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Text of the page (random words):
lose weight and also to punish myself for having regained what i worked so hard to lose we all know that drill eh i want so badly to punish myself with restrictive menus and low calorie foods and extreme exercise plans to drill sergent my way to a perfect life gah i haven t written lately because i ve been so freakin busy i took a job which is fabulous and amazing and is exactly what i want to be doing but which requires a commute of 166 miles round trip this translates into about 3 5 hours on the road every day 1 5 hours in the morning when traffic is light and usually at least 2 hours in the evening when i am invariably caught in rush hour when the lease is up on this house i will be moving closer to the fabulous job and cutting out much of this commute i don t know how this will work out for boyfriend and myself as he really wants to stay in the current general vicinity he grew up here has built a life here and knows everyone in town so i get it that he may not want to move very far away from here this many hours on the road and at work have wreaked havoc on my exercise routine yes i had a routine going sheesh my new job is a desk job and i spend a minimum of 8 hours a day sitting on my bottom staring at a computer screen my main physical activities are breathing blinking and clicking a mouse being dependent on boyfriend to buy food has wrecked my normal diet when i saw my weight this morning i was angry at him for constantly buying crap and calling it groceries i felt helpless to change the situation because until august 15 all monies that i make will be going towards rent and utilities in order to catch up on past dues and avoid shut offs and eviction i fell to the ground and shook my fist at the sky swearing that i will one day rise again as god is my witness i will be buying my own food i can t remember the last time there was fresh fruit in the house i absolutely hate they way he eats and yes the great blueberry experiment has been postponed once again for lack of funds i went through my veggie seeds this morning and decided to plant some basil i just now decided to go buy some lettuce and spinach seeds on payday i will splurge on a tomato plant or two yesterday i found myself at kfc taco bell with boyfriend he was starving he needed something right now no he could not wait to have a tuna sandwich at home good grief whatever okay i stood there in line studying the menu looking for a healthy option i grabbed up the nutrition information pamphlet and started reading it in the end i passed on everything i ordered nothing and when i got home i made some tuna salad and had a sandwich and a glass of water yay me but what the heck is up with boyfriend constantly offering me bites of his greasy fatty food i really noticed it yesterday i had to say no about three times i don t want boyfriend to be the enemy but he might be the enemy he does not take seriously my food choices or desire to lose weight he cajoles me into sharing junk food with him he brushes off my suggestions that we skip the drive thru i wonder if he is taking a stand for himself because i m just too damned pushy about food and i m getting sucked along in his wake as he defends his right to eat whatever the hell he wants but why undermine me does he feel i m undermining him argh this sucks quickly catching up posted by bsgfan on may 28 2010 in uncategorized leave a comment two pieces of news 1 last week i officially weighed in at 157 yes those same two pounds are back on my bottom grrrrrrrrr 2 in order to accommodate my new work schedule yes i found a job i ve switched my official weigh in day to sunday so my next official weigh in is day after tomorrow official weigh in day 4 posted by bsgfan on may 15 2010 in uncategorized leave a comment two pounds down this week and now i officially weigh 155 yay and today i m going to spend a little time putting together next week s menu as well as mapping out some physical activity for next week the only physical activity i participated in this week was about 300 casts into the local lake each followed by a retrieve in other words i went fishing boyfriend did you catch anything bikinime no boyfriend smugly hmph bikinime but as i said i went fishing not catching because we are a pair of competitive type folk we have created a fishing derby for ourselves this summer the terms are 1 the derby runs from memorial day to labor day 2 we are trying to catch at least one of each type of trout found in colorado 3 we are not using bait lures and flies only 4 only fish caught on weekends or mon fri after 5 30pm will count and 5 we are each responsible for our own tackle basically i m not allowed to go shopping in his tackle box in these days leading up to the start of the derby i have come to realize that i totally need a new fishing rod and reel and my own vest and a wider selection of lures oh the shopping that will ensue haha anyway back to the weight loss talk i lost two pounds this week and it feels so good not only to see that smaller number but to feel smaller around the waist and i have just now decided to use visualization to help me out with my goal because just now a great vision of myself appeared in my mind s eye i am going to hold a picture in my mind of me being slim and healthy looking great in a pair of jeans flat stomach and fishing vest standing in or near a sparkling colorado river fishing and doing it well this vision of my self makes me feel competent and calm laugh laugh laugh posted by bsgfan on may 15 2010 in uncategorized 1 comment invitation to laugh with me keeping the faith posted by bsgfan on may 6 2010 in uncategorized 1 comment these are the times that try men s souls and the souls of biggest loser wanna be s sigh i lost no weight this week but i did do my walking 3 days so far this week and it just occurred to me that i may need to change my timing maybe i currently weigh in on thursdays but i m counting weeks from sat fri so even though i ve weighed in for the week i still have days left in which to expend effort towards the goal in other words i ve already measured my progress but i still have one more day of walking to contribute before i start a new week actually i ll just keep it this way since it s more like real life what with it s unbalanced checkpoints and all except i can feel myself rearranging my thinking even as i type haha and i m keeping the faith this week and trying a little harder to cut down on the sweets i have such a habit of going to mcdonald s for an ice cream cone on a sunny day argh okay instead of cut down on the sweets i m going to make this goal into something measurable this week i will go to mcdonald s for an ice cream cone one time and one time only i will remind myself that this goal is not about the calories it is about changing the habit and actually i want something a little better real ice cream i mean if i m only going to have it once a week then i want it to be delicious so to rephrase i will not go to mcdonald s this week for ice cream instead if i am going to have ice cream i will buy one child sized serving of delicious real ice cream at either ben and jerry s or walrus on a plain cone not a chocolate dipped with rainbow sprinkles cone which is not hard to resist because the chocolate is nasty i will wait to set a new and measurable fitness goal until saturday for lunch today steamed broccoli and carrots brown rice soy sauce on the menu tonight roasted sweet potatoes steamed broccoli and cherry cole slaw you just wait lasserday posted by bsgfan on may 3 2010 in uncategorized leave a comment oooooo even though i am laughing along with her i can t wait to make lasserday eat her words haha a new challenge posted by bsgfan on may 3 2010 in uncategorized 2 comments my sister and i have reconciled to some extent and have been talking on the phone for several months now that sentence is a lead in to the sentence after this just so things don t leave you feeling discombobulated my sister and i have created a support duo for ourselves she s trying to get in shape and tone up before her trip to vegas and i want to lose 17 pounds and tone up in time to wear a terrific sexy fun summer wardrobe one of the first things i want to buy for myself is a gorgeous rhinestone studded carved leather western style belt these belts are quite expensive and i think are the perfect big reward for reaching my big goal and i can imagine it perfectly sitting on my sexy hips as i shop and sip daiquiris i ll be putting a little extra swing into each step to make sure those rhinestones are shaking out sparkles in the sunlight too grin she s still recovering from ards she was in a coma and on a ventilator for three weeks last winter during her battle with swine flu and even though her recovery has been miraculous no kidding she has been amazing the docs and nurses at every turn she still has to take it a little slower when it comes to conditioning her lungs her goal is three workouts a week she s chosen to do body pump classes during her free trial membership at a local gym and then she ll be doing some kathy smith aerobic dvds my goal is 7 workouts a week in spite of the fact that it s never worked for me in the past i ve decided to get all biggest loser about myself right now so i want to power walk 4 times a week and do a 45 minute toning workout three days a week i know that sounds like a lot but the walking portion isn t even really like a workout for me it s more like meditation it s the weight lifting and crunches that will be the challenging part of the week for me we just started the challenge on saturday and already i m behind today i get to make up the toning workout i did not do yesterday before i go out for my power walk yay me haha our time limit is two months to have our goals completed by july 1st though really i think my real goal is not so much the weight loss as it is the new habits i told sis that i felt uncomfortable aiming for a certain number on the scale as i can t control what poundage my body will shed during a specified time frame but i can control how much i work out and what i eat so even though i will like it if i lose 17 pounds what i m aiming for is completing the workouts and looking great in that belt weigh in day 2 posted by bsgfan on may 1 2010 in uncategorized 1 comment as you can see over there in the sidebar i gained back my lost pound grr but the good news is that i went grocery shopping with boyfriend last night and the shopping cart was filled with fresh veggies i created a menu that contained four veggie meals and one meat meal got him on board with the idea just on board not enthused and we went shopping the one meaty night is fish tacos the best ever and i m okay with eating that boyfriend did insist beg plead pout about putting twinkies in the cart i took a stand against it but then reminded myself that i am not his food police and i backed off and he put the twinkies in the cart yuck all that hfcs plus the fact that the cream filling never goes bad personally i think that cream filling should be in danger of spoiling i even tried to bargain him out of it promising to make him the best darned coconut cake he s ever had in his life if he would not get those twinkies but he opted for the twinkies which i totally don t understand why choose to eat crappity crap that leaves a horrible aftertaste in the back of your throat when you could have fresh delicious decadent cake we re talkin homemade made with love cake here haha on the menu tonight avocado wasabi salad the great blueberry experiment still going strong and still costing me an arm and a leg can t wait till blueberries are in season and i can buy them by the flat and freeze them i m getting used to eating the blueberries so it s not so much a chore these days to eat that second cup i usually have it as a bedtime snack i haven t yet noticed any great improvement in the skin tone appearance on my forearm and for that dose of tmi we all love so much my bowel movements are amazing these days i think the blueberries are cleansing me because so much more seems to be coming out than going in hope ya ll are doing well this week my boyfriend s back posted by bsgfan on april 28 2010 in uncategorized leave a comment and my diet is in trouble i m learning a new lesson ya ll if you have a significant other and s he is not on board with your plan or isn t consciously supporting you then the road to weight loss is 10 times harder before this i didn t have to worry about an so and his influence i was the one making the menus buying the groceries and preparing the food i was the one choosing restaurants and i was the one walking right past the candy counter at the movie theaters because really who needs to snack on two gallons of popcorn over the course of 90 minutes besides i can go 90 minutes without eating and besides 2 who wants to pay 7 00 for a bucket of popcorn that s insane but now there s this other person in my life someone i enjoy sharing meals with and i am discovering just how easily influenced i really am ugh the struggle against my mom s influence was easier than this back then i was in opposition to her influence and on guard against her traps and manipulations but boyfriend isn t trying to torpedo me he honestly doesn t see any problems with my weight or body and doesn t see anything wrong with the way we ve been eating it s a very soft pillow to snuggle into really last night i got really upset with boyfriend as once again we left the grocery store with no fresh veggies no fresh fruit and nothing that i want to be eating i was snap snap snapping at him too i had discussed with him my dietary choices asked him to please consider them specified exactly the changes i needed to happen and then damn boyfriend what is the problem what part of i want broccoli did not get through to you i felt as if i were losing control of my food and we all know how much i love that situation haha just to clarify i ve been unemployed for a long while and boyfriend has been buying most of the groceries so it s been a little hard for me to insist that he spend his money on foods that i want but two days ago we did have the aformentioned discussion ugh i am not looking forward to tomorrow s weigh in official weigh in day 1 posted by bsgfan on april 22 2010 in uncategorized 2 comments or 120 however you want to look at it and the results are in down one pound from 157 to 156 yay me i ll just track my weight loss in my sidebar this time around instead of creating a fancy graph what worked for me this week getting back to my vegetarian style eating you know i just feel better all round when i m eating good food that i know is good for me and there are many different levels to this but maybe the most important element is the fact that i m nurturing myself when i take time to plan prepare and eat food that i feel good about eating it s a bigger picture than just eating to live i m letting me know that i am impo...