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Text of the page (random words):
gic occurring around me myself largely being a catalyst of that magic i find so much joy helping others remember their wild their truth their fierce grace and so i ve been told am quite good at it i lovingly accept this complement finally one of my dearest and most beloved sisters dubbed me the reluctant messiah i love you linda i am often just that and perhaps there are reasons we are mirrors for one another i will show you how you truly shine and you inadvertently show me shining back this is a piece of my work difficult to refer to as a job but it helps pay our bills so whether i call it that or not it is what it is how blessed am i that my passion allows me to put food on the table aho to that there is so much more inside of me to give so much that i have to hold it in because it s not the right time for me social media causes priestess envy interesting expression right but it s true i see these amazing women doing their work and making a difference and i am genuinely happy for them i love to see my sisters succeed especially when they are serving as guides and changing lives but priestess envy enters and causes me to feel pain in my heart that i have to limit myself and hold back i do not have that freedom to give of myself the way they do my self has already been given i made that offering when i said yes to nurture seeds in my belly and allow them to transform into living breathing human beings i do not regret that offering and will stand firm when i say motherhood is the greatest blessing we can have and also the greatest blessing we can give i know there are mothers out there that can still give and keep giving of their gifts and do so beautifully even when their children are young i am simply not one of them i have tried and tried to find the balance to do so it is not within me not presently anyway who knows how i could grow but right now my all or nothing brings unhappiness to the latter party and that is simply not acceptable i posted an article on fb semi recently about this entitled mama priestess find it here and it posed the question can we do both i truly believe that some can i can but doing and being present while doing is a different matter i believe that when my children are older i can find better balance and of course i am priestess whether i am changing lives and guiding the way for my sisters or changing diapers and preparing lunch for my family right now i must choose i cannot have both not the way i do it my work is very special i know it but my most important work is mother i will always be able to return to the path of priestess and the work that women need but childhood is fleeting it is precious and it is gone before we know it i see that so clearly in the eyes of my beautiful 18 year old daughter that i still remember looking down into at my breast i see it as i look into my 4 year old s eyes and snuggle my 11 month old in my embrace and know very likely that one more precious baby will come sooner or later i know and i choose to be their all i honor my sisters that can find the balance to do both and i celebrate and give thanks to my sisters who are giving their all to the priestess path the ones who have no children at their breast perhaps only just yet or the ones whose children are grown because they are the ones that mothers like me need when i am exhausted and spent from giving all i have to give to these blessed creations that call me mommy and i have nothing left but still must give and give they are the ones that come along and hold me up and they carry me along and they fill me and love me and honor me for the work that i do they shine the mirror and i say thank you mother and so with these words i close the door for a little while i hold the key very close to my heart because the time will come again to open it it is time to priestess myself it is time to priestess my family i am so grateful for all of the paths that i get to walk i am grateful for new beginnings i am grateful for dark spaces i am grateful for change i am grateful for you i am grateful for me i am grateful i am grateful i am grateful posted in dancing the craft 2 comments a bit of truth telling july 14 2015 by brandi being vulnerable is often the answer to many things but like many answers that doesn t mean it s easy i ve been immersed lately in a forced vulnerability my own force the universal force goddess force goddess talk thoughts running through me that won t shut down compelling me to write it out well here i am with my pen we ll see where we end up together little arms are moving at the top of the bed soon the words that want to come will have to be put aside because mother and that is that my work is to inspire i know that and it happens in a myriad of ways to inspire i must first live inspired to teach depth i must go deeper i ve seen the quote be your own guru more than once but recently it started speaking to me with kind of an exasperated sigh and a shake of the head and i started to watch and listen more closely to my inner talk i ve been idolizing super hero status ing pedestaling i ve been wanting more from and for my ego self feeling pulled to others out there feeling attached to ideas about them and about myself in regards to them they are feelings of desire not to be someone other than myself but to be recognized by other for being myself i feel very vulnerable and exposed for this admittance it is not something that i am proud of to feel the need for that recognition acceptance but i am not necessarily ashamed of it either and honestly i am just trying to understand it where is it coming from my awareness and acknowledgement of it is a starting point interesting there is a humbling humility i have the great blessing of knowing amazing women beautiful wise and wild goddesses whose hands i can physically hold and faces i can touch i have the great blessing of being one of these women to others my sisters oh how i am grateful and yet i find myself still going to that place like i m missing out on something this is big work for me lately beautiful faces and enchanting words through books and social media lead me to call guru to these forces outside of myself let me be clear these amazing women are not asking to be idolized or worshiped they are only doing their work the same as i do mine it is me doing the projecting and i am an awakened woman and still i awaken i fully stand in my beautiful wild awesome nature and claim it my task then is to allow myself to be the seeker without needing to befriend the master again my words my projections to be content to be in the wider circle of feminine awakening without being in their personal circles to live more in the present moment my moments because they are goddamn beautiful moments and i am so unbelievably blessed to live them i am a beautiful human being i have a beautiful family and community i have beautiful gifts to share and i share them beautifully i live in a beautiful place and my bare feet touch a beautiful earth ultimately she is my guru earth nature goddess myself we are the same and so with these last words i am releasing you you amazing awe inspiring she gurus you will keep doing your brilliant work and i will keep doing mine i am drawn to you because we are mirrors i am drawn to your magic because you show me mine yes i would love to hug you and kiss your sweet face for that and that s okay but it s okay we don t need to meet i don t need to be your circle and you don t need to be mine i release my attachment to that i thank you for your truth your wisdom i thank you for living it i will continue to be inspired from it but my path will not be determined by it i bow to this inner wisdom and thank you so humbly for these lessons jai ma namaste blessed be posted in dancing the craft leave a comment clara s story january 3 2015 by brandi the conception and pregnancy taken on my due date december 6th 12 days before she came earthside unfortunately this is the last belly picture everything happened so quickly that photos were forgotten i set the intention for this pregnancy in january surrounded by a group of women that exuded the feminine divine i was pregnant mid march the nausea started and didn t stop for the entire 1st trimester all day all night it was havoc on my household everyone suffered after that i got a month long sinus infection that was taken to pneumonia status it seemed my health would never return but it did eventually and i had a decent 6th and 7th month the 8th month however was brutal i got sick again was not gaining weight and there was talk of c sections for the babies safety i put out gobs of prayer requests set up an altar at home for the baby and did everything within my power to take care of myself i prayed that i would go past my due date when it seemed that all odds were against it the doctor that my midwife sent me to said i would never make it to my due date and if she were me she would just have a c section my midwife upon hearing of my determination to have my baby at home no matter what gave me a wincing face and would not share my faith in positive thinking even through this crazy chaos i was so grateful for this life inside me blessedly i have an amazing husband and a group of phenomenal friends and family that all shared my faith i was set to defy my doctor and midwife of their reasoning and put myself into the hands of spirit i had daily conversations with the baby asking him her to hang out until we were both ready for the healthiest birth my due date came and went and i slowly started to feel better and more positive i felt ready i was 12 days late the birth day the previous day wednesday i d been having lower back pain for a large portion of the day i told niko that i felt positive we would go into labor the next day thursday thursday dawned well after having mild contractions all night around 45 minutes apart i felt good i felt great actually daisy wanted to stay home but i told her no i d call her if things got serious my midwife called me early morning to see how i was doing and i told her about the contractions that they were still far apart but i felt positive she then proceeded to tell me if i didn t have the baby by my 2 week late date saturday she was required by law to send me to the hospital for care and that we had to schedule a diagnostic ultrasound immediately because again it was required by law and if they deemed the baby less than 100 passing on their test they would send me in for induction immediately even if we hadn t hit that 14 days i told her my baby was fine i was fine i wasn t comfortable going for the ultrasound but she said there was no choice she then proceeded to tell me that her most recent client went 2 weeks over failed the diagnostic was induced at the hospital and after a horrendous labor had to have a c section yes that is how she claimed my lovely morning and relaxed peace of mind and i let her when i hung up the phone with her i was in tears a complete basket case my husband was amazing as usual he did what he could to calm me down told me we d fire the midwife if necessary and that everything would be ok we talked about the repercussions of everything and decided to just be in the moment as much as possible at that point my contractions had stopped completely thank you dear midwife i d just read not hours before about trying to stay as relaxed as possible when contractions began to help along labor i d been spun in the complete opposite direction i sent out prayer magic requests for the second time and asked niko if we could go for a walk so we put leelu in her stroller and walked for more than an hour it felt good and began to relax me again the contractions returned 45 minutes apart when we returned from our walk my friend laura came over with some essential oils a talisman and love she saged me and we meditated on some childbirth verses for awhile then she told me that she felt i should eat something comforting that my body wanted to be fed something decadent so she went and got me a slice of heavenly chocolate cheesecake from our neighborhood health food store she had no idea that i d been on a crazy strict diet for the last month plus of no chocolate or sugar among other things and that cheesecake was probably just what my body was asking for after she left it was around 2 30 i allowed time for some intimacy with my beloved for the sake of ripening my cervix tmi i m all for full disclosure i was determined contractions were still 45 minutes apart he left for the store around 3 15 and called my sister to tell her where we were with everything because she was to be present for the birth he told her it would probably still be hours because that s what i told him my guestimate was 8ish i hadn t called my midwife back at that point because i was still 45 minutes apart and was feeling good again i didn t want to jinx it leelu was napping and daisy got home a little after 3 30 i was in bed and we talked about our day she started timing my contractions around 3 45 or so at that point they started speeding up dramatically i still felt it would be awhile though i did the dishes talked about showering and vacuuming but when niko got home i told him there would be no time to set up the birthing pool and he needed to call the midwife because my contractions were less than 5 minutes apart that fast it was somewhere around 4 20 my sister arrived and i was in the bathroom i had her lay down a shower curtain on the living room rug and top it with a soft blanket i was down to less than 2 minutes apart a very dark photo taken from my phone there are no others to show the magic we experienced but that s ok they are ingrained in our hearts daisy took leelu to our neighbors house i d given leelu the option of staying and when daisy came back i was on all fours having decently wicked contractions i felt i needed to push and did i told niko to take my pants off yes i still had them on i could only think so far ahead and look to see what was going on my sister looked and saw the baby s head crowning with the next contraction i pushed her head out and carrie reached in to help me deliver the rest of her all in one single one minute long contraction she was so ready she was born into my sister and husband s arms around 4 40 no one thought to look at a watch with my little sister and oldest daughter present she was perfect and it was out of control magical the midwife showed up about 15 minutes later and delivered the placenta and took care of the rest of the story she and the doula stayed for the next couple hours and i was glad when she was gone the pregnancy had been difficult the worry and stress probably more than i ve ever experienced but the birth was perfect and our little clara magdalene is here 7 lbs 7 ozs she latched onto my breast beautifully and slept most of her first night in the world giving her mommy more sleep than i ve gotten in a long time this girl is a rema...