inside abbe s desk drawer;

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the, poetry, and, children, abbe, abberants, menu, gator, shadows, art, enslavement, contest, ending, in, two, days, at, www, rattle, com, toes, tagged, ready, peshawar, if, our, die, as, martyrs, your, will, not, escape, who, grieves, for, dilawar, sleeps, through, kevin, advice, dreaming, of, an, avocado, on, friday, night, 30, 14, clerk, ruling, dichotomy, my, father, happily, hums, post, navigation, archives, meta, words, hidden, inside, desk, drawer,

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Text of the page (random words):
abbe s desk drawer menu skip to content home about gator posted on july 17 2021 by a j a few steps toward the pond i see a protusion water breeched by an oligocene vision wide eyed face carved by rugged millenniums his view locked focused onto mine those pupils narrowed with daggers of possibility i am quietly humbled knowing he has the advantages he could outswim outbite outrun me could that be a smirk across those gator lips submerged shrouded by calm murky water water that has surely felt the churning turbulence of death with a mouth that could surgically unzip me a mouth that could make me scream insanely fanatically louder for god than religion or sex ever taught i snapped photo after photo with my eyes trying to read his intension he respected our boundary even as i had crossed into his this becomes a circular non sequitur self argument this reptile built of prehistoric instincts fast short distance speed jaw muscles of a jackhammer did i buy the extended warranty for the camera abbe posted in animals events florida photography water tagged animals florida lakes life nature photography poetry reptiles sarcasm water leave a comment shadows and art the enslavement posted on april 14 2015 by a j i slip into 2 random shoes under my desk neither matches but still a right left it s 3 29am who needs haute couture amtrak whistles at the full bodied moon i step outside a cloudless night there is a weightlessness a feeling of suspension everything in the mind empties as white as the reflected orb i zoom in with the camera stand on tiptoes it seems i could almost touch that beautifully pockmarked face of regolith the shadows are ancillary ghosts of self and things keeping me at a harpooners length roping me in with their phantom whale line my shadows are a dark form absorbing time and space once i move next to a tree time sweeps clears it s vestige off the path as if my existence has been purged into nothing i know shadows well once inside again they follow with a starved dog cadence holding me captive they know my secrets i m a night roamer a live apparition on a shared path to nowhere sometimes i read hoping to bore the shadows sometimes i turn on television to distract them they know my faults should have done this should have done that have to do this didn t do anything at night my brain rattles on with shakespearian soliloquy bringing back the rattling bones of old ghosts when shadows chatter too much photoshop is an edgy abraxas manipulating things into filter form i m in control till i look down as the screen inserts its own shadow beneath my fingers on the keyboard it s impossible to shake shadows loose even by the computer s faint glow i work at making my own world happy peaceful and full of the camera s engaging view reality minus real sometimes like the shadows i become interned to the time space my art occupies enslavement by a bully taskmaster demanding one more tweak one more filter one more change of hue saturation hours under the gripping talons of time there is no charon to bribe to ferry me to the river lethe to let me sleep without penalties finally my head bends forward jerks art gives consent to rest but only for a few hours one never knows the internal time constraint placed upon them how many days do i have left transversing this planet making a vision for many who lack the sight how many numbered days till my body reverts back to being the elements of a star the shadows follow me down the hall follow the folds of the familiar bed that welcomes me close your eyes it says shut out the shadows noise i obey yawn tucking in my shadows turn on my side turn on my stomach then to my back open the eyes there they are more shadows like gray cobwebs staring off the ceiling clinging to the dresser dawdling at the door i listen to the cat breathe jealous of her circled mastery of feline slumber jealous that she has no shadow to encumber her i listen as the house breathes in little sighs close my eyes slip behind masked dreams a participant in subconscious meanderings until compelled to unlock the lids stare at the clock s blatant face complaining rushing me to get something accomplished time always pushing prodding demanding my brain accepts living in this abbes whirled of the arcane seeded long ago people tell me they sleep 8 hours a night well i sleep 8 hours only it takes about 2 nights to accomplish at maybe 4hours each get up get up the clock festers day break day break it flashes neon shadowed numbers upon the nightstand but i just got to bed the gulag of shadows art are howling on the back of another amortized morning the camera begins to whine i m compliant the brain on auto pilot outside i go to shoot a sunrise the day will belong to art where i will look at which pictures to pitch which to save filter filter filter again i look down at the brown now blue shoe laugh the early bragging sun casts my shadow long toward the west i move this way that way in hopes of wearing the shadow out no such luck with heavy mismatched feet i drag that shadow slowly behind up to porch next to the sliding glass door once transversed i reach for the door and quickly slide it shut severing the spectral anatomy drawing the drapes thinking aha got cha in a minute i turn around face the room that s when i look down there it is the camera in my palm laughing as baby shadows give off their silent lusty cry posted in uncategorized leave a comment poetry contest ending in two days at www rattle com toes tagged and ready posted on december 30 2014 by a j this photograph by photographer james bernal spoke to me i had to pen something not for contest but for my own silly brain the contest for your poetry ends in 2 days jan 1 2015 where d the year go here s the details should you want to add your own vision into what you see http www rattle com poetry extras ekphrasis this is how abbe saw it toestagged and ready i was coming home from work and passed the front window oh jesus it s thursday i hurried my pace it was hard working 2 jobs and caring for my 96 year old ma in law be bop we nicknamed her decades ago when she loved to dance long before her only child ted evicted our marriage to live out his mid life crisis fantasies leaving me the house bills a permanent scar and bebop he died from a cocaine overdose a few years ago i never told her that window facing the front is her bedroom bebop likes only white walls and her curtains remain open day and night she says light is salvation and cleanliness even car lights i was prepared as i looked in that s her masseuse matt checking on her she always so relaxed when he s through she asks to be toe tagged and covered with a sheet and left for dead in case this is the night i pay extra for this ossification time we reuse the tags matt has to wait for me to help move her off his table and i m running a little late we chat a few moments while he explains where she s knotted then we wake her at which she will be screaming malfeasance malfeasance at the top of her lungs the sheet will slide off and her well fed but stiffened body takes a few minutes to adjust and then we guide her into bed we re used to hearing her hybrid words motherfuckerhellsbellsshitass upon being startled she says that when she bumps into something or sits in the doctors office too long they take her in as soon as we sign in the neighbors are used to her routine bebop always sits outside for hours in clement weather watching the sunshine wanting to go toward the light some of the neighbors walking by are kind enough to have a few words with a lady who will randomly say didyaknow squirrels will suck the nuts off a male dogsack or eat your prunes or face the enema i have no idea where she gets her facts her nuances are quite well known and repeated a few ask why i don t put her in a home i tell them she s happy in her own home for now flirting with her beloved masseuse and madness she hasn t run away or fallen yet even dresses herself all her clothes are shades of whites we don t even mention if she wants them on inside out and she never argues except when it s time for matt to leave on thursdays she yells from her bed thinking it s her son she tells the masseuse not to leave his wife and mother for that young cunt matt bends over and says bebop there s no other woman but you and kisses her cheek out like a light she goes smiling matt leaves i always tip him well the snoring varies and animates the shadows in the room transitioning softly from alpha to delta as the moon passes i check bebop before i get ready for bed knowing by 7am sharp she will rise i pull off her toe tags first thing then she shrouds herself in the white bedsheet sail planting herself in front of the bedroom window transfixed waiting for the sun to rise while pretending to know every cat or dog s name that passes enjoying the sight of children even though most call her crazy delighting and pointing to gods light she waves to let god know where she is convinced that she won t die on cloudy days i leave her in the care of a woman who comes daily who helps bathe and feed bebop watching her closely when i leave in the morning i kiss bee s cheek and she reminds me it might be the day she s claimed by the lord and wants her toe tags close by so she can see them just in case god might not recognize her cause she s so old now no one here cares when she cusses out loud at the tv when oscar the grouch opens his garbage can or if she asks for pancakes at dinner with canned sardines i let her relish in her second childhood how can i put her in a rigid institution how can i abandon her too how can i be the one to snuff out her light is salvation or watch them keep her inside and shove her full of doping medications to control her curses and impulses how do i explain she needs a masseuse once a week and her toes tagged every night posted in uncategorized leave a comment peshawar if our children die as martyrs your children will not escape posted on december 21 2014 by a j reuters the title above is a quote from uman mansoor head of ttp tehreek taliban pakistan the mind behind the peshawar school killings he is a father of two daughters and a son the gatekeeper for his ttp group who have been repeatedly targeted by pakistani military on december 16 2014 he sent 6 henchmen to do his bloody bidding back and forth death and counter death fear into anger anger into rage a harsh cycle never to be resolved included are quotes words of the victims and others in the region are far more telling then what i can say please be sure to read all italicized quotes it s the heart of what matters even the children are dying on the frontline in the war against terror the smaller the coffin the heavier it is to carry defense minister khawaja asif back and forth the children were given goodbyes and sent off to classrooms that morning another day of school at army public school and degree college an institution inside the walled city of peshawar the oldest living city in south asia since 539 bc a city known to be culturally diverse a thriving place city of the frontier it was referred to during the 80 s it was a cia base a place of violence inhabited by the soviets and american paid insurgents the mujahideen during that time it also became a place of refugee artists and musicians peshawar continues to grow thanks to business and education and people seeking promise peshawar also continues to harbor terrorists back and forth they go on the move between afghanistan s khyber pass into pakistan many children at the army public school and degree college have fathers with positions in the pakistani military men battling evil each day men trying to keep the peace where the peace could not be kept back and forth between the pakistani army and the terror groups there s no real treaty to be found back and forth the military air strikes bomb factions of the taliban and others deemed terrorists bombing places with children and families the numbers add up terrorists seethe when their own are targeted a car exploded behind the school on wednesday december 16th 2014 a ruse to divert attention six ttp gunmen armed with several days worth of ammunition had decided beforehand not to take hostages it would be a simple slaughter penned animals ripe for the picking back and forth bang bang ttp in black boots and bullet proof vests shouted and ran as adrenaline surged venom swilled in their brains while they opened fire on everyone back and forth guns swaying while delivering lethal loads with accelerated cadence speaking from his bed in the trauma ward of the lady reading hospital shahrukh described how the gunmen shouted allah o akbar before opening fire it did not discriminate no one was spared because of age nor gender bullets in a metastasized barrage killed or injured upon impact a few like student kahn were shot but chose to be still and unflinching in order to survive someone screamed at us to get down and hide below the desks then one of them shouted there are so many children beneath the benches go and get them i saw a pair of big black boots coming towards me this guy was probably hunting for students hiding beneath the benches khan said he felt searing pain as he was shot in both his legs just below the knee he decided to play dead adding i folded my tie and pushed it into my mouth so that i wouldn t scream the man with big boots kept on looking for students and pumping bullets into their bodies i lay as still as i could and closed my eyes waiting to get shot again my body was shivering i saw death so close and i will never forget the black boots approaching me i felt as though it was death that was approaching me 145 dead 132 of them school children the principal died her young assistant shot and burned alive back and forth murderers paced themselves on a mission with nothing as distraction it became an eight hour siege till the pakistan military had finally taken down the last martyred gunmen and secured the school blood the source of life the source of dna mingled freely down its victims and survivors books desks walls floors everything saturated in red and smeared by the sepsis of aggravated death back and forth the ambulances went as parents lined up waiting to be told if the last kiss they had given their child that morning if their last words or last touch or last i love you was the echo their dead child took with them a man named baiwa told reporters later that day pakistani security forces reached the school 15 minutes after the attack began the children drenched in blood with their bodies on top of each other mohammad hilal a student in the 10th grade shot three times in his arm and legs when the gunmen stormed the school auditorium i think i passed out for a while i thought i was dreaming i wanted to move but felt paralysed then i came to and realised that actually two other boys had fallen on me both of them were dead he told the bbc laborer akhtar hussain summed up what would be his ...