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Text of the page (random words):
ions are a mark of humility nobody likes a know it all by asking questions we are communicating that we don t have life solved and want to learn more cultivating the habit of asking questions locates us as curious individuals something that is less common than you think this habit of questioning is not reserved for head to head conversations but also includes reading yes when you read intelligently you are engaging another person even if they ve been dead for centuries in the classic book how to read a book the authors teach that to read well and not simply read one must ask the right questions of the text you don t ask of a brief history of time what you d ask of the seven habits of highly effective people or a garfield cartoon the authors teach us how the same thing is true when we talk with the person in front of us ask then be quiet and pay attention here are some starters more in future posts so tell me your story why did you move here rather than where can a guy like me get decent italian food in this new city for clarification use paraphrases like okay if i understand you correctly you re saying when one of your direct reports blunders badly and you don t want a homicide on your record can you please help me try to understand what led you to do thus and so suggested resources friedman s fables edwin h friedman start with why how great leaders inspire everyone to take action simon sinek how to read a book the classic guide to intelligent reading mortimer adler charles van doren image credit posted in friendship leadership mentoring psychology self development success tagged albert einstein asking questions curious individuals dale carnegie edwin friedman how to read a book paraphrases simon sinek leave a reply arm s reach and your life s direction posted on february 5 2019 by christian fahey 2 if somebody puts mint creme oreos on our kitchen counter i will eat them why because they re there i will also put on weight and my blood sugar will get jacked out of proportion rarely will i win the battle to say no after all they re small taste so good and they re there jonathan cawte calls this the law of food proximity briefly if you can see it smell it or reach it you will eat it in his book atomic habits james clear chapter 6 motivation is overrated environment often matters more tells the story of anne thorndike a physician at massachusetts general hospital in boston who wanted to change the eating habits of staff and visitors to the hospital she and her colleagues did this by designing a six month experiment in choice architecture in the hospital cafeteria by simply adding bottled water to the refrigerators next to the cashiers which had previously contained only soft drinks and positioning additional bottles of water in spots all over the cafeteria they saw a soda sales decline of 11 4 percent and an increase in bottled water sales of 25 8 percent this is the power of proximity more water less soda healthier staff and guests we tend to make choices based on physics location rather than ideals it s easier advertisers know this and design grocery store layouts strategically to leverage this basic human tendency why do you think the kit kat bars are staring at you while you wait in the checkout line what and who you have close at hand will largely determine the life you live jim rohn has said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with the choices in food friends function and fun at your arm s length are worth knowing and designing intentionally here are some practical suggestions to design your environment for the outcomes you want keep healthy foods in reach and in sight put junk food if you have it in a place where you must stand on tiptoes or a chair to reach it your brain will often translate that little bit of effort into too much work just eat a piece of fruit keep exercise equipment out and close at hand i telecommute and keep dumbbells in my home office two feet from my desk they re there so i lift every day put an app on your smartphone to limit time on social media constant nibbles on facebook and instagram are about as healthy as constant nibbles on the oreos if you re a musician keep your instrument out of the case where you can grab it quickly even a little practice done daily adds up i always keep a guitar out and on a stand choose your social environments and therefore your friends wisely a lot of our friends have become so simply because of proximity same workplace same watering holes same church and civic groups suggested resources outliers the story of success malcolm gladwell getting things done the art of stress free productivity david allen the magic of thinking big david j schwartz image credit posted in creativity economics science self development time management tagged advertisers anne thorndike atomic habits choice architecture james clear jim rohn jonathan cawte law of food proximity malcolm gladwell mint creme oreos 2 replies listening and closing the sale posted on january 30 2019 by christian fahey reply when somebody comes to me and wants to sell me something whether it s fuller brushes a political position or whatever the first thing i ask myself is does this person know how to listen a mentor of mine a licensed marriage and family therapist taught me this important principle back in 2014 i ve found it very helpful here s why if you re constantly talking making noise and transmitting you cannot receive from another simple physics you re dominating the airwaves not listening and hearing the other before you is more costly than you think consider this a doctor when he or she takes you on as a new patient asks you many questions both on the intake forms and in the exam room why doctors do this because they cannot make accurate diagnoses without getting at least basic or preferably extensive health history information about you an expert diagnostician must be a good listener no shortcuts on this one and to be a good listener means being quiet and paying attention this is the standard in health care but also in other helping professions like law therapy spiritual direction and social care we ve all had the experience of being with someone who had something they wanted to sell us or bring us into and they did so by being a talking head they had a spiel they needed to present and didn t want to be bothered with questions and input from you the buyer if you re attentive you figure out that they are not really interested in serving you but in closing the sale that is where you simply say no thank you that won t work for me why because they ve not listened carefully and respectfully enough to know what you really need put yourself in the role of the seller what can you do to avoid these mistakes and show genuine care for the person you re trying to help be the last to speak let the buyer tell you what they want if you re selling let your subordinates share their ideas about new company direction before you give your proposal this was the practice of nelson mandela s father a tribal chief see the video below value the person before you as a person more than as an impersonal target that you can use as a sounding board or as income in relationships understand that it s usually the hearing of the other rather than giving bullet point solutions to problems that brings the healing of the other if you ve been married a while you probably know this when people feel they ve been heard they are open to you and what you have to bring them suggested resources the making of a surgeon william a nolen quiet the power of introverts in a world that can t stop talking susan cain image credit posted in leadership mentoring psychology self development success tagged diagnoses diagnostician hearing listening nelson mandela selling simon sinek susan cain william nolen leave a reply how not to fool yourself posted on january 24 2019 by christian fahey reply the first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool richard feynman nobel prize winning physicist have you ever listened to someone drone on and on about a topic displaying incredible confidence in their knowledge about the subject and yet you knew they were full of crap and in over their heads you may have witnessed the dunning kruger effect the dunning kruger effect is named after a cornell university study done in 1999 by social psychologists david dunning and justin kruger the study is about self awareness and incompetence roughly summed up it says incompetent persons often display disturbing levels of self confidence and superiority because they lack the ability to 1 recognize competence and expertise and therefore 2 are unaware of their own incompetence that s why we have youtube and reality television celebrities who can t see that they are not in reality what they are in their heads it sucks to admit you suck at something but those affected by the dunning kruger effect are blissfully unaware of how little they know this has consequences for lots of people it is not surprising that google searches for the dunning kruger effect have increased quite a bit in the past three years you can do the math on that one so how do you avoid the trap of thinking you are better at something than you really are here are some tips read listen and view widely on your work interests hobbies and passions assume that your knowledge is deficient and needs regular updates and additions be committed to continuous learning in every form get feedback on those things you re working on these might include things like photography sports writing performing and fine arts leadership finance etc it s best if the feedback you seek is objective and searching your mom and dad will always love your art work but seek the critique of a professional artist if you want to improve a pro who cares will tell you if your work is lacking and how to improve a loved one who did well with his investments told me more than once when you have money go to those who understand money don t go to your friends set the bar high look to the best of the best and follow their advice and practices when i m studying classical guitar i listen to andrés segovia when i m trying to improve my writing i pay attention to stephen king when i m trying to improve my leadership and self differentiation skills i go to edwin friedman for investment advice it s warren buffett this is first in a series of posts that will deal with ways in which we regularly fool ourselves and how to avoid them we ll help each other avoid the banana peels suggested resources you are not so smart why you have too many friends on facebook why your memory is mostly fiction and 46 other ways you re deluding yourself david mcraney the pleasure of finding things out the best short works of richard p feynman richard p feynman image credit posted in education psychology self development success tagged andres segovia competence cornell university david dunning dunning kruger effect edwin friedman incompetence justin kruger warren buffett leave a reply showing up or phoning it in posted on january 21 2019 by christian fahey 1 if a man is called to be a street sweeper he should sweep streets even as a michelangelo painted or beethoven composed music or shakespeare wrote poetry he should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well dr martin luther king jr in 1988 i was hired as the sole manager of a full line bakery in upstate new york i was twenty four years old and newly married the owner of the bakery lived a hundred miles away we did business twenty four hours a day 364 days a year we closed for christmas that was it i was on call always i learned to get on well with fatigue my constant buddy i learned a lot during the two and a half years i managed the business one lesson i learned early was the importance of your attitude toward your work however menial or apparently insignificant that first year i had one particular employee who worked the counter as one of our bakery clerks this lady was bright but not very motivated to keep busy in her tasks which included waiting on customers and preparing baked goods for the showcases she told me one day when i get a real job then i will work hard apparently preparing and selling food a basic life necessity didn t qualify as real work eventually she moved on that is the one thing i remember about her she came to work but she didn t show up she punched the clock and did minimal enough work to ensure she didn t get fired but she didn t try her attitude colored everything i ve wondered a lot over three decades where she ended up in life if something is worth doing it s worth doing well the best you can we cheat ourselves and our colleagues when we give the least amount of effort necessary rather than being a professional and acting like it here s a few reality checks that will help you what is your attitude as you approach work is it engaged and focused or passive and listless trust me those to whom you report or who report to you can tell the difference with your tasks how attentive are you to the details it s in the details that excellence and mediocrity part ways take the time to do it right the first time are you committed to continuous learning and improvement in your work or do you stay only as current as you need to keep afloat doing the latter will catch up with you eventually doing the former will serve you suggested resources finding flow the psychology of engagement with everyday life mihaly csikszentmihalyi the success principles tm 10th anniversary edition how to get from where you are to where you want to be jack canfield with janet switzer image credit posted in appreciation economics education mentoring self development success time management tagged dr martin luther king jr excellence hard work manager phoning it in show up 1 reply the art of listening talk less posted on january 16 2019 by christian fahey 1 hi my name is christian and i suck at listening there i said it the late biblical scholar william lane used to say the best way to show someone you love them is to listen to them one of his protégés biblical scholar and music artist michael card certainly remembered that one he was right of course you show you care about another person by listening to them by hearing them when people feel they ve been heard they feel valued and validated maybe you re like me and lots of others we get a little too thrilled by the sound of our own voices a little too impressed with our brilliance so of course we must turn such brilliance loose on the world we do this with lots of words domination of our conversations pontificating ad nauseam etc we interrupt assemble responses while the other is talking to us talk over the top of their words that s how people talk past each other and that s happening a lot these days i am guilty of all of it this is the firs...