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enjoying the journey skip to main skip to sidebar wednesday september 21 2011 to the new mother i know it s been forever since i ve posted but there are times when i feel advice i m giving to one person could really be given to so many this post is because i love hearing honesty from people especially other moms it helps me feel normal and that s my greatest wish for a new mom so here it is you are in a state of what i call new normal being a new mom is totally and completely overwhelming to everyone most women will not tell you this and i bet you ve been beating yourself up over thinking and feeling it because we think we are expected to be natural mothers and as we look around what we are seeing and hearing is women who are in love with being a mom and are happy it is totally normal to not be happy about your baby and to have a hard time feeling like you love your baby all of the time this is because having a baby can at times be stress beyond our capacity of course you love your baby it s normal to have hard time with this sometimes and you are still a good mom it is a myth that parenting is easy fun exciting and joyful at every moment thank heavens our heavenly father loves us so he occasionally gives us cute fun moments with our kids that make it all worth it other than that parenting is a lot of sacrifice it s hard stressful and chaotic much of the time when you see a woman who looks like she s doing everything right and parenting is easy to her it s a myth you re telling yourself to guilt yourself women have a hard time admitting how hard parenting is we are all afraid of failing at this there s so much pressure to hold everything together but the truth is it s a struggle for everyone motherhood gets easier very slowly but it really eventually does get easier this should bring you hope after having my first two i started telling people to just get to 6 weeks before they re 6 weeks old you feel like you ve been hit by a train sleep deficiency does crazy things to us on top of all the other stuff like healing hormones producing milk sometimes our baby won t eat or cries too much but i felt like once i hit 6 weeks i learned i could live without the sleep and i was going to be ok even though you are tired and overwhelmed you know you re going to survive guilt happens guilt sucks we all have it it s a mom thing you can t get rid of it as hard as you would like to try so you re just going to have to deal with it the best you can there isn t anything in the world that is exempt from making you feel guilt you forgot something you dropped something you re five minutes late feeding baby they have a red bum anything and everything you do will at some point cause you guilt women convince themselves that they single handedly are going to kill their baby somehow and they guilt themselves every step of the way you cannot control everything in you or your baby s life when guilt is overcoming you try to think of all the things you did right in the day this will never go away i do it too we all do it s a woman thing i wish i had a pill to make it go away when we figure this out we will sell it and make a billion dollars every baby is different i spent so much time reading books about some other kind of a baby some advice is very helpful and you will shout for joy for anything that works for you and your baby but there are so many things people will say and do that are not so helpful to you try not to let this start into the guilt i m telling you it will sneek in whenever and however it can one minute your baby is the best baby on the block because they are sleeping through the night the next your baby is the slowest baby on the block because they are not sitting up or crawling when the slower baby on the block is already as much as you will want to guilt yourself for this try not to this is totally out of your control it does seem to me that the world ultimately is pretty fair the smartest baby struggles socially if you re amazing at math you re not very athletic or whatever it is we all have strenghts we all have weaknesses try not to let yourself be convinced that you re behind it seems to always turn out ok in the end find what works for you and your baby don t doubt yourself for some reason pregnant and post partum woman are total air heads what is it when we are lucky to remember our own names some days i remember feeling so stupid sometimes however when it comes to your baby you know them so much better than anyone else if you are feeling strongly about something don t let other people even doctors talk you out of it you might call the doctor s office 12 times in a three day period they may be intentionally making you feel silly to get you to stop this will probably really be nothing just like they said it was but if you are feeling strongly about something be persistant i am still playing the guessing game of what is wrong with my child and they can all talk and tell me what hurts stick with your gut and don t doubt yourself mothers need other mothers we need to love and support one another and to build each other up you will feel the pressure from other mothers in the store when your baby is crying try not to let your perception of what other people think get to you we are all weary we are all exhausted just trying the best we can to get through another day may we be the mother in the store who lifts another who forgives another who gives the benefit of the doubt because we all need someone to do the same for us sometimes posted by alli may at 1 35 pm 2 comments wednesday april 20 2011 this kid s dream come true this was an event that had to be blogged about for my family to see this shirt came in the mail just a few days ago it is signed by many of the byu football stars of the upcoming year w is a sport guy and certainly a byu sport guy you can imagine the excitement that this kid had and has about this treasure my sister in law s sister just married a byu football player who was sweet enough to recognize w s passion for the sport and had the team sign a shirt for him this kid has been on cloud 9 ever since it s a dream come true for anyone who knows this kid you know that this kind of a smile doesn t come across this kid s face very often posted by alli may at 11 16 pm 3 comments tuesday may 25 2010 got the project bug so every once in apparantly 10 years i am a little martha stewart a close friend who s a relief society pres asked me for a favor the favor being to find something worth 8 00 for her to give to 5 of her most trusted women in the ward i knowing that these woman do so much for me and my fellow ward members really wanted to find something spectacular to give i got the idea of those super cute chic and spunky aprons that you find at boutiques of course i couldn t afford those aprons so i decided to make some myself i wish you knew each of the women that the aprons were given to because i bought each woman fabric that i thought was suited just for her if you think these are cute call me in 10 years who knows maybe i ll get creative again posted by alli may at 4 27 pm 6 comments monday november 16 2009 my favorite guy this is just a shout out to my favorite guy in the whole wide world i had a little girls weekend with some of my favorite friends and b was the one who made my wonderful weekend happen because he got us the hotel room took over for me all weekend and did it with a smile it not only allowed me to have a break but it refreshed me as a mom and i was able to appreciate him even so much more than i already did my husband is the best even though i like to remind him that he s not perfect he is pretty near perfect i love love love this man so much even now that we are wrinkled thanks babe posted by alli may at 3 04 pm 10 comments thursday october 15 2009 just a mom the older my kids get the busier i get moe and w both have homework and a couple extra cirricular activities at the beginning of each new school year i find myself completely overwhelmed and stressed out with all the things i have to manage in a day sometimes it s a miracle it all keeps going a couple weeks into daily homework with both kids everyday piano lessons chauffering to music and dance school being a cheerleader and nanny for the coach at soccer i began to wonder why it feels like i m the one doing all of this again how did i become a student again then i started to wonder why it is that when i m talking to a friend who has a degree and a nice full time job when asked what i do i say i m just a mom why is this because just is just not really giving my title the credit it deserves as an army seargant caregiver nurse cook chauffer counsler shrink teacher costume designer tutor cheerleader who s had to learn to be patient understanding loving relaxed flexible happy and selfless it doesn t feel like a just kind of a job and the only thing you re given for this awesome just of a job is not a nice fat paycheck it s a dirty look and a judgement call from a stranger at the store and that s just the life of just a mom posted by alli may at 4 56 pm 5 comments yes we re still alive somewhere out there we are still here and doing so very well we couldn t be more content with life well maybe we could but we are finding joy in our everyday life we are enjoying the fingerprints sometimes we meaning i need to stop enjoying them and clean them but we are indeed so happy we are so glad about our latest addition to the b household a boat who buys a boat so late in the season yeah we do so we got as much enjoyment as we could with the time we had left in the warm weather the kids are so extactic we are grateful for what we have praying for those without and giving as much as we can to help out posted by alli may at 4 36 pm 6 comments sunday july 5 2009 the american escargot experience or the bad thing about being married to me so while we were in france and spain it came to my attention that my husband is a huge escargot fan which was not a known fact before said vacation i was teasing him about the snails by mentioning all the similarities between the garden snails at home and the lovely french and spanish snails called escargot like it s better when said in french that he was enjoying i told him i would gather up some snails at home to cook up for him as a joke so one morning my friend heidi vee happened to mentioned the million annoying snails in her garden i asked her to please bring me all her snails so i could cook them up as a joke to my wonderful husband all of you who know me well know that i am very serious about my jokes especially when it s a good one you should ve seen how excited my kids were to get the snails cooking suprisingly they smelled pretty good once they were sauteeing in the garlic butter they should ve been ready for enjoying just as b got home from work but of course i got side tracked by an unexpected guest and they totally burned ruining the very funny drawn out snail joke so b got home the house smelled like burnt popcorn and the joke was on me how does it always end up that i m the only one who thinks i m funny at least me and heidi vee had a good laugh out of the experience thanks heidi and r and skyler posted by alli may at 10 04 pm 10 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom us our friends and family angie boase family carolyn emily geoff and dez heidi heidivee jenn jennifer jenny b joey jules kacee karon lindsay markay nickie steph tennis trish alli s photography blog alli may photography blog archive 2011 2 september 1 to the new mother april 1 2010 1 may 1 2009 14 november 1 october 2 july 1 june 5 april 2 march 1 february 2 2008 23 december 1 october 2 august 2 july 1 june 1 may 3 april 1 march 4 february 5 january 3 2007 31 december 1 november 6 october 2 september 3 august 7 july 12 my favorite music