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description=2 posts published by charlywalker during July 2010;

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july 2010 charlywalker s blog charlywalker s blog july 19 2010 like a blog s dinner i can totally understand why dogs mate and not marry dogs like to run with their pack and scavenger around all night with their buddies rummaging for trouble and practicing their twilight bark in hopes it will fall upon some finer pedigrees silky ears i can t see a dog staying with another of its kind and claim that they are in heavenly bliss after sniffing the same behind for twenty or thirty years i watch my puppy outside on his daily walks and his nose is constantly sniffing something in the air attracting his attention an attention that spans a nano second i think if dogs got married their mates would have them on a short leash with a choke collar i have met many women with husbands that have a wandering eye or some other wandering part of their anatomy and i have suggested they research the pet smarty store for control apparatus just think how much it would solve the cheating situations in our country and could put a damper on the high divorce rate instead of investing in high priced scheisters er i mean lawyers you could shop online for a shock collar there are various modes and models for example there are bark collars which could suppress the nagging and whining there s the spray collar which could assist in training them to stop oogling the secretary or stop addressing the office help as caro mias and not to mention the wandering collar that features a venture control button in the hand piece to make sure they find their way back home there are ultrasonic collars which have a switch to submerge your captive under water indefinitely they have the dogtra 200 gold series which is water proof there is a remote system that could be run from your home maybe directed at a bar or i m running late at work excuse and possibly help with being stuck in traffic they have the platinum collar with the lcd screen to provide easy viewing so the next time they take a lengthy lunch break and can t be reached at least you ll have the name of the hotel in plain view and on disk god i love technology just think when he takes his office interest on an escapade to the ramada inn you can adjust the jump stimulator to a positive vibration and get a rise out of him plus there s a negative selection as well oh and the collar with the four prong attribute well need i go on all these items are advertised to keep your dog in line can you imagine carrying this one step further and applying it to your mate i would invent a collar that instructs them to go fetch a menu from chez who ever and plan an unexpected dinner date along with purchasing a swanky sexy little black dress and a dozen roses i would attach the extend o feature that ensures a fun night out lasting into the morning there would be menu options on this remote that would intervene when he starts to order a bottle of the cheap champagne there would be shock values that would reach hospital levels when they forget your anniversary or your birthday and bought a last minute gift at target i would set this collar to the standards of our lovely country and keep it at high alert i would have the shock intervals set at every five minutes according to how often he chews with his mouth open or asks you to put his wallet in your purse when you are out at a movie or requests that you call his mother and or send her a card while he s busy traveling even though he can t take the time to send you a card yeah i would set that sucker on a comatose level yeah it s a good thing dogs don t mate for life charly would never find the time to buy them dinner he would chew his leg off first hmmmmmm could i love a gimp with a rockefella bank account and a lot of stoli s everyone looks good share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 7 28 am filed under 1 bloggie with doggie comedy dogs humor menopause and humor merlot mayhem motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands puppies laughter wine sarcasm airline satire leave a comment july 19 2010 quick as a blog can lick a dish my doggie is a year now and i never thought it would happen time flies when you re under doggie duress i haven t blogged for while because i ve been bogged down with responsibility sans any breathing room plus i m low on wine i like to sit at the macbook and type away like a pro while cherishing a lovely bouquet of food wine s best seller life is not complete if a bordeaux has not stained my keyboard much like my puppy has done to the family room carpet charly s bladder has matured now unlike mine which decided to run on its own time clock and his mishaps are not as frequent as they were in his younger years unlike mine which appear at the most in opportune times there s something about menopause and bladder retention or incontinence that go hand in hand for example after working out at the gym and swallowing a bottle of water in under ten minutes i use to be able to hold it for hours like a camel but now for some reason the message from my bladder to my brain gets lost in translation and the urgency to void can t be a voided there is a minor solution to this alcohol alcohol dehydrates the body ergo all fluids remain embellished in tissues and cells and take their time to find an escape route unless you ve been perched on a bar stool for three hours enjoying great company cuisine and cosmos your bladder has been boxed in and the fluids are floating at high tide looking for an exit that has been smushed into a cushioned seat sooo the moment you stand an alarm goes off in your system that screams find a toilet danger danger urine will commence in five four three faster than a dog can lick a dish of left over steak you rush to the ladies room unless you re amongst some of the less fortunate drunks who end up in the planter outside the entrance or possibly planned ahead and wore their depends i love what life dishes out on a paper plate the process of aging is the icing on the cake left in the dumpster outside giovanni s italian restaurant it doesn t get better it gets different better is the prime of your life without worry and cares it is the youth inside screaming to be released getting older is your mind starting foreclosure on your body with your libido requesting an extension i don t think my dog knows that he is a year older i don t think he cares i have noticed a few changes of life in him that entail a calmer notion in behavior and in understanding my gibberish commands better i only have to say come three times now instead of just closing the back sliding door and watching him stare at me with watery eyes through the glass in wonderment if i really will leave him out in the 93 degree heat i would say that dogs definitely get better with age i think charly dog knows that his life expectancy is shorter than his owner and he knows how to deal with the aging process much better than i do well at least i think he does he certainly gives the impression that he has a handle on it o k o k i did see him adding a nip of a dogfish bitches brew to his science chow ain t aging a bitch but the cure comes in a vintage form share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 6 06 am filed under 1 menopause and humor motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands puppies laughter wine 4 comments email subscription enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address sign me up join 106 other subscribers the blog s down under backfield in motion blogger n hell one flew over the blog s nest a bunch of blog wash i m at a payphone trying to blog home charlywalker s blog tweets by ellcyd archives january 2014 1 november 2013 2 july 2013 1 may 2013 1 april 2013 2 march 2013 1 january 2013 1 november 2012 2 september 2012 2 august 2012 1 july 2012 3 june 2012 1 may 2012 2 april 2012 2 march 2012 2 january 2012 5 november 2011 3 october 2011 4 september 2011 5 august 2011 2 july 2011 3 june 2011 11 may 2011 8 april 2011 5 march 2011 8 february 2011 5 january 2011 3 december 2010 2 september 2010 1 august 2010 6 july 2010 2 june 2010 2 may 2010 4 april 2010 1 march 2010 8 february 2010 10 january 2010 8 december 2009 11 november 2009 12 disclosure charlywalker 2009 unauthorized use and or duplication of this material without express and written permission is strictly prohibited excerpts and links are acceptable provided that full and clear credit is given to charlywalker with appropriate and specific direction via links to the original content top rated et cetera theme girl in green by stacey leung 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