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description=2 posts published by charlywalker during April 2012;

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the, to, and, my, in, that, her, of, with, it, as, out, from, she, on, me, home, ve, got, is, for, have, up, been, at, by, left, are, one, was, tv, has, this, can, when, down, an, just, heart, into, what, back, make, they, turn, some, had, which, you, volume, be, not, find, but, old, or, remote, now, years, mother, am, time, go, them, over, who, morning, last, our, off, around, request, if, we, will, front, phone, olives, martini, sat, house, try, since, school, while, their, imagine, see, all, about, green, after, felt, like, places, year, where, maybe, could, visit, head, normal, loud, your, round, watching, use, cell, charlywalker, kids, permanent, avoiding, do, life, dog, nurse, travel, re, full, show, ability, apply, half, lancome, during, little, side, mall, many, why, keep, appropriate, night, stop, takes, two, few, car, so, usually, people, direction, without, take, ladies, wash, hands, saw, woman, feet, great, took, afternoon, heels, no, witness, clear, spent, until, 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pole, slip, uniform, sweats, standing, attention, accompanied, dirty, vans, hoodie, carry, odiferous, aroma, being, ranging, between, downey, fabric, softener, pizza, hair, erect, ponytail, shield, puffy, bags, sized, raybans, crews, single, clean, driving, intervals, drivers, behind, hate, though, honking, because, waiting, sign, thought, would, buy, more, mascara, applications, lashes, glue, together, forming, uni, lash, downfall, putting, bumps, roads, always, working, streets, neglecting, refill, potholes, finally, reach, final, destination, drop, line, park, get, notice, staring, pointing, transmitting, coffee, sneer, ward, evil, onlookers, quick, pause, room, gas, filling, empty, tank, husband, looked, mirror, rinsed, suds, paws, villagers, were, scoffing, freshly, applied, face, resembled, combination, picaso, weeping, baby, jane, hudson, delivered, parakeet, sister, pair, pumps, haven, ages, cannot, describe, agonizing, pinch, toes, granted, freedom, flip, flops, arches, collapsed, depression, ked, insoles, late, strap, practice, walking, teetering, giant, fight, against, balance, except, charly, steered, runway, fear, crash, landing, better, day, shuffling, designer, peeped, yoga, pants, practiced, walk, science, stopped, echoing, staggering, drunk, street, confident, tackled, high, heel, dilemma, ventured, stiletto, another, dimension, stair, climbing, steps, met, ease, descent, clinging, banister, gloria, swanson, sunset, boulevard, result, mimicking, scarlett, hara, demise, lunge, toward, drunken, butler, resume, somewhere, hasn, updated, clinton, administration, minor, indescretion, oversight, credentials, accredited, incredibility, references, ahead, cows, come, habeas, corpus, body, rusty, staff, signed, commitment, uphold, credibility, crudites, incredible, edible, corporate, beige, panty, hose, tied, knots, load, cycle, brief, 1987, airing, week, west, visiting, friends, combing, neighborhood, should, say, hoods, owned, eight, stint, land, heard, youth, octogenarian, carries, familiar, ring, goes, never, meaning, once, makes, big, change, ones, things, place, san, fransisco, organ, donor, sold, los, angeles, cold, cash, smiling, profit, ex, abode, nearly, doubled, value, elevated, blood, pressure, linger, hood, stay, claim, families, originate, finish, trip, clan, circling, wanna, enter, mothers, blown, 55, inch, hdtv, stands, four, leather, lazy, boy, screaming, runs, archie, bunker, ears, neglects, repeatedly, tell, flat, screen, motions, hear, complains, bought, fumbling, seat, cushion, ultimately, table, good, 45, minutes, muddle, initial, hello, ritual, checked, determined, doctors, annual, physical, md, graduated, cum, medical, mrs, age, here, rx, tips, equip, controlled, desk, three, settings, louder, loudest, offer, deluxe, model, strike, family, members, nerve, chase, believe, medicare, every, turbulent, voices, days, frequency, pitch, emanate, gsn, combined, decibel, enforce, earthquake, cause, brain, short, 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report, privacy, already, account, create, website, theme, stacey, leung, girl, cetera, top, rated, disclosure, unauthorized, duplication, material, express, written, permission, strictly, prohibited, excerpts, acceptable, provided, credit, given, specific, via, october, 2014, archives, tweets, ellcyd, payphone, bunch, flew, nest, blogger, hell, backfield, motion, receive, notifications, posts, subscription, holidays, returned, contemplated, areas, planet, privilege, far, remained, sprouted, urban, growth, witnessed, came, couch, sleepily, captivated, thoughts, awakened, daughter, telling, laugh, flutter, shopping, bartered, noise, most, helped, self, below, batty, joined, studied, gardens, turned, noticed, lacking, told, lifted, foot, cross, legs, shoes, coated, olive, pimento, residue, smashed, sole, stated, outside, stared, yard, sipped, forbidden, thoroughly, amazed, mix, perfect, herself, unable, calmly, enjoyed, surroundings, even, boisterous, desi, arnaz, babaloooing, halls, 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agent, consultant, sports, authority, sibling, rivalry, referee, scraping, bottom,

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april 2012 charlywalker s blog charlywalker s blog april 12 2012 scraping the bottom of the blog now that my kids are soon to be vacating the house on a semi permanent basis i need to fill a void that has been lying dormant for years something that i have been avoiding to do based on my life as a wife mother dog walker housekeeper nurse chief cook and bottle washer chauffeur laundress accountant gardener psychiatrist travel agent consultant sports authority and sibling rivalry referee i am ready to tap out now and try my attempt at re entering the workforce it has been years since i ve held full time work and i am not afraid to go out into this world and show them exactly what i ve got i ve got a wardrobe from the 1990 s i ve got the ability to apply my half used free samples of lancome products that i acquired over the years during a macy s back to school sale yes i got a little side tracked at the mall while hunting for back packs and lunch boxes in fact i ve got pulled aside by many mall make up artist s who try to perform their magic on me i can t imagine why they keep picking me out of the crowd of soccer moms i arrive dressed in appropriate attire when the doors open in the morning i see nothing wrong with waking up and sliding down my fire pole to slip into my uniform sweats that have been standing at attention all night accompanied by dirty vans and a hoodie i carry an odiferous aroma about my being ranging between downey fabric softener and last night s pizza i ve got my hair in an erect ponytail and i shield my puffy bags with over sized raybans i can t imagine why the make up crews single me out i ve got the ability to clean up while driving and apply make up at stop intervals the drivers behind me hate it though they keep honking at me just because i m waiting for the stop sign to turn green i thought it would buy me more time with the mascara i find it takes two applications now one to find the lashes and two to glue together the few that i have left forming a uni lash the downfall about putting make up on in a car are the bumps in the roads they are always working on our streets and neglecting to refill the potholes so when i finally reach my final destination usually the school drop off line and park my car and get out i notice people staring and kids pointing in my direction after transmitting my morning without coffee sneer to ward off evil onlookers i take a quick pause into the ladies room to wash the morning gas of my hands from filling the empty tank left by my husband i looked up at the mirror as i rinsed the suds off my paws and saw what the villagers were scoffing at my freshly applied make up face resembled a combination of picaso s weeping woman and baby jane hudson s as she delivered a parakeet to her sister i ve got a pair of pumps that my feet haven t felt in ages one cannot describe the agonizing pinch of the toes that have been granted freedom in flip flops with arches that collapsed from the great depression of ked s insoles i took the time one late afternoon to strap on some heels and practice walking in them around the house with no one around to witness the teetering and the giant fight against balance except charly dog who steered clear of my runway in fear of a crash landing i spent the better half of the day shuffling about in my designer heels that peeped out from my yoga pants i practiced my walk until i felt i had it down to a science and stopped echoing a staggering drunk on some forgotten street i felt confident and assured that i had tackled the high heel dilemma and ventured to take my stiletto s to another dimension the stair case climbing up the steps was met with ease it was the descent that had me clinging to the banister like gloria swanson in sunset boulevard avoiding a result mimicking scarlett o hara s demise after her lunge toward a drunken butler i ve got a resume somewhere it hasn t been updated since the clinton administration just a minor indescretion oversight i ve got credentials i m accredited with incredibility references available upon request go ahead request request until the cows come home habeas corpus i can produce the body it s just a little rusty and needs a make over which the lancome staff has a signed commitment to uphold if you don t like my credibility try my crudites they are incredible and edible but not available upon request i ve got the corporate beige panty hose that are tied up in knots from the last load in the wash cycle i ve got a brief case from 1987 that needs airing i ve got a boat load of humor stuck in me that is trying to float to the surface spread the humor share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 2 49 am filed under awards oscars comedy dogs friends latin menopause and humor merlot mayhem motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands puppies laughter wine satire satire comedy family teens children tagged beauty chief cook and bottle washer downey fabric softener style travel vacation 7 comments april 10 2012 melts in your mouth not in your blog i just spent the last week out west visiting friends and combing the old neighborhood or should i say hoods as we owned a few places there during our eight year stint in la la land there is an old cliche that i have heard in my youth from one octogenarian that carries a familiar ring to it and it goes like this you can never go home again meaning once one makes a big change in ones life things will not be the same or will they what if you have lived and left so many places that you have forgotten which is the one place you call home is home where the heart is what if i left my heart in san fransisco well maybe i m an organ donor what if i sold a home in los angeles and took the cold cash and left smiling with my heart pounding with profit only to return to witness my ex abode had nearly doubled in value since i left which elevated the blood pressure that could produce a heart to linger in the old hood for a permanent stay maybe some claim their home to be where their families originate from after i finish a trip out to visit my original clan the cliche circling my head when i leave changes to i don t wanna go home again when i enter my 87 year old mothers home i am blown away by the volume of her 55 inch hdtv that stands four feet away from her leather lazy boy screaming re runs of archie bunker into her ears that are covered with wireless headphones that she neglects to turn on as i repeatedly tell her to turn the volume down on the flat screen she motions with her hands that she can t hear me and complains how the new headphones my brother bought her are faulty while fumbling for the remote in the seat cushion which she ultimately left on the kitchen table it usually takes a good 45 minutes to muddle through our initial hello s as this is her morning ritual my mother s hearing has been checked and has been determined normal by her doctors normal for who all 87 year old ladies i can just imagine her annual physical with the md who just graduated cum loud from medical school dr well mrs c we find your hearing is normal for a woman of your age now here s an rx for some q tips and the nurse will equip you with a new volume controlled remote at the front desk it has three settings loud louder and loudest we do offer our deluxe model that is assured to strike a family members nerve and chase them from your home but i believe it has yet to be covered by medicare every time i leave from a visit with my mother and her turbulent tv i am left with voices ringing in my head for days the frequency and pitch that emanate from her gsn network combined with a decibel level that could enforce an earthquake cause my brain to short circuit which leads me to a frantic rage to unearth the lost remote which concluded my suspicion that it was actually rod roddy s voice belting in the back round inviting me to c mon down to visit when i phoned her last no wonder she was surprised to see me it s not just her blatant tv that drives me back into therapy it s watching her use her cell phone to lower the volume of the tv and then complain that the remote is as faulty as the wireless head phones or watching her race around to locate where the ringing is coming from she keeps her cell and house phone nearby but sometimes they find themselves traveling separately and end up in different locations my brother likes to tease and will dial her home phone and cell phone simultaneously he says it gets her out of the recliner a form of exercise dr s orders sometimes when i have been out running errands for her i return to the loud tv sitting alone my mother is nowhere in sight my heart started an anxious pounding of what i might find around the corner but it was subdued by my slipping on a trail of green olives i found leading to the front door she had stepped out to the porch to enjoy a mid afternoon cocktail a dry martini with green olives not doctor s orders i went outside and sat out front with her as she stared out into the yard i watched as she sipped her forbidden drink and was thoroughly amazed at how she could manage to locate and mix a perfect martini for herself yet unable to turn off the tv or lower the volume i watched as she calmly enjoyed her surroundings even with the boisterous back round of desi arnaz babaloooing through the halls i went in the kitchen and helped my self to one of her martini s and found the remote to turn down the tv to a level below batty and joined her out side as we sat and studied the gardens she turned to me and noticed i was lacking olives in my martini i told her she was out of olives as i lifted my foot to cross my legs she saw my shoes coated with olive and pimento residue smashed on the sole and stated most people use them in the drink that made made us laugh and my heart flutter as the home shopping network bartered in the back round noise when i returned home i sat in front of my tv watching a travel show and contemplated all the areas of this great planet that i have had the privilege to call home the places i have lived and left as far as i can see actually remained the same maybe over the years some have sprouted some urban growth but the changes i witnessed came from the heart i sat on the couch sleepily captivated by my thoughts only to be awakened by my daughter telling me to turn the volume down on the tv spread the humor share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 1 33 am filed under cell phones comedy friends holidays house humor menopause and humor merlot mayhem motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands satire satire comedy family teens children tagged cold cash doctors martini s morning ritual mother s old neighborhood travel tv vacation wireless headphones 8 comments email subscription enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address sign me up join 106 other subscribers the blog s down under backfield in motion blogger n hell one flew over the blog s nest a bunch of blog wash i m at a payphone trying to blog home charlywalker s blog tweets by ellcyd archives january 2014 1 november 2013 2 july 2013 1 may 2013 1 april 2013 2 march 2013 1 january 2013 1 november 2012 2 september 2012 2 august 2012 1 july 2012 3 june 2012 1 may 2012 2 april 2012 2 march 2012 2 january 2012 5 november 2011 3 october 2011 4 september 2011 5 august 2011 2 july 2011 3 june 2011 11 may 2011 8 april 2011 5 march 2011 8 february 2011 5 january 2011 3 december 2010 2 september 2010 1 august 2010 6 july 2010 2 june 2010 2 may 2010 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