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atomic raygun atomic raygun vivian oblivion site feed www flick r com 25 november 2013 got okay from hospice to go ahead with plan to stop eating and drinking wish me well i have to go some way and i don t have control over anything else posted by 10 17 pm 13 comments 12 november 2013 i broke out kisses the ground can t stand never being alone hate authority i liked the pt a lot but unfortunately the way the facility was run made things unscheduled with no inclusion of me in any info loop ideally i would ve had pt first thing then ot later but the ot kept appearing and sucking up my energy which has a rise and fall i can predict daily and making me miss pt which then got put off until some later time when my energy and abilities were very low no schedule ridiculous my idea was to work very hard at pt to gain as much strength as possible then do ot later in the day to work on core strength the pt man i mostly had as well as one ot man thought that was fine but the female ot did as she pleased no schedule meant someone could turn up any time when i was wanting to go to the toilet say or doing jin shin or feeling terrible every afternoon my weakness hot feeling increases no schedule i still can t believe it i beat on them at first and got a few days with pt at 8 before the ot screwed it up i got fed up and wanted to leave saturday but they couldn t discharge me properly until today in my view they helped me gain strength but now i need to be able to get up when i want to little by little i had 18 days of being stuck barely allowed to move so i need to take it slowly i hired a kim to come in for two hours and my generous pal lucia the poet is sending one of her caregivers for two hours a day i had awesome friends pick me up today con and mr monster did so much i can t even list sj paid a surprise visit while jim not only loaded unloaded me into the car and got me safely onto the bed but brought countless thoughtful items and actually went back to the facility to get a forgotten bag then came all the way back berdie is going to come out and do jin shin on me as frank is away she came twice to the facility but i never dreamt she d come here it s huge to me that i m out i see exactly the nightmare i wish to avoid plus great stress from never being alone totally under their control and sharing a room with a 90 year old woman who seemed to have given up the struggle i often wonder what it must be like to have a life as these stupid neuro things began with an injury 25 years ago ah well posted by 12 04 am 1 comments 05 november 2013 having a difficult time in my worst nightmare being supported by lucia jim tiff con dave working very hard to gain strength out of tamoxifen half life pretending i m in prison hot atmosphere makes me super weak want to go home can t believe people who only have one disease are bothered would be nice to just have two bah posted by 9 34 pm 2 comments chris sez will bring a file if still called for i fly into seattle land at 1320 so probably 330 4pm by the time i get to you depending on where you are at that point address of the prison as a back up would be helpful and if you are still there and thinking of letting you out though i doubt it would be on good behavior i can drive you home if that tips the balance keep fighting eh posted by 9 23 pm 0 comments 19 october 2013 my life has reached a weird but absurdly funny plateau that in my trusting moments i can enjoy a bit but which mostly would seem awful looked at from outside my willmaking activities have run off the rails and i m having to begin from scratch i have found a nice notary but that s it so far my doctor letter is sitting in my mailbox this past week but eventually i ll get it yesterday i got stuck being unable to move on the bed with the lights out which sucked after a while i could get up though the weakness is x 100 when my core temperature is just a bit raised which i m countering with icy seltzer ice fruit bars ibuprofen keeping the house icy cold and medical mj if i get cold i m more spastic and can t move my arms so the medical mj helps with that it isn t that i don t feel cold it s like slow torture having to be cold forever but better cold than weak it s also like a very touchy and difficult mechanism which is akin to defusing a bomb every day it s very neat to defuse it and the task is always absorbing but it sucks when it goes awry swmnbmimb told me i am her role model for kindness which i find crazy as i don t find myself particularly kind and i don t think i m generous although i try i knew i had cancer a while ago as i suddenly saw the same red rimmed eyes that my mum had when she had it i look worse and worse these days which is comical comical to me anyway posted by 10 31 am 4 comments 13 october 2013 on thursday morn i was idly thinking about my cwazee life and wondering what in the hell it could be good for assuming one believes in reincarnation the word preparation popped into my head unbidden so perhaps it s that reincarnation has always seemed a bit too much like wishful thinking to me however it suits me to believe in its possibility right now although through my own experiences i know there are more things than are usually given credence i don t know exactly what all those things are however i ll take them posted by 2 28 pm 1 comments although i ve had a medical marijuana prescription for some time i ve only started using it on a daily basis for a few days as i nibbled an edible and felt my temperature go down that s huge to me as i ve been struggling with low grade fever for a year fever makes me hella weak heretofore my ways of coping were cold seltzer ice bars and ibuprofen ibuprofen hurts my liver and is no longer effective anyway i wasn t sure my thoughts were correct so looked it up online and yes it reduces fever clinically cannabis appears to actually lower temperature and a couple of patients have described a sense of cold with transient shivering the question could be answered readily by comparing temperatures of persons who have thc metabolites in their urine and people who don t if there turns out to be a significantly lower temperature in the cannabis using population one might posit a slower metabolic rate which over time might have implications for longevity temperature has a significant effect on metabolic rate we have to understand the mechanism of hypothermogenesis http www calgarycmmc com fever htm 730296679 i first really thought about it consciously last thursday when i took a nibble as i thought less spasticity would perhaps help me hold urine as i was weak and knew i d never be able to hold it until i was strong enough to get up i was surprised when i was later able to get up 2 5 hours earlier than i d expected at 7 45 posted by 1 24 pm 1 comments 11 october 2013 wow i had the variety visits this week mon tiff and frank tues enjah wed enjah and justin thurs enjah and frank fri frank i had a blast with everyone even if i couldn t move a lot of the time enjah read my tarot cards too which was neat i was happy basking in the warmth of enjah s clarity and intelligence she was more in her power than i d seen her before and i loved it posted by 11 14 pm 0 comments 09 october 2013 enjah posted by 11 35 pm 0 comments on monday frank came then tiff visited which was a lot for me but wonderful yesterday i had a fabulous visitor enjah came and the first thing i did was start crying i m barely understandable now anyway but sobbing and laughing interspersed with noises was my way of greeting my friend kim had been there earlier so i had hadan exhausting day today i had two visitors enjah and justin and it was delightful i was a blob but they both were so capable and smart and loving that it was ok justin brought homemade cookies and a cafe jack mug and enjah cooked delicious lamb stew greens and had previously feed us sandwiches and merlot i have one last day with enjah before she wings her way back to texas and i very much appreciate her visit lately i am unable to move from roughly 3 or 4 until about 10 i seem to ve stair stepped down recently thinking about the day at the surgeon s a couple of months ago how i knicked myself then bled like a stuck pig and how i was told it d spread but they couldn t know how far without further procedures which i was unwilling to do i wonder if has migrated to bone marrow it s fine whatever i feel awful and have no strength for anything much it was a triumph today that i managed to last until 9 45 then get to the toilet before anything untoward happened my life has shrunk to such a level but haha posted by 11 34 pm 0 comments site feed vivian oblivion oblivionstore firemist red combat cards blip tv rocks so many things to do so little motivation backpacking burro salazar jack lucy sits up and blogs tina s universum nova albion detective agency playing statues yarn miracle baedeker don carson creative flummer flummel flummo elle coyote painting soul upload video and images putfile artists union tempietto 2002 10 2002 11 2002 12 2003 01 2003 03 2003 04 2003 05 2003 06 2003 07 2003 08 2003 09 2003 10 2003 11 2003 12 2004 01 2004 02 2004 03 2004 04 2004 05 2004 06 2004 07 2004 08 2004 09 2004 10 2004 11 2004 12 2005 01 2005 02 2005 03 2005 04 2005 05 2005 06 2005 07 2005 08 2005 09 2005 10 2005 11 2005 12 2006 01 2006 02 2006 03 2006 04 2006 05 2006 06 2006 07 2006 08 2006 09 2006 10 2006 11 2006 12 2007 01 2007 02 2007 03 2007 04 2007 05 2007 06 2007 07 2007 08 2007 09 2007 10 2007 11 2007 12 2008 01 2008 02 2008 03 2008 04 2008 05 2008 06 2008 07 2008 08 2008 09 2008 10 2008 11 2008 12 2009 01 2009 02 2009 03 2009 04 2009 05 2009 06 2009 07 2009 08 2009 09 2009 10 2009 11 2009 12 2010 01 2010 02 2010 03 2010 04 2010 05 2010 06 2010 07 2010 08 2010 09 2010 10 2010 11 2010 12 2011 01 2011 02 2011 03 2011 04 2011 05 2011 06 2011 07 2011 08 2011 09 2011 10 2011 11 2011 12 2012 01 2012 02 2012 03 2012 04 2012 05 2012 06 2012 07 2012 08 2012 09 2012 10 2012 11 2012 12 2013 01 2013 02 2013 03 2013 04 2013 05 2013 06 2013 07 2013 08 2013 09 2013 10 2013 11 i want to ask for thoughts about improving the world what do people need how can things be organised