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when this blog is updated email what is this blogger friends akelamalu cathy d2 dan denise ellie evening it barman lady banana mike pauline photo corner friendship badge given by mrs nesbitt letter to a young girl laney chanllenged me assuming it was possible to send letters back in time to write a letter to myself aged 13 so here goes dear stupid no scratch that i haven t been stupid yet that is still to come maybe i should warn myself about my first big mistake i was to make in my life 3 years later as i sit here debating how the hell to tell a strong headed teenager what she shouldn t do at the age of sixteen i am wondering if i would even listen what teenager likes to be told what to do dear ali i have to warn you what a waste of space the guy you are going to get mixed up with is he is one of the biggest a holes anyone could have the misfortune to meet sure he ll sweet talk you til he s got you hooked then he ll show his true selfish colours he has no clue as to the meaning of love despite what he will tell you and now see here s my problem this was the first guy that i had a physical relationship with after only a short period of time i was pregnant and he was gone he came back which was never great and lasted for about a year but he mistreated me and was physically violent to my baby in that short time you might be asking where my problem is in warning myself to steer clear of him without him i wouldn t have my son and i wouldn t change him for all the tea in china and believe me i have a real tea addiction so i can t write to myself and warn me off him can i so what would i write to myself dear ali the world is a huge place it is filled with people from all walks of life some you will not care to be around and some will pretend to care and stab you in the back some will touch your life for a short period but leave a lasting memory others although few and far between will be true friends these are the people you should treasure take time don t be in a hurry to greet the next day you may not like what it has to offer instead make the most of today of every minute be sure to tell those you love how you feel and do it often they won t all be around for as long as you might think they will always look forward it is the only road to be travelled the past is just that and no amount of pondering and regret can change it but you can shape the future by your actions and deeds learn quickly to forgive those closest to you and remember their actions although painful sometimes will not have been done to hurt you i ll leave you with the only advice you need and wish you good luck live love laugh at 10 20 pm 16 people paused for thought listening my eyes opened it was 07 45 for the first time in i can t remember how long i slept right through the night not once did i get up to use the bathroom not once did i awake and wander in the half light down the stairs to the kitchen in search of a drink of some description to quell the humungous thirst i had as i lay there eyes wide open i listened intently trying to force myself to summons the will to get out of my warm cosy safe bed i continued to listen i heard nothing i wondered if anyone else was up but guessed as it was bank holiday they would still be asleep g certainly was his body moving rhythmically to the tune of restful sleep i listened some more i coaxed myself into a sitting position legs dangling over the edge of the bed not wanting to put them on the floor in case i made a noise i listened eventually i stood up and made my way ever so quietly to the door i paused i listened i looked at g fast asleep slowly quietly i pushed down on the handle of the bedroom door and gently silently opened it still listening i stepped onto the landing floor boards creaking frozen in that moment of time i held my breath so i could hear better i don t know how many seconds i stood frozen to that spot it seemed like such a long time when i finally exhaled i crossed the landing into the bathroom to answer mornings call of nature as quietly as i could if only i had the pelvic floor muscles of a 20 year old i might have been even more successful knowing my next task once i had left the bathroom was to go downstairs and put the kettle on i paused once more ears straining but detecting nothing deep breath there was nothing for it i had to go down there so i stood up flushed the toilet and dropped the lid very loudly having washed my hands with the hot tap having caused the boiler in the kitchen to kick in i noisely opened the bathroom door stomped heavily across the landing and stopped at the top of the stairs i listened looking back down the landing i realised my younger daughters door was slightly open and daylight was visible inside meaning the curtains were open then i remembered she was at work even on a bank holiday she had gone in for 7am i breathed i relaxed i stopped listening and went downstairs pausing momentarily at the bottom i stopped outside the kitchens closed door i didn t want to open it i was afraid of what was on the other side i changed my mind and went into the dining room first making my way to the patio doors and peering very gingerly between the join in the curtains everything looked normal the day seemed unperturbed by the night which had preceeded it satisfied with this i returned to the kitchen door passing the dining room table which was strewn with piles of paperwork on my way i took a deep breath and opened it normality i have never in my life been so friggin pleased to see normality you see this is monday morning and it s normal yesterday morning however was another story i had awoken several times during saturday night and at 03 30 i had sleepily wandered downstairs with nothing but the streetlights and my bare feet to guide the way in need of liquid refreshment i had done this again at 05 30 my sleep patterns are pretty much like this nowadays but a drink and back to bed usually sees me off to sleep again a 05 30 i wandered down the stairs although it was daylight by now i was still half asleep as i had passed the dining room i noticed a small pile of paperwork sitting on my chair which had been in front of the computer wondering what g had been searching for when he came in at 01 30 that morning i dismissed it as i turned back towards the kitchen i also noticed that the filiing trays in my desk were empty completely bare one tray held the last 2 3 years worth of family history one held all my bank statements direct debit info and other financial information and the third tray had various paperwork which i couldn t begin to remember still confused and slightly puzzled as to why he would move it all i decided after a lads night out there is no telling as i walked to the kitchen door there was a lovely fresh breeze blowing through temporarily i was again confused i knew i had locked up last thing before going to bed and i couldn t begin to imagine who was up so early and needing to go outside as i walked to the back door to have a look i noticed through the walk in cupboards slightly ajar door that the window was open we never ever open this window it s old wired glass and crittle framed and wasn t replaced when we did the double glazing due to the extension plans suddenly the penny dropped we d had a break in i went stone cold and froze to the spot what the shit i went back to the dining room and the only possession that had been taken was my handbag everything else appeared to be paperwork that felt very personal like we had been specifically targeted from then on the day was hectic police crime reports and soco dusting for fingerprints banks to call to cancel credit cards and debit cards store cards to cancel other numbers to cancel the cheque book yet another department to attempt to get our online log in details altered for the banks a visit to friends to beg a cash loan as we now had no means of purchasing a thing and no means of drawing cash until our cards are replaced it was just non stop by the time i allowed myself to rest in the late afternoon the days effects had already taken a serious toll on my me and i still had the night to face at 11 42 pm 7 people paused for thought husband meme i stole this from laney who in turned took it from akelamalu how long did you date we dated for 16 months and had a baby before we moved in together and we married 6 months later how old is he he s 46 5 years older than me which i always thought would have been great as we would retire in the same month of the same year then the government said women had to work til 65 and that put paid to that bloody politics who eats more err if i had to pick one it would be him but i would be a very close second who said i love you first i really can t remember but i think it was him who is taller he is by about 5 which is just right who sings better he does my singing is best reserved for the car when i m on my own and even then the radio has to be loud enough to drown me out who is smarter he is without a doubt whose temper is worse mine neither of us are particularly short tempered but he is far more easy going than i am who does the laundry i used to but since becoming ill he does ours and the girls do their own who does the dishes he does always has i used to cook and he would clear away who sleeps on the right side of the bed now see i m not sure if this is the right side as you stand at the foot looking at the bed or the right side from a laying in bed position if it s the latter then i do who pays the bills everything concerned with money in our house is paid from the only account we have we ve never gone in for his and hers when it comes to the finances who cooks dinner as before i used to but now he does that too who drives when you are together this one s easy not only have we always shared finances we have always shared the driving 50 50 he drives there and i drive home who is more stubborn me definitely who asked who out first he asked me but we had known each other for some time and those of you who have visited for a long time will have read about us getting together in two of my memory monday posts if you missed them you can see them here and here who kissed who first he kissed me who is the first to admit when they are wrong i am my stubborness doesn t stretch to not admitting when i m wrong whose parents do you see the most we have only mothers living and we each see our own the most who proposed he did who is more sensitive i am i always go out of my way to make sure everyone around me is happy who has more friends he does who has more siblings he was an only child i have a brother and 2 sisters who wears the pants in the family he does but only cos i let him lol at 1 36 am 8 people paused for thought college exam well we have reached the last stage of the as photography course the exam question i have decided to do the question on portrait god only knows why it is probably my weakest area in photography actually i do know why prior to seeing the exam question i had booked the studio and arranged with my neice to shoot her in several of her dance outfits as a padding to the first unit of work we completed having discussed ideas with her and worked out a time scale for costume changes etc i knew there would be enough to enter as a whole unit so when the portrait question came up on the exam paper i was chuffed at college the tutor will always help you set up the studio lights backdrop etc and make sure you take the light meter reading correctly and accurately transfer it to your camera on the night in question my tutor put on one softbox and took a light reading do i not need a second softbox on a lower setting on the other side of the model i asked no one will be fine we ve taken the light reading and the aperture will control how much light enters the camera he said me thinking this was strange but heck he s the tutor asked should i use a reflector on the other side to bounce some light back in then you can do if you like was his reply my brain is working overtime how the hell will light from one side only be enough sure you can do it with a model who sits and poses but for a dancer moving jumping twirling i decided not to go with my instincts and trust the tutor i shot for almost 3 hours with my neice doing costume changes quicker than superman in his telephone box and we managed to use 6 different ones the poses leaps twirls and smiles were awesome and on the back of the camera they looked great 284 photos later i set off home it was nearly 10pm by the time i got in and the nights shoot had taken it s toll but i was desperate to see the images on screen so i shoved my card in the slot and downloaded them all shite should have gone with my own instincts the shots were all really dark on one side well when i say dark i mean just about black the only shots that really worked were the last costume she wore which goes by the name of zombie for this outfit i had decided that i would turn the modelling light down low and use a really bright torch stood on the floor to illuminate her face in a ghostly glow the ones i took without the torch and with the studio light turned up worked quite well too because the lighting was what i had planned downhearted but not yet beaten i booked the studio for two days later and we went back on the thursday afternoon and did it all again because this was not my tutorage time i had to set the studio up on my own but for that i was actually grateful one softbox on full power to the left one softbox on half power to the right and another light with barn doors to illuminate the background perfect 200 shots and almost everyone totally adorable this is one of the zombie photos from the first shoot it is so hard to pick a favourite from the second shoot as there are so many really lovely shots but i think this is right up there it captures the movement i was striving for beautifully and i took it at exactly the right moment to catch her arms and her leg in the perfect position the fact that she is so photogenic helps of course ok so if you all club together you could buy me a studio for christmas and i could do this for a living what do you reckon at 10 07 am 9 people paused for thought labels photos woodland another part of my environment unit i wanted to do some woodland photography and decided to visit a large wood quite near me as a child i lived opposite this wood and spent hour after hour roaming romping playing and generally hanging out in this wood i always loved to be there carpets of bluebells in the spring with nearly as many primrose hills and hollows to explore and a myriad of interconnecting winding mud paths not that we always stuck to those not even the smaller ones there were a few areas that weren t open to the public retained for mod training but on the whole we were free to wander many a weekend and holiday mum would pack us up a lunch and me and my sister would go on an adventure usually ending up in our favourite ...