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numbers the good news as of now the companies he had personal loans with have not come to me for payment they seem to be less aggressive about repayment i did hear from the bank for my personal credit cards that they are reducing my credit limits by half the credit reporting companies are definitely tagging me with his outstanding debts i realize it is early days and this is probably far from over i keep my personal cards and auto loans paid up and hope eventually my credit rating will improve 4 with the pandemic the irs is backed up it does appear that the very expensive tax attorneys i hired are working some magic on the issues of back taxes payment plans liens etc should know soon the state of california not so much they want payment in full and it is a doozy wouldn t you know he had a very good income last year they are giving me five years to pay off the 2019 taxes 5 bottom line if you are facing big tax and credit issues i would advise that the expense of hiring professional help is worth it not those credit fix companies law firms or cpa firms which specialize in these issues call and talk to multiple people until you feel a good fit and communication style i had some pretty insulting and negative conversations until i found the great people i am working with 6 remember that this will all settle out it may take time and more money that you don t really have to spend to help resolve it but it will be resolved over time this is one area i think it is best to let time pass before making any decisions the pressure is enormous to just make it go away resist that urge and take your time posted by susan at 9 34 am no comments labels alone banking benefits challenges consumer debt credit issues death certificates death of husband death of spouse debt financial help legal help money retirement rights widowed tuesday june 9 2020 walking for sanity it has been hard to start living alone just as this stay at home way of life started i know it has been hard for pretty much everyone all of us have our different dynamics challenges and feelings the exception has been my youngest daughter she has been working non stop in the food and beverage industry since she was in high school she was furloughed and has had the first break in 10 years but i digress one of the reasons i decided on the little house i live in now is its proximity to rancho san rafael regional park it has a huge dog park an arboretum botanical gardens and covers about 600 acres of space i have been going walking through the park several times a week all through the late winter and spring it turns out reno is really windy did not know that before i moved here as a cyclist i hate the wind but as a pedestrian it isn t all that bad however gale force winds gusting 30 60 mph is not conducive to a walk in the park as a californian i am geared for warm weather to start in march it snowed and hailed and froze the water in my birdbath on june 7 here when i go for a few days making excuses for not walking and then shove myself out the door i am always so happy my better nature took over and sent me out into the fresh air be it cold and windy or scented with new blossoms this past week i discovered that the iris finally bloomed as did the lilacs there was a heavenly scent coming from the mountain roses there are little cotton tailed bunnies all over the place and ducklings in a row paddling across the pond my sister got me started painting little rocks to be left behind when out and about and it is always fun to see if my latest rock has been discovered and carried off i am no artist the rock pictured here is my homage to kandinsky i made a whole series of them i usually walk for 30 to 60 minutes i go pretty early and find people are good about distancing and are still friendly i bring my mask but have not needed to wear it i have made an effort to reverse my routes and find new paths and to climb at least 1 or 2 hills on each walk i don t listen to music on headphones i listen to the birds and rushing water from the snow run off while it is still melting i like to walk past the dog park and watch the romping pups i usually stop and find a bench and do a brief meditation then head home again glad i made myself go posted by susan at 5 03 pm 1 comment labels art covid 19 friendship rocks healthy meditation park ranch san rafael regional park sanity staying home trails walking weather sunday june 7 2020 six months a widow we all know time is a fickle thing for me last month seemed to last forever for you it might have passed in a blur six months ago just happened six months ago seems like a lifetime past six months ago today was a saturday it was pearl harbor remembrance day it was the day my husband died i had to look up what day of the week it was the 22 days living in the hospital were marked by the rhythm of shift changes the whiteboard laying out each day s status updates planned meds infusions and procedures during the last few days spent in the icu many of those personal connections were lost as treatment stopped and reacting to each new problem and symptom began in the icu they didn t know him when he arrived 18 days earlier weak but still himself tom at the top of the rocky steps in philly september 2019 and now here i am living alone in a little house in a new state with a fraction of my belongings collected over 37 years of living with my husband each day i am reminded of things planned which will not happen i open a cabinet and see his hat or the velveteen bag containing his ashes i usually say hi tommy and go ahead with what i was doing i have moved from pain to wistfulness i know for sure that i would be in a more positive mood today if not for the covid 19 situation the classes i signed up for were cancelled the social groups i had hoped to join have delayed events until late june or july the gym closed the voids in my life i had hoped to start filling will have to wait a little longer i have the benefit of living in a small house with a large yard i don t particularly like gardening but i find myself pulling weeds planting herb gardens fussing over tomato plants spreading bark watering sweeping off the patio and porch there is a large park nearby with many walking paths and i have watched winter turn to spring as i traipse through it several times a week i ve stopped having the tv on all the time for company i make lists of things to do and check them off as i complete them i am baking low carb cookies and cinnamon bread grilling salmon eating the first cherries and apricots my son and his wife have shared their murder mystery boxes with me following nice meals in their home i am in touch with all 3 children nearly every day and have zoom gatherings with other family and former co workers alone together isn t that the theme of the day posted by susan at 10 58 am no comments labels aml covid 19 family gardening grief hospital leukemia loss time widow wednesday april 29 2020 sad shopping they say never grocery shop when you are hungry i have learned it is very expensive to grocery shop when you are feeling sad when i feel sorry for myself i spend 153 00 on things like 1 pate 2 kinds 2 a nicely shaped pot i can put mosaic tile on even though i have 3 at home waiting to be similarly adorned 3 four sweet indulgences which i hope will last 2 weeks until i shop again they won t 4 shrimp because no shrimp packing plants are under siege yet 5 three kinds of cheese even though i already have 2 kinds in the frig 6 a 2 00 avocado which will never be worth what i spent 7 three kinds of berries not on mark down 8 green onions to replace the 2 slimy bags of green onions i removed from the frig i also bought some ground lamb and chicken because meat packing plants four greeting cards which i need to swear off because they are ridiculously expensive i have been saying that for about 2 years now it is an addiction i couldn t buy any lipton tea and a few other things on my actual list there were many more empty shelves throughout the store than i have seen before my cupboards and refrigerator are full no more shopping just for something to do except for plants at the nursery posted by susan at 1 14 pm no comments labels bad ideas corona virus covid 19 food shopping hungry meat packing money sad shopping widow sunday april 26 2020 no longer home alone am i the only one tired of hearing about in these unprecedented unpredictable un whatever times that we are alone together if those companies spending a fortune on the sappy repetitive ads would direct that money toward their employees i wouldn t get so irked but that is a rant for another day apparently i am no longer sheltering on place alone the signs were subtle at first then nothing for a bit then they were unmistakable mice this nice little house i live in has very little kitchen cabinet space but there is a sort of semi finished closet off the kitchen previous tenants housed their dogs and pet supplies in that space i set up shelves and organized my overflow bowls pans storage containers and some pantry items i couldn t fit into the kitchen the first alert was the tiny mouse i surprised while it was exploring the trash under the sink i went out and bought the standard glue traps i know none of this is particularly humane but those snap and squish things seem worse i placed two of them under the sink at the spot that looked most likely to be the point of entry nothing for weeks no sign maybe the trash explorer returned to the hide out and reported it was a no go then i started finding droppings in various places and the glue traps still perfectly in place in the closet there was a nibbled potato and i had to wash a basket of dish towels but no other signs i stopped storing my occasional potato in the pantry and put the towels in another location wiped down the shelves with clorox put a couple more glue traps on the shelves and started doing daily inspections turns out these mice have very high end taste the only thing they focused on were my very expensive low carb crackers which i order by the case from san francisco i tossed the first package they had ravaged and placed all the cracker type items into very heavy duty plastic bags my husband used to store yard and pool chemicals in the garage all seemed well traps clear and no new nibbles or so i thought i went to get a package of my special crackers and i found they had chewed through the plastic and into one of my new cracker packages i related my battle to my sister who advised me to get electric traps that zap the mice she swore by the effective and more humane little killing devices stay in your own damned house amazon apparently didn t think them essential enough to deliver right away and i didn t want to wait 3 weeks so i left the safety of my home went to home depot and paid more but had my new battle plan as directed i put peanut butter in the traps even though i knew the hearts desire of the mice so nothing happened i left trails of crackers up to the entry of the traps they ate the crumbs but did not enter i moved them around i cleaned out the peanut butter and put cracker crumbs inside no go i got the smart rodents meantime i completely rearranged my storage and got all soft packages out of the closet pantry was that a smart move will they just hightail it into the kitchen cabinets now is this really how i am spending my days well i don t know what changed the dynamic but all of a sudden 2 tiny mice on glue traps to dispose of still no action in the 40 00 fancy reusable traps but progress then another on a glue trap then the big time a much larger critter entered the zap trap i could see the tail hanging out i am not particularly squeamish and i will step up and deal with this myself with gloves and newspapers to remove and wrap and try not to look at any of it yuck two days now and no new action i may be alone again probably not still alone together posted by susan at 10 00 am no comments labels corona virus home alone independent low carb mice shelter in place staying home traps widow monday april 20 2020 all this and isolation too three weeks after i moved to another city in another state to escape the high prices of the sf bay area and to be near my son and his wife in nevada the stay at home orders came out i had managed to get really well settled into my little house and was looking forward to being out and about getting to know the area and to start finding ways to meet people i had signed up for a couple of classes and was researching bike and social groups i had visited several gyms and chose one to join i got all signed up with a local doctor i completed the process to get a new drivers license and register my car i was all revved up to get out there and start a routine and meet people and fill my no longer work and husband filled time it all came to a screeching halt for good reason i am not arguing that at all i don t have health issues but i am of the age group that is at risk the last thing i would want is to do something reckless and cause others to get sick or require care for myself it just seems to me when i think back over the last 6 months that this is personal which is crazy i know that it just seems like the universe is really piling it on considering all the drama and problems and issues and frustrations i have had to work through beginning with my husbands diagnosis and continuing to this day the number of hours invested in dealing with the fall out from his death including identity theft tax and financial issues settlements from the moving company and disbursement of funds from accounts and even just trying to get mail delivered to the correct address it seems endless and i have such empathy for anyone having to go through all of it i am glad i was not working and able to be with my husband every one of his last days i have the time and the capacity to deal with all of the challenges i am facing i can afford my little house in my new city and my car payment and groceries and the things i need i am near my son and my daughters who live across the country check in pretty much every day this will pass at some point i ll do all the things i was looking forward to right now i am a bit too steeped in being alone and all the platitudes are getting annoying but in writing this i also feel annoyed by my own complaints so i am just going to knock it off and make a list of things to do for the rest of this week and then the next one and just stay busy and active and stop whining posted by susan at 4 36 pm 1 comment labels alone bad day challenges corona virus death isolation moving nevada problems covid 19 socializing widow older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me reno nevada united states view my complete profile blog archive 2020 14 december 1 one year a widow september 3 july 1 june 2 april 4 march 3 2018 20 may 1 april 2 march 4 february 8 january 5 2016 2 may 1 april 1 2014 19 december 1 november 1 october 1 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