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saved just for valentines try to do a long date night and at least 1 time a year usually our anniversary for a getaway our big dream goal is for a getaway quarterly not yet a reality but we are working on it just this past weekend we did a real date night the extended overnight take your time and don t rush because no one is waiting for you or texting you when r u coming home yes this is our currently reality it was totally budget friendly because it was a stay at home date one of our favorite kinds we shipped the kids out to various places for overnight in reality half of them already having plans to sleep over at friends is what inspired me to give grammy a call and see if the other two youngers could come spend the night there this obviously if you don t have grandparents or aunts or really close friends nearby that can keep them overnight gets easier as the kids get older and are wanting to do sleepovers anyway after getting all decked out because that s our preference and it makes the night feel more special and amidst candlelight and some wonderfully relaxing music we cooked dinner together we had thoughtful long conversations while we took our good sweet time eating and sipping our wine we flirted and danced a little and ended the evening snuggling up and watching a movie after we were all talked out because keep in mind the movie nor the dinner is the main event the relaxing the talking the being present is don t rush personally i think the secret to making an evening like this happen is the 24 hours before the actual date i have to mentally and physically prepare in ways like making sure the area of the house we ll be hanging out in is clutter free free of any distractions or stresses not the whole house mind you as this would be an impossibility for me but i just need things out of sight so just being totally real here if that means taking the baskets of laundry that hasn t been gotten to yet and piling in on one of the kids beds while they are away so be it if it means putting the entire stack of yet to be sorted mail in a basket and putting it on the downstairs desk so be it they ll all still be waiting for me the next day trust me i know because i ve hoped that by the following morning they will have magically taken care of themselves no such luck but the point is atmosphere ambiance a distraction free zone one time years ago when our entire house was overrun with toys bouncy seats exersaucers and sippy cups and i only had the time and energy to clean one small room i really straightened up our tiny bedroom filled it with candles and set up a tiny little folding table and served dinner right there we shut the door and shut out all the realities and had a mini escape for a few hours and it was wonderful and memorable more memorable than all the dinners out before or since because it was special unique and invested we invested in making it be set apart from the every day we prepare mentally by thinking about the time and about conversations that have been shorted circuited just when they were getting good or about books we are reading or podcasts we ve been listening to and wanted to tell one another about we pointedly focus our thoughts on something deeper than appointments and bills we send texts to each other throughout the day saying how much we are looking forward to the time and ahem other niceties i m 100 convinced that it s the investment in the preparation for the event almost as much as anything that makes our time together so good and when we don t invest the time it usually comes off as eh that was ok it s pretty much the idea you get out what you put in you put in good effort you get good return and it s so worth it i m hoping in the next few weeks leading up to valentine s to share with you some date ideas and maybe you can try something new to refresh the connection with your spouse i m also looking for ideas that you have tried that maybe i could pass on to others as well so please comment and tell me about what you find to do that makes for great date nights 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday january 15 2013 the little blonde with blueberry eyes almost weekly as i play piano and sing with our worship team i am reminded why i need to step up and into all that god has called me to be and that if i pull back if i shy away there will be an effect not a huge life altering effect mind you but an effect none the less my life and yours speaks a message we may or may not know who we are speaking to i know one person my life is speaking to not because she tells me but because nearly every week as i m worshiping i glance out and am grabbed by her watching gaze i feel very aware that as i speak forth words of encouragement or pray or give myself to abandoned praise there is a set of the the biggest bluest eyes fixed on me taking in my words my actions i sometimes am gripped by the sense that she is a little girl who unlike myself is growing up seeing women all around her respond to their god given call to lovingly co reign with men in the kingdom of god seeing women who yes give birth and cook and clean but also create debate and preach we are not only the women who meet for ladies bible study but who also wrestle the word of god with the men and deliver it to the congregation of brothers and sisters with equal authority and passion we are living this concept of co heirs to a next generation in ways that previously were not familiar to me and these eyes these big blueberry eyes watch i imagine with thoughts of how god will use her where she will one day take her place in ministry to the body of christ will she teach will she sing will she intercede will she minister to the physical needs of someone hurting of course i know that my life actually speaks to many on different levels as all our lives do my life speaks to my own children but to my chagrin they see the convoluted struggling side of my journey they hear my pleas of can we just not mention to _____ that i am a pastor pleeeease they see me pull back from conversations where i think my input is not necessarily welcomed they see me in my moments of brokenness and frustration and i do realize all these things will form for the good or the bad some parts of them i pray often that god s grace will cover my shortcomings in these areas that he will use my weakness to bring strength to them in some way they see me in the messy everydayness of life but the little blonde with the blueberry eyes she sees me a bit differently i think i have to add this little one and i also share a connection of difference she the only blonde among brunette sisters same as i she knows this because her beautiful mama is my sister so i tell her she gets her light locks from me she the only softball player among cheerleader sisters knows about my own passion for baseball i hope that maybe she senses from me that it s okay to like things that might not be considered 150 girlie the same way i feel about my interest in theological discussions and debates she i think if i don t chicken out can learn from me that it s okay to wear pink and still show up to the boys club and somehow though i don t know if she will ever preach or teach or if her giftings lie elsewhere she can learn from me to give yourself to whatever god calls you to even if it s a little bit different with wholehearted passion but only if i don t pull back shy away or give up courage not just for me but also for those little blueberry eyes watching me you see the things god calls us to are rarely just for us there s always those coming behind always someone else drinking in the message of our lives who s coming behind and what are watching eyes learning from you no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday january 14 2013 marriage monday 20 things appreciate monday i have oft joined the throngs who dread mondays return to routine to work to the rat race but of late and with many thanks to my protective knight in shining armor mondays have taken on a new tone for me one similar to that of drawing in a long deep breath at least on the mondays when i do what i m supposed to by making it a day to refuel myself a guilt ridden yet healthy choice for me guilt ridden only because this is a luxury that i realize not everyone is afforded and most of all because when i see my husband needing such a reprieve probably even more than i it s hard to not have twinges of feeling a bit spoiled my hard working and amazing man goes all week long at his job comes home and tries to make the most of his evenings engaging and caring for us his family and continues with the pace straight through the weekend as he attempts to keep up with the never ending list of projects and to do s that come with a house that had some design flaws from the start and the family has outgrown but we are ever trying to make it work because reality is there s probably just not any other option right now he also deals with all the situations decisions and spats that i finally throw my hands up over and say talk to your father about he runs interference between the two females in this house who increasingly are both coming into their own which is all fine and well until our owns don t mesh so smoothly and then there s just me he gets lots of point for just handling me with such love and understanding because though i m sure you cannot imagine this but i am not always the most loveable creature on the planet so what on earth does this have to do with marriage or what i ve learned over the years appreciate it s huge seriously i ve argued with todd about this idea of him insisting that i take mondays off to rest and refresh and about how i struggle because i know it s not fair because he doesn t have ever this kind of down time and his answer to me is that if i do it it is better for me which is better for him he doesn t want my martyr complex he wants a healthy wife and honestly doesn t feel any better if i burn myself out especially in the name of fairness to him he wants me to take what he is trying to provide he s not asking for anything in return but while he s not asking for anything i know that he does appreciate well appreciation this goes both ways of course in my days of endless feeding changing and general tending of babies there was often nothing todd could really do but i would tell him that just his appreciation of what i was doing recognizing and valuing it soothed my worn out mommy soul more than he could imagine sometimes it s about doing less and valuing more value each other value what you each uniquely contribute to your relationship and your family don t take for granted that you are entitled to whatever it may be me time meals prepared for you date nights the fact that he runs out for milk at 10 p m when you realize the kids need it for cereal in the morning oh wait is that one just me whatever i ve seen more than i care to of relationships that lack the things that i take for granted thing that i have tended to think well he darn well better do such and such that s a given for countless wives or husbands are not a given and maybe it s even fair to say certain things are just needs but that still doesn t mean that it shouldn t be appreciated when your spouse contributes helps out or takes responsibility for meeting those needs in short remember to say thanks to value each other to acknowledge not only mentally but to each other how grateful you are for everything your partner adds to your life oh and while you re at it thank the giver of all good gifts as well for the gift you have in your husband or wife appreciate and do it in a tangible way what is one at least thing that you appreciate about your spouse tell me about it in the comments and then tell them about how you bragged on them today seriously do it 4 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday january 10 2013 stay tuned i am nearly giddy bursting with anticipation doing twirls and flips okay maybe not so much that but i am really really excited unfortunately i am under strict advisement not to disclose full details yet however i can say for sure that some big changes are on the way for me they involve a new season unfortunately not an actual physical season because on that note i am so ready for summer yeah summer i d even be willing to skip spring i want my flip flops a new chapter so to speak a brand new day for my writing and communicating in this world wide web that i ve grown so fond of with all my bloggy friends and social media communities so pardon my dust as i m over here in my little corner of the web busily constructing i m actually building myself a new bloggy home which i can t wait to have finished and fully furnished so i can invite you over for a visit there s gonna be lots of fresh new things a new look new content and hopefully lots and lots of new friends i will give you a few teasers such as i will be continuing with my year of courage posts and also my 20 things in 20 years posts which will fit into something i ll be calling marriage mondays my new home will also be revealing a lot more about the real me i m considering this the year not only of courage but by way that courage a time of coming into my own i m planning to just let er rip with all the thoughts opinions and beliefs that i ve been holding back from speaking of here yes that s right i ve been holding back fearing offending trying to keep things nice and pleasant but i kinda think that time is done for me i ve just got this feeling that i need to be free to be me i m hoping it will spark lots of responses dialogue and really good conversations i am expecting it to be quite a fun adventure and hope you find it a refreshing bit of change stay tuned it won t be long now no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday january 7 2013 20 things never assume this past november my wonderful amazing husband and i celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary i ve been thinking for some time about doing a series of posts about 20 things we have learned over these 20 years it feels like a bit of a challenge but i think i ll go for it and in the interest of not boring you into a coma i ll even break them down as opposed to one post that would take you 20 hours to read i ve had to determine that these things will not come in any particular order certainly not order of importance i couldn t even say that any certain one is more important than another and i would also like to say up front these are things that we have learned for us the same may or may not apply or be true of you or any other given couple but hopefully they might make you think a bit as i ve been ruminating on this thought of what we have learned one of the first things that comes to mind is never assume it s practically a joke around here this idea of how bad assuming is tha...