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Text of the page (random words):
e distance that you are comfortable at running for some of us that is zero i e you will never improve likewise in life if you want a new experience to stretch yourself or to reach a better destination than you have already reached you must set a goal don t run around aimlessly in life without one if i had not set a goal to reach the stop sign at the top of that huge hill today and had not kept my eye on it the whole time there is no way i would have made it to the top i would have stopped when my body got tired which was not even halfway even if you can t see clearly what your final destination is imagine what it would feel like when you get there and keep moving in life like running if you stop for too long you ll have to work to get back in shape don t get discouraged just start again that s why it s called exercise each time you are applying practicing testing we have to keep doing it yes it is worth it don t be afraid of the gag reflex when you reach your destination it just means you gave it your all you will be less afraid of that feeling the next time you get to that point good music really helps along the way today s pick me up rihanna we found love ironically when i reached the top of the hill and to that stop sign i kept my eye on the whole time i looked down and found this stamped on the sidewalk enlightenment is the destination happy running i run hardest at the end catherine posted by catherine at 11 13 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday july 23 2012 snow storm in early march two friends fellow songwriters and i headed to santa barbara for the durango songwriter expo we were slated to leave wednesday night drive 5 6 hours from salt lake city to vegas sleep get up and drive the remaining 7 8 hours to the expo and get there in time for the event to start thursday night my roommate and i of course were running behind schedule so we didn t pull out of our house in slc until 8 pm and then we spent the next hour trying to unclog my windshield fluid hose with an aerosol air can which didn t work so we gave up and left slc at 9pm when suddenly giant snowflakes began falling heavily from the sky the snow in combination with the lack of wiper fluid and the lateness of our departure made for undesirable conditions but we decided to make a decision about whether or not to take off that night once we reached provo an hour south where we were picking up our other friend the snow was somewhat drive able for the hour drive but conditions seemed to only be getting worse and they were supposed to stay bad all night and all morning so there really wasn t a good window for us to get out of town and make it to the expo on time circumstances as they were my two friends were a little hesitant to make the trip but i was determined i really don t know what had taken over me in that moment but i was completely full of faith that we would make it and continue on until we got there the trip wasn t easy by any means we spent most of the night going 20 miles an hour it took us about 10 hours to get to vegas almost twice as long as it should have there were cars in ditches every few hundred feet it seemed and when we finally spotted a snow plow it was heading in the opposite direction semi trucks whirled by us in my little honda civic dumping large amounts of snow and ice on our windshield which only made the visibility go from little to none until i could wipe it off luckily the snow was wet enough that if we kept the wipers on i still had a patch i could see through well enough however there were a few sections on the road when ice covered all visibility and the wipers couldn t seem to break it up we had originally devised a plan to pour wiper fluid out of the car window with a cup if that ever happened and we quickly found out that plan was a bust i had about an inch i could see through if i ducked down and that was it for almost 5 hours all we could catch of the view ahead was about 2 5 feet and then darkness and what we could see in those two feet looked like we were going through hyperspace my friends were a little uneasy the entire time but i felt very calm and peaceful my heart was assured that we would make it there if we just continued on slow and steady i wasn t worried at all in the face of quite a lot of danger we stopped near beaver and talked about getting a motel room for the night however we talked to a gas station attendant who informed us people heading from the other direction said that it would clear up in about 20 miles we just had to get through a canyon which sounded much scarier than it actually was lesson 1 don t give up too soon we made it all the way to the end of the storm and almost decided to stop for the night it ended up only being about 20 minutes of driving till the road cleared and the snow tapered off 20 minutes after almost 6 hours of driving sometimes the end is just right around the corner press on well we did continue on and pulled into vegas at 6 am stopped for a brief nap until 10 or 11 and continued driving to our destination 8 hours away just a little bit tired lesson 2 my roommate was quite shocked at how calm i was during the entire ordeal though a little petrified herself she cheered me on and even tried to buy me whatever i wanted needed at the gas station to keep me motivated because of conversations we had had prior to this she knew that i have at times struggled with overcoming stage fright and having what i would consider good stage presence she said to me you faced that deadly storm like it was no thing and you re afraid to get up in front of a few hundred people and sing huh good point when i got up to sing that night in front of my peers and industry professionals i remembered the storm and bravely stood up to my fear of performing in front of people it wasn t until later when i was talking to a mentor friend of mine and relayed this story that she added further clarity on the storm analogy kindly she pointed out yeah catherine but the storm wasn t going to not love you if you didn t make it through bingo though this is a subject for another day and another blog post learning to love myself through every stage every disappointment every storm has been a big part of my work over the last year i m still learning practicing and growing in my ability to do this but i m pretty certain these harsh lessons i ve been going through are because this message is something i need to share it s part of my purpose and i will stay tuned lesson 3 the third part of this showed up today actually although if i really think about it it s shown up multiple times i just didn t see it fully until today i have thought about the storm analogy many times since having this experience i have thought about how easy it was for me to feel assured during that whole process but in real life i fear putting in the work through such an arduous climb and then ending up in the ditch anyway i feared moving forward i feared feeling anything because what if i move forward with faith trusting to make it through the 10 hours and then i end up in the ditch anyway life truly felt like it had played me this card over the last 12 months i had worked and worked and worked soo hard to become better lose weight make myself available become a morning person not an easy thing for me make an album put myself out there in more ways than one open up to love love fully with all of my heart trust another human trust god with all of my heart and do whatever he asked me to do and i really did whatever he asked me to with full intent and i felt like after all that i got thrown in the ditch i posed this hypothetical non rhetorical question to a relative of mine that is a healer today and she said so the problem is you can t don t see the progress you made in those 9 hours of driving you don t see how far you got in those 9 hours before you ended up in the ditch no well i guess not my dad had actually asked me to take an inventory about a year ago and write down all of the good that had come from me taking the journey i had over the year prior the truth is i made a lot of progress i learned a lot my list is quite long but most importantly i helped another person find value in themselves i grew closer to god than i had ever been in my life i loved unfeigned as painful as it was to have that love rejected what was worse was the belief that it instilled in me a belief based in lies even the evidence was twisted around from truth and reality in order to back up the belief you are not enough you are not worthy you are not loved you will never be loved you are not beautiful therefore you are not worthy of love ouch i drove 9 hours through a snow storm to end up in the i don t love myself ditch and what s worse is once there i didn t see how far i d come i truly believed it would have been better for me to stay home and not make any journey at all than to end up where i did but i believe god cares less about the ditches we fall into and more about our overall progress he cares less about what we would call successes and failures and more about what he sees as our growth and improvement he knows the ditch is temporary he also knows that the ditch is teaching me an extremely important lesson one which i will carry with me to avoid future ditches potholes and wrong turns i ve learned a lot of lessons over the past year and i assume i will continue to learn and grow even more through this sometimes painful arduous process of life oh and one more important lesson i ve learned every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success napoleon hill i m super stoked for the upside of these trials in every thing there is an opposite which means through the bitter and the sorrow there must be an equal capacity for joy gladness and success i look forward to that while also being grateful for the nine hours i made it down the road already who knows twenty more minutes and we could be out of this storm glad you made it this far catherine posted by catherine at 7 40 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday july 17 2012 1 am thoughts mirror mirror sometimes it feels like i just keep bumping up against myself instead of the usual brick wall we usually refer to when we come up against a problem that seems to be slowing us down mine is a mirror reflecting back to me my own imperfections and weaknesses the problems that don t seem to get fixed or the ones i can t seem to accept it feels like a hard lesson to face getting to the point of breakthrough and getting knocked back down again but somehow i know each time it toughens and makes weak things stronger someday i m gonna break through and shatter that mirror and when i walk past them all images thrown at me will not distract or deter me from my purpose i ll simply walk on past them straight to my goal grateful for hard things c posted by catherine at 12 18 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest sunday june 10 2012 opening up as one of my 5 readers you may have noticed that i haven t written in a while i can t really say no pun intended why this is i posted in the last few months about having a broken mouth and this is truly how i feel a lot of the time it s not that i don t have anything to say i have so much to say it s almost gotten to the point that it s painful that i can t say it i have several partially formulated drafts just sitting in my blog account and even more wheeling around in my mind and i don t know why i can t speak but for the sake of at least energetically speaking being available to and willing to change that story i m gonna start and it may come out awkwardly at first and i may need to make a few midnight ramblings like this one but i m hoping i ll have something concrete to say about what i ve learned over the last year or so and where my journey is now and as sometimes painfully transparent as that is i hope you ll go with me nostalgia i have been extremely nostalgic lately it seems like everywhere i turn something reminds me of the past times that no matter how eventful or gray or up or down are held in this beautiful space for me that when indulged in thought for too long is almost too much to hold i ve been honoring that by leaning into it a little bit i made a playlist of songs that bring me back to that place in time which i of course entitled nostalgia i started calling friends i miss recalling old adventures to mind old mindsets beautiful moments not so beautiful moments it began with missing the two and a half ish transforming and beautiful years i spent in arizona from may 09 jan 12 i miss going on a run on a beautiful warm january day i miss the open skies and breathtaking sunsets and sunrises i miss the mesa temple i miss my friends my friends if you re reading this i miss you finer things club scottsdale art walks indie movie nights long bike rides by the canal at night neighborhood bike rides thai food tempe town lakes running so much running music nights long talks it goes on after leaning into this i began missing summers in portland my childhood in san diego beach camping in carlsbad balboa park all of these times though not always momentous felt magical and i am missing that i ve been leaning into the feeling and acknowledging its presence however because of a lot of the work i ve done to get to where i am now i understand that the past is not real because the only time that is real is right now the past is only a memory of a recent or distant present we can never go back into the past because we can only exist in the present moment if i went back to any of these places right now physically speaking i may or may not have a magical experience but the point is that it would be a new experience it would be a present experience i realize that i have to bring the magic into where i am now because there may be a day that i will be missing the exact moment i m in the time when i lived in the pirate ship what we call our house in salt lake city and all of the ups and downs of this present moment and i wouldn t want to live this or remember this experience with my head stuck in the past clouds i told my roommate my situation the other day and she made an insightful comment that went something like nostalgia comes up when we don t have a clear picture of what s coming up next essentially our minds don t know what s up ahead so we delve into the past for whatever we re wanting the present future to be whether we re searching for connection for meaning purpose friends or for life to be magical as i put it we ll go looking for it in the past because it s all our mind knows i feel fortunate to have such a smart roommate i m not mad at my nostalgia or the fact that it s showing up something fierce right now my past memories are beautiful things that i want to cherish and remember but i also know for a fact that my path right now is sup...