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doorbell without masks i m generally happy to see another human but i wish they wouldn t come to my door without a mask it s a little too close for comfort in any case i didn t want any interruptions while i was on my first ever virtual doctor visit as it turned out there was something wrong with the connection so we hung up and he called me the old fashioned way some offices were conducting virtual exams before the corona virus it was already the wave of the future and covid rushed it up a little i like it it s nice not to have to maneuver the maze that is my rheumatologist s parking tower up one elevator down another and then up again crazy design now that i m so old my gp doesn t examine me anyway unless i have a problem and then she orders tests typically we talk she asks questions i ask questions i m perfectly happy to do that on screen if you have read this far i thank you i know this is boring i feel fatally bored today therefore i m boring someone please tell me what you re doing to avoid succumbing to ennui i m in a state of despair share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x like loading posted in covid virtual medical care the boredom of isolation uncategorized 2 replies politics on facebook featured posted on march 29 2016 by backonmyown 14 every day i observe political postings on facebook i think that s okay i don t mind seeing people promoting the candidates they like i do it too perhaps too often my theory though is that anyone who doesn t care for what i post can block me or block a particular group that i m prone to posting fairly regularly i block occasionally i have done so a few times recently sometimes i delete the dissenting comment and carry on my opinion is just that an opinion please know that i have done a great deal of research before deciding whom i m supporting when i first signed on to facebook i gleefully jumped into the fray believing that surely the person who posted was longing for my thoughts on the matter it took me longer than it should have to realize the poster probably didn t want opposing comments i learned much more quickly that i didn t want them that begs the question why post political propaganda if no response is required i ve thought about this a great deal during our never ending political season i believe it is human nature to want to voice our choice for a given political office it feels that way to me and i m obviously not alone it s probably also natural to want to express our views on the candidates we oppose but maybe we should do that in our own space i m still trying to figure out fb etiquette as far as i know there s no guide to help me on my way that means i am left trying to do unto others as i would like them to do unto me i m not always successful but i try i dislike giving space on my site to dissenting views i m a democrat and i m voting for hillary clinton i neither want nor need anyone to tell me i m nuts for doing so and i m assuming they don t want me to write in their space that i think they re crazy for voting for one of those bloviating loose cannons running on the republican ticket one more thing if either of the two gop front runners should be elected the us and indeed the rest of the world will be in deep doo doo that s my opinion note this is a blog post not a facebook post dissent if you wish share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x like loading posted in politics tagged dangerous candidates facebook gop ticket hillary clinton opinion politics 14 replies funerals are for the living or are they posted on august 14 2026 by backonmyown 1 funerals are for the living i ve heard this expression many times for the most part i have accepted it as truth but what happens when family and friends do not have the opportunity to say goodbye via a funeral or an honorary service since my sister s death i ve had mixed feelings that i didn t expect to have let me explain i was not her next of kin i had no say about whether there would be a service whether there would be a burial or a cremation none of the needed decisions were mine and i truly was okay with that i admit i was happy not to have to participate in the planning i was glad that the younger generation was willing and able to take control so everything should be fine right one would think but it isn t after my sister died i checked the obituary sections of the local newspaper and the paper in our original home town nothing i felt empty lost sad i m trying to understand why here s what i think holy cow it has been almost 10 years since i wrote the words above and once again here s what i think my generation learned that when someone died their next of kin would arrange a funeral for the deceased there had to be a proper funeral in a church after the church service everyone got in their cars and followed the hearse to the cemetery for another short hopefully sermon all drivers following the hearse must turn on their headlights so that other drivers on the road would know not to join the parade i was six then seven when my maternal grandparents died and can remember the entire show the mournful music the car headlights my mom crying the next of kin was responsible for paying funeral expenses or making arrangements for family members to chip in and pay up that s a big ask most of our county population in the 1940 s and 50 s consisted of farmers these folks were not wealthy they often struggled to pay the bills and feed the children some were fortunate enough to afford burial insurance so back to my sweet sister i m still glad that her children took care of everything but i wish they had informed the rest of us what their plans were when asked they said they were not having a funeral that s the only information we got if they had any kind of gathering we were neither notified nor invited that s fine their choice however our two younger sisters and i felt unhinged and unsettled that we had not given her a proper goodbye we discussed our dilemma and decided to put an obituary in the newspaper in our hometown and so we did sometimes the simplest act can bestow peace to those who seek it families are difficult share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x like loading posted in uncategorized 1 reply the seine at night posted on may 9 2023 by backonmyown 1 share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x like loading posted in uncategorized 1 reply that s my daughter posted on april 29 2023 by backonmyown 2 this picture is from my current calendar the colors drew me in but it was the young woman in the painting that stole my heart she looks very much like my eldest daughter who is a plant enthusiast and quite the expert on plants i m sure she would claim the enthusiast title she would not however say that she s an expert but she is ask her anything plant related she knows the answer send her a photo of a plant in your neighborhood she will identify it in seconds and send you a reply plants are her joy her happy place share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x like loading posted in plants 2 replies forever friends posted on april 18 2021 by backonmyown 5 we are blue ridge mountain women carolyn and i providence placed us together at the age of ten in fifth grade at appalachian elementary school how fortunate we are to have forged a permanent bosom buddy friendship at that young age i am abundantly richer for it and i know she feels the same sadly i lost my lifelong friend on april 1 her daughter amy and i got a chuckle about her passing on april fools day carolyn stated clearly more than once that it was her least favorite holiday she said she disliked most surprises and she certainly didn t enjoy being the victim of silly pranks she did however have a terrific sense of humor she was a master at telling a good story and making me laugh i think she would have found humor in the fact that her demise came on her most dreaded holiday and it sure as hell wasn t a joke it s difficult to write in the past tense about a friend whose presence i ve known for almost 70 years her presence i think will always be with me it helps that over the years we were more separated than together geographically but we were always together in our hearts we were able to pick up the conversation as only good friends can as if we were sitting across the kitchen table from each other having coffee i had my last conversation with carolyn the evening she died metaphorically speaking i was standing next to my bed wondering if i should put my pajamas on early and settle in with a book i can never think books without thinking carolyn when her name came to me i paused i knew her end was coming soon just not quite yet i took a moment to say a little prayer for a serene passage then i said aloud i m here carolyn i m right here with you the next morning her daughter called me on our last phone call she answered with a deliberate lilt in her voice that was her way of telling me she was okay then she told me she had been lying there thinking about all the things i had done for her over the years that is so like her i told her if we were taking inventory i feared i would end up on the short end she was having none of that from the very beginning of our friendship carolyn was generous with her love companionship and her worldly goods if she had a candy bar she would break it in half and share with me as we grew up she became aware i m sure of my family life my dad was an alcoholic but she never mentioned it she only ever saw him when he was sober and she talked about how funny and charming he was that was one of the many ways she protected and cared for me for me it s a symbol of her continuing kindness and generosity throughout our lives together i believe that all of us humans have our angelic and devilish impish sides carolyn was no exception she was particularly impish as a child teenager it seems to me that her imp came out when her intelligent deep thinking made things too heavy for her but that wasn t always the case often she was hilarious because it felt good to laugh below are a few of the many memories i have of times spent with my dear friend some are funny some are not all are indicative of who she was complex intelligent generous caring funny sad and more one thing i can say for sure is that we laughed more than we cried carolyn despised stupidity and incompetence when one of her relatives did something she considered crazy nutty she would tell me about it by saying guess what bob s cousin did can you believe anyone is that stupid bob is carolyn s brother it was okay if his cousin was stupid but she wasn t going to claim her she always thought that her mother favored bob i can t say whether that s true but i can say that carolyn was daddy s girl once when her dad was far away working iran he called carolyn on her birthday she wouldn t let her mother have the phone and she wouldn t tell her what he said it s my phone call and m y birthday i was a silent observer that day and i think the devil made her do it in high school i could recognize carolyn s laugh or her sneeze from one end of the hall to the other also from the top of the stairs to the bottom one morning at class change traffic in the stairwell stopped i yelled up carolyn what s the holdup up there her response oh i fell up the stairs uproarious laughter ensued here s the thing carolyn knew she was about to make everyone laugh that s why she said it she took what might have been an undignified embarrassment and made it a dignified conspiracy to be a few seconds late to our next class ingenious carolyn was in nursing school when i gave birth to my first two daughters and somehow she managed to be in delivery with me she was a nurse at the hospital where i had the third until she married the love of her life randy and moved away she was like another mother to my little girls they loved how she read winnie the pooh especially eeyore s voice they still remember her trips to our house laden with gifts wrapped and not just on birthdays she even picked up takeout on the way that was for me i think my friend would appreciate our remembering her kindness generosity sense of humor etc but i can t end this post without giving special space to her innate intelligence she was promoted to head nurse in the heart unit of a large teaching hospital when she was barely out of nursing school she read every book she could get her hands on and won the reading award every year she knew things and she didn t mind letting you know that she knew things that she was smart in fact i think she wouldn t have minded if you thought she was the smartest person in the room sometimes carolyn would use that superior brain to argue with others she used to argue with my first ex husband he was a member of mensa i ve heard her argue with her husband randy he s a doctor i was never around when she went into combat with her children but i m sure there were a few tiffs her daughter amy and son rich have a very impressive gene pool what i m trying to say here is that she didn t always win she wasn t always the smartest person in the room there were others as smart oh how i will miss my brainy friend this post is for carolyn s devoted husband randy her daughter amy son rich granddaughter violet violet s mother kristin carolyn s brother and sister in law bob and kathy i am so very sorry for your loss asheville nc where carolyn s beloved and devoted husband grew up share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x like loading posted in uncategorized 5 replies covid isolation is difficult posted on august 1 2020 by backonmyown 7 i m becoming more and more anxious with isolation i keep telling myself that it probably is less difficult for me than for many others because i have lived alone now for 13 years the difference though is that i was alone because i chose to be i wasn t isolated i could go wherever i wanted whenever i wanted i could talk face to face with neighbors and family and grocery store workers now all i do is stay home order things wait for delivery of said things watch netflix and read it is in my nature to try and put a positive slant on life s hardships and events over which i have no control i have to admit though that it s getting more and more difficult to do that isolation loneliness is grinding on my psyche so i will wallow for a hopefully brief time and the get on with it i usually wallow on the couch with my cat lulu she loves ...