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nothing done during the day and lastly i have been dealing with a lot of mental and emotional baggage every time i begin a blog post all that spews forth is anger and bitterness which is weird because right now i am happier overall than i have been in years i m hoping to catch up on all the news from you folks soon and get some of my own blogging in hopefully i make no guarantees 3 comments from blogs the crumb us why i haven t been blogging april 25 2012 tags blog note blogging crumb excuses by cookie with milk this is why 5 comments from blogs the crumb labour part ii march 12 2012 by cookie with milk part i now the rest of this story is probably going to get very fuzzy the truth is i don t really remember much of what happened once my contractions started i have a vague recollection of the sequence of events and a lot of this has been pieced together from what milk has told me and from my contraction timer on my ipod we started timing contractions there s an app for that they were about five or six minutes apart very intense but once they faded the back pain remained yup even though the littlest hobo was positioned well i was in back labour hhhhwwwblloorrggghhhhffff here is a piece of advice if you are about to go into labour avoid eating one of your favourite meals if you would like it to remain one of your favourite meals i started throwing up a lot i will never be able to look at fried onions again if i pass them on the street i will fidget with my cellphone and avoid eye contact if they call out to me i will pretend i didn t hear them fried onions will probably be confused but if i keep up the silent treatment eventually they will get the hint they along with fish eyeballs and aero mint in what shall be forever known as the maggot incident nuff said are now on the list of foods i will probably never eat again if i can help it by 1 45 they were mostly three and a half minutes apart lasting about a minute each occasionally they would slip back to six minutes but on the whole i couldn t tell the difference between a contraction and my backache the only difference in the level of pain was where it was located everywhere and what my brain was doing nothing and how many words i could get out none time started to do weird things milk asked when he should call the midwife again i remember looking at the clock and saying twenty minutes more numbers out my ass he replied with okay i m calling the midwife now just as i was about to yell at him i freaking said twenty minutes dammit i glanced at the clock and realised twenty minutes had actually passed we called the midwife just before 3am she asked a few questions but there was a geez first time parents kinda edge to her voice finally she decided she would pop over to our place and check on me she was at our house by 3 20am and watched me for a bit she checked my cervix and said i was at 3cms she gave me the option to either stay at home a bit longer or go to the hospital this labour proudly sponsored by salvador dali and a lolcat the original birth plan i had in my head kinda went like this stay at home for as long as possible go to hospital and do whatever is necessary to have a healthy baby i probably could have hung out at our house for a while but there were two reasons i decided to go to the hospital asap due to all the discomfort i had experienced during the last few weeks of my pregnancy i hadn t really done much around the house okay i hadn t done much around the house the entire pregnancy the slatternly housewife that i am and i really didn t want the midwife stepping in dust bunnies the size of a brown bear that was the first reason the second reason was one of the comfort measures milk and i had discussed the whirlpool tub in the labour ward of the hospital wait no that should be the whirlpool tub in my mind during the first few hours of back labour i built the whirlpool tub into a magical mystical mazing piece of awesomesauce that would take away all the aches and pains and would transport me to cuba where i would drink a tom collins while lying in the sands soaking up the sun after throwing on some clothes i started the long walk to the car our garage isn t connected to our house it s around the back of the building maybe a 30 second walk when you re not having your spine replaced with molten mercury when you are it s a slow agonizing shuffle that lasts infinity times a billion driving to the hospital wasn t fun either the hospital is literally a five minute drive from our house i briefly considered walking there as part of my birth plan but milk pointed out that it would be the middle of january and where would the hospital bag go lucky i married the man before some other flake snagged him while he swears that he did 10km h under the speed limit to me sitting on a towel in the backseat it felt like i was on a roller coaster built by someone who has had too many monster energy drinks again time warped like taffy in a taffy pulling machine and i swear i was in that car long enough to claim my pension i was going to turn up at the hospital and give birth to a middle aged matron i m canadian cuba is our hawaii or our spain but with rum leave a comment from pregnancy the crumb labour part i march 8 2012 by cookie with milk when milk asked me when he thought our baby would be born i reached deep into my feminine intuition and pulled a random date out of my ass january 8th i said oh you think you ll go a week early yes i replied with all the earnest conviction of someone bullshitting mightily our due date was january 14th honey have you seen my slippers so when week 38 rolled into week 39 and still no sign of baby i assumed that my first baby would be late as many first babies often are on the morning of the 7th i turned to milk and said remember when i thought it would be the 8th of january yeah not a chance he probably made some consoling remarks but i couldn t hear them over my own beluga whale like squeaks as i attempted to roll out of bed that afternoon we went to visit my sister i had a constant dull ache in my lower back the 30 minute drive however exasperated the issue by the time we got sis house i was in agony i assured her that i d had back pain for weeks now and really all i had to do was get down on all fours and the last starfighter would rotate back around into position and i would feel better i spent the visit kneeling over a chair with a heating pad on my back after a while i felt much better the drive back home wasn t as bad but the pain still ramped up we had intended to go to dinner and a movie with k milk s heterosexual life partner ie the best man at our wedding that evening but i decided to bail my back was sore and i didn t relish the thought of sitting in an uncomfortable movie theatre chair for a couple of hours even for the likes of robert downey jr and jude law and homoerotic subtext you go i told milk spend some time with your buddy because once the baby gets here movies will be a thing of the past milk being the paranoid worrier that he is decided to skip the movie just get dinner and bring me take out on the way to dropping k off at his house i went to bed early and spent some time reading watching tv and generally having some quality me time lying down eased the pain of my back considerably and when milk showed up food in hand i told him to go hang out at k s house for a bit i tucked into the takeout meal my favourite from the restaurant where milk and i had our first date i only managed to eat half and put the second half in the fridge for later milk came home about an hour later and i went to bed at 11pm as soon as my head hit the pillow i was out he stayed up and read until midnight then turned the light off and tried to get some sleep apparently it took him a while at 1am i felt a pop in my pelvis and a gush i went from fast asleep to on my feet in about 0 0025th of a second and ran around my side of the bed for a bit leaking amniotic fluid everywhere yeah i m not the brightest spark in the bonfire when i m suddenly woken up milk hearing my panicked footsteps goes whaaaa having just fallen asleep about 20 minutes ago i froze in mid scarper and said my water just broke where s my water all over the bed after checking with me about half a dozen times that i was sure that it was my water and not me peeing myself milk paged the midwife while i attempted to not leak all over our tiny house i had visions of our furniture being washed away in a flood of ewwwww the younger of our cats remained fast asleep on the bed his animal instincts are about as sharp as my feminine ones i have no clue where the other cat was but again if the house ever caught on fire or if a burglar broke in i doubt we could depend on the furry inhabitants of our house to step up and save the day the midwife called us back pretty much immediately though she had been woken up from a solid sleep she asked what the colour of the fluid was clear was there blood yes lots of pink blood were there any contractions none at all any pain nope fever nuh uh she determined that i was not in labour and that labour would start some time in the next 24 hours since i wasn t in pain or having contractions and since the waters were clear i should take some tylenol and perhaps a gravol and try and get some sleep if i had no signs of labour by the following evening i would be induced disappointed that we might have to wait an entire day milk and i went to bed after doing some cleaning and putting a towel down at 1 15am my contractions hit yes i store my feminine intuition in my ass that way when milk asks if i farted i can respond with no no that was my feminine intuition yup my feminine intuition stinks no gaydar either 2 comments from pregnancy the crumb the last few weeks of pregnancy february 28 2012 tags if pregnancy by cookie with milk blog note 1 trigger warning i m going to briefly touch on infant and child loss in this post i know a lot of us are raw from what happened with mo s nadav so please proceed accordingly if you don t want to read this post the summary is as follows i was pregnant i was in pain the end this is a pretty boring infodump post blog note 2 i started this post weeks and weeks ago i didn t hit publish somehow i couldn t bring myself to i m in this weird limbo place between being an infertile and being a mother and i m still trying to find the middle ground that nice sunny patch in the garden of mother who is infertile zucchini mulberries and gooseberries grow there butterflies flit through the warm summer air under canopied oak trees ryan gosling is weeding the sweetpea with his shirt off however it is silly not to blog i started this blog to make sense of my infertility i m still trying to do that hence i should still be blogging i know you guys missed my cutting wit and debonair banter plus pictures since the crumb is now officially over two weeks old i figure it s time to update my blog i m going to do this in a few shifts the first being about the last few weeks of pregnancy like i mentioned in a previous post i started prelabour pretty early 32 weeks my mucous plug was slowly dropping out in gross gloobs of yucky the scientific term my back was killing me my hips were killing me and i was starting to get actual contractions not just braxton hicks by around week 34 my midwife took a look at my list of symptoms and decided to warn me about going into labour at any time she talked to me about steroid shots and how narrow my window was to get them eeep we had the hospital bag packed and in the car along with all our paperwork of course it was around the holiday season so we had a lot of traveling to do around week 36 i had a day of regular contractions every 45 minutes apart lasting about a minute but the pain was very mild i started to get excited yes we were early but it felt like all the uncomfortable symptoms meant that something was happening i started watching youtube videos of babies born at 36 weeks warning don t do this it s a recipe for having a nervous breakdown because for every this is our son matteo who was born at 36 weeks and now is a happy five year old there will be a video in remembrance of little estelle who didn t make it if you really feel the need to put yourself through pain self flagellation with a rusty cat o nine tails is more humane youtube comments are a kiddie pool filled with the worst of humanity but those videos made me want to wade in and reach out to those parents after a full day of contractions i took some tylenol and went to bed only to wake up the following morning without a single contraction they had just stopped week 36 rolled onto week 37 no more contractions occasionally the child like empress would flip around causing me intense back pain but if i twisted myself into a pretzel i could get her back into the correct position christmas day i was 37 weeks along we were at my in law s for the weekend when i got a text message from my sister saying her son had been born that morning kid is going to get ripped off for presents i m guessing he ll have to start a snow globe collection and will have to learn to wear novelty sweaters featuring reindeer with good grace and panache at 38 weeks my midwife finally felt okay about checking my cervix she warned me that it might trigger labour but i needed to know that something was happening i was fully effaced paper thin and 2cm dilated the time lord was nice and low and perfectly positioned for birth still nothing happened from the examination except even more discomfort i spent a lot of time bouncing on my exercise ball as that was pretty much the only way to ease some of the pain in my pelvis and lower back i have to say that i m thankful for the pain i experienced in the last few weeks of my pregnancy it gave me focus somewhere along the line i stopped freaking out i stopped worrying about going into labour and giving birth and whether or not the dragonborn would be fine and instead i started to trust my body it was preparing for this huge event whether or not i was mentally or emotionally ready for it so i might as well let go and let my body do what it knew to do without my input i figured after all that waiting and wishing all those long hard months of not knowing whether or not i would ever get pregnant it was just a matter of waiting few more weeks my midwife set my induction date just in case hey girl if i plow your south field we could plant some watercress and fight the patriarchy while knitting a scarf the crumb is now over seven weeks old old blog post is old 5 comments from history pregnancy cripes it s a crumb january 11 2012 tags announcement baby pregnancy by cookie with milk i hope everyone is ready for the end of the world as i know it at least the crumb was born january 8th at 39w1d the above picture makes her look like a wannabe rapper but i think the sun shines out of her poopy little butt i m hoping once i figure this breast feeding stuff out i will...