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but it most definitely is at the risk of misogynistically putting myself in my place i think each of us does have a place in radical feminism which can most accurately and succinctly be described as just being ourselves i mean really haven t we all worked enough in our lives so i m not going to bust my ass to accomplish anything radically feminist unless there is something i really want to do for me and women i actually personally care about and it can be done playfully and in harmony with my other interests and responsibilities it really does feel like i am passing between two worlds writing reading and then tending to child i so wish i could bring her with me to the internet it s so much nicer here but we share consciousness on a plane that computers can t capture and by that i do not mean that it is deeper than radical feminist connection just that she can t type or read i enjoy parenting while feeling connected to other radical feminists it is how i draw my strength but i do feel as though i am plugged into the matrix with whoever is my internet provider sucking up my precious energy to power the machine and it being only a matter of time before my daughter plugs in too that said i am fully prepared to parent her without the refuge of the internet not only because it might fail someday but also because she deserves my full attention and so does my own life so i relate to my daughter upon the foundational assumption that she is too precious for this world at least for what it has become and that feels both authentic and loving it is the appropriate attitude towards a child who may comprise the last generation of humans on a planet that is being raped and murdered before our very eyes and who will surely witness and face tremendous upsets in resource availability but who is still capable of experiencing and sharing joy in life s less brutal moments i did anticipate my emotional and temporal resources would be strained as both a newly radicalized feminist lesbian separatist and new mother it was less than a year ago that i woke up in my camp on the side of the railroad tracks next to a bush and realized that everything i had ever thought of as being god s will in my life had in fact been the will of men the next morning i woke up craving pickles despite being strongly advised by a couple of radical feminists i spoke with to have an abortion for the sake of the baby being one of the more dignified arguments i couldn t decide whether i wanted to do it or not i actually went to get an abortion and backed out of it because i felt that something inside of me wanted to live i couldn t tell if it was me or the baby so i did nothing and that s why i m now a mom and i went into this knowing that the earth s resources are already strained by humans males and that mine would likely be as well but not willing to miss out on this wonderful experience of motherhood i had heard so much about it was very selfish of me and i probably wouldn t have done it if i had been better educated about the politics of abortion and reassured of the possibilities i would soon find to develop friendships with women i had already left my abusive tweaker boyfriend a month earlier having told him i was now a lesbian and no longer interested in his bizarre noir esque tweaker melodramas i spent the next eight months alternately devouring everything radical feminist i could find on the internet and looking for a suitable place to carry out my elaborately primitive birth plan i knew my time was limited and i was racing to build real life radical feminist community before i had the baby and what a beautiful fantasy it was so you see all of this has happened rather quickly and now here i am raising a child while trying desperately to make friends and i don t mind admitting to desperation because i am only interested in making friends with women who are as desperate as i am to connect with other women as women in a world gone completely mad or male i guess would be more accurate i feel pretty conflicted a lot of the time i have never once regretted my decision to become a mother as much as we can say that there was actually a decision for me to make but i do sometimes resent the time and energy i have to spend on a person who can and should give nothing back when what i need most is sisterhood on an equal basis or often sleep and i d be lying if i said i did every second of the day what i do as a mother out of love there simply isn t anyone else around to pick up the slack so i do things for my daughter even when i don t want to my dream and goal at this point is to have a radical feminist and separatist commune where i can raise my child with other women who have female children and with other women who we can rope in to pick up the slack i want us to be able to see the stars at night to hear a river flowing breathe fresh cool air and maybe look out and up to a mountain in the distance i want us to write our own songs and sing them for each other i want us to do nothing at all and to luxuriate in each other s company it is unclear to me now whether and how much the internet will play a role in assembling this community i tend to overmanage things like this which are better left to develop organically and alternately undermanage projects having vaguely surrendered them to the goddess so hopefully i ll be receiving some guidance soon as to how to effectively and gracefully participate in the creative process ideally this will leave me with plenty of time to both idle away with my little one and to socialize plenty with women and hopefully this project will grow naturally out of these activities in my experience the good things in life can t be rushed or forced or they will be lost soul sucking 101 october 24 2014 cursethereign 7 comments males are mutants females are humans males hide this truth and seek soulfulness by projecting their soullessness onto females thus getting women to fear and hate each other disrupting their ability to connect with one another it is a gross denial of women s humanity and a reversal of male demonism because it drives women into hopeless soul seeking relationships with males this projection is the propaganda of soul theft itself the woman retrieves her soul when she discovers the lie in understanding that males only pretend to possess our souls and she finally walks away from men without looking back for most of my life when i met a woman i doubted whether she was real good like me at the core what is this i wondered the tendency i have to suspect another woman is evil that even when i am with her i am alone and furthermore in danger i dont trust her i dont see myself in her how else can i describe this beinglessness i project onto her then when i give her a chance she proves me wrong she is human parts of her soul may have been sucked away by males but she is essentially there men are not there they act they pretend they mimic they suck this soulless non existence is essentially male men project it onto women and women onto each other but it belongs to men we as women evolved to be able to mistrust because of men mistrust is essentially women s innate sensing that males are demonic mutant parasites meaning in case that isn t clear that the experience of mistrust exists for the purpose of females protecting ourselves from males it is an emotion with an essential purpose that males subvert for the purpose of confusing women about who the enemy is on heide goettner abendroth s book matriarchal societies august 22 2014 cursethereign 15 comments let me start by saying i was really excited to start reading this book if matriarchies truly have existed i thought then they can surely exist again or at least what is left of them can be protected and preserved while the rest of us continue to flounder about as we progress perilously through the advanced stages of patriarchal cancer blogging obsessively if we choose on the topic of the great matriarchies that once were as if in doing so we could turn back time but being an optimist at the time i started reading this book more accurately being under the psychological control of a male with blackfeet ancestry who had been named an indigenous elder at some multi tribal pow wow at stanford university and who claimed to have interest in building and in fact running a revolutionary new matriarchal society which i m sure will make a great story when i am fully recovered from his abusive programming and being an excessively abstract thinker almost wholly intellectually satisfied with the theoretical brain candy presented in the introduction i had been evangelizing about the virtues of indigenous matriarchal societies to anyone who would listen i spoke of a wonderful world in which women have real decision making power there is no rape and the life creating power held by females is honored by men and centralized in every facet of the culture to me the existence of such societies was proof that patriarchy is only one possible social arrangement of males and females that masculinity is socially constructed and that there still may be hope for us all to turn this man made trainwreck around before humans go extinct in between reading the introduction to the book and digging into chapter 1 i had a series of disturbing enlightening conversations with friends and in the blogosphere on the topic of gender as a social construct vs biological essentialism through which i had been invited to think more critically about the prospect of females ever living in harmony with males yes i conceded patriarchy is made by men but but still i insisted it s all in the book so then i had to actually read the damn book the author like many advocates of a return to matriarchal society makes it clear in the beinning that matriarchy is not the reverse of patriarchy patriarchy is a system of power over and matriarchy is a model of non hierarchical power centered on life itself rather than weighted towards either sex when i first heard this description of matriarchy i remember feeling proud yay i do have value i am not just a dirty stupid worthless bitch who needs to be told by men what to do every second of the day in order to avoid falling out of favor with god deeply internalized misogyny is obviously not a good place from which to arrive at the negotiating table but thanks to having had a solid week of radfemming it up with a new friend in between reading the introduction to the book and chapter 1 the very first example given by abendroth of a matriarchal society made my eyes bleed in horror and sadness at what suddenly and irreversibly struck me as the enormous level of psychological denial required to maintain this mass hallucination that men have any value whatsoever ok details so the author introduces the khasi of northern india to summarize khasi women take responsibility for all of the important economic cultural political and spiritual functions in society because it is implied men just can t be trusted with them wait a second that sounds familiar but honey it s just that you re so much better at running ceremonies and distributing goods fairly amongst clan members you are just so impressively strong i admire the way you carry a child on your back while hauling unimaginable burdens over mountains and across rushing rivers to the market why i bet you re as strong as any man and as the youngest daughter you re also naturally really good at raising the kids while providing for our dying elders as well as for any clan member who is ever in need anywhere at any time even if you are dirt poor i shit you not all of this was in the fucking book the dramatization is obviously my own but i have accurately represented abendroth s description of khasi society and this is supposed to inspire us to give us hope to guide us but it just made me angry because i am supposed to accept that in matriarchal societies honoring women manipulating them with flattery how is this any different from patriarchy in which men write mother s day hallmark cards praising woman slaves for their sacrifice and virtue it is true that khasi women do hold the final authority in the clan own all the property are in charge of all the food and can even kidnap males for procreation and the men say they are all cool with it this is indeed reflective of the greater power women have in matriarchal societies relative to men and men s consent to such an arrangement proves the necessity of depriving men of such power but instead of making me feel all empowerfuled and excited for women it just made me ask if only women can run a functional society and men can only run a dysfunctional society then isn t matriarchy just a big apology and cover up for men s inherent inferiority as human beings and who benefits from these awkward arrangements that keep this basic reality of humanity a secret who has the most to gain from silence and complicity in the global testigate scandal men duh matriarchy is for men men are inapable of functioning as equal members of society and as such can only be a drain on women women do not need men in a society of only women even one in which males are periodically pulled from the swamp for reproductive purposes which based on current polulation levels is not even necessary for women to exist the word matriarchy would be redundant because it means a system of society or government ruled by a woman or women and donating sperm is not a sufficient definition of social membership so aside from its inclusion of amazonian women who were more straight up separatist than matriarchal the whole field of matriarchal studies is an excuse to justify men s parasitic existence at women s expense and i m through with it that concludes my book review since i have made use of the word equal it s worth pointing out to anyone who may not previously have considered it that women who want equality between the sexes have been majorly duped into begging for the return of crumbs when males have stolen from females the entire batch of cookies men are not equal to women in value on a biological level and so offering us equality is a concession and a bunk deal loaded with what men must consider in private company to be hilarious and ingenious levels of irony making mothers a no fail recipe august 21 2014 cursethereign 10 comments how did i get here i feel like i ve failed at everything i ve ever tried it s all lead nowhere motherhood has literally been my only option for fulfillment because every other path in life i have set out on has been thwarted by the patriarchy there has been literally no avenue open for me to be as big as i have wanted to be as powerful as i could be as successful as i have dreamt so now i m a fucking mother you all pushed me into this even those i expected more from because of your stated ideology political stance or social position you made me into a god damned mother and yes i am a fucking victim and not ashamed to say so i thought it wa...