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i can respect that now and i will start respecting my own needs as well i am worth it i am important i am loved and i will honor those truths i challenge you to try it as well it feels great posted by becky 1 comments tuesday april 8 2014 running and rainbows learn about you the sun is out in cache valley today was preschool day for analise and my doorbell rang this morning fedex guy dropped me off some new running shoes so i took it as a sign i would like to be clear about this i do not really like running i have never been a runner i felt heavy today my feet kind of hurt and i stopped to walk several times within that 5 mile distance but i did have this thought everyone should work toward being able to run at least 5 miles without stopping i have learned a lot about myself over the years with my running attempts here and there there is a lot to learn about perseverance persistence consistency practice pushing yourself through the hurt and lots of other life lessons try it you will see wanna know how strong you are run if you are someone who is on a quest to learn more in life more about yourself and are trying to learn how to live with god again running fits in nicely because running stinks but there are these certain glimmers of joy at the same time within the past year i have realized that one of my passions besides learning how to take care of my body and boy do i have a lot to learn is to learn about what makes people tick learning about personalities through studying the makeup of someone i have enjoyed starting with me i have learned that the more i can know who i am i mean who i really am i can accept that love that and as a result my capacity to see others and love others increases i have always wanted to be able to love more i think i have found a path that might take me quite far in this quest before it s time to find a new path the more i love me my true self and not my ego the more love i have to share with others we are all here to basically learn how to love that is kind of the whole point to life right think about it all our experiences are to teach us how to grow and learn and love charity is the love of christ i want to have that i want to understand him and know him if i were to pick my ultimate goal here for my relationships of all kinds it would be that people could look into my eyes and see that i love them i would want every person to feel love from me to know they matter and most of all that they are loved by their heavenly father if that could be my gift and talent to share with the world i would feel like i lived a worthwhile life and it would have nothing to do with me and everything to do with them now a little about rainbows i thought i was someone who liked neutrals it s cool to be neutral take restoration hardware for instance neutrals very muted and blended very soft and flowing well guess what i m not i like rainbows i aways have i used to draw them i would color things in rainbow and then sit back and say dang that looks good someday i would like to have a very large kitchen like double the size we have now with lots of wood and light countertops lots of sun streaming through and i would have stainless steel barstools with rainbow seats enough seats to fit our whole family so we would need red orange yellow green turquoise blue and purple barstools remember the 3 4 length sleeve t shirts we used to wear with a rainbow across the front i loved those i would like one now who are you if you could be any kind of color scheme what would fit with who you are it s important to know if you know who you are you become more secure more grounded you will understand how you serve other people you will not be affected as much by the negative things people might say about you you will understand that their insecurities lead them there and that whether or not someone likes you is not your business at all we all have a little of all personality types in us but to find out what our dominant traits are only helps us in this life we can know our god given gifts even better this way go ahead start somewhere ask people who you are sometimes our true friends give us great clues to understanding ourselves better i am learning how to love me i didn t create myself i am amazing just as amazing as everyone else around me we are all amazing in our own unique ways neutrals black white rainbow earth tones all just as amazing as the next truth posted by becky 0 comments monday september 9 2013 the journal was born i have always felt something strong when it comes to journaling one day when i was 5 and leslie was 6 or maybe 7 my mom took us to zody s in the little light blue vw bug i can almost still smell what the inside of that car smelled like i wish i could smell it again we went specifically so we could get some new journals mine was a small brown fake leather cover and little 3 ring binder with lined notebook paper you could put into it i started with pencil no wrong my mom quickly helped me understand the importance of ball point pen i was to write frequently and i would need to add details like who what when where why in front of each of my journals from then on i would write those words you know just in case i forgot what i was supposed to be writing about in one of my young journals i went back and read something i was embarrassed about and decided to cross it all out another no no mom let me know firmly to never ever cross something out because it was me it was important from then on in my life it was very important for me to write often as i grew it was a little less often and the biggest journal that i disliked was the one with the pre written days dates on each paper it made it so obvious how long it had been since i hadn t written it was ridiculous how i felt like i had to go back and write today i had fun on all the blank pages my true feeling about journals though i realized that if i did not record a day of my life it would be gone forever possibly never to be remembered again i could have never pictured what a blog was way back then i still have a journal to write in with a pen because of the serious therapy it provides me the actually writing that i have always enjoyed but i don t want to compleley give up on this blog of mine i have made the first year into a book and i love looking through it my best writing here mostly is after midnight i decide i need to actually do something with my time or i will end up feeling guilty that i stayed up late for no real reason something i am working on in my life is loving and appreciating who i am me becky 1 i am a good wife and mother 2 i am a daughter of my heavenly father who loves me 3 i am working on loving others completely 4 i am just right for where i am in life and am doing a good job each day trying and re trying 5 i am a thankful grateful person 6 i am genuine 7 i am lovely just as a good mother should be back to the writing journals i think i have 14 or 17 maybe as i got to pick out a new journal every time i remember thinking about how neat it was to have so many pages of my thoughts written down there are definitely some big bummer entries about i love so and so i really do and other such blather but that was me at the time i try to get my kids to write on sundays along with doing scouts along with a family walk along with a lot of other important things like me taking a nap i sold my favorite baby item ever analise s diaper bag was so enjoyable oh yes and i cut my hair let s get real i have tried for long hair but can t seem to make it work so i am resigned to the fact that i cannot it s ok i am ok with short bob like hair eric still loves me posted by becky 1 comments wednesday april 17 2013 disney cruise april 2013 the other day i was thinking about how common it is for me to throw fhe together at the last minute or about the many nights we rush into family scripture study without remembering what we read about last is anyone is understanding any gospel concepts when we read i thought about my role as a mother and what my actual job is in my home i began to wonder how differently i would do things if i had a boss to check up on me throughout the day and evaluate the quality of my work a few years ago i was talking to my sister about this subject i told her that i was considering planning out our family scripture time on a daily basis this way i would be prepared to discuss what the chapter is about even maybe have a thought to go with it her response was every single night i agreed with her we kind of laughed it away yes how ridiculous it s overboard who would do this everyday so here i am again considering what next step i could take to improve in my job as a mother something that would make the very most of our valuable time as a family i literally could use every minute and second of the day doing worthwhile things that would show just how much i love my children but what matters most if the answer to that is to be teaching my children the gospel and it is then does it seem quite as ridiculous to try to prepare better for our nightly scripture study or even to go as far as to make it an evening devotional this is my job will i do this perfectly i doubt it but i do believe i will be blessed as i give it a good shot i believe that i can be guided by the spirit know what improvements to make and that i will continue to see clearly what matters most how grateful i am for the gospel and for it s guidance we are so blessed to have it posted by becky 0 comments wednesday december 19 2012 relationships the older i get the more i realize how important relationships are i think i ve always known but really have i these people that surround me day to day friends as well they are all so special important and they are mine to enjoy i am very blessed to have such wonderful friends and the most amazing children have been sent to our family for us to raise it would mean nothing if i didn t have someone great to share the experience with i am grateful to have my good husband you just never know what will happen or how long you will have these loved ones in your life my goal continues to be to love love love like there is no tomorrow and to be in the moment to just realize what moment i am in what space i am in who i am paying attention to people will know if they are important to you or not by the kind of attention you give to them when i am talking to someone i want them to know that i am listening and that i care i hope i can be a better mom like that to my children a good listener and i want to treat them like the little unique people that they are i am very much enjoying life the ups and the downs i just don t want the downs hey if i promise to be grateful can i just request the happy times we had our family pictures taken in the fall just after school began it was a fun shoot taken by blue lily photography they were able to capture some real smiles and real personality at the beginning of november eric and i took off to maui for 7 days for no reason we just went because we wanted to and we found a sitter it was the first time that there was no good reason nothing to really celebrate no anniversary birthday just because we had a really enjoyable time and i highly recommend anyone to spend the money and go through the work of preparing everything and leaving on a vacation every now and then it was awesome now it is christmas time we had a nice ward dinner on saturday night december 1st santa came to visit and you can see bronson camden and analise if you look really close christmas is a magical time of year i loved it as a child and i love watching my children love it all aspects of it we have also been to slc to see the temple lights been to the roof restaurant and santa s breakfast at the grand america it was our 5th year in a row to make that happen this year we gave every kid a few one dollar bills to hand out or to use for any good purpose i think it was a good exercise to get them to think about someone other than themselves so carry on friends enjoy your family enjoy the cold weather enjoy the music the lights just enjoy and be happy posted by becky 0 comments monday october 22 2012 zzzzzzz sometimes i am driving around and around and around the town it gets silent in the car when i look back and see this i know i worked em good poor little rug rats makes me just wanna pick em up and hold em these are the dayzzzzzz posted by becky 0 comments wednesday october 17 2012 this is my fall which leads to gratitude here is a perfect summary of fall for me this is utah a photo i borrowed from a friend who sees the fall up close more than i do she bikes through it regularly now that is bee u tee ful i m so glad they take care of each other he still calls her baby baby come here one day he will stop and wonder why he is doing that but i m not gonna tell him now this this has been my life for the last couple of months 2 boys chose to play competetive soccer lots of driving and organizing my car tonight i sat yes i did with eric for a moment after our running around he just drove scouts around for 2 hours delivering flyers for landon s eagle project i was at ethan s last soccer game then had to go to lee s to get donuts for those scouts plus a frozen meal of some kind to feed the hungry kids in my car the kung pao chicken was good but sweet and salty and we will pay for both anyhoo eric mentioned that life was hard and i said work he said no work is slowing down i said then what he said just life and landon s project and the house and the chaos and and and then i realized what we were doing yes it s true that we are trying to run a little faster than we have strength but we are forgetting to look around enjoy the journey for lack of a better cliche and forgetting to count our blessings as i started to talk us out of the ingratitude in my scratchy no voice sound lost my voice as of lately due to said hard life and no sleep it was very clear to me at that moment what kind of influence i really do have on my family there is a lady in our ward who is battling cancer she is beautiful and young and very faithful she mentioned on facebook that she gets really discouraged and finds herself in a dark pit of hopelessness she mentioned that she saw a tender mercy of the lord the other night i was thinking about what kind of miracle she would talk about i was thinking about good tests and shrinking tumors instead she went on to talk about growing tumors and lack of sleep due to other medications she talked about her husband being away for work and her desperate need to sleep as she felt her hopelessness growing deeper and engulfing her then she said that she texted her 3 pillars of strength her 3 daughters asking for their immediate prayers that she would get through the night and be able to rest she said that within 30 minutes she was sound asleep and sleep for 4 hours i thought that even then she would talk about a full 8 10 hours of sleep but 4 hours only fo...