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description=When the Body Speaks;
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acceptance by deanne ames encouragement encouragement subscribe sign in acceptance when the body speaks deanne ames mar 10 2026 27 18 3 share my wednesday afternoon seemed normal enough a workout on a treadmill followed by a hot shower normally when it s cold outside i walk briskly on the treadmill a few times a week i walk for forty eight minutes two cycles of the treadmill plus two cool down periods instead of doing a cool down during the first cycle i jack the speed back up so i don t lose my momentum on that particular day enjoying the book i was reading i added an additional twelve minutes overall doesn t sound like much right when i was younger an hour long workout was the bare minimum resorted to reluctantly on days i was too busy for more now at 70 having accumulated a long list of chronic health issues some mundane eg migraines some obscure e g sjögrens disorder even those twelve extra minutes beyond my usual routine would turn out to be too much i ve been physically active my entire life when i was growing up on the coast in southern california outdoor exercise was as compulsory as attending school after i developed blood clots in my legs in my late teens and early 20 s i quit running photo by filip mroz on unsplash when the clots healed i took up tennis but after a doctor told me the numerous cortisone shots he gave me for tennis elbow would eventually cause the joint to fall apart i set my racket aside living near the ocean i dabbled in surfing and i loved to swim but it turns swimming isn t the best exercise for keeping your bones healthy as you age i broke my foot during the pandemic and my bicycle gathered dust by the time my foot healed my husband and i had adopted a dog to replace our two dear canine companions who d died several years before walking and hiking became my exercise staples aside from a basically balanced diet they ve been my primary means of staying physically healthy and in shape the past several years hiking less than 24 hours after that hour long workout on wednesday i began to hurt a lot i hurt when i breathed in i hurt when i breathed out i hurt when i turned even a smidge to the right but not when i turned to the left the pain spread across my upper abdomen settling into the space just below my right breast then shot like a knife straight through to my back costochondritis i wondered one of many painful health conditions i ve experienced over the years no this felt different and worse and besides i d always had costochondritis on the left side of my ribs and sternum not the right when the pain began i was driving down a busy street on my way to run some errands my first impulse was to ignore it to power through it to continue with my original plan not a good idea said a voice in my head you know the sensible voice the one that brings you back to your body when your thoughts are rushing ahead of your car leading the way feeling invincible and efficiently productive goading your physical body into doing just one more task before allowing it to rest i ll be in and out of the store my brain insisted i know exactly what i need and where to find it a few more painful half breaths in a few more excruciating stabs when i turned the steering wheel even a tiny bit in either direction tears filling my eyes blurring my view of the road i rest my case chimed the voice please go home by then convinced i did twenty four hours later i was still in pain in fact it was worse i d disrupted my husband s sleep and my own by the pitiable sound effects i made when i turned over in bed or reached for the water glass on the end table to my right or with a screech worthy of the female star of a horror movie tried to move my entire body to the right and stand up to walk to the bathroom the word pain friday forty eight hours after a measly one hour walk on a treadmill i was still in pain and wondering what the hell was going on on a day when i d ordinarily be heading back to the gym i found myself unable even to sit at my desk and write or even to think very clearly so i took a nap at noon on saturday propped up with pillows behind me in bed i logged into zoom for the weekly writing group i attend after disguising my location by blurring the background on my screen i participated as best i could never mentioning the pain when the group was over it occurred to me that even though it was a lovely sunny afternoon i really couldn t do anything more than stay as still as possible and hope the pain whatever its cause would eventually go away um said the sensible voice fifty five hours of severe pain is it time to go to the er well urgent care maybe i admitted the er seems a bit extreme urgent care will just send you to the er so it s a waste of time and money oh that pesky sensible voice fortified with plenty of sudoku puzzles for what promised to be a tedious ordeal for both of us my husband drove me to the hospital in the er a blood draw and a urine test offered no clues as to the reasons for the pain and a quick ct scan of my chest only revealed thank god two small nodules in my lungs that had remained unchanged for several years next i was offered pain meds as a sober person in recovery 16 years this month i don t drink or use recreational drugs but i also don t believe in declining medically supervised pain relief especially after nearly sixty hours of unremitting agony imagine my horror when two intravenous doses of a very strong opioid pain med failed to make a dent the er doc seemed nearly as shocked as i was seeing the baffled look on his face i began to cry i was miserable and by that time i was also afraid what if nothing they did could make the pain go away the doctor left to consult with another doctor we ll try steroids next he said when he reentered the tiny too bright room steroids oh how i d dreaded ever hearing that word again steroids had dragged me around the block a few times before that night delivering me swiftly from physical pain then handing me the bill insomnia which i have even as i write erratic moods spikes in blood sugar and weight and a steady erosion of the bones which at my age might be the worst consequence of all but relentless pain is a powerful persuader and at nearly midnight i conceded ten minutes after a nurse plunged a high dose of dexamethasone i e a steroid and a third dose of opiates into my i v the pain began to lift this was not only a blessing it was exceptionally good timing my next challenge was to spend 40 minutes in the confines of an mri machine after midnight i was admitted to the main hospital for observation i lay awake the steroids triumphing easily over the opioids in my veins the next morning i learned the mri had revealed a large fluid filled lesion on the right side of my thoracic spine the cyst along with the swelling this had caused in the surrounding tissue was digging into the nerves directly behind my ribs today thanks to steroids i m not in pain yes i m wide awake in the middle of the night but it seems a fair price to pay for the blessed pain relief however depending on steroids for pain relief is not a viable long term solution i ll have a surgery consultation soon i took a long slow walk with my dog this afternoon it was a beautiful nearly spring day as usual my aging dog sniffed and dawdled dawdled and sniffed isn t it glorious she seemed to say i love being out here with you i love you too i thought smiling at her as we walked but omg you really do walk slow i m really not getting much exercise sigh my dog doesn t seem to mind growing older or moving more slowly taking her time being completely present and at peace she seems to accept the limitations of her aging body taking them calmly in stride i can learn a lot from my dog photo by patrick schätz on unsplash 2026 deanne ames all rights reserved encouragement is a reader supported publication to receive new posts and support my work consider becoming a free or paid subscriber subscribe 27 18 3 share previous next discussion about this post comments restacks mary pierce mar 11 liked by deanne ames what we can endure mercy glad you re moving ️spring is nigh reply share 1 reply by deanne ames v s uma mar 10 liked by deanne ames hey deanne loved reading this personal diary letter of yours ️ ️ ️ you are the best example for resilience nothing can stop you from being active and happy stay blessed always ️ ️ reply share 1 reply by deanne ames 16 more comments top latest discussions no posts ready for more subscribe 2026 deanne ames privacy terms collection notice start your substack get the app substack is the home for great culture this site requires javascript to run correctly please turn on javascript or unblock scripts