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Text of the page (random words):
d to help me i don t want her to see me naked and i don t want to be seen naked either so far i haven t felt diminished by the service she provides and i feel a relief that joe gets a break in his day i m a wee bit needy i think the takeaways for me are voice and being heard and those two things leading to action there is no point in speaking to someone who hears you but makes no change i am fortunate to say i m good she s good and i m grateful posted by dave hingsburger at 10 14 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday july 01 2021 canada day it s canada day and i m conflicted i have always been a proud canadian i have loved this land starting with the summer holidays i went on with my family as a youth right up to the lectures i ve given in every province but one and every territory but one our country s beauty is hard to describe but brilliant to experience but i have struggled with my love of canada first as a youth who was discovering his sexuality to the youth that fell in love with another boy it was illegal then to be gay in fact the word gay did not exist then i learned that the famed tolerance of canadians often hid vitriolic hatred i loved my land but feared the people who inhabited it the stories that are surfacing about the dead children at residential schools are not new to me i learned about the residential schools from friends who were survivors of them stories about priestly abuse and government inaction brought about a profound sorrow how could this be in the land that i love how could this be these are people i know who spoke the unspeakable these are people who suffered i don t know us so today is canada day like many typical canadians we celebrate it by not celebrating it call for canceling canada day if you will but most of us will go about a typical day off doing nothing and that s pretty much what we white people have done regarding this blight on our history nothing people can do many things in memory of these slaughtered children but i choose to focus on the future creating new leaders and new teachers from within the indigenous communities of canada we need them and their voices so consider indspire as a place to start that canadian history so brutally treated indigenous peoples doesn t mean our future has to as well posted by dave hingsburger at 12 53 pm 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday june 30 2021 tonight it s been an interesting couple of days here what with the joys of aging and the perils of needing help i was formally assessed a few days ago to determine if my disability was such that i could use a psw to provide assistance i had to answer a thousand questions and then wait while those questions were calculated and turned into hours if any as it turns out i qualified for one hour a day for seven days a week i was assigned two psw s who would be providing service to me i considered myself lucky because i won t have a revolving door of people coming into my apartment i decided that before i d let them provide service touch me i wanted to talk to them about the attitude i expected and the safety i needed i ve now had both those meetings and tonight will be the first time that i will be getting help it is at this juncture that i begin to appreciate all that joe does for me he didn t sign up to be with a wheelchair user and he certainly didn t know how acid tongued i could be when frightened but nevertheless we both have agreed that it s time to slowly lift some of the responsibilities off his shoulders and give them to someone else but for me yikes a couple weeks ago after a really bad day joe assisted me into bed and when i laid down it was the first time that day that i felt safe that was the gift he gave me i cherished it as we met the two psw s and i had a chance to think about our conversations i realized i had to lower my expectations you see joe does what he does out of love for me incomprehensible love and it is in that love that comes the excellence of his support the gentleness of his touch and the desire for me to feel no shame that s a lot to lay on someone else and i can t i just want good competent care i don t need anyone else s love and esteem i have that in large measure so we will see how it goes tonight and go from there i am willing to simply try and in the trying allow my vulnerability to expose itself that s hard for me but it s time i asked for and received the support i need posted by dave hingsburger at 12 44 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday june 11 2021 housebound i am not afraid of going outside but i have grown quite comfortable with my present status of being housebound there is probably a better word for that but that s the only one i know i haven t been out for a couple of weeks and am not planning to go out this weekend even with the lifting of some restrictions there are two reasons for me to continue my stint as being housebound the first is that the activities that would pull me out are still restricted the gym still closed the mall still closed me still in i m just not interested enough in what s presently on offer the second one is more personal i am tucked away from people s stares and unwanted commentary about my life i am safe here joe may look at me with exasperation sometimes and annoyance at other times but he never looks at me the way the world sees me a fat freak in a wheelchair never joe sees me he reacts to me based on what i say or do as would be expected yesterday we watched a tv program that played for laughs a scene wherein a young man got stuck having to go on a date with an uggo which i ve learned is a slang term for someone ugly the uggo in this case was a rather pretty woman who in the eyes of the world was fat you expect me to go willingly into that world there was a time when ugly laws and statutes made it illegal for some to be out in public that those laws and statutes are no longer in place does not mean that they didn t make the transition from being written in law books to being written in stares and glances in disapproving faces and in disgusting commentary so no thanks i will go out in the next round of lifting restrictions i want to do what s on offer then and i willing to brave presenting myself to the world again sometimes disability pride is shown just by going out posted by dave hingsburger at 11 19 am 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday june 08 2021 pride pride it took me a long time to get to pride the walk through shame was long and perilous i can t describe the feelings i had in marching in toronto s first pride march my heart raced like an engine that was powered by shame set ablaze by fear when i remember that day i remember those feelings so much so that i have to force myself to remember that fear or not shame or not i was there i marched pride i lectured for a couple of years before joe ever came to hear me i invited him to come to hear me speak to an agency serving youth in the city of toronto where i had been invited to speak about homosexuality and intellectual disability i remember joe sitting there his nerves for me almost out of control and in the middle of the speech i stopped and identified him i felt the stirrings of pride in identifying this man who loved me pride over the next couple of decades pride was a companion for most of the journey but when i had my first catastrophic illness i was terrified but i was not alone i knew though that this would test our relationship in ways different than before joe was with me through the diagnosis and beyond it was clear that being with me was going to involve a lot more work for him he s still here with barely a complaint he offers me help pride posted by dave hingsburger at 2 04 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest saturday june 05 2021 realistic pride so it s six days into pride month and i m angry i m angry at the fact that try as i might i just can t seem to let go i saw a post on social media this morning from a fellow proudly displaying the rainbow flag and loudly sounding off about his allyship with the lgbtq community nice right appropriate sentiment right on our side hoo rah but you see i knew him when i knew him when he was comfortable with his heterosexual superiority he proudly spouted about how two men couldn t actually love one another he waxed poetic about being in love with his wife and told story after story about their fabled life i always left any meeting with him like i d walked through the sludge of trite overblown sentiment and said nothing because as brainless and typical as he was he had power he had used that power he had reported people perfectly fine people to their bosses and demanded their firing i don t know how many notches he had in his toolbelt but there were many and along comes the wind of change and he is determined to let his pride flag flap in the breeze now he s a supporter nowhere is there apology nowhere is there an acknowledgment that he was our enemy before he became our friend i wonder what is asked of me gratitude i can t muster it i can muster anger though joe and i were a couple when it was still illegal to be gay in canada our first acts of love were as criminals when we sought out those of our kind we went to clubs where it was never a certainty that you would make it home alive there is a picture of the two of us from our early university years we stand beside each other no touch we looked like cousins forced to take a picture together we were afraid of pictures we were afraid of evidence we were afraid to draw breath too loudly we were afraid that we took up too much space we were afraid so we locked the world out and lived in sanctuary this happens to me every year at pride i remember too much i remember too clearly i grieve for our lost life for our inability to face down fear then and inability to forgive now forgiveness i m sorry i can t posted by dave hingsburger at 1 54 pm 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest saturday may 29 2021 today pandemic be damned i shaved my beard off today for those of you who don t know i grew a rather prodigious beard over the last several weeks this was not a fashion choice this was simply a result of laziness i never really liked shaving and did so only because i needed to look tidy for work but i m retired now but i m living through a pandemic now but i don t want to so it grew fiercely so it grew furiously so it grew and made a home for errant cheerios food in the beard an unexpected bonus snacking available round the clock last night i decided that i would shave the beard off and then it hit me i have something to do tomorrow my agenda is no longer empty i am a man who has something to do with his time fie on you pandemic i m busy tomorrow this is where i am now this is where a lot of people are being thrilled at simply having something to do something attached to real life something that has nothing to do with existential panic i wish you could see me maybe i ll do a selfie this week then i ll have something to do again posted by dave hingsburger at 1 38 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest older posts home subscribe to posts atom disability pride living in 3d about the blog s name of battered aspect image description a late 18th century man with a stout wooden leg of battered aspect when you are reading a book do you ever have the cookie consent in the real world there should never be an issue regarding consent and cookies particularly chocolate chip however i have been informed that i need to inform you about cookies that may be involved somehow with this blog and with blogger i an in my mid sixties and don t really know what cookies are here is something from the notice i got google uses of certain blogger and google cookies including use of google analytics and adsense cookies so be aware of that and i am assuming implied consent because you know that and come back of course you may choose not to come back this is why i m suggesting implied consent i tried finding a proper code for announcing this and couldn t i hope you come back and i hope you occasionally have a real world cookie especial on days that are raining or sunny or cloudy dedication this blog is dedicated in part to neuengamme prisoner 28631 about me dave hingsburger joe and i live in an apartment right smack dab in the center of toronto i have worked in the field of disability since graduating from university over 30 years ago i became disabled a few years ago now and use a wheelchair when out in the world for those interested most of my books are available through www diverse city com and if you are wishing to book a lecture or consultation you may do so by emailing daveandjoe hotmail com view my complete profile first place personal blog canadian blog awards first place health blog canadian blog awards best disability blog first place canadian blog awards best personal blog canadian blog awards health tied for third best personal blog best canadian blog overall 2010 canadian blog awards best personal blog 2010 canadian blog awards best health blog 2010 canadian blog awards rolling around in my head by dave hingsburger is licensed under a creative commons attribution noncommercial no derivative works 2 5 canada license requiem there are those who have affected the course of my work and my career i wish to remember them here stella young manuela dalla nora bob clayton viktor frankl robert sovner marsha forrest terry haslam john money susan tough sol gordon winnifred kempton i believe that we should speak often and well of those who passed our way and whose lives gifted us here in this space i wish to memorialize those whose lived lives in service to those with disabilities we will never forget we will always resist sitemeter blog archive 2021 25 july 2 my psw canada day june 4 may 6 april 10 january 3 2020 69 december 12 november 14 october 19 september 22 august 1 january 1 2019 91 december 12 november 2 october 3 september 2 august 3 july 14 june 10 may 7 april 16 february 13 january 9 2018 228 december 18 november 17 october 17 september 13 august 15 july 20 june 27 may 21 april 17 march 22 february 17 january 24 2017 293 december 22 november 19 october 26 september 18 august 25 july 24 june 28 may 30 april 26 march 27 february 24 january 24 2016 294 december 29 november 28 october 18 september 28 august 20 july 22 june 26 may 20 april 24 march 26 february 24 january 29 2015 286 december 19 november 24 october 27 september 29 august 31 july 1 june 14 may 30 april 25 march 33 february 23 january 30 2014 325 december 30 november 25 october 27 september 24 august 27 july 25 june 26 may 27 april 29 march 27 february 27 january 31 2013 366 december 29 november ...