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english annas ord blog about contact portfolio english blog about contact portfolio english annas ord anna s words to be 2 4 2016 0 comments feeling confused yet my seminar leader asked no one said a word we just gave her a nervous nod that s good that s what we re here for three weeks of having a module called psychology subjectivity and power has left me further away from knowing myself than i ve ever been before i ve gone from feeling like i m everything to being fully convinced that i m nothing at all i m a construction a brick in a capitalistic puzzle game a result of everyone else or am i who am i and when am i really myself am i myself when i m all alone when no one pays attention to what i do or how i do it when no one has an opinion on me am i myself when i sit in the same seminar ten weeks in a row without saying a word am i myself when i have something to say but feel too scared to let the words out or am i myself when they gush out of my mouth accompanied by dramatic hand gestures am i myself when i m on a stage in front of an audience am i myself when i m with my parents who ve been by my side ever since i took my first breath or am i myself around my friends when we speak openly of sex and unpredictable plans for the future while we shiver from our hangovers and laugh till we cry the other students in my seminar the audience my parents and friends all these people probably wonder the same things and they probably feel as alone about it as i do we re alone together that s a thing i find quite bizarre how we manage to find each other when we can t even find ourselves it hits me how three weeks of psychology has set fire my brain on fire to this extent i had my doubts about this module in the first place as the past year hasn t really been my healthiest mentally then again going through some mental struggles is probably a healthy thing seen from another perspective truth is i was scared scared of what awaited me scared it would trigger those thoughts that from time to time tend to choke me and leave me all the more confused than i already am being scared is probably what i m scared of the most i want to be fearless can i be both can i be both scared and fearless and still be me the worst scenario i can think of is sitting in a job interview and having the following line thrown at me so the interviewer looks down at my cv a piece of paper that while writing it gave given me a writer s block anxiety and bad confidence all at once anna who are you who is anna nor sørensen if you ask me i ll ask you if nothing i m highly extrovert at least according to this personality test i took the other week a hyper social creature who should consider to calm down before everyone has had enough listen up mr interviewer i m super outgoing sometimes i m even the life of the party i uptake quite some space and demand a lot of attention i m very social and make friends easily that s the truth but at the same time a lie there are so many situations in life where i m the complete opposite i m not always outgoing i too can be reserved and enclosed quiet i too can feel uncomfortable in a social setting and leave without knowing anyone new i can feel invisible and small at times i even find myself liking it that way still i m me am i not i hate the fact that we have to fit into one side of a binary or the other we re either kind or evil homosexual or heterosexual boy or girl popular or unpopular talented or untalented succeeding or failing and so on we let ourselves be defined by characteristics and abilities all the time why can t we just be personally i m not one thing or the other i am everything that i am most times that s a lot at times very little other times nothing at all what s important is that i live i exist i am who that is i wouldn t know someday i might figure it out before then i have seven more weeks of psychology which in turn will lead me even further away from an answer 0 comments everything that happens is from now on 11 3 2015 0 comments this one is for you november dear november you ve taught me one of the most important things i know you see i used to hate you when i was younger i hated that you were my birthday month and that i was your child my body was controlled by this constant impatience and though i loved to celebrate everyone else s birthday waiting for my own was unbearable when the big day finally arrived it was fun until midnight no more cake you guys the party was over you were cold dark and annoying that was until the moment i realised that if i was born earlier it wouldn t have been me who was born i ve loved you ever since and still do i love your colours the colours that are more red than my hair my hair which becomes even more red this time of year while my skin becomes more pale and my freckles start to fade the freckles on my upper lip that looks like leftover chocolate never disappear though but i ve grown to like them just like i ve grown to like my pale skin i love your smell the crispy smell of cold asphalt and wet leaves the asphalt i m walking on whether i m on my way somewhere or just walking without a specific destination in mind the leaves that fall from the trees so that we can wade in it now that the ocean is too cold to do so i love that you re cold cold enough to wear scarves but warm enough to still wear a pair of vans cold enough for a hot shower to feel like the meaning of life but warm enough to not freeze to death if you have to wait a five extra minutes for the bus i love your darkness the dark i once was so afraid of i used to be afraid of everything now i m not anymore and find your darkness both mysterious and beautiful it fascinates me how you can go from light to dark by the time i ve gone from chalk farm to old street with the tube and you look the most beautiful when the street lights and the slightly premature christmas decorations light you up i love the expectations you hold the feeling of another year coming towards an end and that you have to make the most of it while you still can that it slowly becomes socially acceptable to play last christmas while sliding around the living room floor wearing home knitted socks thinking you re as talented as george michael if not forever then at least for 4 minutes and 26 seconds i love your sound the sound of raindrops hitting the windowpane alongside justin vernon s voice on the first bon iver record the record you play while drinking your third cup of peppermint tea november i think you re beautiful so beautiful that i had to reach out my arm and feel you on the inside of my palm on your first day and that s what i love the most that you re mine 0 comments terms and conditions 10 26 2015 0 comments isn t it weird how we stumble across people by coincidence people whom you thought you were meant to meet just because everything was good in the fraction of a second how your brain is built in a way that allows you to think about this fraction of a second every single day for a really long time in another fraction of a second you realise that you re accepting accepting that even though you re meant to meet certain people that doesn t necessarily mean they re meant to be present in your life there is however so many ways to be present in your thoughts might be the most present of them all the ability to accept it makes you feel like such an adult suddenly seconds are running away from you and you re not an adult anymore you ve grown old and might be filled with regrets on all the things you accepted as a teenager on your way to adulthood when you didn t know any better but how can you ever really know despite it all life doesn t come with any terms and conditions in a miniature font that nobody ever bothers to read still they press the accept button if it only was that easy 0 comments anna nor sørensen larvik london 19 archives february 2016 november 2015 october 2015 categories all rss feed powered by create your own unique website with customizable 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