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description=Navigating life as a planner, thinker, reader, dreamer, spouse, and breastfeeding, babywearing, natural parent of two. This is a journal of my thoughts along the way.;

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Text of the page (random words):
f bed for long periods of time and my tail bone and perineum would appreciate it if i took that suggestion seriously through at least the end of the week but i thought about suggesting a carrier for th today when he was holding ay while i got myself ready for bed i ll have to show him how to use one in the next few weeks leave a comment milk in posted on june 9 2015 by jah under journal life tuesday june 9 2015 things seem better this morning although a long night i didn t sleep at all before about 3 30 am because i was focusing on nursing ay and he was having a hard time staying latched while side lying which meant that i had to sit up in bed to nurse him a little after 3 i was finally able to lay down just before going to bed last night i thought i noticed a faint tingling sensation and that my breasts seemed heavier than they had earlier but i wasn t leaking and didn t feel engorged like i remember when my mature milk came in with tee so maybe it was wishful thinking this morning though my breasts definitely felt full i wasn t leaking and couldn t hand express a ton but they were fuller and heavier i didn t have that feeling of rock filled canteloupes i got the first time but then again i ve been nursing ay constantly since he was born and tee has nursed a lot too so there have been very few breaks from nursing even when the baby is sleeping i remember reading something in a breastfeeding reference book during my training this past year that the feeling of engorgement after a baby is born and one s mature milk comes in is not so much a feeling of one s milk coming in since milk is there all along and the colostrum slowly turns into transitional milk and then to mature milk but more the feeling of the point at which the milk one is making outpaces the milk one s baby is or babies are removing so maybe i shouldn t expect that same engorged feeling since i have had two kids one with a much bigger appetite than the other removing milk since the baby was born i woke th and we fed ay the milk i was able to express into a spoon just like yesterday it was definitely milk and not thicker colostrum and just like last night ay seemed a little jolted by such a large serving of milk at once but he ate as much as i could get out probably seven or eight spoons with several drops each just like when i first sat with j the midwife s assistant and later with my mom and b from lll and just like last night i could clearly hear him swallowing once i d tapped out i offered him the breast that he hadn t been nursing when he woke up i made sure to do breast compressions as he nursed and i finally heard swallowing while he nursed such a relief later it s one pm and i think i can officially say the milk is in it s hard to let go of that terminology even when i know that it s inaccurate at the very least it s clearly coming in although it s so unlike how it happened with tee last time i remember a sudden tingling sensation first time feeling letdown my boobs seemingly growing huge right before my eyes and milk literally shooting out of both sides from the pressure it was dramatic this time though it s like my milk is sneaking in with hopes that no one notices when j was here yesterday she commented that my milk was no longer creamy yellow colostrum but watery and white milk just not in the copious amounts i expected to have by then given that i m nursing a newborn and a toddler and remembering that i had enough milk to leak by two days after birth i noticed before going to bed last night that my breasts felt heavier a couple of hours ago they felt a little hard and lumpy th was out at the museum with tee this morning so my mom helped me spoon feed ay for the second time today we re nursing a ton as usual too but whenever he seems especially awake and alert i ve been spoon feeding too i was able to get milk more quickly than yesterday but it was about the same amount in total not a ton but as betsy reminded me a newborn with a stomach the size of a thimble doesn t need tons of milk whenever he nurses i m doing hand compressions and listening closely now for the sounds of him swallowing i m definitely hearing swallowing today but not as much when he nursed alone without me also compressing i do think his latch may be a little shallow but he s also three days old with a three day old s tiny mouth his weight check is in a couple of hours my friend v so graciously pumped some milk for me and dropped it off this morning to have on hand in case of an emergency or bad news with the weight check tonight i m hoping that he has reached the bottom of the curve and that he at least didn t lose any more weight even if he didn t gain leave a comment rough evening posted on june 8 2015 by jah under journal life monday june 8 2015 what a stressful evening to what started out as such a good day things were still going so well in the afternoon th s parents came with the th s sister s kids to see ay the kids mostly played outside or downstairs with tee with th and his dad taking turns watching them j the midwife s assistant who also attended ay s birth arrived right when they left to check us the appointment started off great ay passed his hearing screening she asked me about my tear and i told her about how earlier i had taken a shower and that i was pretty i may have reopened the wound i told her i was more or less okay with it because what can you do you know she said if i was still worried about it they could check it for me at a future visit later in the week but in the meantime to keep following their tips to aid healing then we talked a lot about my birth and i really appreciated hearing her perspective i was nursing tee and she had climbed up on the bed beside me to take my blood pressure so we were sitting next to each other while we talked yesterday n the midwife asked me two interesting questions about my birth the first went something like what was the best or most memorable part of my birth i answered that i did it that i finally got that baby out after a day that seemed like it would never end and that he was born safely and healthy at home then i went on to say that the turning point of labor for me that moment that i suspected may have involved some reverse psychology on her part to motivate me to start trying other things to help labor continue to progress and to avoid a transfer for pitocin it was a really hard moment for me and besides the moment where my son was born it s the moment that most stands out in my mind about his birth but more on all that when i get around to writing up ay s birth story the other question she asked was if there was anything i would change about my birth and here i laughingly said that pretty much everything that happened after she motivated me to start doing things to augment labor felt pretty horrible but i wouldn t necessarily change that part since it seemed like that s what needed to happen for labor to get going so ay could be born and his actual birth was pretty incredible so while we were chatting j mentioned that the midwife had included my comments about what i d thought was the turning point in my labor and i told her that yes that had been a very difficult moment where it seemed like the people in attendance were close to letting me throw in the towel and that it was a moment made even worse because it happened when th had stepped away briefly she said that it was great that i d shared that with the midwife because it would be helpful for other parents she attended in birth to know that giving the news of a possible transfer like that without the birthing parent s support person there at the same time could be a big blow i was glad that she took my comments seriously and that it might help another mom in labor in the future with that conversation behind us and with ay now calm again after nursing she weighed him as the last thing unfortunately after dropping from 7lbs 11oz to 7lbs 4oz yesterday he was down another four ounces today at 7 lbs even he is close to having lost ten percent of his birth weight yesterday at his weigh in with the midwife she seemed totally unconcerned about the weight drop we d been doing skin to skin and nursing pretty much since ay was born he had had four or five poopy diapers and he was peeing constantly all over us but now it seemed like the good news had gone out the door j seemed pretty concerned we talked about the signs that can help determine how much milk a baby is taking in he had five meconium diapers in the first 24 hours including the stool he passed at birth which is probably why the first weight drop was so high but he had only one poopy diaper this morning he hasn t been peeing on us at every change today like he did yesterday in fact while we think he has been peeing today it was frankly hard to tell how much since he is wearing disposables until the meconium stage passes and the brand we re using doesn t have a wetness indicator j asked if she could listen to him as he nursed to see if she could hear him swallowing we both strained to listen to ay as he nursed and didn t hear any swallowing her concern now was practically making me panic i felt like a shitty mom and a fraud here i was thinking everything was going fine and yet i had missed the fact that he might not be getting milk argh what kind of lll leader doesn t recognize signs that her child isn t getting milk anymore we talked about next steps she suggested i keep nursing on cue and recommended that i try to spoon feed him expressed milk as well she also said that if i was comfortable with milk sharing i could ask around to friends i know who are nursing to see if any minded pumping a little so that i could have some on hand if ay continued to lose weight she consulted with the midwife over the phone and they agreed that she would come back again in tomorrow to do another weight check i asked my mom to help me by holding ay as i worked to hand express milk into a spoon for him it was incredibly hard work to get even a few drops out of either breast but i kept trying and i managed to halfway fill a spoon with breastmilk my mom held ay steady for me as i fed it to him it took him a second or two to realize what was happening but he perked up immediately and swallowed the milk i d poured into his open mouth j agreed that a half full spoon of breastmilk was a good amount to offer each time before leaving she suggested we try to give him a little more this way tonight and to do it a few more times the next day too i managed to halfway fill eight spoons with breastmilk and my mom and i fed this to him by now th was home he had taken tee to play at a local botanitical garden with his cousins and th s sister s family he didn t seem too upset by the weight news but i couldn t tell if that s because he s usually pretty calm about things like that or if it was because he didn t understand how important it is for a baby to gain weight in a certain amount of time after being born he began getting tee ready for bed and i hustled to work i contacted two close friends from our mom play group who are currently nursing toddlers and asked if they wouldn t mind pumping some milk to have ready for us just in case ay showed that he had lost more weight the next day i heard back from one right away that she would be happy to help out and would pump for us in the morning i realized i sucked at hand expression even after watching videos to figure out a technique or maybe i just didn t have much in reserve to hand express right now i was in a state and after my mom asked if there was anyone i felt comfortably calling to ask for help i decided to call another lll leader i chose b because she lives close by it was after 9 00 pm but she answered my call on the first ring and said she would come over right away twenty minutes later b was here giving me an incredibly uplifting and rallying talk while she encouraged me to let nature do it s work by staying naked from the waist up and laying skin to skin with ay as i d mostly been doing she watched as i tried again to hand express and said that my technique was fine and the amount i was able to express was perfect for a newborn baby with a stomach the size of a thimble and knowing that i m tandem nursing both a newborn and toddler she encouraged me to keep nursing tee because more demand leads to more supply she left me feeling like i can trust my body and my baby to figure this out and in the meantime i still have the option to spoon feed my child breastmilk which we did a little more of after nursing again and before we all went to bed tonight at bedtime th went to try to get tee to sleep but tee had a meltdown th got him settled and asked me to nurse him to sleep i d been trying to avoid that for a little while tonight so that i could focus on nursing ay but i did because tee was being so sweet and waited patiently for me while sitting in the side car crib and ay seemed to have nursed all he was going to for the time being tee and i talked a while but he was wide awake and nursing him wasn t helping i decided that i could at least be using this time to hand pump while he nursed and called out to th to see if he could bring my pump th came in and instead suggested i switch back and let him settle tee i wanted to try the pumping thing though and said maybe we should just let tee stay up a little while the routine was totally out the window by now so i didn t think 30 minutes more of staying up was going to make much difference ugh i don t know what the hell happened from there th got pissed because he felt i once again was making an executive parenting decision we had an argument about tee nursing to sleep i suggested th try to rock tee in one of the two rocking glider chairs our parents so kindly gave or let us borrow the whole discussion devolved into an argument by the time i finally got tee to sleep i was pissed and frustrated and th was too he came up to talk to me about it we were both too angry to talk rationally and instead had another fight about tee and why the hell he s still nursing to sleep at two and a half and what our plan was to change that argh what a way to end the day leave a comment post navigation older posts recent posts marveling about this baby weight check success and other newborn news milk in rough evening home birth humor tee s bed and thoughts on parts that are never the same after birth a peaceful night and thoughts on our family that was thoughts adoption arts and crafts basketball birth blogging coaching current events family food friends fun and games holidays home japan journal life love and marriage on this day in ourstory other parenting planning pregnancy race reading tee th trying to conceive uncategorized waiting to try work archives june 2015 10 may 2015 11 april 2015 9 march 2015 17 february 2015 11 january 2015 12 december 2014 11 november 2014 16 october 2014 16 september 2014 13 august 2014 17 july 2014 6 june 2014 8 may 2014 8 ap...