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Text of the page (random words):
apologize for assuming the sandwich was a bit apologize for assuming the sandwich was a bit artisanal shitposts handcrafted gaudy they them autistic icon paypal me gaudiest ko fi com gaudy biggest gaudiest poltergeist current state of the internet is a fucking embarassment was chatting with my grandma bout the history of crochet and knitting and the comparative ages of those respective technologies and i was like oh yeah and also that ancient greek fiber art we partly figured out from chemically testing the scoured bleached pigments of stolen statuary tumblr knows what im talking about gimme 30 seconds to look up the name 5 minutes and 3 search engines later i am crying tears of blood screaming spitting blubbering in despair as my grandma attempts to digitally pat me consolingly on the back the library of alexandria didn t burn it was restructured to increase shareholder profits and i still cannot find the term i am scouring the internet like the victorians scoured and destroyed all trace of joy and color from stolen relics for the lost name of the ancient process of textile creation akin to knitting crocheting nålebinding that at least one academic crafter used to recreate the leggings on this glorious motherfucker the google execs erased it they bleached my bestie again from history 9 minutes ago 1 149 notes via biggest gaudiest poltergeist this is the digital equivalent of book burning btw i m not being dramatic extreme whiny whatever destroying the public s access to history and research is very much in the most literal sense the specific purpose of book burning yes this is one small and insignificant and not modern example of information being purposefully lost now imagine how many larger more significant and very modern pieces of information about the world you live in now are currently being erased obscured obstructed downplayed hidden from you lol sorry u can t find an obscure article on your special interest i cant find reliable information on current events that is the expectation now no one s sure what has happened or is happening or what reality means anymore that is the political goal current state of the internet is a fucking embarassment was chatting with my grandma bout the history of crochet and knitting and the comparative ages of those respective technologies and i was like oh yeah and also that ancient greek fiber art we partly figured out from chemically testing the scoured bleached pigments of stolen statuary tumblr knows what im talking about gimme 30 seconds to look up the name 5 minutes and 3 search engines later i am crying tears of blood screaming spitting blubbering in despair as my grandma attempts to digitally pat me consolingly on the back the library of alexandria didn t burn it was restructured to increase shareholder profits 43 minutes ago 1 149 notes i still don t know the name this would have been a 40 second google search back in 2022 today in 2026 when researching historical alternatives to knitting crocheting didn t even bring up nålebinding fucking nalebinding any textile nerds know what im talking about btw the greek statue with the eye bleeding diamond patterned circus tights that an academic crafter decided to fucking recreate by hand a few mere millennia later i m not talking about frogging or frotting and yet both terms seem slightly reminiscent biggest gaudiest poltergeist biggest gaudiest poltergeist insane some people don t use ad blockers babe why r u rawdogging the internet it s a cesspit out there wrap it before ya tap it babes today i saw an ad for the first time in over a year and it shook me so bad i threw my tablet on the bed like a vampire being burned by a crucifix 17 hours ago 14 486 notes via biggest gaudiest poltergeist i m convinced vampires only react that way because they think christianity is tacky as hell crayfishcraig biggest gaudiest poltergeist biggest gaudiest poltergeist thanks to tumblr the phrase loyal eunuch has entered my vocabulary and is being applied egregiously phone got lost in the bedsheets and i murmured instinctively beloved eunuch where arst thou out loud to my fucking phone you people did this to me alt well topologically or perhaps anatomically speaking ever since they got rid of the headphone port it s more of a cloaca gotta spread your booty cheeks just to scan u 18 hours ago 24 104 notes via random fandom and stuff how the duck do i copy paste tags on mobile biggest gaudiest poltergeist biggest gaudiest poltergeist biggest gaudiest poltergeist i love that salt and pepper come in a set here is salt a building block of humanity one of the basic human tastes essential to life on earth absolutely fundamental and here s pepper it s fine alt at one point they were a throuple and we don t know who their third was it haunts me i need to know 1 day ago 28 344 notes via amentalshipwreck mustard seed or one of multiple seasonings based on individual household preference is my best guess honestly it s weird af that in western cuisine salt and pepper are the only default table seasoningr u know who does it right the philippines vinegar sugar salt fish sauce chili all available in arm s reach to season your meal to your personal heart s content anyways in a world of my personal design if we were limited to only two condiments those condiments would be 1 salt and 2 vinegar vinegar my underappreciated diva they re inventing new ones 1 day ago 1 556 notes we re still catching up on a giant backlog and they re sending us new shit thetetra notawitchbutabitch blog biggest gaudiest poltergeist death threat collector biggest gaudiest poltergeist woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the vanilla facts i know vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world 2nd to saffron which is why more than 99 of what we call vanilla extract is actually vanillin vanilla s dominant flavor compound and is not extracted from real vanilla luckily even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods but there is a distinct difference in non heat treated products like vanilla ice cream real vanilla has a more complex individualized flavor profile why is vanilla so expensive because it is a ridiculously delicate demanding crop complete primadonna vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids these crazy flowers bloom for a single day and have to be hand pollinated in a process that is exhausting delicate and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations then if you re lucky you get vanilla beans which then require months of further specialized treatment the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years possibly much longer the first known cultivators are the totonac an indigenous people of mexico the aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa it was popular in a drink called xocolatl the precursor to modern hot chocolate it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee which is why no fruit could be grown outside of mexico until the 1800s edmond albius born into slavery invented the pollination method we still use today launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old today the majority of the world s vanilla is grown in madagascar if you want real vanilla read the labels carefully it s harder to find than you think in conclusion those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream those are vanilla bean seeds itty bitty orchid seeds they are delicious and also a prissy bitch src okay but what about saffron why is that more expensive ok i love saffron but it is a fucking cunt look at this shit this is saffron it s made up of tiny red threads each of those threads three to a fucking flower it takes 75 000 flowers to make one pound of saffron do u see this field do u see this fucking field this field will produce enough saffron to fit in a goddam baggie a basket a smallish bucket perhaps and did i mention the harvesting has to be done by hand are u are u comprehending the bullshit are u comprehending it yet can u imagine having to sit over a pile of thousands of blossoms and pick each motherfucking thread by hand and after hours and hours your joints aching your fingers stained after hours of this nonsense lo and behold you have harvested about a thimble full of fucking saffron jesus wept and so should you she s such a whore why do i love her pointing at the banilla beans after explaining to my girlfriend that the pollination method was to push the pollen back into the flower these these are selfcest beans one time i saw someone getting rid of 10 pounds of saffron for a dollar at a garage sale i immediately bought it then explained my plight to bakery after bakery over the phone till one was like come here and show me they took it off my hands because i just didn t want to see it go to waste if there s an afterlife i want to know the story of the bag of saffron and how 10 lbs made it into the hands of someone who had no idea nor interest about saffron dearheart i respect your commitment to ecological responsibility but are you aware you gave away for free circa thirty thousand u s dollars of saffron 1 day ago 76 965 notes via thetetra neither the first nor last time i will resent that there s no way to capitalize numbers i shouldn t have to pause when screaming in all caps just because some of the words happen to be numbers what am i supposed to do you gave away twenty thousand dollars usd of saffron no wait that slaps actually slaps the point home fist to face even update edited the post bc the fake peer pressure i invented in my head had a point anyways yes i used circa incorrect grammatically but not in spirit yeah makeup culture is shit yet i retain a slight appreciation for the fact that lips and sharpened claws stained bright and bloody red technically counts as conventionally attractive 1 day ago 2 381 notes but let s take it a step further bloodshed implies mess it implies struggle from your unwilling victims so don t color within the lines no your lipstick and nailpolish doesn t need ta be nice and tidy make that shit messy those are the dying smears of your enemies begging for their lives as their lifeblood leaks out of the wounds u inflicted your lipstick s smeared on ur teeth yeah it adds realism itsreallystupid i got the feels mistakenforacorpse kaispeakshermind biggest gaudiest patronuses mperialscribe biggest gaudiest patronuses that time in high school when my computer died and i was so deeply distraught i legit wrote an entire obituary for a laptop where is the obit gaud come on don t hold out on us i had to dig so deep through old backup files to find this enjoy rip in loving random access memory after a long illness my beloved laptop 3 while surrounded by family and tech support succumbed in the night to an internal error my laptop leaves behind one bereaved admin me an estranged guest user an elderly warranty and a large extended family of synced mobile devices and browser bookmarks friends we are gathered in this subdomain today to honor the memory both ram and hard drive volatile and non volatile and mourn the data loss of a beloved digital companion caches to caches rust to rust though its hard drive may be wiped its chassis refurbished and its processor sold for scrap its torrent downloads and browser history will live on in our hearts and eventually come back to haunt me caches to caches rust to rust i am sorry for your data loss i am sorry it must have been a lot to process another one bytes the dust 2 days ago 23 978 notes via itsreallystupid biggest gaudiest poltergeist biggest gaudiest poltergeist ok but did i come back wrong or did you build up an idealized version of me in your head that was easy to love while i was dead but now that i m real and alive and complicated again you resent me for not being as simple and compliant as a mere memory do you resent me for coming back wrong or for coming back at all i see we are all feeling completely normal about my tags did i come back wrong or were you just bad at loving me from the start did i come back wrong or is my crime that i came back the same did i come back wrong or did you decide on your own that there was always something wrong with me and now you re frustrated i survived the traumatic death that was somehow supposed to fix me people keep tagging this jason todd which isn t inaccurate but also that boy came back wrong 2 days ago 28 865 notes via biggest gaudiest poltergeist he got better though jason todd love that kid sadly he has been through the horrors but we love to see a comeback page 1 of 4922 older apologize for assuming the sandwich was a bit 2016 2026 basic by cubthemes