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Text of the page (random words):
displacement activity displacement activity random thoughts to distract you from work tuesday 5 may 2015 deal or no deal as voters throughout the land beg for mercy this interminable election campaign chugs relentlessly on the leaders debates may be over apart from a residual buzzing in our ears but we re now in a period called 36 hour non stop talking as our lords and masters criss cross the country in cars buses trains and helicopters you d have thought hot air balloons would be more appropriate in a last gasp attempt to not win the election more impressively than the other parties nick clegg was revelling in his crack of dawn photo call at land s end this morning as he unveiled his plan to travel the length of britain thanking each remaining lib dem voter personally for his or her support and his advisers anxiously tried to point him in the right direction so he didn t accidentally walk off into the sea the lib dems still have hopes of shamelessly hitching their wagon to whatever bunch of charlatans grabs power and this time they ve even thought up some red lines buzz phrase alert to make their opinions look relevant cynical observers or as they re nowadays known the electorate can t help but compare these policy positions to sheets of lasagne they may look firm at the moment but as soon as the heat s on they ll soften up and be submerged in a load of mince meanwhile david cameron has rolled up his sleeves knocked back a jeroboam of espresso and declared himself pumped up a sure sign he s absolutely terrified the tories have put a massive amount into this campaign slander obfuscation hyperbole bribery in fact everything expect the slightest indication of where they ll slash 12 billion from welfare and yet poll ratings remain unco operatively static like a mule embedded in cement we re aiming for an absolute majority insists dave though everyone knows that s as likely as jeremy clarkson opening a charm school propeller headed party strategists are already working on alternative scenarios including a rose garden smooch with nigel farage a tearful reconciliation with never say no nick and in extremis dave digging his fingernails into the carpet and having to be dragged out of number 10 by a hydraulic pulley system ordinarily this would all be academic to scottish voters but these days the tectonic plates aren t so much shifting as doing an eightsome reel only tactical voters nursing their wrath to keep it warm stand between the snp and a near clean sweep and depending on whether you read the national or the daily mail nicola sturgeon is either a stadium filling superstar scourge of the establishment and paragon of progressive politics or the most dangerous woman in the universe defacer of barbie dolls and harbinger of the apocalypse one thing s for certain the snp have caught the eye of middle england and not necessarily in a good way press coverage has generally represented them as a horde of barbarians at the gates smelling of yak piss and bent on mayhem this presumably lies at the heart of ed miliband s recent statement that if he s asked to do a deal with them the answer will be hell no i say presumably because it s never quite clear what ed s on about even if you re an experienced translator with advanced training in balderdash fortunately he s getting his thoughts chiselled on a monolith so that gives us a fighting chance anyway it ll be interesting to see the how the no deals policy affects labour mps behaviour perhaps they ll have to wear la la i can t hear you ear muffs in the commons restaurant in case an snp mp offers to pass the salt or they ll be obliged to slam a door in their own faces rather than allow stewart hosie to hold it open for them and hurl themselves under any taxi that pete wishart offers to share so many permutations denials and caveats so much uncertainty but if we end up with a prolonged post election stalemate is there one possibility we haven t identified is it conceivable there could be a grand labour tory coalition or at least an agreement for labour not to intervene while the tories insert the last few sticks of dynamite into our public services those who ve suggested this have usually been considered wild conspiracy theorists who also believe that martians are trying to contact them via their kitchen utensils but isn t it a teensy weensy possibility for the good of the nation of course with the future of a new royal baby to consider what a fiendish twist on the usual snp complaint this time scotland might vote neither labour nor tory and get both the queen wouldn t just be purring she d be doing cartwheels through the cat flap posted by william duguid at 18 17 no comments saturday 14 january 2012 fasten your seat belt here we go with another run of displacement activity the blog imbued with the spirit of the age that is that the patent lack of something to say or the ability to say it need not be a barrier to you shouting loudly and randomly at the top of your voice in the past i ve sought to skewer the rich and famous with blinding shafts of satire to expose our political elite for the self serving greaseballs they invariably are and in my own humble way to shine a light on the things that really ought to matter in today s troubled times these efforts will of course continue even though they haven t earned me a damn penny from those bastard commissioning editors at radio 4 there will also be room now and again for more personal insights as i explore the rich seam of humour that is life in the commuter belt of the home counties yes i know i should be using twitter for that sort of stuff but frankly the prospect of me condensing a message into 140 characters is as likely as the queen launching the olympics with a chorus of knees up mother brown so why not join me over the next few days weeks months or however long it takes before this blog runs into the sand like the last two attempts there s no need to be self conscious thanks to advances in mobile technology your friends and colleagues need never know they ll think you re just consulting your e mail except if you give it away by laughing but hey what are the chances of that look i tell you what i ll come back in a day or so with the first update and you can see what you think i ll even put in some jokes if you like if i can just remember where i stashed that beano annual from 1965 posted by william duguid at 21 56 no comments home subscribe to posts atom about me william duguid i m a writer who returned to scotland in 2013 after 30 years in the home counties if you enjoy reading my ramblings please return often and recommend me to your friends on twitter facebook and planet earth that way someone may one day give me money to do this sort of thing which would be nice william_duguid hotmail com view my complete profile blog archive 2015 1 may 1 deal or no deal 2012 1 january 1 followers travel theme powered by blogger