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Text of the page (random words):
soon so if i m going to be assimilated it has to be after that the post to which i obliquely refer was taking forever i do try to make my posts read fairly cohesively and be clear about their purpose and kind of make the reader feel good at the end it wasn t working it might eventually work but i do want to post things sometimes so i thought i should find some other way to make this into a publishable piece originally i was going to list a whole bunch of things that we earthlings living in society do wrong on a regular basis for example we don t stand or sit up straight i find that i m much better off if i sit the correct ergonomic way it prevents the backs of my shoulders from feeling like they are made of cement also if i m walking around and remember to stand up straight with my head up and my shoulders back i feel instantly better i think it opens up your airways and makes you look taller and smarter or at least taller but most of the time i forget to sit and stand properly and this is just one of many things i we do wrong then i was going to talk about things that are right or at least that feel right for example as i may have mentioned i don t keep a kosher home but i always feel better buying kosher products sort of how you feel when you re a kid and you do something your parents would approve of the whole keeping kosher thing runs the gamut some people keep kosher in their house but if they are at someone else s house or at a restaurant all bets are off and they eat whatever they want others have more flexibility outside the house but would draw the line at consuming pork products or shellfish or in some cases mixing meat and dairy together to illustrate for such a person it might be okay to have a hamburger in a restaurant that was not made with kosher meat rules about what makes meat kosher omitted see i avoided that tangent but not to have cheese on said burger following kashrut rules in the home can vary quite a bit too growing up we had two separate sets of dishes silverware and pots one for dairy meals and one for meat meals however we used the dishwasher for both not at the same time if we were more observant we would not have done that you either have two dishwashers or you wash one set by hand my husband who was not brought up keeping kosher and has no desire to do so can t get his mind around keeping kosher only in the house he thinks it is hypocritical as i said i don t keep kosher but if i m looking at two products in the grocery store and one has a hechsher and one doesn t i m going to choose the one that does example i pick little debbie swiss rolls over hostess ho hos i also sort of like the fact that the little debbies call a serving size two cakes they are in twin packaging really does anyone just eat one i was trying to make the point that even doing little things that feel right in themselves even if they are technically hypocritical or incomplete in that they don t constitute really following jewish teachings and even if they don t comport with what others do and might even make someone ask why do you care can help to neutralize all of these things we do wrong all the time i know that s kind of lame i was hoping to have a dream or for some insight to fall from the sky that would return this concept to the cleverness it sported when i first thought of it surprise that didn t happen either also i wanted to include a funny kid story because those seem to go over well but all i can come up with right now is that pumpkin 5 referred to his nose as a really big booger place recently and although that was sort of funny i couldn t flesh it out into a story during my despair over my inability to make this into a post with any kind of value at all i was linked to a really really really really really funny blog i am not going to link to it right now because if i do you will go read that instead i could never be even a tenth as funny as this blogger maybe a fifteenth if what i m writing right now is a fifteenth you may tell me so and make me happy i realize you can t compare this to the superhilarious blog because i didn t tell you which one it was but i know you love me and that you will go comment atg is a fifteenth or 1 15 after you read this post and i ll see the comments and smile and skip around happily it will be your good deed for the day then when you find the really funny blog you may revise your comparison percentage but just do it in your mind so that i can obliviously continue to feel all 0666666667 one of really funny blogger s posts which by the way also include comic art was one in which she expressed concern that she had already written and posted such great stuff that she d reached a peak and that maybe she should write some shlop in order to lower her readers expectations so she got drunk and wrote some stuff that didn t make sense and made pictures that were maybe not as great as they usually are and told her readers as she went along that she was going to post this even though it kind of sucked and so she did and her attempt to pretend not to be funny was of course funny i figured i should absorb this genius and come over here and use it to polish the mirrors i figured i would write all about how i can t seem to write anything and say woe is me a few times and magic will happen and it will morph itself into a worthwhile post and the best thing is this if it isn t good and you tell me so in your comments then i can do what rfb did and update the post by responding to your comment in a way that makes you look like a jerk for saying negative things about me and my writing everybody wins just a few more things to meet my arbitrary standards of sufficiency or to make this post entirely too long maybe you should take a break now go pop some popcorn i ll wait the original lead in to the rocket ship story at kol nidre the service for yom kippur eve one year the rabbi asked everyone to think of their favorite jewish artifact and also their most remembered spiritual moment we were supposed to talk to someone next to us about the two for a few minutes but i had come to the service alone and was sitting at the end of a row next to a married couple so i sort of sat there awkwardly silent until the rabbi resumed his sermon but i enjoyed this exercise the artifact was easy a bat mitzvah celebration is a gift giving occasion like many others i received gifts of cash checks bonds a few books shabbat candlesticks from the synagogue every girl got those boys got a kiddush cup a number of pieces of jewelry and a couple of jewelry boxes to keep them in other than the candlesticks i only remember receiving one piece of judaica it was a challah knife with a blue on white decorated handle and a long serrated blade with the words in hebrew l chvod shabbat which means to honor the sabbath my mother said that i could choose whether we should use the knife now or save it until i got married i liked the idea of saving it so i did looking at it now reminds me of that time and that choice this isn t my knife but you get the idea taking a picture of my knife and uploading it myself would have delayed this even further and now here is the story the kids are old enough to understand that they do not celebrate christmas but can still enjoy the season such as by taking in the winter lights show more on that later there is still some tweaking to do pumpkin asked me the other day if i hated santa claus but they get very excited about the jewish holidays they are still a bit too into the gifts but it seems that kids this age like to get things regardless of what they are the other day einstein said this is my favorite chanukah gift that i ever got he was holding one of those tiny plastic wind up toys a space shuttle that sort of scuttles across the floor and opens up so the tiny astronaut can go on his her little space walk it cost three or four dollars it may not be a piece of judaica but that link to chanukah in his memory is enough to charge it up with spiritualism his mind will file it in the my religion cabinet in the chanukah drawer under things that make me smile at least i hope so and now i must celebrate my success at finally publishing this with a happy song clicking on this will probably make you go i remember this song you can t not like this song even my mother likes this song and she does not generally let rock guitar pass her eardrums it will go through your head for the rest of the day but the cool thing is you can change the lyrics and just sing about whatever you happen to be doing enjoy and remember your significant numbers a fifteenth and the sixteenth which is my birthday yes this weekend we celebrate 12tequilas s birthday weekend with all due love and respect to mlk ed posted by 12tequilas at 2 23 pm 6 comments friday september 17 2010 err like a human in preparation for yom kippur we search our souls and see where we have sinned against g d and against other people then we apologize for these sins and resolve to do better in the future you have to own up and then do something about it on these last few days before the big ol day of atonement we try to seek forgiveness from our friends and family that we have wronged i thought about this a lot this year but did not actually get a chance to do it i thought it would be a copout to go online say to facebook and post a general please forgive me shoutout that would certainly not cover it and would be too easy this ain t supposed to be easy but as i said i didn t get to it at least not yet then yesterday morning i got a mailing list e mail from writer naomi ragen whom i greatly admire ragen wrote friends a day before yom kippur is a day of deep soul searching i have searched my soul and would like to publicly ask forgiveness for mistakes i have made and actions i regret 1 i ask forgiveness from all my readers for not having the time to answer all their many comments to me if you wrote me and i didn t answer please forgive me in the year to come i will try harder although i ask forgiveness in advance if i don t get back to you but please know i read every single e mail sent to me 2 i regret harsh answers and columns that were written in a moment of anger and frustration i will try harder to be more tolerant 3 i regret mistaken information i forwarded i will research more diligently before posting 4 i regret the 2003 article i wrote in which i said very harsh things about richard joel who had just been appointed president of yeshiva university it was a time when the intifada was very strong in israel and certain branches of hillel on college campuses were courting the anti israel peace junkies yu was reportedly going to hold a dialogue with such a group i saw red always a sign i shouldn t be writing a column and since richard joel had just come on board mistakenly targeted him in 2007 yu established the center for israel studies richard joel said the following the land of israel and the state of israel are central to the future vision of the jewish people and have always been central to the reality of yeshiva university my deepest regrets president joel and a public apology for ever thinking otherwise i thought that what ragen did there was pretty classy and then i thought hey i got me a public forum right here my biggest sin i think is not anticipating others needs and trying to help them out for example i have a friend whose husband has been in the hospital off and on all year i sent her notes wishing them both well and i told her that i would be happy to help in any way that i could however i failed to actually do anything when we say we are willing to help we always mean it but the person needing the help should not have to ask i m sorry for not getting in there and figuring out how i might be able to make things better i m also sorry for not trying harder to make things better for my mother she has some physical issues due to horrible arthritis and to a neurological condition that affects her balance this is my mother my oldest friend she knew me before i was born and someone who has done innumerable things to help me out and to get me through life and i don t know how to help her i apologize for not keeping in touch with my friends the way i should i think they understand fortunately call me we ll get together and do something even if it s just coffee and conversation now i have to ask for forgiveness for a wrong against my 4 year old son pumpkin he has already forgiven me for this i mean he likes me a whole lot no matter how many desserts i deprive him of in fact he gave me the biggest hug in the whole world recently which was a multi part hug that took several days to complete and i make really yummy chocolate milk so why should he have a reason to be angry with me well i ll tell you i took pumpkin to a holiday boutique sponsored by our congregation s sisterhood back in november i d wanted to stop by there and look at what they were selling they were also going to have tables where kids could do chanukah themed crafts and pumpkin s a big craft person so i knew he d like that after a while of doing crafts i got impatient with pumpkin we didn t have much more time because we needed to be at a party later so i expressed annoyance over not having had a chance to look around i don t remember my words but they were needlessly accusatory i started to feel bad immediately the lady running the crafts offered to watch him while i checked out the wares it turned out there was nothing i wanted to get the gift i was thinking about getting was not important but pumpkin making crafts was important and always will be as i was winding up my browsing pumpkin came running up to me saying look what i made for you see he had already forgiven me it was a snowflake stuck with some dreidels some stars of david and a couple of other things i had raised my voice to him and he still made this with me in mind i felt worse and worse still as the day progressed even though he wasn t upset with me at all i keep the snowflake on my bulletin board at work so i can look at it all the time and remember what really is important i m sorry pumpkin and i will try never to do anything like this again g mar chatima tova may you be sealed in the book of life and an easy fast g d willing there will be a next year to try to improve our repentance skills may this be a year of important things like really big hugs and ice cream with chocolate sauce why not posted by 12tequilas at 11 30 am no comments wednesday july 21 2010 and a bunch of other stuff you may have wondered why i posted the seemingly random video of the band i was actually trying to achieve a bit of musical balance after having put up the celldweller thing unfortunately having celldweller the band and the link to the connells video in the comments in such close proximity caused a dangerous digital reaction if you look closely the edges of the blog are a bit charred i promised the people at blogger that i would be more caref...