Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

the, of, her, love, danywhere, wanderlust, theories, menu, boxes, and, pigeons, freedom, to, feel, she, wears, heart, on, sleeve, running, in, circles, epitome, is, food, saving, world, business, affair, different, but, not, be, autistic, future, autism, spectrum, matter, perspective, recent, posts, archives, categories, meta, post, navigation,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (329), that (169), and (151), for (93), this (79), have (78), but (53), with (53), not (52), people (50), one (48), you (47), can (46), just (46), don (46), what (46), when (44), from (44), because (43), know (42), will (41), about (36), there (36), all (36), how (35), #autism (34), are (34), they (33), was (30), like (30), out (27), way (26), things (26), other (25), being (25), myself (24), their (24), something (23), life (22), time (22), back (22), more (22), see (21), who (21), spectrum (21), them (21), malaysia (20), been (20), different (19), even (19), why (19), get (19), many (19), food (18), think (18), say (18), much (18), work (17), world (16), some (16), right (16), point (15), too (15), make (15), most (15), always (15), here (15), into (15), need (15), 2014 (14), feel (14), only (14), feeling (14), doing (13), then (13), since (13), our (13), come (13), made (13), after (13), part (13), country (13), anything (12), would (12), want (12), doesn (12), where (12), island (11), looking (11), years (11), than (11), look (11), may (10), hyper (10), today (10), better (10), has (10), daniaryezel (10), individuals (10), end (10), take (10), yet (10), selangor (9), first (9), 2015 (9), her (9), thinking (9), another (9), future (9), ask (9), maybe (9), others (9), moment (9), same (9), also (9), asd (9), find (9), often (9), were (9), home (9), well (9), now (8), love (8), last (8), everything (8), best (8), remember (8), could (8), own (8), got (8), should (8), industry (8), thing (8), mind (8), while (8), makes (8), never (8), without (8), long (8), away (8), day (8), com (7), create (7), 2013 (7), thought (7), whole (7), new (7), still (7), had (7), perhaps (7), question (7), project (7), able (7), trying (7), every (7), journey (7), before (7), over (7), your (7), malaysians (7), again (7), nation (7), danywhere (6), theories (6), blog (6), manchester (6), kuala (6), experience (6), she (6), comes (6), through (6), does (6), might (6), didn (6), given (6), figure (6), matter (6), these (6), job (6), good (6), amazing (6), rest (6), making (6), seriously (6), autistic (6), reality (6), ways (6), happen (6), year (6), enough (6), told (6), religion (6), coming (6), place (6), forward (6), once (6), society (6), movie (6), malay (6), each (6), wanderlust (5), uncategorized (5), personal (5), 2010 (5), december (5), 2012 (5), november (5), ourselves (5), going (5), very (5), takes (5), deeper (5), hard (5), learn (5), working (5), lot (5), head (5), around (5), sesame (5), street (5), research (5), ever (5), three (5), days (5), ago (5), such (5), having (5), any (5), kind (5), company (5), level (5), normal (5), understanding (5), idea (5), sense (5), two (5), either (5), stay (5), reason (5), somehow (5), memories (5), chinese (5), projects (5), wordpress (4), post (4), thoughts (4), park (4), sunway (4), reflection (4), lumpur (4), city (4), haven (4), temple (4), september (4), january (4), heart (4), learning (4), business (4), module (4), dig (4), self (4), particular (4), fact (4), spent (4), build (4), living (4), far (4), everyone (4), help (4), imagine (4), big (4), become (4), purpose (4), affect (4), fill (4), though (4), least (4), said (4), credit (4), special (4), someone (4), essence (4), disorder (4), keep (4), differently (4), slowly (4), alien (4), mean (4), problem (4), face (4), suppose (4), wrote (4), second (4), nothing (4), believe (4), embrace (4), decision (4), done (4), person (4), put (4), wonder (4), felt (4), family (4), sure (4), really (4), whatever (4), power (4), live (4), granpa (4), his (4), type (4), indian (4), him (4), together (4), mentioned (4), almost (4), girls (4), yeah (4), race (4), write (3), comments (3), manage (3), view (3), log (3), sign (3), already (3), join (3), surprise (3), hotel (3), genting (3), adventure (3), july (3), august (3), october (3), april (3), month (3), running (3), wears (3), sleeve (3), freedom (3), boxes (3), little (3), off (3), digital (3), favourite (3), design (3), past (3), apply (3), wouldn (3), needed (3), found (3), called (3), hours (3), hear (3), abilities (3), grandin (3), drawing (3), yes (3), energy (3), goal (3), force (3), behaviour (3), next (3), information (3), initiative (3), currently (3), getting (3), course (3), voice (3), happening (3), interesting (3), data (3), photo (3), google (3), late (3), talents (3), push (3), else (3), words (3), definition (3), concept (3), break (3), decades (3), exist (3), minds (3), capable (3), pattern (3), goes (3), relevant (3), kinda (3), based (3), realised (3), blah (3), old (3), quite (3), try (3), excuse (3), true (3), situation (3), did (3), tell (3), bad (3), tend (3), weird (3), give (3), sometimes (3), hole (3), down (3), piece (3), grasp (3), powers (3), prove (3), driving (3), moving (3), hope (3), soul (3), harder (3), affair (3), honest (3), fall (3), hundred (3), foot (3), set (3), blood (3), line (3), malaysian (3), justify (3), tick (3), value (3), meant (3), culture (3), knew (3), shit (3), space (3), waiting (3), reach (3), individual (3), impact (3), fire (3), asking (3), pride (3), fate (3), certain (3), flag (3), website (2), required (2), content (2), subscribed (2), subscribe (2), account (2), free (2), feed (2), shah (2), alam (2), medical (2), tourism (2), theme (2), pyramid (2), subang (2), quote (2), penang (2), nature (2), melon (2), market (2), holiday (2), friend (2), firefly (2), dreams (2), ampang (2), select (2), categories (2), june (2), archives (2), epitome (2), circles (2), pigeons (2), progress (2), transformation (2), third (2), although (2), happens (2), using (2), case (2), pushing (2), expectations (2), outcomes (2), abstract (2), kept (2), telling (2), breakthrough (2), mystery (2), determination (2), wrapped (2), career (2), politics (2), kid (2), brought (2), perspective (2), somewhat (2), came (2), teachers (2), communicate (2), rebranding (2), grave (2), speak (2), chunk (2), agency (2), benefit (2), system (2), school (2), programs (2), indirectly (2), strategies (2), general (2), among (2), definitely (2), industries (2), soon (2), dedicating (2), hoarding (2), skills (2), companies (2), message (2), mainly (2), friends (2), bigger (2), seeing (2), eyes (2), move (2), diverse (2), community (2), listen (2), regarding (2), children (2), daily (2), achieved (2), stigma (2), talk (2), mentally (2), conversation (2), unless (2), cured (2), condition (2), social (2), communication (2), interests (2), childhood (2), current (2), truly (2), itself (2), creates (2), public (2), 21st (2), century (2), few (2), recently (2), moved (2), mindset (2), complex (2), anyone (2), innovative (2), filled (2), noise (2), thinker (2), word (2), dabid (2), apart (2), pool (2), majority (2), full (2), whether (2), altogether (2), sounds (2), save (2), familiar (2), irp (2), dedicate (2), entirely (2), foresee (2), meet (2), cross (2), bridge (2), overambitious (2), turned (2), ending (2), happened (2), perception (2), seem (2), tash (2), logical (2), read (2), form (2), god (2), details (2), reasons (2), actually (2), improve (2), elements (2), control (2), changes (2), frustration (2), deep (2), latter (2), satisfaction (2), saying (2), enjoy (2), thinks (2), knows (2), negative (2), difficult (2), statement (2), opposite (2), explain (2), used (2), change (2), connect (2), dots (2), nor (2), conclusion (2), walking (2), giant (2), ready (2), potential (2), beginning (2), battles (2), worth (2), tomorrow (2), opened (2), fighting (2), endless (2), battle (2), whoever (2), accepted (2), fight (2), gonna (2), party (2), remembered (2), confidence (2), overcome (2), explore (2), weirdness (2), taking (2), setting (2), walls (2), burning (2), differences (2), born (2), pull (2), alive (2), roughly (2), yesterday (2), comfort (2), allow (2), giving (2), wrong (2), state (2), admit (2), plan (2), those (2), whenever (2), decade (2), guess (2), labour (2), eat (2), mouth (2), money (2), cooked (2), granma (2), sick (2), pot (2), dish (2), infamous (2), hassan (2), asian (2), simple (2), reminded (2), scene (2), above (2), french (2), racist (2), realising (2), short (2), string (2), early (2), countries (2), puri (2), missed (2), monologue (2), pushed (2), forgotten (2), saw (2), immediately (2), knowing (2), watch (2), walk (2), week (2), sleeping (2), created (2), experimenting (2), path (2), easily (2), girl (2), listening (2), leadership (2), style (2), keeps (2), involved (2), emotions (2), issues (2), aware (2), team (2), seen (2), notion (2), spirit (2), residence (2), area (2), mentality (2), lifestyle (2), degree (2), common (2), further (2), young (2), therefore (2), lack (2), belief (2), harmonious (2), independence (2), upon (2), realise (2), baby (2), instead (2), elsewhere (2), apparently (2), grass (2), political (2), official (2), represent (2), heritage (2), rebuild (2), decisions (2), name, email, comment, loading, collapse, bar, subscriptions, site, reader, report, privacy, subscribers, navigation, entries, meta, war, vietnam, uptown, ulu, hati, tropicana, centre, travel, tanjung, karang, sydney, surf, sun, cafe, tower, lagoon, sky, terminal, starbucks, south, america, simply, shropshire, shopping, setapak, satay, hut, sabak, bernam, royal, pewter, results, resorts, rawang, pulau, ketam, port, klang, peru, notes, pentax, wimax, nightlife, myselangorstory, teapot, melbourne, mantra, ludlow, largest, mug, kuda, kepang, kubu, bharu, kota, damansara, sentral, ketupat, kapitan, kopitiam, kampung, hulu, langat, hospital, homeaway, rentals, chi, minh, restaurant, haarlem, gratitude, grantourismo, germany, highlands, frames, fishing, village, europe, england, dsc, dorani, homestay, dazzle, crabs, chocolate, cho, ben, thanh, cheap, chan, swee, caves, casahana, carlton, budget, boat, blow, pipe, bingen, bicycle, barongan, bamboo, rafting, backpack, australia, atv, argentina, architecture, lookout, activities, tsdayout, category, 2011, march, february, recent, posts, search, reflecction, altering, wonders, begins, group, scare, excited, technology, which, written, critique, paper, study, window, obvious, use, except, amplified, infinity, learned, vague, elizabeth, wong, exco, fazly, manager, couple, excites, experiments, planned, lessons, media, biggest, cemented, reading, passion, awareness, countless, responsibility, destroyed, surrounded, alone, pathway, clearer, pretty, paying, attention, everyday, clue, talent, parents, doctors, everybody, works, develop, fired, towards, passionate, unheard, main, bottom, chain, investors, education, sector, evaluate, reassess, identifying, focusing, strengths, safe, places, office, depression, rate, disrupt, large, thanks, mary, leader, plucking, tech, prepare, jobs, focus, families, caretakers, behaviours, groupon, joined, bandwagon, support, supporting, altruistically, naked, strategically, marching, forefront, brilliant, audience, strong, command, movement, sweepstakes, campaign, united, states, glance, partners, various, background, note, bae, systems, british, multinational, defence, security, aerospace, funders, correlates, started, objective, reuters, division, identify, acquire, simultaneously, transforming, newscast, hey, believed, mozart, warhol, einstein, newton, tim, burton, brandon, scott, engineering, creative, gifts, tap, envelope, innovate, enable, critical, hindering, connection, utilise, analytical, technical, popped, afraid, offending, paralysed, applied, depressed, apparent, needs, overhaul, disability, capability, cornwall, council, wide, ranges, mild, classic, diagnosed, cope, affects, interaction, includes, asperger, syndrome, nhs, universal, characteristics, symptoms, changing, confusion, adopt, functioning, naturally, professed, digger, term, call, occur, assumed, researchers, disease, defined, interpreting, facts, collaborating, exciting, excel, struggling, types, specialised, visual, specialist, unique, processing, compared, function, incapable, earth, professor, innovator, author, peta, activists, explained, jill, mullin, remarkable, book, changed, real, observing, available, wasted, appears, 2009, employed, profession, adults, interest, important, solved, bonkers, secretly, attempt, subject, exactly, harness, pour, structured, sentences, analysis, paralysis, drowning, however, writing, sooner, anticipated, middle, personally, surprisingly, overachiever, blogs, merry, christmas, sunday, unloaded, went, detox, below, grow, mine, table, intimidated, grew, belong, possible, beyond, explanation, answer, questions, drink, taste, smell, effects, gives, intoxicated, copout, interpretation, meaning, diluted, superficial, story, assess, trapped, otherwise, mood, compass, screwing, unnecessary, beforehand, issue, rounds, clear, remove, spiderweb, gets, sympathise, depend, respond, circumstances, dealing, convince, expect, understand, confused, upset, experienced, handle, spiral, hypothesis, anxiety, builds, breaks, falls, discovered, existence, between, ends, nonsense, resonate, farfetched, crazy, presented, silver, platter, digest, must, freaked, allows, predict, premonitions, trail, outcome, across, arrogant, dweeb, proper, anytime, strangely, earlier, homesick, mad, inhabits, continent, extended, network, apartment, leave, somebody, bring, somewhere, argh, agony, fuh, pick, enrich, empower, turmoil, inferior, wake, conquered, insecurities, shake, essentially, corners, fascinations, kick, freaking, high, hanging, onto, wait, wiped, history, breaking, bridges, weirdest, forces, against, hat, black, spiralling, growing, marked, sixth, residency, elevated, therein, lies, crux, rose, tinted, glasses, potentially, bubble, burst, resonates, superhero, complexity, wants, undo, wisdom, knowledge, opportunity, likely, sound, looks, eye, rolls, grins, intend, typical, discoveries, yorkshire, saving, image, btw, twice, thrice, missing, inseparable, sickening, joy, discover, eatery, tummy, singing, consisted, sweat, tears, cooking, storm, essential, ingredient, heaven, mostly, smallest, corner, shop, meals, yep, spot, hit, lightning, winter, ham, choy, soups, flew, care, peek, bowl, mum, hand, isn, cook, plate, hot, rice, fried, assam, fish, briyani, dishes, specific, connected, repeated, marguerite, picnicking, known, obsession, ranks, highest, ace, thai, cuisines, mixed, pisses, times, michelin, awarded, restaurants, amount, insanity, delicate, refined, commendable, price, pay, dine, theatrical, fine, dining, cuisine, watching, powerful, captures, values, especially, present, equation, rich, captivating, constant, fucking, pardon, four, sake, cursing, derogatory, describing, offensive, guilty, thankful, existing, embraced, qualms, grand, daughter, train, aeroplane, entertained, car, rides, inviting, sit, outside, petrol, station, selling, newspapers, attended, cash, counter, grandparents, ethnicity, character, struck, chord, floodgate, suddenly, heartbroken, dedicated, loud, class, closure, absence, attachment, flooded, playing, father, whom, recesses, brain, tsunami, nostalgia, crashing, pre, heat, dinner, watched, trailer, premiered, resoluted, hook, crook, shown, odeon, chance, catch, cinema, minutes, wrap, fast, plus, fly, nuts, souls, awaken, monster, unsure, lost, blank, creating, useful, neither, detest, failure, return, uneasiness, deal, understood, settle, settled, wary, restlessness, perils, embracing, yourself, vulnerability, package, cuz, gap, talking, aligned, coaching, coach, invested, investment, preference, dynamic, balanced, questioning, vulnerable, responsible, downfall, marathon, stories, wondering, open, professional, draw, shouldn, helps, says, aside, solve, eventually, positively, affected, super, optimistic, side, untangled, knots, lead, episodes, conversations, involves, emotion, fei, ruining, crumbles, putting, ridiculous, expectation, complete, hits, fan, unlike, assembled, worked, vice, versa, sinister, run, cirlces, twisted, six, met, roadblock, channels, platforms, courage, withholds, rejection, marches, require, million, device, reaching, straight, process, probably, strongest, marketing, initially, targeting, applicants, per, effort, applicant, zone, staircase, magnet, signed, achievement, mothers, neighbours, sister, accompany, until, experiencing, ground, several, urban, poor, communities, preparing, easy, task, backs, limitations, due, barriers, blessed, apprenticeship, programme, kejar, kerja, loosely, translated, chase, aged, dropouts, interested, fashion, product, culinary, arts, matched, mentor, weeks, skilled, locally, women, humanitarian, element, achilles, heel, drawn, resides, leading, lose, sight, partly, lucky, whip, strange, months, previous, update, jumping, subconsciously, busy, occupied, matters, dwindling, nothingness, finalise, thesis, importantly, heh, despite, sparks, spread, fun, albeit, mindfcking, thus, growth, forcing, monumental, graves, digging, disruptive, necessarily, destruction, act, curiosity, succumb, trouble, maker, invovled, position, assume, accept, wash, hands, dismissive, practice, offer, entitled, destructive, ethos, becoming, crutch, chances, entitlement, quality, adopted, mighty, idealistic, john, kennedy, rings, truth, contributed, hint, ideology, moral, shifted, fix, causes, soldiers, betterment, whining, wailing, solution, owes, hardly, individualism, foreign, individualistic, chaos, taught, fear, unconventionally, respect, progressive, forefathers, fought, valuable, factory, 70s, 80s, curious, gave, passive, spoon, fed, resigned, resigning, consistently, persistently, diligently, feelings, stumble, terms, subjective, distilled, conform, norm, asked, opinion, bouncing, wall, extreme, happiness, sadness, reawaken, reminder, arrive, lives, teacher, object, insect, page, gift, settling, greener, observe, experiment, foundations, stop, start, watering, hasn, smoothest, transition, physically, spiritually, gone, recovery, mode, impactful, themselves, reckon, cultured, mindful, tolerant, tenderness, losing, saddens, statements, ashamed, considering, pump, campaigns, functions, empty, material, alleys, rural, areas, binds, flashy, neon, lights, labels, verify, sell, less, authentic, genuine, indeed, contradiction, courteous, warm, verbally, virtues, lived, incident, parties, irrelevant, helped, brewed, pure, lineage, anyway, dividing, steps, imprint, longterm, wise, tiny, means, idiot, drastic, dog, deter, weep, inside, turnaround, events, foolish, reminding, reflect, unfortunate, minority, monkeys, spotlight, holds, rights, shine, according, instruction, dismay, idiotic, manners, picked, internationally, painted, picture, minister, ludicrous, election, mainland, china, spite, questioned, affairs, sent, automatically, helm, bumiputera, status, higher, measure, wondered, possibly, box, unfair, acknowledge, evolved, identified, religions, bloodline, races, ethnics, step, pigeon, advanced, accepting, order, rather, pocket, hence, forms, acknowledging, documents, total, impromptu, exploration, wanting, light, bulb, dims, highway, cars, red, blazing, traffic, jam, gathering, nearby, pass, vehicle, cringe, skip, menu,

Text of the page (random words):
m looking forward to the graves i m digging oh yeah and to also finalise my thesis most importantly heh uncategorized 0 she wears her heart on her sleeve april 1 2015 daniaryezel like a strange familiar place i ve made this world to be for the last two months since my previous update i ve moved on from i don t know to jumping into a pool of work without realising subconsciously i needed to be busy to have my mind occupied doing work that matters so i have control over myself to stay away from dwindling into nothingness partly i m lucky to have people who while i don t know how much impact i can do believe that i can whip something up or maybe i m just that kid who just can t say no either ways i m working with amazing people doing different things but has one thing in common a humanitarian element perhaps that s my achilles heel one i m drawn to where my heart resides without having a purpose leading up to this i would lose sight easily and i ve spent many years long ago knowing what that felt like currently the project i m blessed to be part of is an initiative by women girls an apprenticeship programme called kejar kerja loosely translated as chase the job for girls aged 18 28 years old without any degree or school dropouts who are interested in fashion product design and culinary arts the idea is to have 10 girls and matched them with a mentor and company each in the industry for 6 weeks our end goal for them is to get a full time job and build skilled labour locally so far in the last one week we ve been going on ground to several residence area where the urban poor communities live in kuala lumpur way before this when we were preparing the details of the project i knew it s not gonna be an easy task if anything there will be so many set backs and limitations for us to reach out to these girls due to family culture mentality or lifestyle barriers but like everything else you ll never know until you re there in it experiencing it initially we were targeting to get 20 applicants per residence area but as days go by it already takes so much effort and hard work just to get one applicant to sign up just to pull them away from their comfort zone in their home to walk down the staircase felt like a magnet was pushing us away from them so each day just the thought of getting 3 people signed up was an achievement on it s own that each one had different reasons for doing so mothers who pushed them to talk to us neighbours who were aware of the need and sister who had to accompany there are a million ways to device a plan when it comes to reaching out to people and more often than not it s never a straight forward process that s probably why word of mouth is still the strongest form of marketing time and time again the channels to reach out are endless but to be able to know the platforms to breakthrough takes time and courage to try a mind that withholds rejection a soul that marches through walls that s the kind of spirit projects like this will require from each individual having said that after six days looking for them i met with a roadblock i was waiting for this moment to happen waiting for the time when i will question myself and watch myself run in cirlces to overcome this notion it s almost a twisted satisfaction this but unlike past projects i ve been involved this is one where the team was not assembled by me i ve never worked with them before and vice versa imagine the sinister voice in my head just waiting for the right moment to say this will be interesting to see how you ll be seen by others who don t know how you re like i don t think i m capable of ruining something on purpose if anything i will do anything and everything before something crumbles or it s just me putting a ridiculous expectation of myself to complete the work and when shit hits the fan i become a different person you know your leadership style is one that involves emotion right i hear fei s voice from our days in hyper island you connect through emotions another friend once mentioned i think coming back from manchester has untangled a few knots for me ever since i don t remember being more aware of the way i lead a team but looking back i remember episodes when i do have long conversations and figure out a way out for the rest so everyone can work better it s not that i need to know but i do no matter how much someone says you can push aside personal issues at work to me if there s a way to solve those personal issues then eventually your work will be more positively affected well that s just the super optimistic side of me thinks it doesn t help that the projects i m involved this year are mainly about emotions or maybe it helps me we ll see here i was listening to others and their stories when at one point i was wondering how much should i open up about myself to them after all we are working on a professional level where do we draw the line that there are things you shouldn t know about the other do we even have a line because there was a point in time when i was questioning myself should i be this vulnerable should i admit that i feel like shit and responsible for the downfall even though we re only at the beginning of the marathon do they want to know does it even matter this goes back to what type of leadership style we fall into and i so happened to be more aligned with the coaching type not that i think i m a good coach given that i too am learning on the job but i guess that s just the way i create the work culture to be invested in the projects you do you have to have some level of investment in the people you work with to it s a personal preference how much you want to dig in so long as it keeps the dynamic balanced after all we are living in a world of noise of other people talking of no one listening so someone has to listen and fill up the gap cuz at the end of the day people can easily tell the way i feel just by looking at me i m that s girl who wears her heart on her sleeve you will know if i m into it or not you just do even without me trying blah the perils of embracing yourself vulnerability is part of the package life 1 running in circles january 13 2015 daniaryezel i kinda understood what other people tell me that when you re away for a while and go back to where you came from it takes a while to settle in for some they could never feel settled and i m quite wary of that feeling of that restlessness to be quite honest my return to kl is meant as a short break but i can already sense that uneasiness when i m around other people i just don t want to deal with all that yet i don t want to hear so what s next or what will you be doing again and again because i don t know i don t know i don t know i don t know there that s as honest as i can be and i don t like the look i get after they sense it from me the what are you going to do with your life look is one i detest right now because i feel like a failure yet i haven t even achieved anything or done anything to prove that i will fall all i want to do right now is just be i know what i can do i just need to figure out how to build that path here because it s currently neither here nor there three years ago i created my own job after a year of experimenting i know i ll be creating another one for me to feel useful again although there is a new project i got to be part of last week and that awaken a sleeping monster again i m still unsure what i m capable of doing like i know i can do something but trying to put things together is where i feel lost there s this blank space i need to fill in but i don t know with what i got to know so many amazing souls so many i don t know what to do about it that s also another thing that s driving me nuts oh well this is kinda part of the journey to figure myself out i just hope i can wrap it up fast blah i have roughly a month plus before i fly out and seriously get my shit together life reflection 1 the epitome of love is food december 9 2014 daniaryezel my favourite scene from the movie the most moving one for me since the day the hundred foot journey trailer premiered i ve resoluted to watch it by hook or by crook and when it was shown at odeon all over uk i somehow missed the chance to catch it given that the cinema is only 4 minutes walk from my place is not an excuse either since i got home early today i pre heat my dinner i made yesterday and watched it for two hours deep in the recesses of my brain i somehow knew there has to be a reason why i didn t see this movie when i should ve i wouldn t have been ready for a tsunami filled with nostalgia crashing over me that much i knew i was flooded by memories of long forgotten person in my life and the moment i saw om puri playing as hassan s father i m immediately reminded of my late granpa of whom i only spent 6 years knowing the essence of om puri s character struck a chord in me and the floodgate opened like there s no tomorrow i haven t missed him in the last 10 years and suddenly today i m back to being heartbroken again a decade ago i wrote my first ever monologue dedicated to him and read it out loud in class a monologue meant as a closure after his 13 years absence and then i pushed it so far back in my mind i don t have that attachment memories to him as much as i did i feel somewhat guilty after realising it now the first person i was thankful for existing in my life no matter how short it was who embraced me for me my granpa who didn t have qualms getting his little grand daughter her very first train set a string aeroplane and entertained me with car rides to meet his friends inviting me to sit outside of the petrol station to keep him company selling newspapers while my late granma attended the cash counter in penang that was how i remembered my early childhood of me and my grandparents from different culture ethnicity countries and at one point religion too part of the reason why i have this constant battle being different is because in malaysia you re in one of this boxes to tick malay chinese indian or others my fucking problem pardon my french is that i m all four for god sake i m not just one or the other on face value many malaysians will say to you that they are not racist by nature sure but when it comes to cursing or making comments you can find every derogatory words describing one or the other so offensive it makes me wonder what does being racist truly meant to them there is a point to this post about the hundred foot journey the scene above is the most powerful in the movie for me it captures what asian values are about especially when it comes to the food they present it s this family equation that makes their food so rich and captivating sure there s a reason why michelin awarded restaurants exist for a reason and they do make good food the amount of insanity they put in to create a dish to look so delicate refined and complex yet simple is commendable it might justify the price we pay to dine in as well and i m all for the theatrical elements in fine dining cuisine but watching this movie reminded me why food is part of my life part of me if you ve known me long enough you would know that i ve got this sick obsession with good food and more often than not asian food ranks the highest for me malaysian food is ace for me because we have chinese indian malay thai and every other cuisines mixed into the pot the only problem with malaysia like most things we don t know how to market ourselves and own it it pisses me off a lot of the times but oh well that s malaysia there is a line in the movie when hassan repeated what marguerite said when they were picnicking food is memories that s spot on for me like i was hit by a lightning it got me thinking about my memories of people with food and for my granma it would be her winter melon and ham choy soups one time when i was sick for about a year she flew all the way to take care of me and i would remember going to the pot every time to have a peek to see if i could have another bowl my mum on the other hand while isn t the best cook but there s one particular dish i love from her and always look forward with a plate of hot rice fried assam fish i remember the briyani i tend to eat with my granpa back then but i don t think i was old enough to remember the food he cooked many people told me of his infamous dishes i have more people i go to for a specific type of food they do very well and it s what makes me feel connected to them food to me is not just food it s the hard labour of love consisted of blood sweat and tears when cooking up a storm for a family it s that essential ingredient that makes what you eat heaven in your mouth that s where i put my money mostly the smallest corner shop making home cooked meals yep there s just something about food and me that s inseparable sometimes sickening but more often than not i find joy when i discover a new eatery worth my tummy singing btw this is my second post for today a first since a decade ago when my first blog was set up i used to blog daily sometimes twice or thrice a day i guess i just need to get it out about missing my granpa food life malaysia memories movie the hundred foot journey image 0 saving the world business love affair one of my favourite discoveries in yorkshire eye rolls grins and that typical look i get whenever someone ask me about what i intend to do i have to admit whatever i end up saying or plan to do will most likely sound like i m trying to save the world so i get why i get those looks from people most of the time i really do because if i was them i d do the same too i don t know what is it with me and the idea of doing something that resonates with this superhero complexity i have maybe a part of me wants to undo the past of what i didn t have the power or wisdom to do anything then but today given the knowledge and experience perhaps i can right the wrong somehow give other people the opportunity to live in better state of mind i have roughly 9 days before my adventure with hyper island in manchester comes to an end yesterday marked our sixth month residency in this city that i ve come to find comfort in and i realised that being in hi has elevated my determination to do whatever i want because they allow us to do what we want therein lies a crux for some of us well more for me really i ve been giving it a lot of thought what is it about hi that made me be the way i am today how is it different from the rest am i looking at the rose tinted glasses that i m potentially setting myself for some kind of down fall once the bubble burst to be honest i don t know it could be a long love affair with my life of fighting against the current since the day i was born there is always something i had to pull out of the hat to prove that i m here alive and relevant it was also part of the 10 year love affair with the black hole i spent spiralling through my growing up years so yes being in hyper island wiped off all that history of breaking walls a...