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Text of the page (random words):
em were really special there s something about live music that s electrifying it s so much easier to jump a little higher be a little bit more expressive or truly become a character with a person instead of a machine playing music i can look back to many times where a pianist and probably the events going on in my life brought me to tears we performed with symphonies many times but my thoughts always go to our pianists who we saw every day they were part of our family not strangers who we caught vague glances of during tech week in the theater i miss how they could pick the most random yet perfect pieces to play music at barre could consist of a jim croce song a few broadway tunes willie nelson s crazy the turtles so happy together a piece from don quixote and a rag such a strange combination but it was perfect for the exercises and movement it provided the best flow of energy and emotion too when i was about 19 i started to pay attention to miss ellen in the corner beautifully and fiercely knocking out any type of music at the drop of a hat i believe my love of dance deepened and really matured when i began to really appreciate the music i looked for musical cues on how to phrase and execute steps i developed my characters and my personal storylines from the music one of the compliments that s meant the most to me was from ellen after several years there when i was about to leave she told me that of all the dancers i grabbed her attention the most during classes and rehearsals she said i was a very musical dancer and she could tell i loved to dance i told her that it was her playing that inspired me every day during those years i ll always remember a very special class we had days after 9 11 my ballet instructor decided that instead of wearing our usual dress code of black leotards and pink tights we would wear any blue or red leotards we owned during class we had a quick warm up at the barre and did something shocking we didn t do a center instead we learned the finale from stars and stripes and reggie played sousa perfectly his playing was so passionate and inspiring in the grand scheme of things it s not that ground breaking or significant but it was exactly what a bunch of 18 year olds who had moved away from home weeks earlier needed he lifted our spirits and made us feel so patriotic and hopeful i m so thankful for that memory of course i have to remember the not so favorite or funny moments when i was at the kirov my teacher couldn t speak english everyone associated with the school had been in the states for over a decade but refused to learn the pianist could speak a bit and translated anytime the teacher wanted to communicate anything other than ballet terminology or you are terrible why why you do this with the most disappointed and disapproving expressions anyway the funny part is that sizova and the pianist hated each other and fought like cats and dogs she thought he played songs inappropriate for certain movements and his tempo was never what she demonstrated or wanted they would start arguing in russian in front of the class the pianist would bang his head on the piano and tell us she was a hag finally the fight would escalate and mrs sizova would grab her white shawl and leave the studio in a huff class was over ellen was a fabulous pianist but she had a habit of becoming engrossed in the music that isn t a bad thing but when it changes the tempo it s very bad we would be doing a petite allegro to maple leaf rag or something similar to it and she would get so excited that the tempo just got faster and faster and faster it was brutal or on the other extreme during an adagio she would become slower and slower swelling certain notes at beautiful moments the worst part is that she always seemed to retard during a ponche a ponche is a movement where your leg is extended at least 90 degrees behind you and your arms are extended in front and to the side of you you keep the same line and position but your upper body bends forward as your leg extends into the air trying to make 6 00 as in the hands of a clock one long vertical line with your body it isn t the easiest movement and it takes a lot of strength and control to not fall out of it ellen always choose that time to really feel the adage it literally felt like an eternally controlling a ponche while ellen played i cursed her name during adagios i think she knew was she was doing and secretly enjoyed watching us squirm without ballet and music there s a massive gaping void in my spirit i run with music i do power yoga with music i lift weights with music nothing can compare i can t find a substitute maybe someday i will figure it out for now i have my fabulous memories of dancing with great music amazing artists and wonderful friends leave a comment atl posted in uncategorized on may 30 2009 by kitty cat last friday i went back to atlanta to visit friends and my old hood it turned into the longest day of my life i am currently taking one maymester course at school and only working part time until it ends but my life is actually more chaotic this way fridays are incredibly busy at work because we close 3 hours early but fit the same number of patients into the schedule while that may be slightly busier for the therapists and office gals i end up running around like a chicken with its head cut off the entire time three or 4 patients times 3 therapists a lone busy tech so i arrived at work at 7 am ran around like a chicken and drove to class to present a speech class ended at 4 and i raced back home to finish packing for my 7 30 pm flight i make my flight looking forward to sleeping on the plane unfortunately i was assigned to sit next to the flight buddy from hell now let me pause for a moment i have flown dozens of times alone out of all of these flights only one time have the flight gods rewarded me with a cute interesting flight buddy i wish it were the flirty charming skies instead it s the hardly pauses to breath ignorant mouth breathing overly friendly skies i never caught her name but this harpy started conversation as we waited to depart i m ok with a little flight chat i expected her to stop talking soon after take off i leaned my chair back waited for her to look out the window and closed my eyes you d think closed eyes would prevent a bitch from yapping right nope this bitch was in it for the long haul damn my false politeness i wish i would ve kept my eyes shut and tried to tune her out i finally landed in atlanta at around 10 30 my best friend hot mess was working until 11 so i knew i would have some time to get to know my fellow atlanta hartsfield jacksonites if you ve ever been to atlanta you re probably aware that it has some of the best people watching in the land this night did not disappoint i met and saw a woman in neon green studded leggings a woman with a brown corset style top that was 3 sizes too small on she had rolls hanging out an 18 year old krystal worker who smoked a swisher sweet and tried to start conversation with me many cute army guys a blonde methed out toothless mess who i was convinced was going to fall apart at any second the poster couple for seersucker ew hot mess best friend finally picked me up around 11 30 and we headed to a bar to get a drink or three by the time we got there after midnight the kitchen was closed since i hadn t really eaten all day i was starving but i was not going to slow down drinking needless to say 3 drinks felt like 6 and we finally ended up eating french bread and goat cheese at hmbf s house at 2 am hot mess indeed honestly the rest of the weekend went along those lines i will add to this later leave a comment what sarah said posted in uncategorized on may 18 2009 by kitty cat without him i feel like the color has been drained out of my life everything is dull but i m not happy with him i love death cab one of my favorites right now http www youtube com watch v f5w3rhki2su and it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time as i stared at my shoes in the icu that reeked of piss and 409 and i rationed my breaths as i said to myself that i ve already taken too much today as each descending peak on the lcd took you a little farther away from me away from me amongst the vending machines and the year old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye it stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds and i knew that you were a truth i would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all and i looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the tv entertained itself cause there s no comfort in the waiting room just nervous pacers bracing for bad news and then the nurse comes round and everyone lifts their heads but i m thinking of what sarah said that love is watching someone die so who s gonna watch you die leave a comment birthday posted in uncategorized on april 26 2009 by kitty cat today is my birthday i turned 26 at 1 15 this morning and i feel pretty great about it my life is about where i want it to be at this point i m in between my career as a professional dancer and entering grad school i don t see my friends very often between working full time and going to class but i have the most wonderful people in my life this year i met someone i truly love and i think the world of him i couldn t ask for more at 26 things are far from perfect but i am pretty damn lucky kick ass with that said i am slightly nervous about today earlier this week i made plans with my boyfriend and my family i really only wanted 2 things on my birthday margaritas and chips and salsa i m easy to please so we planned to go to my favorite mexican place and then head to my parents house for cake my mom wants any and all excuses to order a chocolate cake from her favorite bakery i was looking forward to this mexican food yay cake alright finally having an opportunity to break out my favorite new dress that i haven t worn yet rock on things took a slight turn for the anxiety producing the day before yesterday friday my boyfriend asked if i d like to go to his sister s dance recital his sister is an adorable sweet 9 year old who looks up to me so of course i want to go the dance recital is late in the afternoon no problem yet it works out that we need to go straight to the restaurant after the recital ends because we ll probably get out of the theater around 7 30 in downtown dallas this is where my anxiety starts i then suggest out of politeness that his mom and sister join us to eat i don t want them to feel pressure to come but i feel rude just jetting after the recital then i start to think about his mom and sister coming to my parents house now my boyfriend s family has seen some rough times and aren t as financially secure i ll leave it at that my family is well off my mom quit working as an accountant the day i was born and began her new career as a decorator mom companion to my dad s company functions more or less in that order of importance i grew up in the richest most notorious neighborhood of a nouveau riche suburb of dallas i never really thought anything about it until i left the bubble and moved out of state people asked me where i was from and when i answered they d sneer oh i bet you live in x neighborhood god you re probably the typical rich bitch from suburb with daddy s money i never wanted to admit that i did actually live in that neighborhood and my daddy did have money i became embarrassed i didn t want people to know from that point i avoided that exchange by telling people i was from dallas period i digress my point is that my parents have a very nice house in a ritzy neighborhood luxury cars in the garage and my mom has a love affair with diamonds i ve never been very comfortable with all of that those material posessions don t mean much to me and while my boyfriend s mom has an idea of how my parents live i never wanted her to see i feel like if they come to dinner with us they should come over for cake i don t want them to feel unwelcome but i am so nervous over this i don t want to make bf mom feel bad or think my family is putting all of these things in her face i have the worst feeling in my tummy right now i care about his mom a lot and i never want to make her feel uncomfortable we ll see i planned on only drinking 2 margaritias tonight my 2 may turn into 3 to make sure my nerves are calm yay for birth day leave a comment gratitude posted in uncategorized on april 15 2009 by kitty cat usually when i run i don t think my mind stays clear and i focus on breathing and not wildly tripping into oncoming traffic today was different i don t know if it s the material we re studying in class right now or the patients who have been coming into work lately but i started thinking and my mind would not be still as i ran i thought about how it s a miracle just to be here our lab last night focused on meiosis the production of sex cells it s something i don t particularly ponder on a regular basis but it was amazing to think about how there are seemingly an infinite number of outcomes for the genetics of one sex cell those processes had to happen in very specific certain ways for me to even exist it s almost overwhelming then i started thinking about work and all the different people who have come in as patients i thought about athletes who have been sidelined because of an injury i thought of grandmothers with multiple dislocations and major surgeries just trying to recover and get through the pain of rehab i thought about relatively young people confined to wheelchairs or walkers it made me feel incredibly thoughtless and ungrateful most of these people show unnerving optimism and thoughtfulness every appointment i ve only been there 4 months and i can t count the little gifts or kind words patients have given me just for doing my job and being a small part of their rehab or therapy would i be as gracious or positive this run was a little different from the rest i felt thankful to feel the sun and wind on my face i felt blessed to have use of my limbs with each step i felt my gratefulness propelling me forward often times i take my health and all the beautiful people in my life for granted we all do it s human nature i bitch about how my knee is bugging me so i can t run for a few days sometimes i throw a pity party because i miss ballet i like that i m a perfectionist and i demand a lot from myself but i need to get out of myself more a lot of times i focus on what could have been executed differently what i could tweak how i can improve x y and z i don t mean to be negative but a lot of times i pick myself apart at the end of the day in real life who cares if i can shave 30 seconds off my time if i go to bed earlier who cares if i have the best rocking bow my instructor trainer has seen what does that mean in the end nothing really i am happy to be able to run dance go to yoga or pilates and enjoy the movement all of our unique gifts and t...