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did not work out i feel sad even writing that because i did actually like him i liked the way he made me feel i liked that we had a connection i liked so many things about him but like many men before him he lost interest it went from it s you and me now doll to being dumped by email cos he just wasn t feeling it he couldn t muster it were his exact words in fact how shit is that i m the kind of person that gets dumped by email i m that woman there s a scared part of me that wonders if i ll always be single i don t mind being by myself but i hope to not be forever i d prefer nothing to nothing special but i m kinda ready to meet that something special if i m honest it s been long enough each time someone hurts you you have to pick yourself and be all cheery and happy for the next person you can t take any kind of damage with you because it s not fair on the next person but that really is hard if you were kicked in the face time and time again then there would be some kind of physical damage it d be expected but to keep brushing off hurt and disappointment time and time again is really really hard i know it s silly and i know what things everyone says to cheer you up because i ve heard them time and time again but there is a little part of me who doesn t want to admit it but truly wonders if anyone will ever be in love with me and stay in love with me i don t think i have unrealistic or massively high expectations either just the usual ones i want what most people men and women want i m not looking for perfection so here i am again i m just fortunate that the rest of my life is pretty good because my love life is and has always been a bit of a joke anyway enough about loveless little me how have you guys been so sorry i ve neglected you x 3 comments labels fear love relationships singledom 30 june 2014 i think i met someone if you look at my last post you ll see that i was about to go out with three more people through the dating site i went out with steve and i also went out with frank but just once because steve was taking up all my time was free very soon after our first date emailed or texted me every day and seemed very interested i decided to cancel my second date with frank as i d been out with steve three times at that point and i felt quite uncomfortable dating two people i could foresee complications if i ended up liking frank too frank was good about it and said he appreciated my honesty and not messing him about three weeks and loads of dates later steve admitted to not being entirely sure what the hell he wanted because i d felt this i hadn t invested any emotion into him so decided to be cheeky and contact frank i d wondered what he d been up to and thought what the hell he can just tell me to fuck off he didn t i asked if he d like to go out for a drink with me and so last sunday we met up again we had a brilliant time and at the end what i guess was our second date he told me i was proper beautiful and asked to see me again we ve been out to see films and dinner quick work and last night he asked if we can do this thing properly which turned out to mean will you be my girlfriend i happily agreed despite not being my usual type he s like ray winstone frank is fucking amazing he s big and blokey and lovely and sweary and honest and he seems to adore me he doesn t know that i m really annoying yet he tells me how beautiful and lovely i am all the time and just says what he wants plans ahead gives me attention and is attentive and has made it very clear how much he likes me i ve only been seeing him for a week but it feels like forever i ve been around long enough to know not to count my chickens yet but i also know what someone being honest and not messing you around looks like it feels like the real thing and i would be truly surprised gutted and would have egg all over my face if he turned out to be playing me he s a playwright for a living but speaks like a right geezer he s really easy company funny intelligent open warm and makes me feel like a princess i think i ve finally met someone who is going to make me very happy i already kinda adore him and am really looking forward to seeing what happens man i hope this works out 2 comments labels excitement happiness internet dating relationships 24 may 2014 internet dating the story so far as you know i ve been dipping my toe back into the world of internet dating i know a few people who met their partners this way and a ton of people seem to have friends who ve done the same it s a really nice way to see if you ve got similar interests before you meet too chemistry is great but if you re into different things or have different values or goals then it ll never work but you have to actually meet to see if there s any chemistry of course i ve found it a really good way to get back out there and re learn how to flirt and talk to men i m a pretty chatty person but dating is a whole different ball game so the practice is useful so here are the scores on the doors so far date 1 ian 41 with no kids christmas hadn t been kind to ian and although lovely in character he was carrying way more timber and chins than i was led to believe and i did not fancy him at all he came to brighton we had lunch on the pier wandered around the shops had coffee then i sent him on his merry way date 2 geoff 44 with no kids i went on 2 dates with geoff date one was bowling this is a brilliant first date as it s fun you can flirt you re focused on a shared goal and you get to check out each others behinds where there was a lot of chemistry he was tall which i really like as i do like a nice heel and the date went well date 2 was to a country pub where i discovered he seemed to have no passion or drive for anything and i wondered if this extended to people when he dropped me off he told me he d been on another second date 2 days before and they d decide to start seeing each other he d wanted to keep his date with me as we d already arranged it i personally wished he hadn t as i could ve done something else more interesting that day date 3 terry 43 with no kids i went on 2 dates with terry as well as i don t think you can always tell from 2 or 3 hours in someone s company whether there might be something there he was absolutely lovely but we didn t feel any chemistry and decided to stay friends he s since found a new girlfriend from the site which is proof that it does work date 4 russ 38 divorced with a 5 year old daughter this is a hard one to discuss as it was quite a mental experience we went bowling and hit it off immediately we got on so well that at his request we saw each other 4 times in a week and then he just went weird and bowed out he said his feelings were all over the place and he needed time to sort them out bla bla usual bollocks i was pretty cut up actually as although i d only known him for a week he was good company and i was having fun i was very confused as to what had happened but am now sure that i had a narrow escape from a dickhead anyone who freaks out after 4 dates is pretty pathetic but i was very surprised at how bad i felt after he did this dates lined up these are dates i have yet to go on but that have been scheduled 1 joe 44 divorced no kids i was supposed to see him last night but he cancelled as he had to work late i m not sure either of us are feeling this 2 steve 44 with a 3 year old daughter he s a writer who i m meeting on monday he seems pretty interesting so we ll see 3 frank 44 with an 11 year old daughter he works in the arts and i m meeting him on tuesday night i m looking forward to this one the most as his messages have been really interesting and he s a geek like me divorced men and or men with kids are actually quite good to date they ve messed it up once so are now hopefully wiser as to what they want and what makes a good relationship if they have kids and they re a good dad they know how to budget and plan and put someone else first if they re a bad dad then you just avoid them and because they have their kids a day or 2 a week you get a nice amount of time to yourself as well also meeting a guy in his late 30 s or 40 s without kids is quite rare nowadays so that s the state of things as they stand i m not desperate to find a boyfriend but i m putting myself out there in the hope of meeting someone to have fun with and connect with i guess i m not into conventional relationships where you spend all your waking hours with someone then move in together have kids take all your holidays together and check with them before you do anything though i don t want an open relationship but i d like to create something modern based on what we both individually want i like my own space and like living by myself for example i like most of the things that come with a relationship such as intimacy sex closeness and having someone you love and can do romantic things with but i don t like being told what to do and i really hate it when you feel strongly for a person so things they do or say unsettle your emotional stability and bring out less than pleasant emotions it seems that you can t have one without the other though no comments labels internet dating there s star trek nerds on the starboard bow captain warning this post contains references to nerd items such as gaming and star trek terminology you may choose to look away i will understand since earlier this year i ve been going to loads of meet up groups in my local area i ve mentioned the website before because whatever you re into from different sports and rambling to pub lunches and wine tasting there s a group for you i ve been going to a gaming group and i love it it started when i checked out the weekly email that tells you what s going on that week whether you re a member of the group or not i glanced down saw the words star trek and was hooked someone had bought the star trek attack wing staw game and wanted to know if anyone was up for playing it in the pub that saturday only star trek geeks need apply who s in i was so i went along that weekend and played staw in a room above a pub for hours with 3 blokes i d never met it was brilliant since then i ve been going regularly to their gaming sessions and learning how to play all kinds of things i m still completely into staw though and even bought my own copy of the game and played games at other group member s houses in fact i m hosting my first game today oh yes five guys i know them so i won t be attacked and murdered in my own home are coming over later to play staw we ve even bought our own ships and might even play in factions i don t own any federation ships yet apart from what came with the base game and prefer to play baddie ships i feel like i ve found me tribe with the group it s really relaxed i m never the biggest nerd in the room i can discuss star trek and other nerd subjects such as android and smart watches i have my eye on a samsung gear 2 without fear of ridicule and the games are really fun none of my other friends really play anything more than scrabble so it s great to meet new people and be introduced to new games and things they re people of all ages so it s not like i m some old granny hanging out with the kids either i think you need to keep learning as you get older as it s really easy to stagnate and get into a rut with the same people talking about the same old shit i go to the movie club group and am a member of a few social groups too i go to pub meet ups and lunches and all kinds of things but the gaming group is definitely my favourite one live long and prosper x no comments labels new experiences star trek 26 april 2014 well hello there it s been ages blimey i haven t posted for ages on one hand there s been nothing to tell you and on the other there s been loads now it s all build up so i ll bring you up to speed by doing a round up kinda post then i can get back on track and you might actually know what the fuck i m talking about love life my love life is rubbish there s no two ways about this one i ve started doing some internet dating again i m sure a few of you may recall how that one turned out but if you weren t a reader it was both funny and a shambles at the same time these are my dates so far two dates with terry who was lovely despite the awful name but there was no chemistry we are going to be friends though because he s interesting and local two dates with geoff who told me after our second date that he d been on another second date with someone a few days before and they d decided to start seeing each other i was pretty annoyed that he didn t cancel his date with me thus wasting my sunday and his i may have had a lucky swerve though as he told me on the date that he felt no passion or drive for anything which made me wonder if that extended to people also he couldn t see a face in the grass i was trying to point out in a field we were up on a hill which possibly meant he had no imagination plus his name is truly dreadful one date with shailen who despite saying he had a great time and asking to see me the next week never contacted me again pretty fucking rude even though i m good at being single and love most aspects of it this doesn t mean that i want to be single forever and spend the next 40 years by myself it s really hard to meet people though especially someone who is interested in me in return it seems social life excellent i ve joined a few meet up groups and can go out every night of the week if i like i love the gaming group i go to and really like a guy there but he s 9 years younger than me we get on really well and it s a shame about the age as i d ask him out otherwise i also have some amazing friends who have been brilliant recently as i ve been feeling a bit down this week one even came round with cake and took me out for coffee to cheer me up emotional status rubbish this week has been utter pants and i ve been feeling quite sorry for myself there s a few reasons for this i ve hurt my back and can t get comfy my business has been quiet which never happens which has made me start to worry a bit about money my ex has a new girlfriend which he met because she lives in his road and just went and knocked on his fucking door i m annoyed about this one as although i don t want him back i feel that he was responsible for the breakdown of our relationship my resulting unhappiness and that he doesn t deserve the ease at which he s found someone new when i m much more deserving and nobody wants me it s hard to admit that i m bitter and angry about it but that is the truth of the matter i don t want him to be unhappy but i m annoyed that he met someone so easily when i can t feeling rejected emotionally even though i don t care what strangers think about me i guess it s only natural to feel rejected and confused and all sorts of other horribly damaging emotions when someone rejects you geoff shailen even though they were clearly dicks it s still quite hurtful and has knocked my self e...