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march 2011 clueless redux from smack bang in the middle of the bell curve clueless redux about archives rss feed archive for march 2011 monthly archive page speech is silver typing golden in blah life opinion on march 31 2011 at 12 10 pm many years ago i was asked to do a presentation on communication skills for a monthly knowledge sharing session the kind of thing bosses come up with when they skim the back cover of business books with leadership in the title having drawn the short straw i set about gathering the requisite information through painstaking research yes i clicked google search since clicking i m feeling lucky would ve been plain laziness after clicking through a few sites with textbook definitions i came across a paragraph that made sense when two people are talking there are six perceptions involved what each person thinks of themselves what they think the other person thinks of them and what the other person really thinks of them i couldn t find the resource and so have paraphrased job interviews are prime examples of the 2 people 6 perceptions idea where the seeker is constantly trying to fill in any silence by taking it as a sign of disapproval and trying to compensate for perceived weakness from the previous answer not just high pressure interactions the noise creeps into most of our interactions just the possibility of being judged as perceived by inflections in tone mobile eyebrows and changes in posture tend to influence behaviour and therefore undermine the purpose of communication just the other day i was on the phone with our local restaurant ordering takeout for a weeknight dinner having decided that i only needed a soup i dialled restaurant hello xyz me hi i d like to order for delivery restaurant yes what would you like me one chicken shorba restaurant onnnne chicken shorba as he fishes out and writes on a pad approx 7 seconds then me ummm accompanying thought process it s lame to order just one thing for delivery me one malai chicken tikka restaurant malaaaai chicken tikkkaaaa then me that s it i put the phone down safe in the knowledge that i won t be the lame customer who made a delivery guy toil all the way to my address to deliver a miniscule order i d let the perceived question mark in the other person s voice that s his job as a signal of expectation to order more defying any rational thought process that the number of items have nothing to do with inconvenience to the delivery guy and now i d overeat because i was influenced so easily my ideal world communication wise would be gaia a networked world all information available to all without the distorting effects of any form of communication sure it d make a game of chinese whispers impossible but would reduce a fair bit of angst arising from mistrust and the perceived lack of information that created the lemon market theory which is why i like written communication no verbal cues or body language shifts just the message thought through and articulated the message is in black and white some advantages that i think the written medium offers the receiver has multiple passes at it and is not being distracted by voice modulations that might indicate impatience boredom anger or any other emotion responding to a written message involves structuring your thoughts around what s on paper the issue at hand and eliminating unfounded opinions it also eliminates that most infuriating experience of watching the listener s lips moving to formulate a response before you ve made your point which in turn results in the urge to interrupt the speaker to ram home your point and so on and so forth yes caps locked text multiple exclamation marks and non existent grammar sometimes destroy any hope of sense from a written communique but i think it takes more effort to screw up in writing than in speech and no doubt certain situations lend themselves better to certain modes of communication what do you think have you felt yourself responding to the tone rather than content to preconceived notions based on history rather than the facts at hand has a gum chewing bored sounding customer service rep made you see red even though his tone had nothing to do with your issue or found yourself in a meeting with each participant looking to say her piece causing the discussion to meander or does what works depend on how our individual brains are wired thus negating most of the points made above share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading comment about lazy blogger test cricket lover government office phobe unitasker jargon deficient management consultant archives july 2013 april 2013 november 2012 june 2012 november 2011 september 2011 august 2011 june 2011 march 2011 november 2010 september 2010 august 2010 may 2010 april 2010 march 2010 january 2010 october 2009 august 2009 june 2009 march 2009 february 2009 january 2009 december 2008 october 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