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Text of the page (random words):
seeing the democrats talk about how horrible trump is how climate change is real obviously but that the green new deal is unrealistic and then doing absolutely fuck all to change things on a systemic level i am tired of trying to write about the pandemic coherently as i write this over 200 000 people have died from covid 19 and trump does not care his followers don t care neither do any of the supposedly pro life conservatives who have thrown their support behind his reelection campaign when i try to write about the many failures that this administration has on its collective hands it feels like too much the monumentally shitty coronavirus response that will be affecting the u s for years possibly decades to come human rights violations all over the damn place especially in ice detention centers simple stupidity equally disheartening is the feeling that i can t change things and no i don t want to hear anyone chirp then vote in november yes i m going to or you should run for office then like it s so easy for a person with multiple disabilities to just get up and run for office in response i feel like i don t have the words to adequately express how frustrating everything the pandemic the current fire season the ongoing antics of trump and co some of which are so blatantly fascistic that even humor outlet mcsweeney s published a huge list of them with an atrocity key by color continues to be right now i am trying to write my way through things writing through some difficult issues is how i process things after all but what happens when you can t find the words what do you do when it feels like too much what do you do when your way of coping isn t enough i don t know what the answers to those questions might be but to those of you who say you didn t see this coming many of us did when trump was elected my first thought at 2 00 am the day after the election while staring at the results on my phone in the dark people are going to die because of trump not that i predicted the ice detention camps or two hundred thousand people dead from a highly contagious virus deaths which could have been prevented had the entire response not been fucked from the start still the blood is all over trump and co s collective hands i hope that they will be unable to wash that blood off i hope that mcconnell kushner and the others try in an increasingly lady macbeth esque fashion to wash their hands of all of this only to realize that they cannot i hope there are actual consequences for them although i don t know the form that those consequences might take i do not feel good or smug about having been right in this situation just deeply sad and angry it s hard in the sort of fully encompassing doomscroll that is 2020 to not let my natural cynicism take over my brain again i don t think that all humans are motivated by greed and self interest although trump and his cronies certainly are but all of this is making it tough to not just think ok the u s is finished let s just throw in the towel i guess i have to believe that something better is possible even if it s hard to see it or think of it right now donate to blm donate to the national black disability coalition may 17 2020 pop culture wat stuff i wish i could google no human i will not stop trying to cram my entire foot into my mouth is my anxiety returning or is it coronavirus is it hay fever or coronavirus dog won t stop licking her butthole tops of arms itching is it allergies is walton goggins handsome or is my taste in guys weird how to be nice about not liking someone s book feet itching under calluses is this a red flag for something how to deal with professional jealousy in a way that does not involve writing in a journal because i have already done that and it has not worked how to give dog subcutaneous fluids at home without traumatizing the dog or the humans doing it my dog will not stop trying to cram her whole foot in her mouth because it itches how do i make her stop is dog sleep apnea a thing how to deal with being just as bitter and angry as lots of other people even though you want to be thought of as a person who has their shit together how to get your shit together how to avoid a popular person on twitter when everybody follows them even though that person sucks why do my nasal allergies flare up when i put my cpap mask on and lie down to go to sleep why is jared kushner s face so punchable watching the same mst3k episodes over and over how much is too much why does everyone love this person even though i hate them it s mid may why is it raining where i live can i punch someone for wearing a trump 2020 t shirt and avoid getting arrested why is coldplay consistently the fucking worst why am i so annoyed by conventionally attractive people who post endless instagram photos of themselves doing regular person things is there a term for insomnia caused by a chronic pain episode why do the spoon metaphor and the term spoonie send me into a rage biggest celebrity hot messes of all time why does the hashtag blessed make me want to go off the grid forever why is donald trump the stupidest man alive when do essential oil blends expire and can i keep wearing them even if they are expired how likely is the apocalypse to be caused by donald trump and or a member of his shitty good for nothing family how to be happier without resorting to positive thinking or the secret style bullshit why are coronavirus conspiracy theorists so gullible does mike pence call his wife mother when they are having sex why do so many vegan foods have nuts and or bell peppers read two things i am allergic to in them how to get your picky ass dog to eat something why do i get the wii shop channel music stuck in my head so often tagged questions that google can t answer jun 06 2019 ableism disability feminism fibro missing bodies where are disabled women in the body positivity movement this essay was originally posted on disability intersections in 2014 since then there has been a lot of rightful criticism of body positivity read evette dionne s the fragility of body positivity and amanda mull s body positivity is a scam for more love your body stop hating your body start a revolution these are just a few of the popular third wave slogans that are fairly well entrenched as directives or at least as aspirations within feminist activism both online and off there s love your body day sponsored annually by the national organization for women now love your body weeks on various college campuses around north america and thousands if not millions of web pages graphics and digital art pieces online that celebrate this theme and encourage women to do so every day many liberal feminists have proclaimed that body image and a matching emphasis on loving your body is the issue for the third wave as this widely anthologized essay by amelia amy richards explores at a basic level lyb discourse can be a positive thing and it s often a good stepping stone for women who are new to feminist ideas but it s this very basic quality that can limit and does which kinds of bodies are acceptable to reclaim have pride in and even love a cursory google search for love your body brings up a plethora of images of white visibly abled young cisgender straight and or acceptably thin women encouraging other women to love their own bodies from this cursory google search i found one image the now foundation s lyb 2009 contest winning poster designed by lisa champ that shows a variation on the woman clip art symbol with a visible disability this single image now offline was more than i was expecting to find but even with this limited representation there are still problems in how lyb discourse is built for and around abledness not least of which is its leaving out of disabled bodies the complex relationships that many women with disabilities of all kinds have with their bodies are left out as well many of us who have disabilities chronic illness pain or mental health issues actively struggle to love our bodies for a whole host of reasons disabled bodies unhealthy bodies sick bodies like other bodies that deviate from the norm that is white abled cis acceptably thin that liberal feminism so often reinforces instead of dismantling our bodies may be accepted by feminism and other feminists at a surface level but when it gets down to the nitty gritty of what loving non normative bodies actually entails well feminism doesn t know how to deal with that to use a personal example i look like your average youngish white feminist while i m not thin i ve never had a stranger comment on the overall size of my body my eating habits in public or my clothing in the way that people so often comment on the bodies of fat women when i do receive unsolicited advice curiosity or commentary from strangers it is usually about one of three things my pronounced limp my cane or the size of my breasts although those are stories for another post with the exception of my use of a cane i have a body that is able to fit in reasonably well when i m in public take away my cane and i might resemble what an average person might expect a young feminist to look like here too is where i depart from all of the well meaning messages in love your body campaigns my average appearance and weight are the easiest things to accept about my body but my disabilities less so my body itself is in constant pain and is usually fatigued thanks to fibromyalgia i don t like being in pain all the time in fact part of my medical treatment is dedicated to reducing this pain via the use of certain medications on the other hand being in pain has shaped my personality in a variety of ways having fibromyalgia is not empowering in the usual ways that lyb discourse demands of bodily acceptance for women oftentimes fibromyalgia is horrible but having it has also made me a fiercer advocate for equal rights for people with all types of disabilities access to proper pain management for people with chronic pain many of whom suffer from pain on a daily basis and related causes i ve also been experiencing mysterious and severe allergic reactions for over a decade these do not happen every day but when they do they are usually debilitating what qualities are we supposed to love about our bodies anyway i am grateful that after an allergic reaction my face reverts to its normal non puffy look after 12 24 hours mostly because the swelling around my eyes often does not allow me to see very clearly and is also uncomfortably itchy when it happens i appreciate the fact that during a reaction my body tries to get rid of whatever s caused that reaction but this doesn t mean that i have to love sitting on the toilet for hours while my intestines empty and as i become increasingly dehydrated lyb discourse instructs us to to love surface things about our bodies skin limbs stomachs thighs hair freckles the list goes on or what our bodies can do run jump hike exercise dance appear strong again it s a long list many bodies can do all of these things and more but what happens to the bodies that cannot do these things despite having to work around the fibromyalgia to do so i am able to exercise but if i decide to go on a two hour hike on a whim in addition to my carefully planned exercise routine of daily yoga and walking my dog that addition is going to land me in bed for a few days and i ll be in too much pain to move during that time the call to love your body and celebrate your body in those instances rings hollow to me i can t even get out of bed and you want me to sing kumbayah in celebration of my body some days i m in terrible pain even though i didn t do anything to exacerbate my existing pain levels there are a lot of things that my body cannot do because it s in near constant pain but i ll be damned if feminism even comes close to acknowledging that because it never does loving your body at such a surface level is all well and good when you can run and jump and not be bedridden for days afterward but try explaining what chronic pain feels like day in and day out to a healthy love your body supporting feminist and see how fast she screws up her face as if to say why are you telling me this feminism has traditionally been terrible at validating women who have complicated relationships with their own bodies and lyb discourse is merely a pretty pink symptom of feminism s and feminists inability to accept or even barely tolerate any experience of the body that can t be spun into new age type rhetoric having to do with loving oneself against societal odds or triumphing over the odds gender and disability oppression combine into a toxic goop here and the resulting mix can start to resemble the second wave anthem i am woman combined with supercrip during allergic reactions i hate my guts that keep me confined to bed or to the bathroom my ballooning face that begins to horribly resemble the moon in a trip to the moon my lungs that feel like they ve magically shrunken to the size of quarters for no apparent reason very often i hate my fibromyalgia ed muscle fasciae because they make me physically hurt i hate the sensation of fatigue that makes me feel like i have a tremendously heavy coat on in addition to the pain the thing that many feminists do not understand is that these feelings aren t caused by the media by fashion magazines by impossibly thin models and actresses by advertising no not even by big pharma lyb grossly oversimplifies the problem of women s self hatred reducing it to a sort of you just need to try harder pseudo new age self improvement goal that pits women as a group really middle class abled youngish white women against oppressive sexist social and cultural norms advertising and so fourth but it does not teach women to be accepting of sick bodies disabled bodies bodies that don t work perfectly much of it is merely another air thin platitude to which to aspire in order to attain self acceptance lyb discourse has even been corporatized look no further than recent special k cereal ads so bravely proclaiming no fat talk and those insipid dove soap campaigns that are supposedly so body positive for proof such a corporate vision of positive body image only offers body acceptance and self love as goals for a very specific type of body as scholar sarah heiss convincingly argues in this 2011 article from disability studies quarterly it s not so outlandish to ask whose bodies are positioned as worthy of love of self acceptance of peace in lyb discourse if you already look like the young white cis abled average sized woman for whom these messages are designed to appeal body acceptance is probably easier for you than it might be for someone who doesn t fit into one or more of those categories i am not trying to dismiss the body image struggles of women who do fit into those categories often through no fault of their own it s just that like a lot of things in mainstream liberal feminism lyb messages are made to appear i...