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Text of the page (random words):
ything in our power to repair it and bring a child into the secure circle of our approval and love i realize that this is just exactly what you are asking me how to do the reason that i went into some detail about the mental attitudes of mothers is that if we re honest with ourselves we ll recognize that this is where the breech starts and that this is where the repair must begin there are two infallible ways of changing a heart the first is prayer pray all through the day that you can be filled with love and understanding for your child and that she can feel it pray for ideas and thoughts and then act on every positive impulse you mentioned in your letter that she seems to do better with others than with you that s good news in a way because it shows that she can control her behavior admirable for a two year old and that you can focus on your relationship that brings me to my second point do all the tried and true things that strengthen any relationship invest unhurried time play with her and let her lead the play make lots of eye contact and when you look at her think i love you as a grandmother of grandchildren that live far away i usually have only a few days to win over my two year old grandchildren they don t really want me to cuddle and hold them until we ve spent some quality time together i have a big fuzzy bean bag that we toss back and forth for as long as they want there s lots of smiles and eye contact then we read books more close contact we play hide and seek soon we have a nice little bond going you are her primary relationship much of your time is spent of necessity coercing her to do things that she doesn t really want to do this strains your relationship so you have to counterbalance all that coercion with praise approval smiles hugs and meaningful comfortable time together my experience has been that when my children feel really loved by me and when our relationship is solid they begin to want to please me and when i see them doing any little thing making even the tiniest effort to comply or obey i stop everything and look into their eyes and compliment them and thank them and hug them the tide begins to turn finally recognize that this is the child that is going to teach you all the attributes of godliness patience long suffering gentleness charity this is the child that is going to force you to seek help to search ponder and pray you ve been wanting to put more of that into your life right now you have a purpose this is the child that is going to refine and change you this is the child that is going to grow up and remember the many ways that you loved her may the lord bless you in your efforts love jane posted by natalie at 9 08 am 20 comments labels bonding improving behavior nurturing children monday march 28 2011 letters from jane preparing your children for this world dear friends i know i ve dropped off the planet as many of you know i m in school right now finishing the degree i started 30 years ago i haven t been able to decide what to do about this blog one great highlight of my life is checking in and reading your comments and feeling connected to you especially when i hear about your successes in using a loving approach to parenting and being in school really experiencing the attitudes and trends of the world i feel more dedicated than ever to supporting your work right now your work as mothers of small children the basic values that form the foundation of my life a knowledge of the reality of god and of his son jesus christ the family a mother a father and children a clear line between right and wrong all these things are being systematically altered and blurred into unimportance these days you have now with your children are not only precious but more important than they ve ever been they are your chance to establish faith weekly family home evenings and attending church are so good but not enough talk of heavenly father and jesus christ can be woven into all of their days expressions of gratitude prayers over simple problems repentance stories from the scriptures parables and commandments there will come a day in their lives when doubt will be cast upon all the things you re teaching them about the rightness and wrongness of things the origin and meaning of life and the reality of god you are preparing them now while they are so believing and full of faith for that day i know that the academic secular environment of a non religious college campus is extreme and it s been jarring to my sheltered spirit but because i came into it with deep faith in some things that faith has been strengthened by the experience maybe it s the contrast light in darkness or clear truth vs subjective fuzziness but my faith has held up and it gives me hope that all of our children can meet the world in this way i think we ve all grown up hearing about how we re a chosen generation reserved for these times but of this upcoming generation the ones playing at your feet right now i believe it s true their world is something altogether different than mine was or even yours it swirls with technology and ideas and global connectedness isn t it interesting that the ancient truths of the scriptures are still the key to their gaining wisdom and understanding the same gospel that made an anchor to the soul of daniel and nephi and paul and the stripling warriors is available to your children in its fullness it s your mission to infuse and transmit those truths into the fleshy tables of the heart each day don t do it with fear but with faith as the forces for good and evil line up you are on the winning side the powerful eternal truths of god told in your simple words and with your familiar voice are all that is needed in all of your doings every day do this i can t make promises about how often or well i will be able to maintain this blog but i m staying with it because i just think i need the support right now the support of powerful mothers in a shaky world all my love jane if you d like to read more on this topic check out this article posted by natalie at 8 28 am 18 comments tuesday december 7 2010 how to train your dragon wouldn t that be a great alternative name for this blog how to train your dragon the loving approach to discipline if you haven t seen the movie yet go get it it s a lesson in parenting here were these difficult impossible dragons each with its own gifts and challenges but the single perfect way to train each of them was not by coercion or manipulation or brutality it was just all about learning to read them and appreciate them and give them the simple things they needed it was all about mercy and gentleness as soon as those dragons felt perfectly safe they were tame and they were bonded and devoted they became assets instead of liabilities i loved that moment of truth when hiccup came to slay the dragon and then he looked in his eye and felt that connection instead of feelings of power and domination he felt empathy he recognized that the dragon felt just like he did he dropped his sword and treated him as he would like to be treated that was the turning point only then could he slowly over many days win his love and wasn t it interesting how he started out relying on the tried and true dragon book for all his information but he wasn t successful until he threw it away and trusted his instincts and i loved how he stood alone going against the culture of the day caring more about the relationship he had formed than about what outsiders thought of him but gradually as people began to see this new higher way they became believers now i realize it was fiction but it contained a lot of truth so just keep it on hand and pull it out at the end of a long day and remember what kind of parent you really want to be what kind of relationships you really want to have with your children are you willing to eat a few raw fish if that s what it takes to connect have a great day with your own little dragons love jane and another thing that awesome dragon that he tamed was the night fury think about that when you re walking the floor with a teething baby at two am posted by natalie at 10 49 am 9 comments labels bonding letters from jane motherhood nurturing children monday november 29 2010 discouraged by what i m not doing the question dear jane i am in my ward s primary presidency and i have three very active young children ages five three and a new baby my husband works very long hours usually more than 12 a day and travels i am grateful to be able to stay home with our kids and recognize the blessing it is but by the end of the day i m exhausted frustrated and go to bed knowing that i m going to have to do it all over again tomorrow i know my situation is far from unique and that women all over the world do exactly what i m doing everyday probably with much more patience but since i constantly feel emotionally and physically drained i feel like i have no energy for my primary calling i live in a very young ward with a large primary so everyone serving in callings also has young children i want to be dedicated and to care about the children in our ward and to feel a deep concern for their well being but most days i don t even feel like i can offer my all to my own children let alone everyone else s children i m not going to ask for a release from my calling and i feel happy when i m in primary but the rest of the week i rarely think about the children in my ward and things i can do to help them and i feel bad for not wanting to care feeling like i can care do you have any advice sincerely the ornery primary lady the answer dear friend actually i would say that your situation is pretty unique your husband working twelve hour days and travelling besides a new baby and two other little ones no wonder you re feeling overwhelmed in response to your letter i d like to share a little lesson that i recently learned from my daughter natalie it has really helped me and maybe it can be a lesson for all of us natalie has four little boys and another on the way the oldest is five about a month ago i was really worried about her she seemed completely buried tired and discouraged i don t live close to her and because i am finishing my degree right now i wasn t even available by phone our hurried conversations always left me feeling helpless i offered many prayers for her throughout my days at school then one day she shared a new insight she had gained it was so profound she realized that it was humanly impossible to do all that was required of her in a day perfectly she was just one person one tired pregnant person so she stopped and thought about what mattered most to her what gave her the most satisfaction at the end of the day and what disappointed her the most if left undone she realized that what really mattered the most to her were her relationships with the lord with her husband and with her children she decided that those relationships would come first for her she began to make sure that she made time for scripture study she has always studied but now it became a top priority she became more attuned to each of her children if the laundry sat undone it was ok it things weren t perfect they weren t at the end of the day she measured her success by these relationships she was surprised to find that by putting those things first the other tasks usually fell into place as well but inwardly she felt a new peace all of that said i want to encourage you not to give up on your church calling i ve known a lot of people who let their callings go in the name of family comes first and usually they don t experience the relief they hoped for over the years i ve accepted callings and i see them as an opportunity to use my talents in serving the lord as a result my capacities have increased and many of my talents have been developed in ways that are surprising for example i ve learned to organize people plan and carry out activities assess needs and meet them i ve grown musically and learned teaching skills i ve learned a great deal about child development long before i had teen agers i had the opportunity to work with them and understand their challenges it played a part in how i taught my little children when i got home what i chose to emphasize to prepare them for those years i came to understand that magnifying my callings in the church not only brought blessings to our family but expanded me personally of course there is another great benefit as our children watch us give our all to the lord they learn that he is important they learn to be magnifiers themselves i certainly got that message from my mother i ll never forget her years as a stake mia president back then it was a tremendously demanding calling i must have been about 6 or 7 when we spent an entire saturday decorating the church for a centennial ball we transformed a room into an ice cream parlor we hung chandeliers that we had constructed from coat hangers twinkle lights and spray paint all over the gym and more it was so elaborate but i learned that we give our best to the church it s the lord s kingdom on earth i can tell you honestly that my service in the church has never taken away from my family when i start feeling like i don t like a calling i sit down and list all the things i could be doing to magnify it and then i just start doing them little by little before i know it i love my calling and almost every one of my closest friendships have been formed as i ve worked along side people in the church it s the way our hearts are knit together those connections with your presidency teachers and especially the children can bring joy and meaning to your life as you make this sacrifice i hope this reply doesn t seem insensitive i really do know that your life is very demanding but remember that the lord thinks you can do this even with a full plate maybe he wants to stretch you i m grateful that he has steadily believed in me through the years challenged me and accepted my efforts may he bless you with love jane posted by natalie at 4 20 pm 15 comments labels a spiritual perspective encouragement tuesday november 16 2010 a letter from jane a house of order dear readers i know that when you read the title of this letter you ll be hoping for cleaning tips or organization methods i do have some of those but i want to say a word today about something more basic and i d like to start out by issuing you a challenge this challenge is going to sound impossible so you know i wouldn t ask if it weren t important and if i didn t know how much it would bless your life here it is i want you to begin every day with 15 minutes or more of scripture study followed by a really good prayer i m not sure how you re going to do it how you ll need to juggle but i want you to commit to try and it really matters that you do it before everything else here s why it clearly tells the lord that he comes first with you that everything else in your life is built upon this relationship you kno...