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stop wander menu skip to content home book love who stop wander post navigation older posts on romance posted on february 14 2024 by amuirin under love to be honest i have rebellious thoughts regarding my relationship i fantasize about secretly purchasing one of the gorgeous low maintenance condos that looks out over the local golf course and transforming it into a perfect personal retreat with spare but customized furniture a comfortable and attractive sectional from restoration hardware a queen bed with a lush expensive mattress piled in feminine prints and pillows a gleaming kitchen with quartz counters and a single set of two pots two pans in pretty pastels non toxic non stick ceramic that wont be waiting for me in the morning crusted with the greasy residue of somebody s ground sausage or chorizo soft music plays in my retreat i go out on the terrace at sunset and watch the stubborn people swat balls into the twilight several yards away the writing desk is near to the fresh air the view it has a cup of pens and pencils notebooks and my laptop waiting for me a couple lush thriving plants infuse the air with oxygen and for at least several months there is no tv im on detox it s valentine s day and in real life the damn screen is blaring again more stuff i dont care about i wanna read my karen russell short stories without having to put on earmuffs to block the sound or i mean since it s valentine s day i donno be kissed all over have a sensual massage have an erudite conversation that isnt about wearying politics or how he is updating the technology at work or bizarrely interrogative questions about my business which i believe are a good faith effort to show interest but feel sort of like barked inquisitions from an angry officer this year isnt romantic last year wasnt romantic i could take control and make the evening not so plebeian but having to take control is not romantic im not going anywhere not like leaving him but id like to be able to mysteriously disappear when he isnt engaging me properly as a partner which feels like the case far too often i like that he will take on chores i hate i like that we have text exchanges everyday while he is working i like his touch his face but i dont like that i wait and wait while he engages in years worth of escapism from his personal baggage i dont like that i havent had a decent holiday in years cus his emotional cowardice makes him stubbornly escapist whenever expectations get notched up a bit im pretty tired of accepting less than i deserve when it s like fucker worship me im not gonna be cute and willing to be close to you forever not if you keep watching that fucking tv sometimes i wanna run to italy have dinner with a handsome stranger feel looked at feel fascinating shit he s a very good friend of mine and i never want to hurt him but it hurts to feel the world close in and yearn for something different i want to be excited to be taken by surprise by my partner maybe that condo then yeah a feminine retreat i have a right to reset the dynamic if it proves unsatisfying its not a crime to build a better world it s not a sin to make him earn his place in it bah bring out the earmuffs now where did i put that book 4 comments christmas bizarro posted on november 29 2023 by amuirin under uncategorized this passage may entail a bit of hyperbole but it follows a factual set of circumstances i came across an article this morning describing the christmas craft fair held at the empty mall last weekend that wasn t in and of itself unusual what was odd is that we were there at that exact same spot the night before this alleged craft fair and there was nothing i mean nothing going down the place appeared haunted in fact no lights no wreaths no signs just a large cavernous building hosting a shuttered great clips and a stubborn little bath body works a flickering glow in a few acres of dark mall we were there because in my confused and vulnerable black friday frenzy i decided j c penney might yet be lurking inside even though they actually closed that down before we moved here i went and peered in the glass dark eerie if the fortune telling machine from big had been in there it wouldn t have been surprising the ensuing craft fair was not even a whisper on the breeze or a flyer on the door and yet the local news has pictures of the event in full thrum 24 hrs later they kept it a big ass secret and that s not the first time last year we had an address on snake river drive for the episcopalian bake off and craft fair but despite driving frustrated oblongs up and down the road the address we had appeared not to exist we stopped at a gas station to ask but the woman behind the counter just looked us up and down and finally said we better ask leroy i figured leroy was the manager but he turned out to be a customer sitting next to the window in the shitty plastic seats with a cup and two open containers of chaw laid out before him his hands and face looked like those of an entity forged in craggy stone and he was staring into the middle distance with a frown i lost my nerve a little but chris went up and asked about the fair despite chris initiating leroy directed all of his communications to me in the booming voice of a stone solomon he wanted to know who had sent us um debbie behind the counter she thought you might know where to find this place debbie keaner or debbie munroe leroy rumbled majestically um i donno she s right over there behind the counter i pointed helpfully i see i see leroy said without looking then he chawed for a bit and spit i dont attend church functions they don t do me no good well this is more of a crafter s fair but we can t find the address chris read it off to him oh that s up yonder said leroy suddenly growing animated and he proceeded to dash off a list of instructions breathless in their scope and remarkably lacking a single recognizable land mark we attempted to clarify but got the same list of instructions and around that time we made like good americans thanked him gave up and went home to watch television so much for that this week we couldn t find the holiday deals at big lots and after some back and forth with a rather cagey employee determined that the ads flyer next to the store door was just a front and the real flyer could be obtained at the checkout desk if you knew the secret handshake that is i dont know what the deal is but a couple of greenhorns can get themselves in a lot of trouble asking too many questions clearly santa has some kind of clandestine network at play here in the lawless west and who are we to try and ferret out the elusive elf i will leave hand made goods and other dark arts to the shadowy realm of the episcopalians no good ever came of nosing about where you dont belong a 1 comment dust off this old jacket posted on january 22 2019 by amuirin under uncategorized hi there it s been forever since i put words here lifetimes ago really but i downloaded the counting crows this desert life album and have been plunged into a massive revisiting of old haunts and memories and here i am this is a bit like knocking on the doors of what could be a ghost town to see if anything stirs inside just putting words down feels good there have been some things i have wanted to tell an intimate audience of strangers sometimes lately with all the newness and adjustment always taking place i miss that sense that someone is listening not just to my everyday voice saying words i have that but that i can tell the truth right from the heart of me and have someone or something receive it amy hit the atmosphere track 3 depressing in the good way sing your heart out and exorcise that shit that s what i m talking about a 4 comments post navigation older posts visitors 232 392 good reads a n h i n g a bountiful healing corina david due up escaping suburbia in search of the mask of satori julian lazy buddhist mad haiku maekitso cafe not quite right red ravine rick mobbs robin sarah mesinga sketches seeded earth smitten kitchen the rejectionist these are days thinking about trees flowers birds unmerited gifts search subscribe subscribed stop wander sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy stop wander subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email required name required website