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en she repeated it on the other side it burned and continued to burn after the test i used up quite a few kleenex s blowing my nose to try to relieve the burning and to wipe away my tears the nurse told me she didn t want to let me know it was the worse of the two exams i needed after the covid test another nurse came in to perform another cervical exam to double check the first nurse s measurements she had a hard time finding the edge of my cervix and spent forever feeling around i can feel your bag of water she mused out loud as she pushed and prodded me i could feel her feeling my bag of waters and irritatingly replied snarky comments back to her in my head she confirmed the first nurse s measurements and when she removed her hand it was covered in blood from being so rough i feel like she swept my membranes without my permission while she was examining me after she conferred with the midwife about my measurements i was told they might not let me go home since i was so far dilated i let them know i wanted to go home to get my stuff but they said i would have to be rechecked in through the hospital and that it would be a pain with all the covid restrictions the midwife had her tell me i had three options 1 walk around for an hour and see if labor starts 2 get induced now 3 leave and come back later for my scheduled induction at this point i was feeling some pretty strong contractions from all of their invasive cervical exams and i chose to stay for an hour to see if the contractions would turn into true labor in that next hour the contractions became really strong and i started shaking from the intensity i called brigham and my mom and told them they better get to the hospital fast with ivy i only took a half hour to deliver and with the intensity of the contractions i was feeling i was worried they were going to miss it i flagged a nurse and let her know it was the real deal and that i would like to be admitted to my actual birthing room and the midwife notified i was checked into my birthing room around 6 pm and my mom and brigham arrived shortly thereafter my contractions were coming every couple of minutes and were pretty strong the nurses were all over me strapping me to baby monitors taking my blood pressure asking me questions and more i felt so claustrophobic and just wanted them to leave me alone so i could labor in peace i felt like screaming and kept asking when i could be off the monitor around 7 pm they finally left me alone and when i was able to calm down and relax and labor on my own the contractions started to slow down and then my labor completely stalled as soon as i was able to breathe and relax the contractions stopped because i wasn t in real labor to begin with but induced contractions from the stress of the cervical exams i tried bouncing on a birthing ball to pick it back up but with minimal results deciding i didn t want to prolong this ordeal all night long i called the midwife in to break my water to get things moving again at 8 15 pm she came in and checked me declaring me at 7 8 cm and broke my water as soon as my water broke and i started walking around my contractions came back and picked up intensity quickly soon i could only focus on breathing through each contraction and i climbed onto the bed to kneel against the back of it and hold on for dear life through the pain i tried the nitris gas but it was too hard to breathe deeply with the mask on and i didn t feel like it did anything effectively so i abandoned it quickly the contractions were painful and i was somewhat relieved to feel the urge to push along with the pain i began pushing and tried to focus on that instead of the pain i had asked my midwife to coach me through pushing so that i didn t tear and she told me i was doing a good job but i wasn t sure if i was pushing too fast or not luckily my mom was there to tell me to keep pushing harder and that i could just finish pushing out the baby i needed her voice and her guidance to get me through that last bit pushing scarlett s head out was the most pain i ve ever been in and i felt that ring of fire for the first time i screamed like a wild animal as her head finally emerged and it felt like my very soul was being ripped in two the relief was instant but short lived as the shoulders needed to be delivered with the next contraction i pushed and screamed and suddenly my mom was yelling at me to turn over the baby s shoulders were stuck and they couldn t get her out with me on my hands and knees i flipped over as fast as possible willing to do anything to get this over with and with another bit of incredible pain the shoulders were out she was born scarlett lenore tappana was born at 9 00 pm on the dot and weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and was 19 25 inches long her cord was extremely short one of the shortest my mom s ever seen and as a previous midwife she s seen her fair share later we marveled at how everything went so well with the delivery and how healthy scarlet was with such a short cord i had to push the placenta out which was still painful and getting all the membranes and having them push on my stomach and coughing to get all the last bits out was not fun i thought i was prepared for this delivery after delivering ivy naturally but it was so much more painful and traumatic this time it just goes to show how every birth is unexpected and different however like with ivy after i delivered i began to shake uncontrollably and felt uncomfortable and terrible the midwife quickly wrapped me tightly in sheets and put pressure on my chest and stroked my hair which helped calm my body my mom also came and stroked my shoulder and having her there helped brigham was busy being a great dad doing skin to skin with scarlett since i wasn t able to after about a half hour the shaking finally stopped and i could look around and see what was happening with my baby it s like my body goes into shock after the ordeal of giving birth and flips out on me for a while it s hard and feels awful despite all the descriptions of pain and trauma my labor was only three and a half hours long with a good forty five minutes of stalled labor in the middle i also didn t tear which was my number one request after my body finally calmed down i felt so much better and my pain was almost nothing it was the quickest and best recovery in the hospital i was so grateful scarlett too must have been traumatized by the birth because she cried and cried and cried that first night not much would calm her down until she eventually was swaddled and rested i was worried she was going to be a difficult baby because of that but the next day she was calm and rarely cried she just was upset by how hard that birth was too scarlett has a darker complexion than all my other kids and somewhat of a different look however she is definitely a tappana baby and has a mixture of all the tappana looks in there she has lots of dark nelson hair hairy little ears long fingers and toes and a sweet disposition the longer i recovered and came back to myself and as i sat staring at her as she nursed i fell in love with that little baby it s true that once again my heart expanded to love even more and i welcomed her with joy to our family it s been a week now but it feels like she s been with us for much longer the kids are so sweet and loving to her and i can t wait to see what ruckus her and ivy stir up together birthing babies is hard but i m strong and i ve done it five times now each birth and pregnancy was challenging but each one was a miracle and i am so blessed to have partnered with god to deliver five beautiful children i am strong i did it women are strong especially with the support like i have from brigham as he s held my hand as i received epidurals or touched my shoulder and told me i m doing a good job during contractions and support from my mom and i look up to her delivering seven children she called me a superwoman after birthing scarlett and really i know i get that from her i don t want to forget any birth story because they are the greatest achievements of my life each one has produced an amazing human being i get to be a mom to welcome to the world scarlett oh how i love you posted by kari at 4 17 pm 0 comments sunday february 9 2020 2019 tappana summer vacation part two the grand tetons coming from a family vacation in utah visiting brigham s family and soon headed to my family vacation in yellowstone we wanted to plan a mini tappana vacation with just our little family ok well i did mostly because i fell in love with the grand tetons looking at the pictures online and didn t know how we could drive so close to them without actually exploring them you know that phrase the mountains are calling and i must go that s literally how i felt as i researched our trip so i convinced brigham that we had to fit them in and we left utah a couple days early to explore the tetons after driving five hours from utah we immediately got out of the car and began our first hike around taggart lake those mountains were our background as we began our trek to the lake it was about a four mile loop and the kids started out in high spirits as we crossed bridges examined wildflowers and waterfalls i was in heaven i mean the views were incredible we also walked through a part of the woods that must have had a fire at some point it made for a mystical atmosphere and we came up with stories of what magical creatures we thought might live in this section of the woods we made it to the lake and we could have played there for much longer than we had time for it felt good to dip our toes in the water and cool down after hiking in the hot afternoon sun and it was so picturesque with the high peaks in the background the water was green and clear and we all wished we had time for a swim but we had to get back to check into our hotel and we had a fun dinner planned we also knew that we would be visiting more lakes the next day i think after the fun at the lake the excitement of hiking wore off for kendrick and he spent the next two miles whining incessantly in his defense less shade and peak sun during the middle of his nap time can t be good and it did seem like a rather long two miles getting back to the car at least the bears all knew we were coming and could keep their distance because boy was he loud whining and complaining and it was a struggle to keep those little legs going eventually we made it back to the car and checked into a fun little place in jackson hole called the hostel basically you have your own room and bathroom but everything else is communal they have a living area with games and a fridge and microwave and a tv we didn t really have time to use the living area but it worked out great for us since we just needed beds for a night after washing up and dropping off our stuff we headed out to try dinner at bar j chuckwagon they promised an authentic bbq dinner with a great show and the reviews were good we enjoyed a train ride and other small activities while we waited for dinner to be served the dinner was everything promised big and hearty delicious and nostalgic there s something fun about drinking lemonade out of a tin cup when the fiddles first started my kids weren t sure about the show and as the temperatures dropped i wasn t either but then the performances really started and we were blown away so much skill with the fiddle yodeling and silly jokes the kids talked about the show for the rest of the night i loved how they could appreciate true entertainment with live talent and musicians really it was impressive we were done late at bar j and basically collapsed exhausted into bed when we got back to the hostel ivy settled right in her bed with her characteristic burp rag over her eyes we set out first thing to jenny lake the next morning we knew that this is a high trafficked area and that it gets crowded early so we hurried to beat the crowds despite our busy day before the kids were in high spirits and ready for more adventures in the teton mountains to get to the hikes on the other side of jenny lake you have to take a boat ferry ride across the water we all looked forward to a fun boat ride but unfortunately ivy was terrified of the boat and screamed the entire time making it miserable for everyone on board i felt bad for everyone trying to enjoy their experience crossing the lake but there was nothing i could do to get her to stop crying luckily the boat ride is only about ten minutes once we were on dry ground ivy stopped crying and we began our hike to hidden falls they had some cool steps carved out of the rock and a pretty river and smaller waterfalls as we trekked to the big falls on the way up to the falls an animal was spotted on the mountainside high up you d never see it in this picture because it blends in the rocks but we spent a little while watching it move around on the hillside i still have no idea what kind of animal it was hidden falls is a big and rugged waterfall you can t tell from the picture but it is pretty impressive we continued higher up after hidden falls to inspiration point which provides views of the valley oh those rocky mountains were so fun to explore my happy place my heart skipped a couple beats on some of the rocky ledges especially with eight year old ammon a hop skippin around without a care in the world at the top kendrick asked me to take his picture after he climbed a mountain i m surprised lydia didn t get a nosebleed just from the high elevation the views were spectacular more waterfall views on the way back down and another boat trip back across the lake with a screaming ivy we took a break from hiking to eat lunch and play at string lake unfortunately it was much cooler our second day in the tetons and it wasn t quite the swimming weather we would have liked however brigham and the kids were undeterred kendrick walked in the water but did not swim with lydia while ivy splashed herself to soaking ammon caught a frog and nearly tortured the thing to death until i finally insisted he let it go find some peace and brigham swam across the lake and froze to death he was happy to get his swim time despite the cold once we toweled off and changed we drove on to visit colter bay half the kids were asleep in the car so it ended up being a shorter visit i checked out the visitor s center with those who were awake while brigham snoozed with the sleeping kids in the car and then we were off driving to our house we were staying at for our trip to yellowstone that drive was looooong and windy but we did get to see elk and a moose how i treasured that little trip with my family in the great outdoors it rejuvenates my soul and it brings us closer working and playing together the tetons are magnificent and i m so glad we explored what we could of them i felt like john smith in the cartoon version of pocahontas as he sings all of my life i have searched for a land like this one a wilder more challengin...