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slonefamily at 1 29 pm no comments saturday january 28 2012 slone happenings and exciting news hi friends i am trying to blog as much as possible but i admit that facebook is so much easier in keeping up with people s lives so here we go this ll be a good one i am 17 weeks pregnant with my 4th little one it has been a roller coaster to say the least but i am trying my best to be strong and keep up with my family and work life as a somewhat normal person it has been hard i won t lie working 3 nights a week has literally killed me going without sleep can turn you into someone you never knew existed its a trip i tell ya on my 4 nights off i cart the girls to and from dance catch up on laundry make meals fill cups pick up toys you know all the normal mom stuff that goes unseen well my prayers were answered and after flip flopping on my work 3 times now going from full time to part time once and for all i am a part timer thank goodness going from 3 nights to 2 might not seem like anything special but let me tell you it is heavenly it will be heavenly starting february 18th woot so the other night i was at work and before i left i noticed i had a pinkish show everytime i wiped from peeing i put it off just knowing it s probably nothing i kept my eye on it around eleven o clock i had a full on panic attack when i checked the tp to see bright red blood now i ran to talk to my mgr huffing and puffing of course she looks at me and says its s ok its probably nothing but could be low lying placenta placental tear placenta previa or just irritation of some sort she is labor and delivery mgr and they see stuff like this all the time but for me this was awful i have had 3 very normal non eventful pregnancies and this one has been drama since the moment i conceived i swear so she sent me to the emergency room since i can t be seen in our ob triage until 20 weeks lame so off to the ed i go so embarassing at your own work stripped down into my red hospital gown and went along with the agenda of a pelvic exam lab work and ultra sound and a little tylenol for the cramping that had begun after the pevlic exam youch i felt fine in every other aspect i was watching tv laughing hanging out what was going on this baby is a booger that what so im going to skip a major part of the story to tell you that i was discharged with news that baby and myself were a ok i just need to rest more and try not to be doing strenous activity on a daily basis i was sent home for the night and not allowed to return to work sad song right ha so back to the major part now that you re done stressing i would tell you something awful okay so the ultrasound tech comes into my room to take me back to check the baby and the placenta she was lovely we chatted casually the whole time especially after she showed the steady heartrate of 140 she makes a comment like oh my gosh this baby wont stop moving what a stinker i say yeah i have heard she is a wild woman oh you know what you re having already yeah a friend of mine scanned me early on like at 15 weeks and we saw the 3 lines clear as day oh well that s funny because there is his penis what no it has to be cord she looks at me halfway insulted that i would doubt her mad skills and says no thats a penis look and there s the little testicals i can t even tell you the emotions that ran threw me i felt like i needed to laugh and cry all at the same time and i had no one to call bc hello it was 2 am thats when i cried then i giggled thinking of my husband and how cute he would be when i casually told him that all of his dreams were coming true wow it was a rush now don t get me wrong we were excited to had been having a girl but we ve been there done that x3 and it s been great but this whole pregnancy has been somewhat of a like um life altering pass out throw up when we found out type of deal and when we found out it was a girl it was like we really had to question what is it lord that you have planned for us because wow 4 girls is somewhat much but now now that we know it is a boy it is like the calm feeling of peace knowing that this is all in god s hands the freak chance that i got pregnant while taking a medication that negated my birth control the awful coincidence of getting pregnant again when jobs are in question our investment property plate is very full and we are stretched very thin there is so much going on in our life right now before even considering a 4th baby but we had prayed for a little man for a long time and for some reason this is the timing that was chosen for us we are so blessed regardless of having a boy or a girl but it all just makes sense now knowing its our little boy we ve dreamt about so as you might imagine upon telling clint he of course doubts me and says it s probably a shadow in between her legs don t get your hopes up as the day went on he kept asking to see the picture and would say so do you really think its a boy i know its a boy i said i saw it in action and not just in a still picture and there was definitely a weiner on the screen finally two days later he is convinced we have our major ultrasound next week and thats when he will be 100 convinced but can i just tell you how giddy we are i catch him just staring at me smiling like he is just happy to be in the presence of his son growing inside me it really feels like its our first again it ll be silent and one of us will say i m so excited aren t you its cute im loving it the best part of all of this is that our girls wanted a brother so bad they are so happy it is adorable chloe gets to share her room with the baby when he comes out of our room and she has already cleared out a side of her closet for the clothes we have collected the past 2 days for him i go to bed tonight with a very full heart our house is happy our family is healthy chloe is embracing her role as big sister and is such a smart girl and a great leader in school and at home tayler is a joy to be around she is happy to run around in dance clothes or a bathing suit and sing songs kylie is a little spitfire her glasses have brought out her inner spunk even more than ever she loves playing mommy to her babies and idolizes her big sisters what more could i ask for nothing night night friends posted by slonefamily at 7 46 pm 5 comments thursday december 22 2011 it doesn t get any easier it s wednesday night again i guess i am in a weekly rhythm of blogging wednesday nights i work wednesdays and work tends to bring out the emotions in me so you can see why i am here i got pushed at work tonight which means they adjusted the time of my shift from 7pm start time to 11pm now usually this is just a nice way of telling you we don t need you tonight so just sit on the edge of your seat for 4 hours and we ll let you know if we can cancel you or not well 9 times out of 10 i actually do get cancelled so naturally i got excited we ordered pizza watched tosh o the girls ram wild laughing hysterically at goodness knows what it was what i dream about there was even ice cream involved bed time came around and of course i suck at it these days i work 3 nights a week remember so clint has to jump in and reinforce that it s really bed time and if you get up its trouble our girls are sneaky they wait up until we fall asleep and then conveniently end up on our floor or the end of our bed 9 30 arrives and guess who gets called into work yeah i cried it was the first instinctual emotion that came to me not only did i get called in i had to go to to a different floor that was short an aide which means totally out of my element no one to talk to when i get pukey around 2am no one to whine to so there i sat pathetically crying to my husband about all the reasons i hate working nights why i hate leaving my kids why i cannot survive the exhaustion of night shift one more night he talked me through it like the sweet man that he is he reassured me that things wont be like this forever and its just that we need the extra money right now and it makes things easier for the whole family when there is in the bank money money money im so tried of money gah well guess who was outside the door our ever sneaky 5 year old miss chloe my worry wart devastated that i wouldn t be here while she slept she pleaded for me not to go to work and why is money so important anyway ohhhh it was like a knife through the heart she heard us talking about money my worst fear i don t want my kids to know about the stresses of life and money just yet they deserve to stay innocent and naive believing that the magic machine at the bank pays everyone when they are ready to shop i let her stay with me while i got ready and i promised i would kiss her before i left as i was leaving 1030 mind you she whispers please wave to me out the window mom of course baby after i waved goodbye and got in my car i cried some more it just doesn t get easier does it even though she is 5 it still is heart wrenching leaving her leaving all of them i am waiting and waiting for the day that it gets easier for me to accept that i am a working mom i have completely shut off my brain to even imagine what it would be like to leave a newborn i can t think of it so that s where i m at hanging out here on 5th floor waiting to go home and see their sweet faces 3 more hours posted by slonefamily at 1 45 am 1 comment wednesday december 14 2011 fighting to be like everyone else such a stupid statement for a woman of my age really haven t i learned that is great to be who you are embrace your uniqueness you know all of those things i teach my daughters love who you are and how the lord made you i have a hard time practicing what i preach sorry i am struggling today today i realized i really do want to know what this baby is clint doesn t he and his family all think that it would be so neat if we could wait and be surprised in the delivery room as do i however it s like i have been lying to myself telling myself and others oh yeah we re not finding out i don t mind i m not even that curious what am i talking about that s not me that s clint of course i am dying to know and i actually feel like it will help me embrace the whole concept of this pregnancy all together to know what we ve created this time around but i love clint and i love that he is passionate about having a surprise in the delivery room i love that he is so much more laid back than me and can chill me out in any situation i don t know though i might just need to keep my own secret about it that s acceptable right second argument i am being bombarded with those tacky comments you get as soon as someone realizes you are with child i mean it has been unbelieveable literally on a nightly basis at work or at the store are there two in there what do you have a watermelon in there you need to go up a size in your scrub top are you due like next month and the ever loving don t you know how this happens no actually i don t could you explain please stupid i ve been wishing lately that i looked differently that my belly was not as round as it is that i was bigger in my thighs and samll in the waist so i wouldnt show as fast i ve come up with all sorts of ideas as to why i am so big everytime i try to convince myself that the on the scale is okay and i will survive when it continues to go up someone has to open there stupid mouth i mean really who raised these people didn t you get the memo that you never make a comment to a newly pregnant woman ever whew sorry let me cool down anyways for today i am working on being content being me who i am and being proud of it fake it til i make it fake it til i make it i m close goodnight friends posted by slonefamily at 10 12 pm no comments wednesday december 7 2011 life i sat here a couple nights ago scrolling through my old beloved blog and i cried a little i remembered all of the reasons why i blogged to keep record to never let me forget where i have been and where i am headed can i tell you though that we do forget no matter how much you tell yourself i will never forget this moment you just might lately i have felt like my life has reached the peak of difficulty i recently found out i am expecting my 4th child yes a freakin fourth totally unplanned just a little surprise from the lord if you remember me and my honesty you know i wont sugar coat this and tell you the pretty side it was rough the last 6 weeks have been very rough i cried a lot puked a lot spent days in bed in my pajamas begged the lord please oh please i cannot handle this i am not ready i am not strong enough please dont do this to me clint and i didnt speak of the pregnancy itself just minor details here and there of course our surrounding family was all supportive and beaming with excitement but clint and i stood in silence in disbelief in fear i ve had some minor speed bumps with progesterone levels which lead to weekly blood draws from week 4 to 9 and 2 of those weeks i was also scanned to check for viability week 7 this is when it all went down the heartbeat there was baby there was life my dr said so excitedly well there ya go we ve got a heart beat while i should have been beaming with joy i cried i broke down i showed a side of myself that no one sees it was all becoming real it was time to start talking to start dealing with the reality of a 4th slone baby after a long appointment of tears and reassurance i left and called my husband i blubbered and begged to have him help me calm down i couldn t do this alone no more existing in silence pretending this wasnt happening we desperately needed to talk and needed to face this together its amazing how much better this man can make me feel he holds me together when i fall apart i try to do the same for him but he is better than me he is a good man week 10 now here we are i am ready to start talking in the last week i have managed to get excited we have talked about baby names decided we dont want to know the gender until delivery by this i mean clint decided and i will do my best to hold out things are looking up let me back track and say that i know in my heart this baby is a huge blessing and probably has some great calling on this earth i know this in my head but actually convincing myself and my emotions of it was the struggle so yes of course we want this baby this baby will be loved and adored as much as the other 3 i believe the lord has a plan for clint and i its just a matter of surrendering control and accepting the plan so as i read back through my blog i realized this isn t that hard not nearly as difficult as i ve made it to be in my head heck i had my second baby while i had an 11 month old i survived 6 months of colic with tayler i had 3 kids three and under i had days at a sahm that would make your toes curl i lived a year as a working mom student person i passed chemistry in the midst of all of that now that was hard i am ever so grateful to my blog for reminding of me of where i have been and what i am capable of this is...