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description=5 posts published by charlywalker during January 2012;

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the, and, to, of, that, my, in, with, it, for, is, you, was, this, as, her, from, they, on, up, me, when, who, back, at, he, house, time, their, be, out, an, are, have, all, his, not, into, daughter, she, down, will, through, your, one, know, what, by, nor, we, love, tree, christmas, no, don, just, years, had, roof, same, if, would, year, about, school, two, am, so, has, there, high, son, tattoo, take, over, get, can, off, them, do, under, met, came, or, where, family, first, little, home, like, end, yes, left, empty, day, him, something, find, being, soon, need, did, use, oh, teen, different, way, ears, piercing, then, took, onto, every, myself, until, room, lights, holiday, pine, jack, share, other, getting, ll, jordan, four, right, call, because, car, line, looking, always, area, but, full, needles, been, let, those, freedom, while, only, size, now, still, nest, kids, sit, go, return, around, could, holidays, dutch, boy, our, laundry, skills, set, last, box, tiles, job, contact, make, sure, why, longer, friend, well, teeth, spread, armpit, permission, legal, teens, before, straight, mom, prepare, sometimes, child, such, how, once, hold, any, pierced, going, which, some, next, hand, later, graduation, approach, team, long, upon, its, parental, road, throughout, order, enjoyed, parenting, seems, leaving, bag, potty, found, hours, minor, started, most, ask, exchange, window, alike, aftermath, clothing, dirty, turned, behind, second, fake, original, neighbor, tile, roofing, built, cindy, issue, charlywalker, told, leave, ink, clothes, smiled, doing, got, written, arm, breath, between, god, carries, entitlement, age, against, dark, illegal, statement, tend, seen, face, money, head, equipment, provided, hang, numerous, bill, sorry, stepford, brain, triggers, eye, rolling, fly, intense, demands, give, children, yet, roughly, pick, new, might, far, tell, wanted, wasn, anything, jump, bridge, ending, re, girl, stool, watched, ear, cute, pulled, prime, should, remove, required, too, household, detail, early, continued, effect, hosting, morning, butterfly, experience, dragging, fresh, bags, come, confront, battle, believe, became, sports, yesterday, feet, hardwoods, via, walk, towards, fork, think, enjoy, gift, eyes, fast, certain, training, bottoms, were, water, energy, material, read, advice, bathroom, books, hopes, pot, located, themselves, actually, seemed, grab, dragged, days, didn, sort, pleasure, charly, dog, content, joy, received, phone, foreign, student, holland, sons, beginning, talk, both, war, floor, lost, level, half, wine, instructions, said, without, middle, faux, responsibility, become, keep, spirit, past, fact, after, earlier, start, sales, basement, leftovers, ohhh, ornaments, add, people, weeks, roll, miss, tissue, shoe, three, customer, basket, really, life, own, open, third, ladder, climbing, happy, whose, speaking, folks, dye, lots, pattern, atop, materials, leak, steps, contacted, small, receptionist, builder, help, given, here, mrs, company, representative, top, base, humor, blog, links, announced, nice, appointment, extra, stated, change, needing, wear, yourself, living, stupid, mocks, scripture, gritted, pleased, word, turn, 18, hate, sense, continual, referencing, consent, thrown, prior, defend, art, usage, deemed, smile, may, painted, across, mona, lisa, smirks, innocent, shot, drive, snowboard, goes, food, fridge, education, pants, below, boxer, doctor, visits, cure, acne, tries, chime, interrupting, total, recall, tally, invoice, services, rendered, moooom, stop, already, wiring, runs, amok, phrases, pertaining, rearing, chores, continue, signal, gives, attitude, control, harbors, followed, contemptible, rooted, enhanced, freshly, stamped, birth, genders, apart, similar, situations, intervals, demand, spiral, notebook, matching, pair, gpa, instill, shock, value, scores, quashed, dilemma, managed, piercings, areas, belong, five, reasoning, emily, accolade, mother, comeback, benefit, someone, else, jumped, responded, possibly, depends, weather, throw, curve, ball, cause, route, brought, local, mall, petitioned, stood, victim, old, stepping, minus, support, attendant, approached, giant, gun, shoots, studs, delicate, lobes, witnessed, unbearable, scream, waif, grabbed, toward, exit, doors, conversation, rave, attaching, gold, hoop, navel, nose, tongue, body, merely, discussed, attempt, pierce, lobe, personally, shop, self, anesthesia, born, inclinations, obtaining, underage, nearing, offered, proverbial, amendment, eighteen, medical, describe, pain, staking, artistry, tattooing, knowing, fear, receiving, inoculations, pediatrician, swat, steady, limbs, diatribe, term, calmly, explained, depending, physical, location, desired, splotch, wake, posted, lower, 40, anatomy, discover, collagen, wings, collapsed, fell, fatty, fold, another, thirty, defect, parents, shelter, tiny, tots, elementary, dumplings, imagine, ever, confronted, issues, outside, gerber, lego, league, diaper, hit, bump, stroller, almost, proudly, injects, unprincipled, rights, list, wrongs, armor, injustice, cry, foul, play, yours, guide, teenage, wasteland, sneak, peek, nation, quasi, stay, parent, say, 22, necessary, requirements, imprisoned, criteria, obtain, boring, pta, meetings, exhaustible, fund, raisers, mad, max, chauffeur, 24, hour, chef, personal, shopper, emotional, referee, psychiatrist, jurisprudence, leaky, allow, enforcing, among, chaos, institution, each, stage, development, directing, developing, girls, wonder, bra, underdeveloped, boys, figuring, un, hook, putting, toddler, charles, jourdan, teetering, shuffling, trail, scratch, marks, grown, shuffles, knock, collection, college, trunk, teeters, stumbles, stiletto, collegiate, path, reminder, lovely, cooked, meals, made, constructed, attire, lays, suffocating, inside, gasping, febreze, huddled, garage, months, brings, tears, flies, raising, predicaments, enough, example, stubborn, hell, plant, tuschies, porcelain, containing, hole, loose, fall, knows, lead, invested, lot, reading, trained, toiletry, researched, experts, commode, controversy, information, filtered, assortment, crap, drained, pooped, kind, lengthy, descriptive, toddlers, encourage, movement, finally, concede, try, chamber, adjacent, rooms, liking, hopped, toy, theater, reenact, mummy, elmo, wrapped, ultra, soft, more, regal, crayola, markers, throne, mastered, imitation, calder, painting, toilet, tank, mind, raced, ahead, lately, caught, web, spins, directions, comes, stretch, creating, possibility, parole, pardon, expression, offensive, feeling, unleashed, guilty, retreating, designated, harboring, push, pull, defense, letting, grips, realization, basically, feel, releasing, everyday, tedium, involved, indwelling, heart, unfastened, shackles, daily, duties, revolving, kid, schedules, forward, dunno, perennial, spa, called, emergency, host, needed, place, june, lie, inn, apparently, amsterdam, tulips, vase, best, friends, opportunity, landed, netherland, swear, doppleganger, shape, laugh, times, even, languages, carved, elm, bedrooms, resemble, fourth, anglo, shrapnel, splinter, opened, dresser, drawers, wounded, trousers, lay, lifeless, nights, frivolity, gather, countries, glory, scooping, coins, strategically, drop, loosened, pockets, euro, rate, drops, buy, option, conclude, major, complications, language, barrier, minimal, respects, professionalism, ve, acquired, behavior, international, confronting, syndrome, caused, hollow, spaces, missing, history, assignments, congregate, thought, succumb, sadness, wallow, guess, include, onset, obtained, trial, error, dr, spock, world, handed, generations, nursing, verbal, acuity, simple, words, bars, lifted, free, roam, cabin, tripping, 13, shoes, kitchen, accompanied, 12, wooden, clog, slippers, tells, won, ship, sailing, sunset, rings, chianti, flows, rampant, seat

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approached her with a giant gun that shoots studs into her delicate lobes my daughter witnessed an unbearable ear piercing scream from the cute little waif and grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the exit doors the next piercing conversation that came up was in her teens when the rave was attaching a gold hoop through your navel nose tongue and any other not for prime time area of the body i merely discussed with her that should she attempt to pierce anything but the lobe of her ears i will personally shop her down and remove the piercing my self no anesthesia required my first born s inclinations for obtaining an underage tattoo came about later nearing her high school graduation she too offered up the proverbial household teen amendment of when i m eighteen it was then i took the medical approach to describe in pain staking detail to my daughter the artistry of tattooing knowing full well of the intense fear she has of needles i know this first hand from the early years of her receiving inoculations by the pediatrician my daughter required a swat team to steady her limbs i continued my diatribe of the long term effect of hosting a tattoo i calmly explained that depending upon the physical location of this desired ink splotch she will wake up one morning with that cute little butterfly she posted on the lower 40 anatomy and discover its collagen wings collapsed and fell into a fatty fold and in another thirty years or so she will experience the butterfly defect of the girl with the dragging tattoo for all you fresh parents out there who shelter tiny tots and elementary dumplings who can t imagine ever being confronted with issues outside of gerber lego and little league hold onto your diaper bags when you hit that bump in the stroller there will come a time when one has to confront the battle of the almost legal teen who proudly injects their unprincipled bill of rights onto your list of wrongs just make sure you don your under armor and prepare for the battle of parental injustice as they cry foul play when you take their hand in yours and guide them down that road of teenage wasteland to take a sneak peek under their armpit nation spread the humor this one s for you karen share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 2 04 am filed under comedy friends house huggies humor merlot mayhem motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands puppies laughter wine satire teens tagged boxer line brain wiring getting a tattoo gritted teeth ink legal age mona lisa pediatricians straight teeth tattoo teenagers 35 comments january 13 2012 lion s and tiger s and blogs oh my i have been doing time as a quasi stay at home parent for let s say 22 5 years i believe i have met the necessary requirements and demands that became the imprisoned criteria throughout those years in order to obtain freedom from boring pta meetings exhaustible fund raisers mad max sports chauffeur 24 hour on call chef personal shopper emotional referee and in house psychiatrist all this parental jurisprudence under one leaky roof to allow freedom while enforcing order among family chaos i have enjoyed my time in this institution of parenting through each and every stage of child development all the way from directing developing girls into their first wonder bra to underdeveloped boys figuring out how to un hook them it seems like only yesterday that my daughter was putting her toddler feet into my size 8 charles jourdan s teetering and shuffling through the house while leaving a trail of scratch marks on the hardwoods now she is grown and shuffles her knock off collection between college and home via the trunk of a car and still teeters and stumbles in her stiletto s on the hardwoods and my son soon to approach high school graduation and walk towards that collegiate path where he will pick up the fork in the road and use it as a reminder of all the lovely over cooked meals mom made for him i think he will enjoy his leaving the nest gift i constructed out of the equipment and attire that lays suffocating inside his sports bag gasping for a breath of fresh febreze huddled in the garage for months on end oh it just brings tears to my eyes yes time flies when you re raising kids sometimes too fast and in certain predicaments sometimes not fast enough looking back for example potty training my children had stubborn bottoms there was no way in hell that they were going to plant their tuschies on a porcelain stool containing water with a hole in it and let loose they might fall in and who knows where that would lead to i invested in a lot of time and energy and potty reading material in order to get my kids trained in toiletry i researched all the child experts and read their advice on bathroom training and the commode controversy all that information just filtered an assortment of crap that drained me and i was left pooped for the day who has that kind of time to sit and read lengthy descriptive potty books to toddlers in hopes to encourage a movement when my kids did finally concede to try the pot located in a chamber adjacent to their rooms they found themselves actually liking it and would sit for what seemed like hours once my son hopped off the pot to go grab a toy and return to the bathroom theater to reenact the mummy with elmo wrapped in ultra soft my daughter took a more regal approach and dragged her crayola markers to the throne as she mastered an imitation of a calder painting onto the toilet tank yes those were the days that i didn t mind if the hours raced on ahead lately i find myself caught in a web that spins in only two directions as my parenting comes down a home stretch creating a possibility for early parole if you ll pardon the expression there is a minor offensive feeling of freedom when you are about to face an empty nest it s sort of an unleashed guilty pleasure of retreating back to what was once designated as me time yet at the same time harboring a push me pull you defense against letting go just as i came to grips with the realization that my household was soon to be down to basically charly dog and me and i started to feel the content and joy of releasing most of the everyday tedium involved with indwelling kids just as my heart started to jump for joy as i unfastened the shackles of daily duties revolving around kid schedules and looking forward to oh i dunno perennial spa time i received a phone call my son s school called to ask if we could be an emergency host family for a foreign exchange student from holland who needed a place until graduation in june this all came about before the holidays i could not lie and tell my sons school that there was no room at the inn so i took the little dutch boy in apparently amsterdam boy and my son are two tulips in a vase they became best friends at the beginning of the school year when holland boy s window of opportunity landed from netherland into our home i swear i had met my sons doppleganger they are the same size and shape they laugh alike they walk alike and times they even talk alike in different languages they are both carved out of the same dutch elm both their bedrooms resemble an aftermath of the fourth anglo dutch war the shrapnel of clothing splinter out from the opened dresser drawers and wounded trousers lay lifeless on the floor from their nights frivolity i gather up dirty laundry from two countries now i find myself lost in the glory of scooping up the minor coins that strategically drop from loosened pockets throughout the house i ll hang onto the euro s from dutch boy until the exchange rate drops to our level then give him a buy back option i will conclude that hosting a foreign exchange student has actually turned out to be a pleasure there are no major complications and the language barrier is minimal he respects my professionalism i ve acquired in the experience of teen behavior eye rolling is international yes confronting the empty nest syndrome has had some effect on me it caused me to confront the hollow spaces left behind where dirty laundry and missing history assignments use to congregate i always thought when this time came i would succumb to the sadness of a half empty house and wallow and wine as i second guess my parenting skills skills that did not include instructions from the onset skills that you obtained through trial and error and all the dr spock books in the world could not prepare you for skills that have been handed down from generations nursing verbal acuity with four simple words because i said so yes the bars will be lifted soon and i will be set free to roam about the cabin without tripping over size 13 shoes left in the middle of the kitchen floor accompanied now with size 12 faux wooden clog slippers something tells me my nest won t be empty for long and my parental ship will not be sailing into the sunset where freedom rings and chianti flows rampant and responsibility can take a back seat something out there is still lurking around and sniffing about my feet to fill the void that is soon to come oh yea i forgot charly dog spread the humor share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 12 27 am filed under bloggie with doggie comedy dogs dutch friends holidays holland humor menopause and humor merlot mayhem motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands puppies laughter wine satire satire comedy family teens children teens tagged amsterdam charles jourdan shoes college dutch euro s holland pta teenagers 12 comments january 7 2012 in one blog and out the other i love the holidays i am sorry to see them go i believe i could become one of those recluses who keeps their lights and tree up all year long just to keep the spirit alive and have the home owners association fine me at the same time i love christmas and all the festivities that accompany it in the past i use to get annoyed at the fact that the retail businesses would set up santa s workshop in stores shortly after labor day but now i love that the holiday arrives earlier and earlier every year it just means i get to revel in that carnival atmosphere a little longer although they start the christmas phantasm following the august back to school sales i still love that i can retreat to the basement and sort through my recently added purchases from last years after christmas sales i don t know what it is that triggers me to run to the nearest target or k mart and thumb through their empty shelves of the previous years leftovers it is such a gratification to grab a box of netted multi lights for 75 off ohhh and hold me back from the singing elvis ornaments i am so glad i didn t weaken one day and fork out the full price for that yes i am an ornament junkie i have been seen rifling through end caps located in a target ed area that offer ginormous bins loaded with discarded christmas paraphernalia in hopes of finding that lost ark to add to my temple of doom gloom that surrounds my house pre holiday i have had a a house full of people these last few weeks and enjoyed every minute of it i love the hustle n flow of the teens traipsing through my house leaving trails of candy cane pieces that had set up residence in the couch and let s not forget to mention the patches of dark residue embedded in the carpet fibers which i mistook for doggie surprises but later turned out to be traces of a tootsie roll thank god it wasn t the other way around i am going to miss wading knee deep in the aftermath of torn wrapping paper and the sticky bows that adhere themselves onto my clothing and go unnoticed until the cashier at the return line in macy s peels it off my back like a piece of stinky lint my favorite holiday episode is fighting with colorful tissue remnants stuck to my shoe i hated the looks i received when i exited a sear s ladies room one day when i was met with countless stares and titters as my jimmy choo waved a white flag from it s three inch heel as i hoofed it past the customer service line i found myself conjuring up a soliloquy to numerous strangers giggling behind their basket of returns no really it s christmas tissue really it is honest i i have proof check the gummy outline on the sole from last years scotch tape fiasco the part of christmas i tend to wrestle the most with is the tree for most of my life we would always indulge in a real christmas tree a tree that you would stuff family members into a mini van and venture out to a far a way farm to spend hours in the cold choosing the right tree to fit the family room i love the smell of pine in the house and spending days trying to remove the pitch from my hands i especially loved the endless upkeep involving never ending vacuuming of piled up pine needles pine needles that continued to show up throughout the summer in fact i think i found a needle from y2k i know this because it was then that i switched to the fake trees they are very life like and are all inclusive no need to just add water you take them out of a big box and they pop up and plug in they have pine spray should you miss the scent of a wooded area the problem is when it s all over and stuffing th at little faker back into its original box i find myself in a half nelson with the branches as i roll the tree into the box and ask three people to sit on it until it settles down and i still find myself grabbing the vacuum to suck up fake pine needles i have a friend who has a fake tree in its own bag her holiday regime is met with first open a bottle of wine and pour a glass second open bag and raise slowly from the bottom up and lo and behold an instant tree with lights and ornaments third bottoms up and sit and enjoy the sparkling spruce while listening to your neighbors cursing at their evergreens to stand up straight yes i love the holidays the beginning middle and end i love the aftermath of de ornamenting the tree and placing them back into their bulb ous home and dragging the tubs to the basement to stow them in an area that is only reachable by a ladder i love climbing back up the stairs to the bare space in the corner where a naked tree stands pointing it s fabricated projections at me dangling two forgotten red balls i love arguing with the wintered rose bushes that are holding the outdoor net lights hostage in their thorns every year i keep thinking i ll return into the house unscathed but inevitably i always lose that war of the roses and end up looking like something the cat dragged in carrying christmas lights led less energy right the one thing that was different this year was my daughter having to leave to return to school the time seeme...