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Text of the page (random words):
i realized on a long think recently that i should probably unbox some of these stories i can t just tell the funny truths i have to tell the hard ones as well i have come to a point where i realize that my son in idolizing uniformed good guys could take a path he just isn t suited for you see there is a very strange very fucked up paradox i have lived through yes the good guys can be good guys while working in a very fucked up and not good system that doesn t just allow bad apples it amplifies their effect their ability and often their audacity i really have no idea how to explain this to him correctly at this stage of the game even though the tone of this story and some others is negative i have to say that i m still proud of my having served and proud of those serving but that isn t a blanket forgiveness for assholes part of my reason for going down this road is to try to figure out how to tell culture stories without painting with too broad a brush still i m starting with this story it is likely my roughest it was the coffin nail i think this was the time when i learned that in a rank structure system doing the right thing is truly frighteningly difficult at times i was never as quick to do said right thing while in uniform my first three years of service were the reason i didn t re up my last year in was enjoyable for a multitude of reasons really i matured a bit which helped immensely the lying sack of shit i had for a direct supervisor was sent elsewhere which changed the shop culture a great deal i had gained enough rank that i really only answered to one superior at a time instead of being the dumping ground for every e 5 and up s bad day but there was one more factor that made life uncomfortable in that shop many of the other members of the team righteously hated me this is the story of why the topic of today s story is racism that abhorrent condition that just won t fucking go away no matter how stupid its practice i despise it that s not just a cool thing to say a correctism it s an active feeling i have born from the echoes of my past concern for my friends and the fact that in any way i ve ever looked at it it s just a fucking unnatural nurtured created hate i ve discussed racism with little danger and it disgusts me that he even has to be aware it s a thing he has as much understanding of how someone can hate others as i have of the mathematics of quantum physics i never want him to witness that kind of hatred and yet he lives on planet earth it ll happen well that s far too much preamble so here we go it was my first year in the air force i was still making a lot of really dumb choices and failing to be self sufficient i was a really young 18 i had a friend in the squadron that had arrived a bit after me she and i had gone through basic at the same time and tech school in the same place and time as well it was natural for us to continue chatting and being friendly she was also a hot redhead which drew the attention of a good number of other airmen well there was a day that i learned that not all of that attention was positive i was in a car with three other guys from my shop heading to the chow hall for lunch the topic of women arose as often it did my friend was mentioned amongst the general discussion of various ladies potential as a sexual partner someone said a thing to this day i don t have a clear memory of who said it i have a strong suspicion based on further experience but no honest memory to rely on if i had my life at that time would have been much much easier i was in the back seat as was airman b airman k was in the passenger seat airman h driving and dammit i don t know who but someone referred to her as a n word loving bitch with a heavy implication that her willingness to date someone other than a white man made her unsuitable to be touched i was shocked not just because it was said but that laughter was the response i got quiet turned a bit red and made my way through lunch i don t remember anything else about that day which makes sense given that the rest was normal fast forward a week and said friend was being friendly with these guys and there they were all laughing as if nothing had been said as if nobody had condemned her for absolutely nothing that made any sense to me i tried to do the right thing weighing my options and actions but not understanding yet that we do not operate in a vacuum nor do our best intentions i told her what was said letting her know that none of the aforementioned boys wanted to be her friend that much had been made clear i still feel like i should have done so because i think she needed to know that she was being talked about as subhuman but i really wish i remembered which one had actually said it because life through no fault of my own on this item at least was about to take a fairly dramatic left turn not just for me but for airman b as well airman b took leave for a vacation blissfully visiting family airman friend of mine despite her thanking me and promising she wouldn t say anything so as not to get me in trouble with people i had to work with went to our 1 st sergeant i don t think i disagree with that choice now but at the time well it was the last day i would think of her as a friend which was more to do with what followed the first shirt hated racism every bit as much as i do but had a whole hell of a lot more first hand experience with it than i i was a skinny white boy and he was not he also had absolute authority to investigate and punish whatever the hell he wanted to i did not imagine my surprise at being ordered to his office now i had some reason to be concerned about that as i was never the perfect airman but i couldn t think of any dumbass thing i d done recently so cue nervous walk to the principal s office he grilled me i got a lecture about proper conduct and a dressing down i couldn t understand then he asked me who said it and he quoted the exact phrase that i d only shared with my friend so i definitely clued in to why i was in the room i was honest though and told him i didn t know who said it just wanted to pass along that things weren t as friendly as she thought so the first sergeant threatened me with prosecution he told me he d put me under an article 15 as if i had said it i made the point that if i had said it or condoned it i wouldn t have told her about it he was unimpressed and undeterred by that minor point of logic against his anger it could not stand my memory did not improve after several more minutes of haranguing and threats so in a masterful stroke of investigatory genius the first sergeant brought airman h and airman k into the room with me he told them what i d said to her right in front of me the temperature in the room rose and i felt the taste of fear i had become accustomed to in school days sensing an impending ass beating from a bully and so a discussion ensued wherein everyone denied saying anything the first sergeant kept up the heat telling us that we would all burn if we couldn t tell him who said it so airman k and airman h said it had to be airman b but he wasn t there to say otherwise i was pretty sure one of them was lying but again i just didn t remember i tried to stay silent surely the word of two was enough it wasn t i was informed in no uncertain terms that if i didn t sign the statement that the first was writing that i would be prosecuted as well that i would be labeled racist and drummed out of the service even though i was the one who did the right fucking thing it struck me that he didn t want the truth he just wanted an ass to nail to a wall i will likely never hate anyone as hard as i did the first sergeant at that moment i matured a mile in a minute and not all in the right way i resolved to always just keep my fucking mouth shut i signed the goddamn statement writing that still hurts it wasn t who i wanted to be and it damn well wasn t the lesson that the shirt should have taught my honesty wasn t good enough for him and so i sacrificed it on the altar of self preservation i ve never forgiven that first sergeant and i m fairly certain i still haven t forgiven me people wonder how good people can do nothing it is often a conditioned response threatened with loss of livelihood or even jail people can be forced into some pretty shady corners i m pretty sure that now in the same boat i would have come out swinging and demanded a lawyer advocate before saying a goddamn word more but at 18 with the consequences so very large i just didn t see a way forward airman b lost a stripe on his return damned by three of his fellows i was ordered by my direct supervisor not to speak to him so i couldn t even offer a fucking apology much less an explanation in our last days on that base together he would tell me he forgave me and understood the shitty position i d been put in but he also told me that he had wanted to kill me in those first few months and was glad that he hadn t well that makes two of us this was one of maybe a dozen tales of bullshittery i got to live through in my military tenure there was the time i almost lost a hand to incompetence and fuckery the second time i clashed with that same first sergeant a time i lost a stripe of my own due to that aforementioned lying sack i worked for i ll tell these tales at some point i m sure but i think we ve yanked enough skeletons out of this closet for the day posted by danger boy at 12 35 pm 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels humorless life lesson monday july 15 2019 five things i think july 15th occasionally that muse walks up and smacks me in the back of the head having thus been thwacked again today it comes time to disgorge a wall of words to the blog 1 little danger turned 9 this week for almost a decade i ve been privileged to walk around under the mantle of dad i can t imagine how the days have gone by so quickly yet there they are stretched out behind us fortunately there are some days stretched out ahead as well and today doesn t look half bad either there are days when he can prattle on and batter my frontal lobe into submission under a verbal assault of statements about absolutely nothing there are days when this tapdances on my last nerve then i think about the fact that teenage years are just around the corner and i m going to be starved for more than a 3 word sentence maybe i ll just enjoy the logorrhea 2 i ve recently been recruited to become an assistant coach for little danger s football team whereas i am a fan of the game and a fan of the kid i have dived ahead into this adventure i do have to postpone a bucket trip but the boy is worth it the challenge of course is that i didn t play football at a competitive level at any point the good news is that i ve been digging through some videos about the fundamentals and it translates to body mechanics that are similar to the fight choreo i ve been teaching for over a couple decades making that transition should be achievable this also gives me an opportunity to do a bit of conditioning on my own dad bod while i m at it this is going to be a wild ride well out of my comfort zone i look forward to it i am also looking forward to the boy resuming his pancake stacks and sacks a plenty oh yes 3 i started playing a new game with a new group every other week this one is wrath and glory the newest rpg in the warhammer 40k setting it s an interesting if currently rough game the rulebook is a bit disjointed and has been handed off to a new company for a second print and continued development nothing with 40k licensing is ever really easy it seems the game itself follows a deathwatch kill team and we are ridiculously overpowered our first session featured us happening to a group of orks unleashing a torrent of ammunition as nonstop and brain numbing as a a politician s twitter account gratuitous is the word i think laughter and fun were had no drama yet but there is already some foreshadowing about insurmountable odds well that s why you send space marines 4 i think i had a great nature encounter with little danger i walked out of the barn in midday and had to stop in my tracks there just across our bridge stood a denizen of the great outdoors just half hidden by the trees i ran quietly back inside i grabbed the boy and we stealthed our way out taking a seat in the grass whose butt is that i asked pointing an odd question you might think but 1 butts are hilarious to 9 year olds and 2 that s the part we could see a deer he replied and we watched as she took a step back revealing her forward half and stared at us for about 2 minutes before walking off into the tall grass i do like the country livin 5 i ve been deeply examining the amount of scar tissue and baggage i walk around with often i wear it lightly at other times it feels like a battleship chained to the psyche in any case i think it s time to take the proverbial scalpel to some of it some of these things feel like they belong to somebody else that person i used to be they probably do posted by danger boy at 8 46 am 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels five things monday june 3 2019 five things i think june 3rd thinkin writin sometimes procrastinatin 1 i think sometimes things line up and you get a big weekend i just had one of those filled with lots of experiences of differing type and flavor i loved it we worked some tornado clean up watched little danger s baseball game and had a gaming day of dark heresy 40k there was a bit of swimming pool and general relaxation thrown in there as well reinforcing the lesson for ld of work hard play hard relax like a cat 2 i think it s refreshing to see communities come together when shit goes down i further wish we could come together more often when shit isn t hitting the fan but i will take what i can get memorial day brought a supercell to the north dayton area which proceeded to pronounce a hearty fuck you with a host of tornadoes the biggest of these was a confirmed f 4 we drove right out of the southern edge of this bad boy about 5 minutes ahead of it little danger asked how we would get away from a tornado if one happened well it turns out the answer was what we re doing there has been no shortage of volunteers working up that way from folks grilling and working the food bank to folks bumrushing damage areas to work clean up saturday wifefish little danger and i joined a group in one of those neighborhoods i grabbed the chainsaw and we toted the work gloves water and even some donuts and coffee to hand out i can t say we had fun exactly but we worked hard for a morning we impacted only five homes or so but if you extrapolate the number of people doing what we did well there s a reason they say many hands make light work it was rewarding as hell and if you ever get the chance to be part of disaster relief do it just do it we aren t working in there for days on end but if everyone giv...