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Text of the page (random words):
abbey is not normal i don t sugarcoat anything i m not willy wonka skip to content search search for abbey is not normal i don t sugarcoat anything i m not willy wonka menu home all about abbey open search life lessons life is a series of lessons that i m not sure i want to continue taking i get it life i fucking get it most people suck not only do they suck but they also suck the life out of you family is a word that implies a blood relation to someone family for me anyway doesn t mean much of anything i grew up with family surrounding me but those people are all dead or have no interest in keeping in touch anymore i ve watched how much family means to my surviving kin and let me tell you it means jack fucking shit my daughter and i are on our own now my mom is gone which marks the end of the glue stick before anyone calls the funny farm to come and take me away just stop a second please i am tired just so tired tired of what humans do to each other tired of pretending that i am alright the fake smiles and laughter the sting of rejection and indifference june 30 2019 2 that selfish bitch of a daughter my relationship with my mom was far from perfect i tend to repaint things with brighter colors just like i did with my marriage which was never a beautiful union of two souls who were in love i wanted to believe that i was happy but in reality i was far from it no i was fucking miserable and trapped like a tiger in a cage but i didn t want to come clean and throw away my fake canvas my mother suffered from anxiety and other fun mental health conditions that were never truly diagnosed and treated her generation didn t talk of such things which was probably why i was secretly shuffled off to therapists at an early age when my parents noticed i wasn t quite right and didn t fit in with the other kiddos after i had my own daughter she micromanaged my life i mostly followed her advice and opinions although many times i would disregard what she told me she wasn t always right of course but if i said no she d tell me that i was being stupid i felt guilty for being depressed anxious and suicidal especially these last few years i tried to keep it from her because if i ever had a weak moment and said anything she d tell me that she was just too tired to deal with it anymore she made me cry in the er the saturday evening before she died that monday morning she practically growled at me after i had foolishly said that after they fixed her we still thought at that time that she d be alright she needed to allow me to start visiting her i like to be alone that s the way i like it i ran from the room and my boyfriend followed me outside once i got myself calmed down i went back and she looked at me curiously my aunt whispered and said not to cry in front of her i was being that selfish bitch of a daughter again i lowered my head ashamed why had she pushed me away while she was sick why had she snarled at me i m sickened with myself for feeling an odd sense of freedom and still relief that she s gone on but i miss her love her and continue to wait for a phone call that ll never happen i m a jumbled up mess i ve always been the black sheep of the family but now i might as well order a t shirt that says exactly that on amazon there are moments when i wish i had never been born june 27 2019 6 no more pain my mom passed away this morning she s no longer in pain and suffering i am numb mostly please pray if you re the praying type may 20 2019 6 exhausted by life well then it s been a long time since i ve written anything here i almost forgot i had a 2nd blog that i created when i feel the need to stay on the down low which i do now where to even start there s so much going on and all i really want to do is make a pillow fort to hide in i ll just jump right into it i suppose i ve decided not to let the scared little 3 year old inside of me take over any longer i m facing my soon to be ex husband in court the day after mother s day which is two weeks away i did nothing wrong he did the cheating and was heavy handed with his subtle abuse our entire 15 years together why should i have to pay extra fines with money that i don t have i need to suck it up and just do it i have a right to defend myself and just in case he thinks he has a right to half of my home which he does not since my mom is extremely ill my aunt has offered to go with me for moral support i can do this it ll be difficult and i really hope that i don t have a total panic attack or start crying speaking of my mother i don t think she ll make it much longer she s so miserable and i absolutely hate it there isn t anything that anyone can do she s seeing a surgeon this week about possibly getting a colonoscopy bag if it would help her in any way but i am doubtful that they ll want to take a chance on a 74 year old woman with a bad heart and emphysema who weighs less than 90 pounds on the good side what s that abbey of life my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend is coming up on june 3rd it s been a true life changer for me i still have trust issues mainly with being rejected once he finds out how fucked up i am but i am sorting through all of that a day at a time he treats me so well i suppose that i m still in shock most days that s pretty fucking sad in its own way isn t it but back to the shitty end of the stick i hate money more importantly i hate that i cannot work and make my own i mean i went to the grocery store on saturday with my boyfriend and i used the zippy cart well due to the continuing cold weather internal stress and whatnot it sent me into yet another fibro flare as much as i d love to be healthy enough to work again it ain t gonna happen i try to keep my head above water but i m finding myself constantly sinking i ll probably have to sell my car to pay my house taxes i think that after my divorce is final i ll also be looking into possibly selling my home poor people shouldn t own a home i m just really exhausted by life how about you april 29 2019 4 a little story it s rare for me nowadays to have much time to myself but when it does happen being alone with my own thoughts is either therapeutic or a slowly unfolding disaster there is no in between so here s a little story at midnight on new years eve day my home flooded due to the electric company digging directly into a main water pipe nice job guys chaos ensued my 26 year old neighbor son i never knew i wanted was a fucking lifesaver he held me together he talked me down he spent 70 at wal mart to buy a 6 gallon wet vac that didn t even come close to keeping up with the amount of liquid rushing into my living room we all finally gave up the fight i had my 21 year old daughter take our two dogs up to her room at 3am and i slept on my neighbors couch ah because of that fear of mine of being alone my boyfriend came over after reading my slew of messages and the photos that i had sent to him he went to take a gander at my house and then came back over to me he had tears in his eyes he was quite sad for me for me he was crying for me what the fuck i am so not used to any man giving much of a shit about anything terrible that happens to me i hugged him tight i let him help me i even somehow managed to stay awake to usher in 2019 with him he fed me taco bell i slept 3 hours out of 48 damn i was exhausted but so grateful for all of the help i received cleaning up the carnage but alas i woke up at 4pm new years day so depressed and dare i say thinking about suicide again i am so tired of that fucker sincerely i mean for fuck sake already give it a rest brain chemicals my daughter took me out to dinner and insisted that i order an alcoholic beverage the utility director came to my house yesterday to personally hand me a check for 5 500 00 i lost my dryer my dishwasher all of my living room carpet a bookcase a throw rug a few blankets and towels and to compensate me for what he called an inconvenience fee more like a 72 hour panic attack dude it s traumatic watching water thankfully not sewer water filling your home and coming at you like a wrecking ball the money is nice and all i am still in a bit of shock over having that sort of cash in my checking account but to be honest i am not even sure where to start a dryer is important that is first i don t want to run out of underwear i suck at making decisions i am also a master at procrastination i suppose that it ll all come out in the wash somehow january 9 2019 12 god company i believe in god the universe my angels i feel my deceased father around me even 32 years later i talk to him periodically i have faith ain t no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in avett brothers but i still have no idea what the fucking point of all of this is why does my brain want me to self destruct the thoughts that percolate in there are dark sometimes my virtual friends as my mom would say about me i don t handle stress well this is true what also is true my entire family knows that i m a bit off my wheel crazy aunt abbey yep and honestly as much as i hate to admit it i am might as well own up to that shit am i right i pray to god company to assist me in this life to help me to stick around and not swallow a cocktail of medications or hang myself from a nice oak tree in the park i really don t want to go but fuck my brain when it starts going in that direction i am used to those thoughts that i am weak and not worth much to anyone it s true that under stress i crack like an old coffee mug i ve always been rather eeyore like i hide it behind my sense of humor i am not the only person who does that it s a survival tactic it s always worked for me everybody loves a clown a sad clown a fake ass funny happy fucking clown i pray with tearful eyes please god help me stay strong help me stay alive january 4 2019 15 the lumineers ophelia december 30 2018 0 december 15 2018 0 just for today december 14 2018 0 into the air life makes you calloused even when you d much rather remain soft drama follows me everywhere although i loathe the hell out of it i think it likes me more because of that fact if i had my wish i d be sitting on a fluffy cloud eating oreo s and watching documentaries all day but no i never thought that i d ever have to call google and report that someone stole close to 700 from me so that they could interact with sexy young girls on an app based from out of taipei hong kong if it wasn t for bad luck i d have no luck at all can i have my money back or did it just shoot into the air never to be seen again a joke it didn t garner much of a laugh december 9 2018 4 posts navigation older posts blog at wordpress com up abbey is not normal blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed abbey is not normal join 37 other subscribers sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy abbey is not normal subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse 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