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arle in space skip to content widgets arle in space scroll down image of the day stacked volkswagen beetles karlsruhe germany author acidicpixels categories images posted on july 10 2015 leave a comment morning you know when you wake up in the morning and decide that this is the day you re gonna be the better version of yourself the universe somehow conspires to make it happen i haven t even had my cup of coffee yet author acidicpixels categories scribbles posted on july 6 2015 july 6 2015 leave a comment after dinner we sat by the balcony my legs propped on your lap a cigarette in my hand quietly studying each other s shadow then a burp we peeked at each other grinning du wutz our laughter sliced through the warm night the neighbor above poured water down to shut us up and the cigarette author acidicpixels categories uncategorized posted on june 30 2015 june 30 2015 leave a comment the gallery i m not a huge drinker but i have a thing for shelved liquor inbetweendrinks the liquid library view original post author acidicpixels categories uncategorized posted on may 26 2015 leave a comment on ian and the wheelchair man ian remembered it to be a sunny day the island sun shone unclouded and hit directly on his back he was wearing a black long sleeved shirt a testament to his terrible fashion choices it was supposed to be a fun day hanging out with your buddies over a few beers or maybe healthy activity like cycling sounds fun eh whatever ian dreaded cycling he could never finish a cycling session unscathed something s wrong with his balance among all the wrong things in him it seemed like the vehicle he s rolling with in his life path likes to swerve to the left over the border often if not always he would probably order a cup of fancy coffee in a hipster cafe lined with street arts those seemed to be fairly popular judging from the rate of small cafe establishments blooming and shutting down like flowers over the seasons all embellished with some sort of art on the wall that s got no context whatsoever the coffee would probably be too thin taste bland and smell like it s been dunked in leftover dish soap water but he digressed he s on a mission of winning back his friendship the people he s determined to win back were a few meters ahead of him apparently they were leading the way to a food court an old man was at the parking lot wheelchair bound ian squinted to have clearer view of the frail dark skinned chinese uncle slowly rolling the wheels with his fragile weathered brown and wrinkled hands he turned a hundred eighty back facing the exit where a small raised platform separated the parking space and the road the wheels rolled down in retaliation whenever he tried to push them up against the platform ian walked pass him whilst trying to catch up with his friends he stopped momentarily turned on his waist to look at the old man you uh wanna go out he made a spiral motion that ended up pointing out with his index finger before halting abruptly in embarrassment way to insult a man on a wheelchair bro the old man nodded silently pointed at a spot shaded from the harsh midday sun ian s shirt was stuck to his sweaty back as he pushed the old man out across the street eyes squinting against the sun rays he felt like the sun actually glared angrier and angrier at him for the umpteenth times he cursed himself of always forgetting to bring sunglasses here here the old man said in a tired whisper pointing a wrinkly finger at a location he picked under a shaded tree his hand reached out above his head behind him as if trying to reach for this strangely awkward helpful guy it lasted a second too long as ian processed the gesture and what to do of it by the time he raised his hand to shake the old man s he already dropped it down scratching his own head ian cursed his indecisiveness more than he did on usual basis thank you the old man on the wheel chair said ian told him it s no problem standing very very still behind him he never quite took a good look at the old man their eyes never met he turned his back and ran back to the building for the last time he looked over the old man was still there head tilted aside his limbs hanging lifelessly there s a heavy lump in his throat the heavy lump was still there as he chewed on his salmon tamadon even the misoshiru was not able to wash it down he was slightly annoyed at how salty the food tasted but he kept going mother drilled the lesson of never wasting any food deep in his subconscious the rest of the day was one slump after another his coffee did taste bland and thin with a hint of soap he got on a bicycle and bumped into a food cart he apologized profusely for the wrong reasons he went home and found even the water in his shower had turned warm he went to sleep feeling sticky with sweat because the old electric fan had decided it was a good day to shut down and be done with it all ian used to read rilke how to cope with the feeling of being left by loved ones how to befriend your death love life cause by fully embracing life you also embrace its other side of the coin death he thought he s ready 30 years such a young age one would say but ian was tired his melancholy had no place in this corner of world he walked on nothing was going good nothing was going on 30 years he thought about the old man how old was he 70 80 he was small all small bones and no meat he could still see the pair of legs in his mind hanging short above the ground barefoot head titled aside as if it was heavily burdened with what he did not know ian used to read rilke to learn how to love the life he hated to learn to accept the fact that he s there be there rilke taught him to accept death like an old friend when the time comes he was never taught to accept age like an old pal what s it going to be like to be old old and wrinkly and shrinking into his bones so old that even to move you have to had someone pushed you around so old that you could no longer pee standing up so old that people are disgusted by the sight of the loose skin around your neck that people mutter why don t you just go already under their breaths so old you couldn t work couldn t walk couldn t talk in clear voice couldn t have anybody who would want to spend their time talking to you so old that you re more a nuisance than a human being rilke never taught him how to appreciate old age spent bedridden and unloved or maybe he did but ian never caught on too busy trying hard to love life he groaned so much so much could have been done within the 15 minutes exchange why didn t he talk more to the old man why didn t he spare some of his unimportant time asking question and trying to understand why didn t he offer the man something to eat water to quench his thirst shoes to wear clothes to cover from the sun why didn t he look even once to the eyes of the old man was he ashamed was he disgusted was he angry at whom of what he could have done more so much more it could be him in 30 years if he survived that long what s it going to be like to live that long like that old man was he happy with his life was he ready to embrace death like an old friend that night he fell asleep with a heavy weight in his chest he dreamed of an old pal he couldn t wake up no matter how hard he tried to paddle away author acidicpixels image categories scribbles posted on april 11 2015 august 27 2016 leave a comment on being constantly a little sad why do you look sad a traveler once asked me it was in the middle of a beach party we each had a can of beer in our hand the speakers blaring music from a german rapper i never quite caught the name on and i was not talking i don t remember what i was looking at or thinking of i think i replied something like can t we all have a little bit of sadness on any good day i told him i wasn t sure what i was being sad of at the moment maybe it was just the way my expression settle like resting bitch face except this is resting sad face he smiled a beautiful rosy lipped smile and said he did not quite understand but he would try to few days ago i received a comment on a recent picture of me saying you look happier these few days the picture shows me back facing the camera with hand thrown back like a halfway aborted back bend maybe i do have a sad default expression maybe it s the way my pent up emotion manifests itself but i often peer in and knock trying to search for the source i always feel fine nothing needs to be unplugged there or maybe the search makes it okay by sorting through the emotions one by one analyzing and overanalyzing them you come to a conclusive decision that all these aren t worth being sad for but the sadness will always be there it s like an anchor a solace a drug you can t rehab yourself from sometimes you learn to appreciate happiness from within the blanket of your sadness author acidicpixels categories uncategorized posted on april 11 2015 june 30 2015 leave a comment search for recent posts 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