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he everyday car free days search for lasagna is for lovers lasagna from scratch takes patience and time it s for the committed lovers the ones who are knee deep in that unconditional love that can only reveal its depth after sleepless nights and crying babies it s for that love that is hard and messy but also transparent and true it s for us learning love from the ground up pork red wine lasagna recipe from what kate ate 12 ripe vine tomatoes 10 cloves of garlic 8 left whole unpeeled 2 thinly sliced large handful each of fresh basil oregano thyme salt pepper to taste 10 oz ground pork 10 oz ground beef 2 tbsp olive oil 1 large yellow onion 14 oz can of diced tomatoes 1 cup full bodied red wine 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar 2 1 4 cup water 1 cup of finely grated parmesan for final topping bechamel sauce 5 tbsp butter 1 3 cup flour 2 1 4 cup whole milk 1 cup finely grated parmesan salt white pepper pinch of nutmeg when i make my noodles from scratch i use this recipe otherwise use 8 oz of dried lasagna noodles and cook as directed on package instructions preheat oven to 350 cut tomatoes in half and place them on a baking sheet cut side up sprinkle tomatoes with half of the chopped herbs salt and pepper slice 2 cloves of garlic and place one slice on top of each tomato leave the rest of the garlic cloves whole and unpeeled and spread them throughout the tomatoes bake for 90 minutes meanwhile heat a large pot on medium heat with 2 tbsp of olive oil sautee onions for 3 4 minutes until soft and fragrant add ground pork and beef and cook about 5 7 minutes until browned add can of tomatoes wine balsamic vinegar and water add a few generous pinches of salt and pepper and the rest of the fresh herbs bring to a boil and immediately lower heat to simmer for 90 minutes allowing the ragu to thicken once tomatoes are roasted place them in a blender or food processor remove the peel from the garlic cloves and add to the tomatoes blend until smooth taste and add salt and pepper as needed once ragu has cooked and thickened add pureed tomatoes and let marinate and simmer for 15 20 minutes while you prep your noodles either from scratch or store bought and then make the bechamel sauce increase the oven temperature to 400 in a small saucepan melt butter add flour and stir to form a thick paste continuously stir the paste for 2 3 minutes being careful not to burn very slowly pour in warm milk while continuing to stir until you have a thick creamy sauce add salt white pepper nutmeg and parmesan stir and set aside finally layer the lasagna spoon a layer of pork ragu into the pan approximately 13 9 and spread evening over the base next cover with a layer of the béchamel sauce and layer with enough noodles to cover the area without overlapping repeat the layering process three times finishing with the last layer of béchamel sprinkle with finely granted parmesan and fresh basil bake for 30 minutes or until golden and bubbling let stand for 15 20 minutes before slicing and serving posted in dinner on march 24 2015 by endelaney 6 comments daughters i have few memories of octave being a still baby even as a newborn in hindsight i can see that the lack of memories has less to do with my memory and is more telling of her little spirit her energy was and still is big loud and kinetic i can so clearly see and feel her desire to do more see more say more feel more give more take more be more so much more her rest is seldom both literally and figuratively just her presence let alone her words beg me to dig deeper than i ve ever dug and to see myself clearly she rocks me shakes me and leaves me upside down before she asks me to arrive at my fullest potential every single day she is my mirror my joy my teacher of patience this is such a beautiful blessing but usually after it is unflattering hard and messy i am most certain she heard me preach to the world all those years ago just how much i love being taken out of my comfort zone because that is exactly what she does almost every hour of every day but oh how she melts me she melts my heart deep and wide making herself at home in the most untouched spaces inside these bones no one can soften me the way she can truly no one bijou is only nine months old but her differences are obvious even from the most oblivious passerby when she was growing inside my belly i could feel her little spirit already teaching me something different from her sister she came earth side and those words i swore i heard her whisper in my womb became a little louder but only loud enough for the most steadfast ears she is present and rooted exuding a comfort that i never knew until i knew her she doesn t question or ask much of me she just looks into the deepest place she can find and wants me to stay there with her her spirit feels so familiar that when i look deep into her eyes i feel like i have known her my whole life yet sometimes i feel like i don t know the first thing about her she is equal parts mystery and transparency i ve been told to be careful how i talk about and compare my daughters differences surely i understand and want to be sensitive yet i can t help but find it to be more helpful than harmful i think it would be lovely to be a grown woman reading words your mother wrote about you from the moment she first met you i think it would be empowering to look back over your life and see how some traits were so uniquely you even from day one i think it would be positive to teach your children that their differences are celebrated and needed not only inside a nuclear family but in this world but selfishly this sifting organizing and reflecting is good for me too i feel the need to articulate and understand how and why they grow me it s important for me to express that just because one might make me more uncomfortable or stretch me to my max does not mean that i value and love her any less than the one who holds my hand right where i am at their differences are what i need and even more what the world needs these girls are my daughters but i am forever their student it is from them i am learning the most complex heart wrenching visceral love i have ever known every morning i see my life lessons laid before me inside my bottomless cup of steaming truth but i ve only begun to take my first sip posted in inspirations mamahood and tagged daughters mamahood seeing the everyday on march 12 2015 by endelaney 4 comments honey wheat oatmeal bread last week we rented a zipcar and headed into the beautiful columbia river gorge when we dreamed about moving back to oregon this is what we dreamed about it took us an entire year almost to the day but we finally did it we have some special friends who just bought a home right in the middle of this dreamland behind their home was a gorgeous waterfall to explore and inside their home was the smell of potato bacon soup and freshly baked bread waiting to be savored our time was short but our souls felt refreshed as we drove away a few thoughts danced around in my head one when you don t use a car often it can become a romantic form of transportation like train hoping or sailing i never thought i would say that two after a year hiatus of baking my own bread my bones are aching and my tummy are longing for it it s time my simple seeking slow beating dough kneading heart come alive again three i have greatly underestimated the power of choice or lack there of when we chose to sell our car almost two years ago we had a long list of reasons why we wanted to do so that list still remains but i will admit that with the growing of our family i ve held it looser than ever before at that time finances felt really tight but technically we could afford our car we just had other things we wanted to do with our money getting out from under our student loans eating good food and having date nights with not one but two cocktails always sounded more attractive than owning a car it still does however the financial reasons for living car free were never at the top of my list and they were never the motivation that energized my legs in 10 below about a year into living car free and a year ago this week we moved back to portland and started over from scratch we were at our rock bottom with no job no insurance no midwife and no home for our desired home birth i was six and a half months pregnant i m sure in five years i will have a very different perhaps more light hearted tone in my voice when i remember and share stories from the last year it was completely nuts to say the least in any case we spent the last year climbing ourselves up and out of our rock bottom but it has taken time and patience and we are still climbing and so using a car share as much as we would like or buying a car is not an option in our current situation let it be known that we are not throwing in the towel and we aren t planning on buying a car anytime soon but what if we did have a change of heart and what if we did want to buy our own car the feelings that come from the reality of that answer have played games with my head and heart this last year most days i really enjoy and believe in our lifestyle i just never realized how much that enjoyment could be connected to the fact that it was once a choice i grew up thinking choice was a birth right and maybe it is when you grow up in white middle class america for the majority of my life the choices i had and made did not leave me without they just left me with something different but there is a difference between choosing not to spend your 5 on a latte and not having the 5 to buy a latte there is a difference between choosing to keep your holiday shopping simple and having to keep it simple there is a difference between willingly scheduling your c section and being told you must have a c section there is a difference between taking an hour and a half bus ride at 10 pm because you re reminding yourself of an awesome date night that saved money allows you to go on and taking that bus because there is no other option you have tangible choices until you hit rock bottom then you have the choice to make the most of what you have the choice to be content with your life i am content with my life and i can t remember the last time i was in such a sweet peaceful place i am blessed beyond measure and there is not a day that goes by that i don t wake up believing that but behind all this gratefulness has been the wrestling of these thoughts and emotions i find it interesting how one year to the next our lifestyle can look the same on the outside and feel so very different on the inside you could assume that the last two years i didn t own a car because i was a tree hugging hippie but this year i can t afford one and that could place me under a whole other label which brings up something else on my heart i am no longer interested in being defined by labels they once felt fun and empowering but quickly they can become divisive and toxic i don t want to be a breastfeeding baby wearing organic car free bicycle riding mama i just want to be a mama who loves her babies riding her bike and baking bread i want to enjoy things and do things without being defined by them in this season this year of living without a car i m learning that contentment is less about the end results and outcomes and more about the story upon arriving our stories will always be more powerful than the text book labels we try to put ourselves in and choice it is a very powerful thing whole wheat honey oatmeal bread slightly adapted from girl vs dough 1 cup water 1 cup whole milk 2¼ teaspoons 1 packet active dry yeast 3 tablespoons honey 2 ½ cups whole wheat flour 2 cups bread or all purpose flour 1 cup rolled oats 4 tablespoons 1 2 stick unsalted butter melted and cooled slightly 1 tablespoon salt topping small handful of oats 1 tbsp butter melted 1 tbsp honey heat water and milk in a small sauce pan until it is warm to the touch pour into a stand mixer and add honey and yeast let the yeast activate for 10 minutes melt butter and set aside to cool after yeast mixture is proofed pour in the butter attach your dough hook attachment to your stand mixer combine all your flours oats and salt in a medium size bowl and give it a quick mix with a whisk while mixer is on a medium speed slowly add in the dry ingredients the dough should start to come together into a large ball it should be slightly tacky but you don t want it to stick to the sides of the bowl if the dough appears to wet you can add a tablespoon of flour at a time knead for 8 minutes place dough in a well buttered large bowl and cover with a tea towel let rest for 1 hour or doubled in size in a warm draft free place i like to place my rising dough in the oven with the light on after risen punch down the dough and pull dough from the sides bringing it into the center until you have worked all the way around the bowl generously butter your loaf pan then stretch out dough to fit the length of the pan place the dough inside and cover again with a tea towel and let rise in a draft free place for 45 minutes while dough is rising a second time preheat oven to 400 once dough is risen the second time pour melted butter and honey on top of the loaf and sprinkle with oats bake for 40 50 depending on your climate let cool completely before removing from the pan from my impatience and eagerness to try the bread i have learned the hard way let it cool slice and serve honey butter posted in breads on february 7 2015 by endelaney 2 comments lemon bars for the travelers at heart i ve been cooking and baking my way through green kitchen travels a beautiful cookbook written and photographed by the same couple behind the blog green kitchen stories i ve been mesmerized by their life their travel inspired stories and the beautiful colors and images that fill the pages as i ve read and eaten my way through this book i ve felt my heart yearning for more adventure and more life there has been a lot of reflection on my part and i feel as though i have lived in a constant state of reflection while i have a fierce longing to see taste touch and smell every square inch of this earth this is not what i crave most i long to be the person i am when i m traveling i want to be her now as a wife and mother i miss the person who could lose her passport and plane ticket and not get too bent out of shape i miss the person who would sit with the sunrise and sunset and never run out of enough praise for such beauty i miss the person who would intentionally go on walks only to get lost and found and lost all over again i miss the person who surrendered to every moment and gave gratitude for it all unlike every year prior i have had little intention or focus for the year only a mantra that has rushed in and transformed every cell a mantra that was once my fake it til you make it pep talk you know the pep talk you give yourself when both children are melting down you are running on a few lousy hours of sleep and you wake...