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t who went off with the man who had just broken her nose and had blood running down her face showed me that women are weak pathetic needy desperate for any man no matter what he was like and they obviously have no love nor respect for themselves why would i want to be like them how did i change how did i stop having gender issues it was a long process that started with jesus and ended with jesus and still continues today with jesus i went to what was back in 2003 a great jesus focused group for gay christians one night we were asked to write our first thoughts on a piece of paper and put them in a hat when the word man or woman was spoken my pieces of paper about men were positive my pieces of paper about women were all negative this made me stop i saw i had a problem i knew i was attracted to women because i had a lack of female friendships at school because all the other girls were absolute bitches i knew my attraction to females was far more sexual than emotional which is unusual for gay women it was because i had tried talking to girls they would not talk to me they would scream abuse at me but they would not have a friendship with me so when there is no possibility of an emotional connection the only thing left is to look at a person for several years i went to this bible and jesus focused groups for gay christians people joined the group including a man who had lived as a woman i could email him when i was freaking out he understood straight away what the problem was and was able to talk me out of freaking out freaking out meant i wanted to cut off my chest with the big kitchen knife and have a fully male body this group was part of a big network that had access to research going back decades on same sex attraction and gender identity disorder as it was called back then myself and another member of the group who had been sexually abused by his grandmother in childhood wanted to look at the subject of misogyny so that is what the group looked at one day we went through the organisation s statements about what misogyny is and different facets of it out of 34 facets of the hatred of women i had 32 and i had had one of the others but had left it aside at university there were times when i would start my day praying through the 32 facets of misogyny i had i would give it all to god i would feel better about the female of the species go downstairs pick up my bag and go outside to go to work and i would see a woman pushing a push chair with a man walking beside her berating her while drinking from a can of beer and i would be back at square one of hating women again when the evidence was literally in front of my eyes of how stupid pathetic weak and all the rest that women are how could i not hate them in 2007 i moved to another city and a church was recommended i went to this church and i found it very difficult i was stunned at how the young women as well as the young men were telling rape joke after rape joke i did speak to the young folk several times and they were insistent on their right to tell rape jokes females as well as males in a church one female did thank me for speaking up she did not speak up i found other things bizarre in this church i asked my bible study group leaders why i could not pray with men women had to pray with women and men had to pray with men i was not comfortable with praying with women due to all of my negative experiences with women and i had daily negative experiences in the workplace at that time with women i asked why i couldn t pray with men the female bible study leader said because i don t want my husband to cheat on me i was confused by that and asked but why can t i pray with men she repeated but louder because i don t want my husband to cheat on me i was confused because her husband wasn t exactly amazing looking and i certainly had no interest in him nor the sin of adultery so i asked again but why can t i pray with men she had tears in her eyes and was hysterical almost screaming because i don t want my husband to cheat on me i stopped because there is nothing anyone can do with someone who is brainwashed this woman was clearly brainwashed as were all the other women in the church the women as well as the men came out with some really bizarre stuff that was highly emotional and not rooted at all in scripture no man had ever had a problem praying with me before everyone understood from university onwards that i hung around with men my friends were all men except for a few females i hung around with here and there usually when i was waiting for a man to show up i think most people assumed it was because i was gay i think they assumed i didn t want to fall in love with women so i avoided women no it was because i could not stand women beyond porn and yes i m against porn but for a lot of my life my only positive interaction with women was porn i saw behaviours in this church for example the men sat around while the women cooked i m talking students not boomers i sat with the men having a laugh while the females did all the work i thought that was odd to be honest my dad for all of his many many faults cooked cleaned washed clothes etc and then came the theology women were second class citizens women were useless women were second rate to god i saw my own attitudes reflected back to me but in what was supposed to be a church and they jammed together halves of bible verses that are not supposed to be jammed together to create a theology i had never heard before in 25 years of being a christian i saw all of these people misusing scripture to say how awful half of god s creation was things that went against everything that the bible says about who god is and who we are in him seeing my own attitudes reflected back to me by other people i saw that there was something seriously wrong with the way i viewed women so thank god that he allowed me to go to that bizarre church new frontiers is only just on the legal side of being classified as a cult under uk law new frontiers are everywhere around the uk especially in university towns putting on a huge social programme to entice and trap students who are away from home for the first time the church becomes the students whole lives and so if they say no to anything at all they are cast out and lose all of their friends immediately i remember being in taize the wonderful religious community in france i go to when i can when i was 28 i was feeling very gender identity disordery and i prayed about it for several days holding my body parts and thanking god for them knowing that god was going to heal my emotions as he always did whenever i had a flare up i knew that i needed a hug from a female to heal my emotions on the thursday there was a huge storm at night my tent leaked so i moved into the large porch of a friend s tent my sleeping bag was wet at the bottom so i slept scrunched up the next day i was shivering and wandering around in a blanket trying to get warm the young folk who were running the cafe mainly young germans told me to come inside the kitchen area to get warm female after female hugged me to try to get me warm my emotions were healed god always delivers god always acts i had a number of instances like this where i got what i needed at that moment in time up until i moved to belgium and was in a language class where everyone was a university graduate everyone was multi lingual everyone had lived abroad before everyone had been successful in the workplace and everyone was a nice person i was treated as a normal female whereas in the uk where women ostracised me for being multi lingual university educated having been successful and being more masculine the women in belgium did not ostracise me i was treated as a normal woman women were friends with me out of a genuine want to be friends rather than having a tick box friendship or pretending to be friends so they they could make a sexual move on me or so they could lower my defences for other women to attack women in belgium were not homophobic like most women in the uk are yes uk women love a sassy gay man to treat as a pet but uk women hate gay women women in belgium had no problem with gay women women in belgium were just nice and so my gender identity disorder evaporated it was being treated as a normal woman and being around nice women that cured me how do i stay healthy in how i view women it is tough sometimes being honest but most of the time i have a much better view of women i talk to women at work i go to social events where women are i read books by women if they are good books i listen to some music by women and i make sure i have amazing examples of women around me to keep my view of women balanced it would be easy to look at women on twitter or how hateful men want to portray all women and see the evidence that women are awful but i know most women on twitter are doing everything for clicks what i hate is that the women following these accounts don t realise that it s all for clicks and there is little truth if any in what the woman they follow is saying the followers of the accounts swallow it all believing everything they are told by a complete stranger on social media they could be following a bot and they don t even question this recently on twitter i have seen a woman claim that women in the uk were not allowed in pubs bars until 1982 my parents met in a pub in 1977 women ran books loaned money with interest in pubs 60 years ago daphne du maurier wrote about women in pubs in jamaica inn that was published in 1936 i have seen a woman tweet that she was raped in broad daylight on a crowded street women on twitter write the most absurd things that are clearly not true and anyone with a functioning brain knows they are not true but women on twitter believe the lies so readily which again makes me question women s intellect due to women making false accusations against me i no longer spend any time on my own with a woman i will go to social events where women are present but i remain in public and on cctv at all times rape survivors if you wonder why no one believes you blame women who lie i try to keep in my mind impressive women i am also attracted to impressive women i am not attracted to normal every day women at all i have no interest in them i am only attracted to impressive women and impressive men the last woman i liked was a government minister in her country chosen by the king himself for being outstanding in her field of work another woman i have liked is a successful businesswoman another was my tour guide who spoke 12 languages i am only interested in impressive women i am not interested in average women whose key characteristics are complaining and demanding everyone sees how amazing she is i was told to admire helen skelton the bbc children s presenter who was an adventurer cycling across the world to the south pole canoeing up the amazon and a lot more she disappointed me when she decided the way to further her career with the bbc was to wear very short skirts to present bbc sports helen skelton thought that the best way to advance her career was to sexualise herself however screenshot i have just learned more about gertrude bell i had heard of her in a book about winston churchill gertrude bell was a woman living in the early 1900s she came from money and she educated herself in antiquities and languages and she ended up travelling with kings and international government ministers photographed in front of pyramids with royalty as well as with the men who decided on nations borders she was one of the very few women in that sphere and she got herself there on intellect and self education jigdoll hannah james hannah james the clog dancer musician singer and song writer is absolutely amazing the first female band i liked was lady maisery of which hannah james is one third the power had gone out at shrewsbury folk festival so hazel and rowan sang acappella and hannah clog danced i saw hannah james show jigdoll and i cried it was amazing absolutely amazing mary berry is a uk tv chef one of our most loved tv chefs born in 1935 at the outbreak of the second world war mary berry contracted polio at the age of 13 which left her disabled for life this did not stop mary berry she started out in the workplace demonstrating how to use ovens both in showrooms and in people s own homes at 22 she convinced her boss to fund her studies in france at le cordon bleu mary berry helped promote a new invention the freezer she has had over 20 books published and has made countless tv appearances on leading shows as well as being honoured by the queen for her contributions to uk life and entertainment there are issues yes i don t click with women like i do with men i have autism which makes me more interested in things than people and women are interested in people and emotions straight women are not inclusive of gay women nor autistic women i have a massive sense of humour and most women are not humorous and rely on men to bring the humour i like facts and i hate gossip and gossip is a sin in christianity and women love gossip so my forays into trying to socialise with straight women don t pay off i insist on having male doctors and i insist on only seeing male doctors because my experiences with several female doctors has been one of bitchy and patronising speeches from them them writing utter nonsense about me on my medical records that i have had to get removed and failing to deal with the illnesses i do have and instead assumed i have conditions that straight women have or prescribing me medication that could have killed me i have medical conditions that men tend to suffer from so with female doctors making assumptions and not listening to what my symptoms actually are and what my diagnoses actually are and with female doctors stereotyping instead of dealing with the patient in front of them i insist on seeing males i don t find most women very interesting i am polite and chat but i prefer to be around males most women don t have hobbies many women have made social media their hobby when women do have things to talk about they go into the bizarre for example i talk about the time i went under cover to a straight women s meetup it was brunch and the food was nice there were about ten women sitting around a circular table they were all ooohhh that i speak other languages when i said that most women and men around the world speak several languages and it s really not difficult they looked uncomfortable i was saying i wasn t anything special but it still made them uncomfortable because it highlighted that they could not do something the meetup went on the conversation went to tarot cards then to work then to chakras and one woman had chakras tattooed onto her arm i m fine with different beliefs i m a christian christianity is backed up by the history books and archaeology real things the women talked more about the city we live in then tarot cards again then visiti...