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Text of the page (random words):
infinite wisdom or absolute idiocy infinite wisdom or absolute idiocy the truth is the world is full of both but not in equal proportion this is the place where i express my views on theology politics and whatever else floats between the synapses of my brain sunday december 17 2023 hello world so i m back this time it s a place to write about my various home projects and hobbies so this post is to retest blogger and see if it is still around after so many years read more collapse post posted by chris at sunday december 17 2023 0 comments friday september 09 2011 my dad has cancer you never want to find yourself saying or in this case writing this but many of us find it inevitable that someone we love will become sick and sometimes the ominous c word comes up yesterday i found out that my father has cancer and today it was made clear that his cancer is in stage 4 that basically means it has expanded beyond where it started and is running amuck throughout his body this also means there is a long road ahead to minimize the damage and maximize his lifespan i never really thought about this that some day my parents won t be around any longer how silly that sounds because it s so obvious but hell my dad s mom is still around granted she s 99 and the mere fact she s around is a miracle but i ve never considered how this would feel knowing that i ll most likely outlive my parents and will have to get along without them i ve never really suffered a loss or grieved before i m not sure i know how but i think however it s done the process has already started and that alone makes me feel a little guilty i mean i m supposed to be strong thinking positively keeping my chin up it s not all about me after all it s not like i want any pity or sympathy but i turn inward and can t help feeling like i m about to lose someone who has meant so much to me the world will not be the same afterward i want dad to be at my wedding i ve recently become engaged to a wonderful woman i want him to be around when colton gets married and eventually has kids i want him to see all that stuff in the future and for us to be able to laugh and talk about all the things we talk about i don t want him to go one thing i have to learn is acceptance i have to learn that there are realities you can t change by wishful thinking but that s so against my nature i have to catch myself and evaluate what s going through my head and that takes a huge amount of energy sometimes all i want to do is stop thinking about anything so i play video games or do sudoku puzzles whatever distracts the mind is good work stuff is good for that good thing my work life is thriving right now it provides ample distraction but distraction isn t good if it shuts you down so much that you find you re shutting everyone else out of your life i made that mistake last week tami kept asking me how i was and i was always okay which was obviously me putting on a happy face the truth is i didn t really know how i was i had shut off so much that i couldn t make myself feel much of anything that s such a weird feeling or weird in that there is no feeling being numb then last night i started a group therapy session that meets weekly interestingly enough it was one of those coincidences where the therapy wasn t supposed to be about what it ended up being about but thank gawd it was there now i m amazed at a few things i learned first of all what we re learning in therapy has a lot to do with crisis management and dealing with intense emotions urges impulses it turns out that often it s best to not dive deeply into your hurting emotions right away they tend to feed on themselves and amplify a lot of the folks in our group though i m not supposed to talk about anything specific are struggling with issues that make them want to hurt themselves so curbing emotional extremes is important i happen to be quite good at many of the techniques discussed in the group therapy session for example i m very good at distraction when you can distract the mind it gets a break from the intense emotion and can regulate a bit better rather than go down the rat hole i ve found that i already do this puzzles are great and i love online texas hold em poker with fake money of course though if it was real money i could probably retire by now ha ha another technique is comparing contrasting or put another way counting blessings and i ve learned to do this since meeting tami just hearing the other folks stories who were sitting in the room was enough for me to see that my world wasn t the only one with a lot of clouds and rain so that s me i m still here and as far as i know i m still healthy my dad is sick but right now he sounds and acts as healthy as ever and i can hear the storm rolling in from the distance it s time to be strong but it s also time to prepare for the storm and what it will do to me read more collapse post posted by chris at friday september 09 2011 0 comments thursday september 08 2011 keeping it real if there s one thing i hate it s when people say or write a whole lot but don t have much to say it s as if all they need to do is take up space in the universe without contributing anything worthwhile or valuable to others well i think that s what i m going to do here so reader beware this blog isn t for you it s for me it s taking up space on the internet and it s going to consist of a whole lot of nothing special okay so now that i ve explained my motivation well actually i haven t explained anything at all except in general terms reading this won t be very interesting to you unless you want to pick inside the inner workings of my head because that is what i intend to do with it last night i heard a voice it said write well it wasn t literally a voice but i was definitely getting pushed in the direction of writing this comes at a time when like other times in my life when i ve felt like writing things are not going so great but i honestly don t know how much of what s going on in my life i want to openly discuss here so maybe i ll keep it all vague and ambiguous then when i read these posts in 15 years i ll ask myself what the f did that mean and then hopefully get a good laugh i doubt it though i have to leave so be continued read more collapse post posted by chris at thursday september 08 2011 0 comments tuesday april 12 2011 keeping the blog alive i just wanted to say yes i m still here and wanted to make sure this blog stays alive until i decide to start writing again i m sure that day will come but not for a while read more collapse post posted by chris at tuesday april 12 2011 0 comments friday february 20 2009 honoring a friend i lost a friend this week for the 2nd time it s hard when you find out that someone close to you is gone forever but it s even harder when it is someone you lost due to a falling out that was so many years back it doesn t really matter anymore such is the case with my friend matt why is it that we take for granted people we care about until they re gone and only then we regret we didn t try harder to be a better friend father son daughter or companion matt died on tuesday after suffering a massive heart attack i was told this news came as a result of a mutual friend whom i had lost contact with years back over the years i ve idly searched for matt but he s not the sort to leave a digital footprint like some of us so eventually i gave up i tried emailing some people we both knew in our youth but people either did not reply or said they too had lost touch with him so when this email came through linkedin i was surprised to say the least and so a double shock was to come along with the email telling me matt was near death was the double whammy matt had been living just a few miles away from me for the past few years neither of us apparently were aware of this and now one of us would never know for many years matt was my best friend in every sense of the word we were inseparable like brothers during the formative years of our youth the ages of 12 16 we had a sort of adversarial friendship it was like sparring you would argue a point sometimes just for the sake of tuning your own debating skill for us the many deep conversations we had of this type resulted in looking at life more deeply of course we liked to have fun like most kids do and we got into our share of mischief matt was the direct in your face type who was quick to make friends i was the shy creative type who was more comfortable living in my own shell often my biggest obstacle was myself and matt had a way of getting to the bottom of things and making me see what was wrong and facing it head on at that age the problem was usually shyness around girls i guess his rushing bull approach to situations was tempered by my slow methodical one matt was quick to admit his own flaws and insecurities too he knew he was no saint but nobody was and if they let on that they were they were only faking it which was worse then we drifted apart somewhat in the later days of high school and then had a falling out in early adulthood which i think we both regret not patching up later he apparently spent time in new york and somehow settled most recently in texas as i said just miles away from me his departure has left me wishing i had tried harder to find him but the realization that he actually is gone has me in the present moment thinking about those who are still here do we do enough to let the people who matter to us know that we love them maybe we should read more collapse post posted by chris at friday february 20 2009 0 comments monday january 05 2009 spirit in the sand back by popular demand i think i found jesus again but could you please explain for me why he s hanging out in a peruvian sand dune read more collapse post posted by chris at monday january 05 2009 10 comments a new beginning or another false start it is safe to say that i ve given up regular blogging however i will once in a while come to the surface look around write a quick post and then swim back to my nest undersea actually i ve been waiting for inspiration and a new direction having experimented here for a long time posting my thoughts and rants about life religion and politics i reached a point where i had to stop i ve been considering starting again i think the appropriate time to do this would be january 20th read more collapse post posted by chris at monday january 05 2009 0 comments friday july 25 2008 right or left no this isn t about politics it s about brains the two halves of our brain function in distinctly different ways a fascinating speech given by brain scientist jill taylor perfectly illustrates this and also sends a uniquely motivating message about enjoying the present moments of our lives set aside 20 minutes and watch this you won t be disappointed read more collapse post posted by chris at friday july 25 2008 2 comments new day today is a new day like every day but now things are different now it appears that with change comes new opportunities and hope for the future again i think it s time to start expressing my thoughts here now i have a fresh perspective on wisdom and on idiocy so it might be interesting actually it might be incredibly boring regardless i m sure glad to be back sorry i was gone for so long read more collapse post posted by chris at friday july 25 2008 2 comments about me name chris location austin texas united states i m just another person on planet earth trying to figure things out lots of us here view my complete profile now reading previous posts hello world my dad has cancer keeping it real keeping the blog alive honoring a friend spirit in the sand back by popular demand a new beginning or another false start right or left new day this blog under massive reconstruction archives july 2004 june 2007 july 2008 january 2009 february 2009 april 2011 september 2011 december 2023 blogs i read interesting links evolution creationism hybrids the panda s thumb the talk origins archive talk origins link list extensive science and the bible theistic evolution evolutionblog creationist sites if ya wanna believe go ahead geoscience research institute sounds pretty official doesn t it institute for creation research we sure like the word institute don t we talk origins link list for creationist websites interesting links agnosticism questioning faith questioning christianity why won t god heal amputees start here and see if this doesn t shake your faith tree debunking christianity blog with members de conversion stories definition from religioustolerance org good site infidels org the secular web interesting links progressive political talk 2 action progressive christians stickin it to the religious right christian alliance for progress bunch of progressive christian bloggers theocracywatch org watchdogs over the religious right in the gop downing street memo blog in case you forgot why the war in iraq is wrong tom tomorrow this modern world working for change this modern world blog clay bennett s political cartoons ted rall fighting the homosexual agenda spoof site the alliance for moderate liberal and progressive blogs join list previous next powered by ringsurf www this blog atom feed tell me when this blog is updated email