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Text of the page (random words):
monsoon in putrajaya monsoon in putrajaya sunday june 30 2013 the end after nearly ten years ati the reader blogspot com is now concluding its final chapter the blog has been a definitive part of my life and i have enjoyed being a part of yours whoever you are in all these writing years if you need to reach out to me i can be contacted at nurhidayatia gmail com we will probably see each other again in one way or another in the physical or virtual world until then here s wishing that you will have the life you always dream of at june 30 2013 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels a mighty collision of two worlds tuesday june 11 2013 stronger than you here is the thing i am the kind of girl who relish in abandoning things i couldn t remember how it started but i didn t set out to be strong i was a doted child the only girl in the family the kind of girl who is always buoyed by the assurance of a slow haven of a flowery swing and then someone came and cut the rope that held me to the sky these days people often commended my calm exterior and always i would laugh a little inside if only you knew i was an angry kid and my blinding rage sometimes made me feel like i could kill myself first i kicked a window until my foot bleeds then i shoved my standing fan from my desk to the ground rendering it useless and pathetically swinging to its death i hit my head against the wall i cried i lost my faith one day in my anger and with tears stinging in my eyes i stood up and started to clean when i was done i was sweaty and breathless but with what feels like an amazingly calm space inside my head i learned then to be strong i need to cut the frills away from my life from a hoarding princess i became a spartan soldier i found with great joy the satisfaction of purging things i don t need i threw away boxes and boxes and boxes of letters i passed along gifts i couldn t and didn t want to use when people find it difficult to stay in my life i didn t stop to wait for them i learned stoicism dived into objectivism i walked so fast sometimes my legs hurt now can you see why i cannot stop and wait for you because i am afraid i am afraid if i stop for even a second i will explode at june 11 2013 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels a mighty collision of two worlds the girl s guide to hunting and fishing friday april 19 2013 letters to a friend when you encounter an unlit road take it and shine jalan sepakat indah 3 april 19 2013 dearest friend i begin my letter with a heavy tug in my heart as opposed to our last correspondence many years ago we are now in different junctions of our lives then i had no idea who you were but your presence was a comforting anchor for my wayward sail today you are no longer in my life i hate to say the word i lost you i don t think you can ever lose a person once they had been in your life when someone important appears in your life it is as good as finding a piece of yourself back and when you lose them it is as good as losing a part of you again i had doubts about writing today but i am reaching the point in my life where i have to try everything because nothing seems to be working do you know what i mean sometimes i feel like i am carrying a hole the size of pennsylvania in my heart it s like an itch that never goes away no matter how hard i scream for god s sake i m fine i feel freaking fabulously fine to myself no matter how euphoric i feel in my moments of happiness i can t help but feeling like i m walking on a glass floor ready to break and suck me into a vortex of dark and barren void do you remember when i said you were my attempt at healing it s unfair i told myself it s unfair for you to put a responsibility so heavy on one person s shoulder and expect them not to crumble it s dangerous concurs a friend but i was at my wit s end people are always telling us to be adventurous to take our chances at happiness whenever possible here s the fine print 1 once you start breaking free you cannot stop no small or diamond studded cage will ever satisfy you you will always be in constant and flighty need to try something to go somewhere to be someone 2 no matter how many chances have you tried and adventurously taken none i repeat none of them guarantees you a happily ever after life is just one big giant mess of randomness you were my random and i am that one flighty bird who broke free from her cage lost and frantically jumping from stone to stone finding my way home you proved my hypothesis true but i am not stopping from walking on and soaring high because i have no choice because i believe it s not our fault because what else can i do but continuing to believe yours truly ati a aziz at april 19 2013 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels how starbucks saved my life the sunday philosophy book club friday april 12 2013 someday this pain will be beautiful our minds are a funny thing the way it hangs on to the most inconsequential memories the minute ones the ones that shouldn t matter how do you trust your own judgement when it has never made the right decision correctness is relative you say perhaps but uncertainties has a way of getting the best of you especially when it never make sense at april 12 2013 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels how starbucks saved my life the girl s guide to hunting and fishing sunday march 17 2013 conversation about god ii i am not an atheist a the ist ey thee ist noun a person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings origin 1565 75 greek áthe os godless ist i believe in god perhaps no longer in a way any organised beliefs would expect me to but i believe in something higher larger and more expansive than life i had doubts of course in moments when i find god cannot explain the unfathomable i find it easier to be a rationalist relying only on what is immediate around me my question at times like these would echo in my head over and over and over again if you truly are omnipotent how could you let all of these happen when i am confronted with the magical impossibility of life and its beauty however i know i could not deny god when i see a cat sunning itself under the happy sun peacefully co existing in my close presence when i find myself in a company of a complete stranger so different from myself in nature and worldviews yet so similar in our hopes and dreams i would find myself saying that s you right there isn t it god looking at us smiling at us do i believe in religion i believe religion is an organised set of beliefs and values systems and nothing more religion is not necessarily interchangeable with faith in the same way one can be religious but not spiritual one can also be spiritual but not religious i believe in indiscriminating god whether we are man woman white black straight gay rich poor muslims christians jews hindu buddhist etc i do not think it is our god given mission to decide which religion sets of faith values personality should triumph another when i am presented with a question are you a believer i said yes and when i was asked then why are you not a muslim christian hindu buddhist i would go back and ask myself but how do you know what to believe in do you believe in something because it s right is something right because you are told it s right or because you are convinced it s right above all others which are wrong how do you know if something is right above all others which are wrong until you have made enough examination to understand the limitations that lead to their imperfection if they said it depends on your faith so i say well my faith is in god then they asked what is your moral guidance i answer to equate irreligous to being immoral is rather simplistic isn t it on the days when i was religious and i met others who are not i ask myself what s stopping them from doing evil what s encouraging them to be compassionate what is it in my religious bearing that they don t have and if we are different in religion why are we the same in our conducts as human being bam it struck me religion rituals are physical social conduct they are what gives you identities labels faith beliefs moral values are inherent and can be manifested in many forms i believe human beings any human beings are inherently good so does it matter if they are muslims christians buddhist jews hindus straight or gay no to me it doesn t matter does it matter to god i don t know i m not exactly in god s place to say so or otherwise am i at march 17 2013 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels a mighty collision of two worlds write out loud wednesday february 6 2013 your map of uncharted shore of potential hence every moment of every day of this year and every year that follows what i want you to map is the uncharted shore of potential the capacity of life to dream wonder imagine create build transform better and love the infusion of the art of living into the heart of every instant of existence umair haque on how to have a year that matters i am afraid i am not good enough there i said it out loud i didn t see it when i wrote about my niggling fear of life and its potential to grow big and monumental or rather i didn t want to see it but as i was sitting in the hall six thousand kilometres away from my home last month next to my good friend who flew all the way from the five degree celsius country witnessing our friend cementing her commitment to love in a ceremony neither of us could understand i thought to myself this is your life and what are you doing about it you see none of this would have happened had we followed what umair haque termed as a smoking trainwreck of a so called life by this i mean us our lives had we devote ourselves to the mere conquests of wedding bands mbas and superkids and not strive to extend beyond ourselves to explore the fullness of human possibility that girl from the countryside of new south wales would never imagine that one day she will find a girl in a hijab stepping into her hallway quietly pronouncing i m moving into this house this was eons ago when my life had felt like it had been explosive now it feels like it fizzles all it s making is a hissing noise of drowning embers i am afraid of affirming my values and beliefs to stay true to who i really am i am afraid i don t have what it takes to be amazing but what i m afraid of the most is every day every step i take will take me closer to my fear and further away from my dreams at february 06 2013 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels notes from walnut tree farm tuesday january 22 2013 evolution of the faith ful there is a growing presence at my door and i keep trying to ignore it it s called life with the passing of a new year which i welcomed with an equal mix of apprehension and ease i can t help but feel a sense of trepidation that something big and monumental is to happen i ve been going through my days guarding closely what is dear and familiar claiming solitude and exception from being among people yet i know from the deepest heart of my hearts this lurking presence with its quiet smile and coaxing spirit will never go away marrianne williamson says it s our light not our darkness that most frightens us as i sit in the corner trying to concentrate in my book tending to my cats running in order to drown the niggling knock knock knock of my subconscious i am beginning to realise this tug of war between light and darkness is going to be around more often going down the road from embracing fully the faith i was born into to charting an entirely new path the prospect is a frightening one nevertheless there are times in life holding on to what you believe in trumps conformity and the choices you make could either make or break you this is one such thing for me at january 22 2013 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels a mighty collision of two worlds older posts home subscribe to posts atom the end after nearly ten years ati the reader blogspot com is now concluding its final chapter the blog has been a definitive part of my life an the end after nearly ten years ati the reader blogspot com is now concluding its final chapter the blog has been a definitive part of my life an conversation about god i even though i may not have realised it earlier i think i gave up on religion a long time ago there is something about assigning truth to delicious ambiguity alexandra levit was right when she was talking about how we might be taking our job for granted meaning is in the eye of beholder blog archive 2013 7 june 2 the end stronger than you april 2 march 1 february 1 january 1 2012 21 december 1 november 5 october 3 august 1 july 2 june 1 march 2 february 3 january 3 2011 41 november 1 october 2 august 6 july 6 june 5 may 6 april 2 march 4 february 4 january 5 2010 2 november 1 october 1 2009 83 december 8 november 2 october 4 september 5 august 10 july 10 june 9 may 5 april 8 march 9 february 7 january 6 2008 47 december 2 november 3 october 11 september 9 august 9 july 3 june 1 may 1 april 3 march 2 february 2 january 1 2007 6 december 1 november 1 october 1 september 1 august 1 july 1 labels 127 hours 18 months in australia series a mighty collision of two worlds hot broke messes how to have your latte and drink it too how starbucks saved my life notes from walnut tree farm published articles so many books so little time the girl s guide to hunting and fishing the sunday philosophy book club what i didn t learn in business school write out loud report abuse home search this blog simple theme powered by blogger