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l relationships and first life infidelity but instead about infidelity within virtual relationships themselves first a very important caveat this post is not about you or your partner i know there is a tendency among people to read into blog posts that intimate the personal and let me say for the record this post is not about any specific person it is simply my musing on something that i ve seen one of the things i love about second life is that relationships take all sorts of forms monogamous polyamorous open partnered you name it and sl has it of course the most important part to all of this is how the two people in the relationship have defined it for themselves if it is an open relationship it is hard pressed to define it as cheating all that said among the monogamous relationships in sl partnered or unpartnered it appears to be relatively common for things to go sour because one avatar has been unfaithful to the other i ll be the first to admit that my evidence for saying virtual infidelity is relatively common is purely anecdotal but between stories from friends observing some relationships break up and my own being hit on by avatars admitting to be cheating either as an alt or more blatantly i feel pretty safe to say that it does happens with some frequency it happens in all sorts of ways of course but the most common appears to be through alting my big question is why does this seem to be so prevalent in second life in a world where trust is the most important currency of all why is it common for people to try to circumvent that trust i have some partial answers i think one is that i believe people do it because they think they can get away with it another is a belief that a little dalliance isn t so bad they still love their partner and this is better than breaking up finally i think that it also has to do with why people seek other relationships in any world they re trying to address some unmet need but as i mull over it none of these seem to fully answer all the whys so i put it to you dear reader do you believe cheating on virtual partners is a common occurrence in second life and if you do just why do you think this is posted in opinion tagged alts communication community culture intimacy relationships second life 1 comment linden lab come talk to me october 5 2010 if someone were to ask me is second life progressing sadly my answer would be i don t know why although i d like to think that i m a regular and somewhat well informed customer i d have to say that i don t have the slightest clue where linden lab is trying to bring second life yes linden lab has been busy but with a recent run of what appear to be disconnected business decisions i can t exactly say at what linden lab s lack of transparency and tendency toward miscues with the community are nothing new effective communication with their customer base simply doesn t seem to be in the organizational dna flawed as that communication may have been over the years there was often a sense of collaboration or even belated responsiveness that helped create a feeling that things were moving forward i simply haven t seen that in some time philip rosedale expressed the fast easy and fun vision for second life at the end of july but since that time little has come out since then to describe how they plan to get there to top it all off the mood among residents can best be described as anxious it wouldn t take anyone looking for very long in the sl blogosphere and associated forums to figure that one out i can t help but think the heightened anxiety is correlated to lack of clear communication i may be an idealist but i m a realist as well i get that linden lab is a business trying to maximize profits that said i also believe communicating and profitability aren t mutually exclusive so rather than guessing at how to glue all the random acts of progress together i would like to make a simple request of linden lab and i doubt any lindens read my blog but i m all for putting it out there and what is that request it s if you would like us to come with you please tell us where you want to go i m not certain if anyone can answer that right now but it sure would be lovely to hear something thank you ever so much posted in opinion tagged communication linden lab 5 comments what s so funny bout peace love and understanding september 27 2010 before you speak think is it necessary is it true is it kind will it hurt anyone will it improve on the silence sri sathya sai baba me steps up on her soapbox and clears her throat my mother always taught me if you can t say something nice about someone say nothing at all as i ve gotten older i ve grown to realize that what she taught me is only partially true sometimes we have to say things to people that aren t so nice but i ve found that those moments tend to work well if done with respect grace kindness and desire to be constructive i ll be the first to admit that i sometimes am challenged in following that approach especially somewhere like teh intarwebz but as i ve looked around the sl diaspora on the web lately it has felt like someone poured a big bottle of mean into the sl blogosphere and plurk there has just been way too much nasty going around of course there is nothing new about people being cranky with each other on the internet i think the first flame war started within weeks of the creation of the web i m not even going to touch the whys and hows or psychology behind people being mean spirited on the web but i believe we have choices about how we respond this is one of those instances in life where i think the very vocal and small minority dictates the tone of the conversation yes some people are mean or have different opinions or something that just rubs you the wrong way yet we consume it we read it we share it we talk about it while we might find some titillation in the drama of it all i believe much of it makes us uncomfortable too we ve got amazing and unparalleled power in our ability to communicate on the web but i ve always believed that with power comes responsibility there will always be people who get their jollies out of being hurtful but i believe that most of us care deeply about how we treat others it is up to us to take responsibility for how we communicate i believe we can do something to help change the tone so dear readers i m asking for you to think about doing two simple things what i m going to suggest is nothing new or all that difficult for one week just seven days in a row of your choosing actively decide to stop consuming content you know will annoy you this list is different for every person but you know which blogs discussion forums twitterers plurkers facebook friends etc make you go from calm to irate in seconds flat choose to go cold turkey on this content for seven days see how you feel living without it avoid generating content that pours gasoline on the smoldering fire for seven days take a moment to pause and ask yourself the sri sathya sai baba quote from above any time you put your thoughts out in the web except maybe the improving on the silence part otherwise we might see nothing posted p we can choose to be civil and still get our point across even difficult ones even if these don t resonate with you i hope you ll think about the role all of us play in the civility of our little corner of the digital world finally my readership is tiny and have no illusions that this will do much hell i ve been to baby showers with more people than typically read one of my blog posts if this resonates with you at all i hope you ll find a way to spread these thoughts in ways that work for you write your own short blog post retweet a link whatever just help spread the idea that we can create a more civil tone so let s hear it who is in me smiles thanks you for your time and steps off her soapbox finally props to chatbrat pippita and harper beresford chatbrat has long had the sri sathya sai baba quote in her profile it was our discussion about this that helped get me thinking i m stuck using an older computer while mine is out for repairs and harper snapped the picture for me thank you so much posted in navel gazing opinion tagged civility communication community culture 5 comments raindrops on kittens september 17 2010 one of my favorite pictures taken by boheme oh isn t that how the song goes or was it about brown paper kettles sometimes i get the lyrics to songs all jumbled up well whatever the words are i really enjoy the iconic song my favorite things from the sound of music i ve learned there is so much of life is about simple pleasures the way the sunlight hits dew on the grass on some mornings waking to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and cooking bacon things like that the same applies to second life of course and i thought i would take a moment to share just a few of my favorite things in my digital life i ve decided to keep my list experiential but it could just as easily include technical items here are a few of my favorite things the ding ding of a new im hugging animations when i don t have to adjust the prim attachments on a new piece of clothing randomly meeting an interesting new person especially someone i wouldn t likely have met in rl connecting and sharing with people i love when someone says welcome back when i ve been afk stumbling onto an unexpected and amazing build my list could go on really so what is it for you dear reader what are some of your favorite things in second life posted in about lanna tagged about lanna fun second life 3 comments push me pull you september 8 2010 image from saltairealpacas com if you know me in second life or have followed this blog at all you re likely to know that i m prone to periods of reflection i ve been nosing around one of these reflective times for a little while now asking myself what do i want from my second life what has come of this latest round of thinkiness you ask i haven t come up with good answers yet but i have found myself asking why am i here if i m being brutally honest when i answer that i would say that i ve been a little like i m doctor dolittle s fabulous pushmi pullyu in second life on the one hand i ve found myself affirmatively exploring all that second life has to offer drawn like a moth to a flame by the creativity people and potential of second life and don t get me started on the concept of the potential of sl at the moment i might get ranty perhaps a blog post on that will follow yet on the other hand part of my second life has been about avoidance of some complicated first life issues the sort where this is not really a right or wrong answer but likely to have some different sorts of ache no matter the direction and if you really want to know all of the details of this go ahead and ask i ll share them conversationally so i am in sl for multiple reasons some good some less good i ve flipped back and forth between the two several times but am not really certain if i could articulate how or why it has changed for me leaping from the personal to the general i ve noticed that the same is often true for others in second life in one camp are the people being pulled into second life drawn to the fun and creativity of a virtual world the other camp are people being pushed taking to the comfort of a digital life as a distraction of course like all generalizations these distinctions can be fluid one is not inherently better than the other but certainly lines can be crossed into negative behavior and your mileage may vary so the question is this dear reader what is it for you do you feel pushed or pulled into your digital life posted in about lanna navel gazing opinion tagged community culture existentially speaking indentity opinion 2 comments where the heart is august 20 2010 i m a bit of a virtual nomad yes i ve moved my home again in second life in my almost three years in second life i ve had six different locations that i ve set as home no this post isn t about owning virtual property but more about what home means to me in second life and why i ve grown to love moving around to new sims as much as anyone owns land in sl i like to think of it more as a long term lease like the united states has with the military base at guantanamo bay but that s another post altogether as time has passed i ve grown to enjoy moving more and more why you ask part of it is about creativity and expression but the other is the simple reason is that in a world where we can live anywhere and have any sort of home i don t want to stick with one option all the time i very much enjoy having a virtual home i find that it is another way to express myself and enjoy the creativity that second life has to offer part of it is that i enjoy all that goes into setting one up i like shopping for homes furniture and other digital goodies for my house that seem to match the feel of the property yet i also buy into the feeling of place in second life having a place i call home feels comforting to me and my virtual space becomes a haven that feels safe and cozy and mine one interesting thing about my tendency to move is that at first blush it counters my interest in building community in second life i ve found this to not exactly be true while sometimes place and proximity matters in building community while it is also possible to have a network and community of friends scattered around the grid as i ve moved around i ve made new friends in each new sim often developing close friendships with new neighbors i wouldn t have otherwise met yet as i ve moved to new locations these relationships have often but not always grown and developed further ultimately i ve found that my nomadic tendencies has built virtual community for me more than detracted from it i know my approach to homes in second life is far from universal i ve got friends who have lived in the same sim during their entire second life experience becoming rooted in place and declaring their property their homestead conversely there are also those opposed to having a virtual home at all they prefer squatting or popping from place to place without the additional expense of paying tier so what about you dear reader how have you approached your home in second life do you stay put or move about what does have a place you call home mean to you posted in about lanna navel gazing tagged community culture places property second life social networking 3 comments older entries pages about lanna the blog about lanna about the blog alts botgirl questi civility communication community culture events existentially speaking first life fun halie slade indentity interview intimacy kyla riddler linden lab meme night m opinion places property relationships roleplay salvatore otoro secondlie second life sheraka sirnah silliness social networking tonk mayo zada zenkova archives july 2011 may 2011 december 2010 october 2010 september 2010 august 2010 july 2010 june 2010 may 2010 february 2010 january 2010 sep...