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Text of the page (random words):
ed of help she was happy to move into the home i was offering her i asked more of her than she did of me but that did not matter to her she knew i was her only option for gainful employment so she never complained a few weeks ago i received the sad news that she had developed a terminal condition her days were numbered and though we hoped there might be a different option the doctor made it clear that drastic measures had to be taken soon we chose last tuesday as the day we would visit the termination clinic from beginning to end the procedure took about an hour it was done with great respect and as little pain as possible under the circumstances when it was over i left the facility in a daze wondering if i would ever find such a good match again i do not have any photos of the aftermath but suffice it to say the four tooth dental bridge that performed so well for 40 years along with my newly extracted two anchor teeth was quickly whisked away and consigned to the bio hazard bin vanity stops me from showing you the slightly off center gaping hole where my four missing front teeth were but you can get the feel for how this looks from the visual i made from strawberries and honey berries the periodontist who performed the procedure and has now implanted two artificial root screws is confident that my new dental bridge will last me for 40 years which is probably about 20 years longer than i will last from the net of all things what are dental x rays called tooth pics did you hear about the buddhist who refused to have an anesthetic injection when he was going for a filling apparently he wanted to transcend dental medication old man dracula forgot to put his teeth in one night and so had to come home hungry with a sort of nothing dentured nothing veined look on his face matthew pfeifer beaman ia even today well brought up english girls are taught by their mothers to boil all vegetables for at least a month and a half just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth calvin trillin dentist i have to pull the aching tooth but don t worry it ll just take five minutes patient and how much will it cost dentist it s 90 patient 90 for just a few minutes of work dentist i can extract it very slowly if you like like loading well the way i heard it june 30 2026 june 29 2026 amusives 13 comments or not heard it i lost some of my hearing in one ear after the fall on the ice and bonk on my head in early january last week i got my hearing tested to assess how significant the loss is and come up with a plan to address that so i freely admit i have joined the ranks of the hearing challenged which gives me license i think to look at the lighter side of hearing loss what do you call the inventor of the hearing aid a pion ear when a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid she becomes a def leopard three weeks ago i sent my hearing aids in for repair i ve heard nothing since a concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife doctor i think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and i have to repeat things well the doctor replied go home and stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her if she doesn t reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again keep moving closer until she responds so we know how severe the loss is that night the husband saw his wife in the kitchen she was chopping some vegetables when he was 15 feet from her he asked honey what s for dinner he got no response so he moved 5 feet closer and asked again no reply so he moved 5 feet closer still no reply finally he got right behind her and asked again honey what s for dinner she replied for the fourth time vegetable stew why is the government so worried about a hispanic felon who s hard of hearing because that s deaf con juan ear bling sometimes the best way to accept what you think is a negative is to accentuate it being hard of hearing can be quite challenging to live with i got invited to a breeding circle but all everyone did was look at books like loading the ants come marching in june 22 2026 june 21 2026 amusives 16 comments a formica aserva ant the ones that live in my yard photographing them was a challenge there is a fine line between being close enough to use a macro lens and being so close they can attack you i have been waging war on ants the ones that set up light house keeping in the ceiling of my living room the ones in my flower beds and the ones in a crack in the pavement in front of the wood work shop an exterminator eradicated the ceiling ants i am reducing the population of the outside ants the formica aserva before you think ill of me for dispatching these creatures i d like to explain why i think they are despicable little critters it is bad enough that they bite if they happen upon me while i am working in a flower bed worse from a fair play perspective is the fact that these ants are slave raiders they find nests of other related ant species and proceed to steal the larvae and pupae it is believed that most of the stolen larvae are used for food but some of the brood is taken back to the raiders nest and allowed to hatch these become slave workers so here s hoping i successfully even the score for all the ants that have fallen prey to the slave raiders the lighter side of ants from the net of all things 5 ants rent an apartment they realize there is plenty of room so they invite another 5 ants to join them they are now tenants what do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant tolerance what do you call an old ant an antique what do you call an ant that has no concerns or cares nonchalant like loading new life forms at the red house june 16 2026 june 21 2026 amusives 10 comments a new leaked government tape shows that a mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on mars however before they could get any more info curiosity killed the cat internet joke that assumes you know what the mars rover is called closer to home we have encountered a few new life forms which in earth terms means any living thing including plants animals and fungi the first two newbies are twin deer fawns which we found beside our driveway maybe within an hour or two of being born they still looked disheveled and were not particularly graceful about half an hour later the mother led them off our property across the road through a farmer s field and into the woods about half a mile away i might have considered having more than three off spring if child birth and independent mobility had been that quick the next day we were visited by an adult moose with one small mooseling though not a new born it is still quite small another new life form are house finches the female built a nest in the artificial wreath that hangs next to the front door on the outside of our house by the time we realized what she was up to the nest was finished and the eggs were laid i m assuming the nest belongs to house finches since those are the birds i have seen the most of recently the eggs look finch like i have not actually seen the mother bird sitting still she is just a blur that bolts out of the nest every time we open the front door it is really easy to lift the wreath off the wall and take a photo of the eggs though i do not think we will risk doing that once the babies hatch this is an example of a female house finch it is not the actual bird that is sitting on the nest this is an example of a male house finch the feather files name house finch species haemorhous mexicanus date seen june 2026 location north of calgary alberta info the red of a male house finch comes from pigments in berries and fruits eaten during molt birds can t make bright red or yellow colors directly house finches feed their nestlings only plant foods breeds well into canada as far north as northern alberta they are labeled as invasive by some organizations cleaning out the aviary at a run down zoo the zookeeper found two finches had dropped dead from old age he put them in a sack and proceeded to the monkey cage in the monkey cage he discovered two of the oldest chimps had also kicked the bucket not wanting them to go to waste he put them in the sack with the finches and later tipped them into the lion s cage at feeding time bloody hell roared the lion upon seeing his meal not finch and chimps again like loading which bow should i choose june 8 2026 june 22 2026 amusives 18 comments i ve made two bows for this wood wormy soft maple and epoxy bowbox which one do you think i should choose bow 1 a wide epoxy bow made from a laminate of 1 4 inch wood 1 2 inch epoxy 1 4 inch wood bow 2 a laminate bow made from a thin layer of wood 5 8 inch epoxy thin layer of wood my bowbox blog westwood bowboxes from the net of all things decisions did you hear about the woman who blew all her money on powerball tickets she made a lotto bad decisions how am i supposed to make life choices when i still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next wordgag com there comes a time in everyone s life when you hear the newest slang and you decide that you don t care enough to know what it means wordgag com hansel and gretel weren t wrong every bad decision i ve ever made started with being hungry wordgag com fries or salad sums up every adult decision you have to make wordgag com my wife and i have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children if anybody else does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow being in a canoe forces you to make a very tough decision roe vs wade like loading full circle june 2 2026 june 18 2026 amusives 22 comments now and then you can hold onto something from the past long enough for it to be seen as useful again it comes full circle i asked ai to generate a clamation image of me using the classic editor do you think it is clayver or a clay tastrophe such is the case with the wordpress writing editor the original editor was created in 2003 when wordpress was launched it was replaced by the classic editor in 2018 for people like me who preferred the simplicity of the original editor and did not want the complexity of the new block based editor last week wordpress announced another new editor because in a survey the single most requested improvement from wordpress writers was a simplified editor this new editor is called write and it looks pretty much like the classic editor write is in beta and ready to try but the wordpress designers say they are still building it which may mean they will tinker with it for eight years like they did with the block editor until they have a product that is over complicated at which time people will presumably again ask for a simple editor flashback to some of my other circular stories my favourite circle post was called old time teachers and the arithmetic circle of doom i am also very fond of the circles i made from some of my photographs i call them digital marbles crocus flower ladies slipper orchid virgin trading post dark clouds alium prickly pear from the net of all things one good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim george carlin who invented the circle sir cumfrence a lot of people think crop circles are done by alien aircrafts i think they re done by cereal killers what do you call a bunch of cats sitting in a circle the purr rimiter full circle is described as returning to where you started but in a positive not a negative way have you experienced the process of full circle like loading look what i found in my drafts folder may 26 2026 june 18 2026 amusives 14 comments for some reason i forgot to post this on april 1 2026 this year s april fool s day will go down in history because of the launch of artemis ii april fools day announcements did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink as an april fools prank he s at the doctors waiting to be seen other travel and calendar related stories i found on the net of all things someone ripped the 5th month out of my new calendar i m dismayed the punnyworld a woman fainted and fell onto the baggage carousel at the airport but she s slowly coming around now the punnyworld we had a warm and pleasant drive from arizona to our home in alberta last week it snowed fortunately spring snows melt quickly like loading don t poke the bear may 19 2026 july 31 2026 amusives 12 comments that moment when you realize you have poked the wrong bear the saying don t poke the bear is a warning against provoking someone or something that is currently calm but could turn on you resulting in very undesirable consequences this describes the situation in the canadian province of alberta where a statistically significant number of people have been signing a petition approved by elections alberta the petition would trigger a referendum yes no question regarding the separation of alberta from canada all was going well with the separatist petition until a delegation from alberta s first nations decided to poke the bear they initiated a legal challenge claiming the petition violated their treaty rights an alberta court of king s bench justice agreed and quashed the petition the 300 000 bears who signed the petition were not amused though they have temporarily pawsed to assess how to proceed there is no question some of the organizers are claws to the end of the proverbial rope it remains to be seen what the outcome will be when the fur midable petitioners respond how un bear able might the consequences be i ve written more about this in a post called alberta s independence fringe minority ______________________________ from the net of all things what would bears be without bees ears i m glad china only spread a virus and not a bear otherwise we d have a pandademic what do you call a bear with no teeth a gummy bear smokey the bear was relaxing in his new house he d just moved to the neighborhood and was enjoying retirement after years of working for the u s forest service he was sitting in his favorite easy chair reading a particularly engaging book when the doorbell rang smokey sighed set the book face down his sister was always mad at him for doing this as it ruined the spine but seeing as this was the latest in a series of airport bestsellers he didn t feel like he was damaging anything particularly worth saving though he had to admit it was pretty compelling if a bit tawdry and got up to answer the door when he opened it there was a ram with a stack of fliers in his arms hello sir would you like a oh it s you you re smokey i love your work thank you smokey said what can i do for you young ram the ram explained my sister and i just opened a new flower shop down the street and i am handing out these brochures it would just mean the world to us if you would take one smokey looked down at the leaflets in the ram s hand and said sorry kid i m not going to take this the poor ram was shocked you re not now if your sister was here i d ...