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sunshine sunshine there s always sunshine after the rain home posts rss comments rss edit switcher sunday december 20 2015 posted by xi tian at 10 37 pm 0 comments i don t know what did i get myself into i m supposed to study for my finals now my finals begin in three days time and yet on the 25th i need to participate in a singing competition singing malay song i don t have the mood for this i just want to focus on my finals is that too much to ask why can t you just reject them all universities are having their finals now can t we focus on ours can t we you know how important finals are to me and yet you are doing this to me why why just why tuesday august 18 2015 posted by xi tian at 11 42 pm 0 comments i ve been trying very hard to be optimistic but this is my limit since i was born i am given a threshold that i have to reach after i achieved the threshold there will be another high threshold there s no end to it i want to enjoy life like my peers do travelling making new experience meeting new people i m thirsty for those experiences how i wish i could join them when i see their invitations how i wish i can be in the photos that they uploaded on social medias i know i should be grateful that i have a complete family a roof over my head bountiful of food on the table for every meal but still i m just 21 i m a hot blooded young adult who want to explore the world not till the limit where i neglect my responsibility as a child but i do feel unfair most of the time i m in charge of the household chores and stuff i know i should help out whenever i can but i can t help but feeling frustrated and i m totally ashamed to feel this way it s just not fair he can do whatever he want while i need to ask for permissions and plan my schedule according to your liking tonight i felt that it s the best to just stop chasing my dreams and just stay at home and do whatever that you wanted me to do often i feel afraid afraid that i will disappoint you you always say its okay you did your best but you act the other way round i feel pressured every time the exam seasons come i feel pressured when my friends invite me to somewhere i m even anxious when i receive an opportunity to gain experiences i don t know what i want or what i need anymore all i know is i need to fulfil all your needs in order to be entitled as a good child or i m a shame of the family i m grateful of the effort that you put to raise me up and that s why i can t say it out loud to u i just need a place to write all this out sunday october 26 2014 i thought i can do it posted by xi tian at 7 01 pm 0 comments it has been more than a month since i started university life in unisza at kuala terengganu i thought that i already adapt to this university but i just realised that i m not not at all a week holiday where i enjoyed being at home surrounded my love ones who took care of me like i m a precious jewel and today i took the flight back to kuala terengganu from kuala lumpur at this moment almost 12 hours after i landed here since 8 o clock in the morning the feeling of homesick hits me the lump that i had been trying to push down is forcing its way up my throat i can t be like this i have to stand up and face it to get good result for my future or all my efforts for all these years will go down the drain i will only myself to cry only tonight only tonight friday june 6 2014 i m back posted by xi tian at 7 25 am 0 comments it has been more than a year since i last posted something here a sudden emptiness filed in when stpm ended i ve been helping around the house enjoying things that i always wanted to do when i m studying like going to concert watching dramas and reality shows and etc i will blog more from now onwards since it had been on of my favourite pastime tuesday august 13 2013 posted by xi tian at 9 56 am 0 comments i m given 2 weeks of holiday which i should be using it for studying for the papers that i m going to take and retake in the next 2 months but i wasted the first week being sick where i can t concentrate at all i want to go back to the first week so much to do much much more stop chai xi tian it s no use looking back start studying now currently i am cleaning up a room for my study room i want to study as my bed as possible hope this can prevent me from lying down during my study and eventually fall asleep i so not disciplined i should learn to be one cleaning and rearranging a rooms is not easy there are so many things to clean and organise i wonder should i put the cleaning aside and start studying or continue the cleaning mom said that it s the hungry ghost month now so it s bad to rearrange things i m in dilemma now i don t want to make mom worry but at the same time i want to finish the cleaning and start anew oh my ok out that aside first yesterday i went to ikea to find some shelves and a rack for organizing the clothes i did find the rack but no luck on the shelves however i had a fun time looking at all the things in ikea and having lunch at the food court these days i feel i m more isolated from the world outside me its like i prefer to stay within my comfort zone than exploring the adventure outside of my zone i know i shouldn t be like this but i can t help it the most safe and calming is when i m at home best is in a corner which i can consider my own but i ve decided that i will step out of this comfort zone and improve myself for the better older posts subscribe to posts atom copyright 2009 sunshine blogger theme by bloggerthemes design by uicss cn blog archive 2015 2 december 1 i don t know what did i get myself into i m suppo august 1 2014 2 october 1 june 1 2013 7 august 1 april 1 march 1 february 1 january 3 2012 25 november 2 october 3 september 1 august 1 july 1 may 2 april 4 march 2 february 3 january 6 2011 27 december 1 october 7 september 5 august 2 july 3 june 2 may 2 march 1 february 3 january 1 2010 28 december 2 november 2 october 3 september 2 august 2 july 1 june 2 may 3 april 3 march 2 february 3 january 3 2009 173 december 9 november 13 october 8 september 6 august 23 july 19 june 35 may 20 april 16 march 16 february 2 january 6 blogs blogilates the final installment of the 2026 popflex team retreat 4 days ago little corner of mine steamed smiling pandan cake pandan huat kuih 8 months ago dreamcatcher 6 years ago wei hwei download texas geometry benchmark 2013 epub 7 years ago serendipity 7 years ago student part time jobs malaysia part time full time cafe crew rm5 hour or rm1200 month tropicana avenue 8 years ago xiaxue blogspot com everyone s reading it unacceptable responses to the taylor swift vs kim kardashian drama right now 10 years ago u r fashion couple bracelets can be bought separately 11 years ago bubzbeauty home breastfeeding youtube and i 11 years ago yin siew 梦幻 微笑