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d him terribly in the past and not once has he ever admonished me for it instead here he lies with his hand stretched out reaching for me vulnerable once again and for the first time in the history of our multifaceted relationship so am i last night i was trying to watch tv and he wouldn t stop bothering me leaving a trail of loud smacking wet kisses up my neck he makes gnawing and growling noises and chews on whatever limb he can get to he s always staring at me asking me what i want and sometimes when we re having sex he tries to talk dirty but for some reason it just doesn t work coming out of his mouth the word pussy could just as easily be something as mundane as potholder he wears the most ridiculous clothing and he talks about his job incessantly all of that crap would ve been a deal breaker for me a few years ago now i talk to him about the things that i can t live with like the chewing and the clothing and i let the rest go accept it with the good i sleep in his arms and i let him spend time with my kid who thinks he s the best thing since sliced bread i hold his hand when we walk down the street and i sing in the shower even though i know he s listening in the next room he lets me be exactly who i am he makes me happy i scoot closer to him wanting to get warm again and his lids start to flutter he opens one blue eye and smiles good morning beautiful he says pulling me to his side good morning have you been awake long for a little while i say winding one leg through his what have you been doing over there so quietly i smile watching you sleep hmm i m sure that was interesting more like enlightening how so i don t answer him because i m not quite ready to yet but i feel it happening like puzzle pieces sliding into place so very different than all the instantaneous flash and burn of previous relationships but exactly right scary and comfortable all at once he continues to stare waiting on an answer i think he knows how i feel he can be very intuitive but he s also still a man i m not going to rush this one and until i m completely ready to say the words until that last piece falls into place i ll keep quiet well he says one eyebrow up come here i pull him on top of me and wrap my legs around his waist he growls and nips at my neck are you trying to distract me with your pu potholder i say loudly making him jump i start laughing and though he looks extremely confused so does he maybe he ll figure it out while i m sleeping posted by alyson 9 marriage propos cough comments labels boyfriend huh domesticated he loves me he loves me not i wrote this before the breakup i n d e p e n d e n t do you know what that means past relationships sexy time turns out he was married tuesday february 19 2013 reading and great expectations this is a continuation of my posts about my trip to england last may left it rather late i know but better late than never eh the bus ride from heathrow to reading station is just long enough to catch my breath i feel as though i ve spent a lifetime walking through terminals and it s wonderful to see something other than the inside of an airport fields of yellow flowers whiz by and i m immediately enchanted even after nathan mentions they re called rape we ve kept up a steady stream of conversation only briefly touching on our mutual favorite subject of porn websites and quite before i realize it s coming we re off a roundabout and speeding through town i m slightly terrified at how fast everyone goes through these narrow streets buildings stand tall on either side cheek by jowl and it feels as though we ll go careening into them at any minute but of course we arrive safely and begin dragging my luggage away nathan is quite the gentleman and takes my giant suitcase leaving me with purse and duffle bag freeing me up to stare in openmouthed fascination at the new surroundings my sperrys are pinching my feet and the day is quite grey but i could care less i m in complete awe head swiveling back and forth trying to take in everything at once striding amongst these beautiful buildings hearing the traffic noises watching these people go about their business its sensory overload it isn t a long walk and soon we re struggling up the stairs to the flat i m given the tour shown the spare room and bathroom and sit across from nathan content to chat for awhile the front room is very tall with giant windows overlooking the street it s cozy and unassuming modern and definitely a reflection of its inhabitants overflowing music shelves are in the corner and a lovely contemporary looking light fixture hangs nearby all around i m catching glimpses of their life that up until this point i d only read about like their little wooden replicas on the mantel and the new couch it feels like i ve stepped into a parallel universe from the pages of mr london street to actual london street we ve left today open not knowing what i would be up for after hours and hours of travel to my surprise a nap is the furthest thing from my mind i ve got loads of energy and i head off for a quick shower ready to go out and explore i gather some clothes and my shower bag make my way to the guest bathroom and stand staring at the tub my quick peek during the earlier tour obviously hadn t registered because now that i m giving it my full attention i m a little confused there isn t a shower exactly but a detachable head and hose sitting on a stand atop the cold and hot taps there isn t a curtain to stop the spray from getting all over the room and i m wondering if this is what european showers are like do they all sit in tubs and hold the hose over their heads do they stand so that when they spray themselves the water goes toward the wall behind the tub and not toward the door i could go out and ask nathan but i d really rather not it s much too early in my trip to be this confused and about something like a shower instead i decide to leave my hair dry and my makeup intact which would take me the better part of two hours to redo anyway and just wash my body i strip down turn on the taps and spend the next few minutes twisting around the tub like an eel sometimes kneeling sometimes sitting and once attempting to stand which doesn t work at all i do manage to get clean but i m doubtful about how well this is going to work out for an entire week we ve got all afternoon to pass waiting on kelly to get off work and we don t waste a minute we wander through town without the burden of luggage and i get a proper look there wasn t much about reading on a tourism front when i did research for this trip and i can t help thinking how wrong that is there s an interesting mix of historic and modern with a few odd fixtures like the oscar wilde shaped gate thrown in a brief pop in a church a peek through the closed gates of the abbey ruins and a glance around forbury gardens with the giant lion statue in the center have me wishing i d brought my camera along i realize that i ve been throwing in the occasional skip and attribute 75 of this unusual movement to excitement 25 to keeping up with nathan s long legged gait we eat lunch at a tiny table under an awning at pret a manger watching the steady stream of foot traffic nathan is a lovely tour guide though he has a tendency to keep apologizing for his town that i don t quite understand knowing how much he loves it i m a bit in love with the place myself the architecture and the river views the quiet pockets of park and bench the long cobbled streets the statues and gargoyles my little corner of the world is so far removed from anything like this that even the everyday shops and cafes are exciting we end the afternoon in a pub called the alehouse or hobgoblin as it was once known it s my first pub experience my first taste of cider and perry and i m immediately hooked we take our drinks to a cubby round back and settle in scarred wooden walls rise up on either side leaving a small opening to get in and out the tiny table and benches are charmingly battered the walls covered with residue from old beer mats used as decorations it s the perfect place to have a drink and unwind the perfect place to meet nathan s famous other half i m relaxed and slightly buzzed when kelly appears but no less eager to meet her she is everything i expected and then some energetic and warm beautiful and funny we ve become friends on our own terms already and it s a different dynamic than nathan and me our friendship is i think very much a girl thing when i ve had enough drinks to be brave i tell them about my embarrassing shower experience kelly looks at nathan in reproach asking if he didn t explain that i was meant to use the ensuite i laugh at their exchange i can t help it they are everything i expected and nothing at all i feel a little like a scientist connecting and comparing letters and words to faces kelly has the poker face of the two a trait i expected to belong to nathan he has a countless number of facial expressions one for every situation i suspect and he is much less intimidating in person i ve no idea what they see when they look at me but i don t waste time dwelling on it i m in a bubble made of perry and excitement sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for what s next my experiment so far is going well and as i follow them out into the evening on our way to dinner i know it s only going to get better but there s still a sense of unreality to it all i feel like dorothy only i m clicking my heels together asking to stay a little longer to see a little more ten days is simply not enough and i wonder if when i go home anything ever will be again posted by alyson 3 marriage propos cough comments labels blogger meetings england reading traveling monday february 04 2013 crappy updates are better than nothing i received a comment recently that contained some rather shocking information it s been 8 months since you posted son of a bitch really i haven t forgotten about this blog or any of you i swear i want to write again the way that i used to but i ll be honest i don t know when that will be maybe if i bring you up to speed you ll at least understand why i ve stayed away so long and why my involvement here will be limited for the foreseeable future let s see when last you heard from me i was relaying the story of my england trip i regrettably never finished telling that story but it s on my to do list suffice it to say it was wonderful and so were all the people i met it was a blogger s meeting on steroids philip sharon kelly nathan and some guy at a pub in kent that was happy to randomly be introduced to the sex blogger i had no idea i was known as such even by one person but hey the important thing is that he seemed pleased after i returned from england i spent the summer preparing for college getting all the stupid paperwork together and drinking a shit ton of booze because obviously there would be no time for that come august at the end of july i started a new job in a completely new field that i had technically no experience in but they offered me nearly double what i was already making so i said fuck yes and turned in my stilettos for steel toed boots i don t actually do physical labor but i work in a building out in the middle of hundreds of men that do physical labor which by the way is a blessing and a curse it s like one of those wading pits of plastic balls men are everywhere smothering you smelling weird and alternately making you want to dive in or go wash you body with clorox in october i moved out of my mother s house some of my long term readers will know that this is a huge deal for me after 8 years of absolutely no privacy and constant bitching i m enjoying my peace and quiet more than previously imagined i ve had a great few months of decorating and arranging sitting on my new couch and watching what i want throwing dinner parties and walking around in my underwear but the best part is i can masturbate without any interruptions actually i may have overdone it the first month i now probably own more sex toys than is strictly legal but in my defense if you were dying of thirst in the desert and suddenly got rescued wouldn t you drink water until it was squirting out of every orifice yes it was like that the same month i started seeing someone and cue drum roll i m still seeing him he s someone that i used to date on and off a long time ago and now i m all mature and shit so i can handle the serious relationship that he s always wanted and i ve always been deathly afraid of he s sitting on the other end of the couch now watching the super bowl and occasionally looking at me like what are you doing why aren t we banging right now he likes me a lot not just my vagina and i like him too it could be a serious thing we ll see and he did manage to change my mind about oral sex i ve decided that i do like it and michael bolton can go straight to hell right now i m in my second semester at a technical college working on enough credits to transfer to one of the larger institutions here that offers an mfa program in creative writing i completely abandoned my original plan of going to school to get a degree that was going to make me some money and do what i really wanted it s terrifying and i hope i don t regret it last semester i only took two classes but i quickly realized that i would be there forever if i kept going at that rate so i m currently working 10 12 hours a day then going to class monday through thursday from 6 9 for a total of four classes one of those classes is public speaking and it sucks a giant donkey dick as a matter of fact my boyfriend how fucking weird is that thinks i m writing my first speech right now i should be but i miss this well not this exactly this isn t a post this is an update but still you know what i mean you re all a bunch of fuckers because you don t have to stay awake for 17 hours a day stand up and speak in front of 18 year old recent high school graduates that hate everything and fight with your mother over why she can t have a key to your house but i love you anyway and i miss you and one day one day i ll come back and write something amazing and you ll say ah there she is i do answer emails so if you want to keep in touch on a more regular basis send me one i ll reply and it might be more interesting than what you ve just read now you ll have to excuse me the super bowl is apparently no longer that interesting and it s my turn to hail mary posted by alyson 13 marriage propos cough comments labels blog stuff i have a house bitches i miss you guys i m having a shit ton of sex masturbation public speaking school sucks but it doesn t updates wednesday may 16 2012 arrivals every now and then through the fog of sleepiness and in flight movies i remember what i m doing it catches me off guard and i can suddenly hear my heart pounding loudly feel a thin sheen of sweat coat my hands holy fuck i think i m going to england i m not really nervous about meeting these people bec...