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o think that s ridiculous p s i still haven t understood what purpose the girl in brown who walked hand in hand with teddy in seleme served either unless she s his girlfriend because then we would know he ain t available or with kuku anymore p s 2 i guess i wrote my blog already posted by the goodbadugly abesheet at 1 15 am 9 comments monday april 03 2006 eratnamebrat kinfamhilmoch anybody interested in hearing bewketu seyoum narrate two of his beautiful short stories go to http www addislive com content view 58 60 and http www addislive com content view 59 60 p s it s in amharic posted by the goodbadugly abesheet at 1 34 am no comments thursday march 30 2006 the angry female part i i have always wanted to stab men in the heart with a pen it s thicker than knife and i had hoped they d bleed to death coughing their guts out is that i wonder what i m trying to achieve in dreaming to become a writer to hit men and the society of men and society where it hurts using a pen metaphorically speaking atleast but why have i never wanted to stab my male characters i ve always been in love with my characters and never wanted to harm them in any way except that kind of harm that befalls all humans except the kind of harm i am unable to spare them because my characters are human they are neither male nor men they are pure full fledged humans pure fictitious humans mere embodiments of confusion and frustration mere accidents trying to make the best of it it being life and those males i see around me my female characters now there s an interesting subject are ofcourse something else they are so much like me but better equipped to deal with stuff stuff being the kind of stuff that befalls all us females through the turmoil and heat of the day in a man s world they do not sit around wishing that life was a computer so they can undo the past they are in control in charge they are winners in one way or another anyway and if they don t win they atleast make points glorious points which is more than i can say for myself needless to say the females i know in real life who i find quite irritating and usually boring are nowhere near my female characters and i am the kind of person who prides herself in studying humans for life in taking an interest in them notwithstanding but i guess there is only so much a person can take now where was i the females i see around me the pretty swamps would come up with a better word later who would swallow you if you let them which is ofcourse true to women all over the world the fact that they are swamps i mean as it was true for their mothers their grandmothers and all the generations of them what s more they aren t even an exciting kind of swamp the kind you d gladly give in to the kind you d willingly go down with atleast for me a female hmm weird they are more docile and catholic than the pope than their mothers they probably speak better english if their mothers ever do and if they themselves do ofcourse don t get me wrong now i have the utmost respect for my sex gender and those who have it i cry for them i am ready to give my worldly goods which i must admit ain t much if i can change the lives of a single one of them i d even die for them technically atleast and anyway dying won t change anything unless it s a man s dying and unless he s stinking rich and married and has only his young wife for an heiress you can even say i love them but i am not crazy about them i guess that makes me like dostyavski dostoyvski dostovski who said he can only love human beings from afar the minute they show a tendency of coming closer they revolt him that is why i imagine i m in no benevolent good will to all womankind mood when dealing with my sex sakes they make me mad not so mad as to want to stab them with a pen in the heart but really furious really disgusted which is why i desperately want to change them change them into something closer to their true honorable selves their true valuable selves something like me perhaps even an unhappy me because i can t very well not want to change them can i i got to it s my mission in life not a mission i took upon myself gladly i admit but here i am here is where i found myself and here is where i want to must linger here being the trying to change the world for the better for women place of mission because if i don t who will and more importantly what would i do with my life to be continued posted by the goodbadugly abesheet at 11 45 pm no comments the angry female part ii in the case of my male characters it s different they are the kind of confused messes unable to survive without some strong female some strong version of me that are more human than real life human males they are i guess what i want men to be what i thought men should be like and found out that men weren t after they discovered at 28 32 that life is too full of pretty girls to be stuck with one and i am not even pretty and that they need hardly do anything to be whatever it is they want to be like their dads friends and jerks around the world they are in short what i believed men were before life in the form of a reality shock not check man not check opened my eyes to the truth life does that to you when you hit 30 wait i know i sound bitter and angry and i am bitter and angry and yes i have been scorned and yes hell hath no fury like a woman such as me but it would have been ok to be angry if it this desire to stab at men and society of men with a pen this urgent need to see male blood lots of it this irresistible craving to make a point that would make me let s face it folks too the scorned spinster wasn t affecting my work is being a good artist derasit for me a better artist more important to me than my anger against men society my desire to see blood my making some glorious point some thought for the day still the anger would have been ok if virginia woolfe didn t think an artist especially the female artist should leave his her anger outside when entering the room of his her own to produce a real work of art but i wouldn t have been an artist if i weren t angry you see i won t have wanted to be an artist a writer ess if i were married at 25 and had 4 children right now i won t it s not that i regret not having been married at 25 and not having any children i ain t interested in children anymore and for that one i m even grateful i mean woolfe wrote none of the brontës were married atleast none of them had children because you never ask why if you think you know all the answers if you were cozy in your existence in your situation you gotta be some sort of disabled chap chick to know life isn t fair or as in my case you got to atleast feel like the disabled would feel are meant to feel am sure feel so how do i keep the anger out of my angry would be profession which i d set about on 2 years hereafter with a degree in amharic language literature and a dread lock tsegure bifekdina ben nor coz that woman was right there is no pleasure that can match the pleasure of being able to tell a story and be paid for it or do i go out and seek for pleasure be unquestioning un wondering like my dumb or happy or content sex sakes and is that worth it i mean happiness would no doubt be the answer but is it the right answer does right or wrong even matter if it does and if the disabled should come into question coz they matter should matter and if i should bravely face and slay my monsters most of them in a masculine form than look for the happy easy way out so as to be a better human and a better artist should i not open my window to let in the fresh air should i not go out on a date should i not hope for a better day a better relationship a better self than the sad lonely me should i in short sit in my own room make my 500 pounds birr a year and discover what it is to be real person or artist sighs never mind p s and why did woolfe drown herself posted by the goodbadugly abesheet at 11 27 pm no comments thursday march 09 2006 dear mr man i am not here so that you can see me i m not here so that you can hear me i m not here to heighten your sense of smell touch your sense of importance i m here for a purpose of my own a purpose very detached from you a purpose that would serve me my purpose and not of winning your approval i m here to run my own race and to win my own medal i m here to continue to overcome to say something new in the sphere i m here not to follow a road a dream a wish an order of another but to create another path a new path to continue in this path of my own to create my own dream to be the boss of my destiny of my self i am i admit not totally prepared for this path not totally unattached not totally ready but i will that i maybe i will that the world consider me my own person a person who isn t here so that you can see me hear me i have been told or heard from a movie that the world is like noah s arc that you re useless unless coupled with someone else but how can i be useless without you when i can stand without you when i can carry a whole burden on my back without your help when i can draw my strength from my weakness and bury my agony in my tears when i can be whilst there was is no you around when i can manage so much alone how can i be useless when i can make such a difference in my absence and if i matter as a person who isn t there i should matter when standing alone here i should matter as an individual as something apart from you and if they insist upon me being useless and throw me overboard i d swim back to the surface if they tried to push me down i d fight back to remain afloat i won t let the weight of their pressure or the pain in my arms weight me down i will survive i am a survivor i ve survived thus far in your world posted by the goodbadugly abesheet at 3 06 am 1 comment monday april 25 2005 wailings of the mediocre i m considered well read in the ethiopian sense deep thinking and intelligent for a woman atleast which means i know that farewell to arms isn t a diet book and that budda as in gojjame and buddha are two different people but when i come online i get the painful realization that i m not really smart not like the people around here not like the owner of writing on air blog and that hurts it hurts like hell no excuse of having had not enough exposure and stuff helps at a time like that it s all very well for hixerbear of http whyshouldilive blogspot com to say your self esteem should come from being human good if it works for him but not for me here a woman of 30 amounts to nothing unless she s married or published married for her mom and everybody else published for herself to show everybody that this is what she s been doing when all her friends were busy going out on dates i fancy being looking smart is my way of trying to raise a hand from the dump i m in like a wrestler trying to indicate he hasn t given up the fight yet or of saying take it or leave it fucker pathetic but you can t really help urself when you are someone like me so anyway how do i become a sage a wise person sagacious learned clever what book do i need to read or which website do i have to visit posted by the goodbadugly abesheet at 1 56 am 4 comments saturday april 23 2005 food for thought i got a huge problem with the following universally accepted concepts that a god is wise and have you looked around you lately would a wise wise people wise god create a shit hole for a life like the one we have didn t god regret doing a few things first he was sorry he created man then for destroying the world because of man then being mad somebody then for making someother unwise decision and destroying somebody else the only time the god is wise concept make sense is if we mean wise in a very limited un almighty level like the wise folks in our village who tell you a smart child cries after taking what s given him now that s wise and you don t have to build temples for these people pay 1 10th of your income monthly pray to them morning and night so they won t make your life a living hell i know god is awfully clever and not being wise would not make him any less the god but is he really b love is unconditional which type of love exactly a mother s love but she won t have loved yar ass if the hospital called to apologize they have given her the wrong baby all those years ago romantic love oh please god s love lucifer you got something to say hunnie c beauty is in the eyes of the beholder ever tried being a fat little girl in a skinny worshipping society like mine posted by the goodbadugly abesheet at 2 32 am 1 comment friday april 22 2005 ethiopia foreigners has often times asked me what ethiopia is like and i have told them that it s a country with 13 months of sunshine a melting pot of ethnic groups around 79 of them is mentioned in the bible more than 50 times is rich in vegetation and wildlife i ve talked about the rock hewn churches of lalibella 8th wonder in the world harar the 4th holiest city in islam with its 99 mosques and the church of medhanialem christos in the middle the stelea at axum and the sof umer cave but i have always felt that this may not draw a clearer picture of my country the christian island of more than 3 000 years that would be like before christ right so here is what ethiopia is it s a country where kids are advised on national tv not to trust people and the snake answered the man trust me for however evil i am i can t be as evil as humans a place where children are expected to understand their parents and act accordingly you know yourrrr dad and a country where ugly girls can still get husbands backward very backward individuality is especially sneered at here homosexuals and all those sexually challenged people would probably be stonned to death upon stepping out of the closet don t come out of any closet pleasethankyou and all the weirdos round here are dem whities who get shipped to us with wheat from foreign companies like circus ethiopia and terres des homes loussane switzerland posted by the goodbadugly abesheet at 6 41 am 1 comment wednesday april 20 2005 left with my thoughts a woman s eyes glaze over in one of p g woodhouse s books giving the impression that she s thinking deep beautiful thoughts quite misleading continues the writer because the woman wouldn t know a deep beautiful thought if she saw it on the road or if you hand it to her on a silver salver with a tartar sauce on it never mind one of my deep beautiful thoughts popped into my head this morning i even were tempted to try to put it down on paper how this friend of this narrator was crying broken hearted and asked him her if he or she would have married her if he or she was a guy or not married the friend would naturally say ofcourse i will and she d either badger him her with whys or she d sniff in her handkerchief give the friend a hug go home and kill herself deep won t you say oh well maybe not and there is the other one about modern women in ethiopia how a well read liberated sister would kn...