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n t already know more about this stuff than they ever will anyone who s spent more than five minutes on tumblr the natural habitat of the teenager will be aware of just how much kids know about naughty rumpty pumpty kinky stuff seriously it s full of things like that pictures stories essays all from teenagers who are both fascinated by and well educated about the details of bdsm i m sure that most them could put a dominatrix with 20 years experience to shame if they put their minds to it and they don t just know about the mechanics of it they re also terrifyingly well versed in the psychological aspects planned parenthood might say it s all about building trust but your average 16 year old could probably write a 200 page thesis on the topic along with examples comparisons diagrams and a rather captivating fanfiction story using benedict cumberbatch and martin freeman as the main characters so if you re worried that planned parenthood is somehow going to corrupt the youth of today with their incredibly benign video you really shouldn t that ship sailed a long time ago posted by kellie delightfully ludicrous at 12 00 am 29 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels bdsm funny kinky planned parenthood teenagers monday february 24 2014 it was just like dead poet s society but with a lawnmower source the other day at work i had one of those worlds colliding moments i was having a meeting with a project manager and i saw the name of my old high school english teacher on one of his project plans i think we all had that one teacher in high school who was just plain cool you know the one who treated us like the adults we wanted to be instead of the kids we really still were for me it was this guy i still remember what he said to us on our first day of class basically that he d treat us like adults as long as we behaved like them and that anyone who wasn t interested in being their could leave he didn t care no one left and everyone turned up to all of the classes of course that might have had a little bit to do with the fact that at least three quarters of the girls in the class had a crush on the guy but still it turns out that he s now a bit of a rock star in the education field generations of kids who were taught by him all having gone on to various fields all willing to step up now and help him with his programs and projects apparently that s what a lifetime in education gets you an army of well placed minions ready to do your bidding and good for him he totally earned it he was definitely one of the best teachers i had in high school and i m sure a lot of kids would say he was the one teacher who made a difference in their lives but if i m honest he wasn t the most influential teacher i had that honour goes to someone who wasn t even a teacher his name was big john at least that s what we kids called him and he was the gardener at my primary school he had a shed in the main courtyard where he kept all his tools and his workbench and when he wasn t mowing the grass or trimming bushes he used to make us kids little presents out of scraps of wooden board and old greeting cards i still have some of the little wall hangings he made me and i ll always treasure them i think the reason we all loved him as much as we did is that in a place full of teachers and administration and other adults who all seemed to just be there to scare us or judge us at least that s how it seemed to us he was just so completely accepting of every kid in that place we all knew instinctually that he was a good person and we were safe while he was around he d let us sit with him while we ate our lunch or stand around in his work shed which was really just a carport type affair with a door that they closed up in the evenings and watch him make things we all knew that wherever he was was a safe space he understood us and we all felt it i read on a message board a little while ago that he d passed away and i can t say i was surprised he wasn t young when i was in school and that was more than 30 years ago but the sheer number of comments on that post from people who remembered him overwhelmed me all of them talking about how much they d loved him there were a lot of teachers in that school but i think big john was perhaps the most influential adult in the place we were all lucky to have known him posted by kellie delightfully ludicrous at 12 00 am 22 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels big john school teachers tuesday february 18 2014 does fernando sound like a good name for a narwahl to you source i think i ve found what might be the cutest kid present idea ever imagine this you take a drawing done by a child send it to this website link and they makes a stuffed toy based on it how awesome is that i m always completely in awe of arty people like that how on earth do they do it i can barely draw a straight line even if i m using a ruler there s no way i d be able to scrabble together enough artistic ability to make a toy based on a kid s scribble let alone make it look that good is it wrong that i want to draw one myself and send it to them to get made i think if i did it would be of a spaceman narwahl complete with astronaut helmet i m not sure how i d go about hugging him what with the horn and all but i m sure we d work it out at least i would if i had the faintest idea how to draw a narwahl spaceman seriously though i think this is one of the cleverest gift ideas i ve ever seen what a wonderful thing to do for a child showing them that you value their imagination and creativity it s definitely a step up from lets stick your picture on the fridge that s for sure but why on earth did i have to find out about it after christmas i could have saved a lot of present shopping angsting if only i d known about it earlier isn t it always the way note i m not getting compensated in any way shape or form for writing this i just thought it was really really cool i mean come on who wouldn t want that purple stuffed dog by the little five year old girl i totally would and i d call him henry mcwoofington he looks like a henry don t you think posted by kellie delightfully ludicrous at 12 00 am 16 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels child s own studio kids drawings stuffed toys thursday february 13 2014 the end of an era not to mention the most delicious potato feta balls ever just around the corner from where i live there s a cafe they make a good breakfast the staff take the time to get to know their regulars and learn their orders the parking is great considering the location on a busy main road and they have a nice little table just the right size for me stuck away in a back corner is it any wonder that i quickly became a regular every saturday morning i find myself here sitting at my regular table with my regular breakfast and my laptop in front of me just killing a few hours before going to do the grocery shopping they know my name bring me my breakfast without me having to ask for it and the manager seems to have an almost supernatural instinct about when i ll need a top up on my diet coke sure they may have a tendency to forget the butter but nobody s perfect in almost every other respect they are a good reliable cafe or perhaps i should say were they ve changed hands my regular cafe has changed owners and now it doesn t look like my cafe anymore i walked in this morning and there s grass in the outside dining area grass sure it s fake grass but still and the menu has changed my usual order isn t on it anymore sure i was able to order something that was an approximation of it and it was nice enough but the toast wasn t the same and the potato feta balls had been replaced with normal hash browns god i m going to miss those potato feta balls but the worst betrayal my table is gone the old owners had about half a dozen tables set up in the small inside eating area and i d always pick the one in the back corner where i could just sit for hours and not get in anybody s way but now they ve replaced it with an enormous table for ten how on earth am i supposed to write without feeling self conscious if i can t sit with my back to the wall i kind of feel like i ve been evicted and nobody bothered to tell me i know i m being unreasonable things can t stay the same forever but i m just feeling a bit displaced at the moment sitting at a brightly striped table out on some rather unrealistic looking astro turf i suppose i should try looking on the bright side maybe these guys will remember the butter posted by kellie delightfully ludicrous at 12 00 am 17 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels cafe change writing monday february 10 2014 i think germany might be trying to give putin a conniption fit source i made the decision to boycott the winter olympics this year not that it s any great hardship for me i m not exactly known for being a sports fan people at work are always talking about football or cricket or soccer but i can honestly say that most of the time i have no idea what they re going on about hell when people ask me what my favourite sporting competition is i always ask if celebrity poker counts but if i was going to watch something the winter olympics would probably be it after all they ve got ice skating and bobsledding and the one where the guy on the skis goes really fast down the hill and then jumps at the end and who doesn t love the one where they jump at the end but this year i decided against it i ve got far to many friends in the lgbtq community to feel right about it given how russia s been acting lately so i scratched it off my tv watching schedule and decided to indulge in a couple of weeks of how clean is your house escape to the country and auction hunters in other words my usual viewing schedule but a part of me wishes i was watching it if only to see just what germany is going to do next to thumb their noses at russia s anti gay stance first they chose a lovely rainbow motif for their opening ceremony uniforms link i know that the official stance is that they re the colours of the olympic rings or something like that but i don t think any of us are actually buying it lets get real here you don t pick a uniform that makes your team look like they just got back from mardi gras without knowing what sort of message it s going to give and then yesterday the couples figure skating team opted to do their routine to glee s version of le jazz hot a song from victor victoria that was sung by a woman dressing as a man so she could pretend to be a cross dresser and they opted to use the version sung by a gay man who plays a gay man in what some people would argue is the most gay friendly television show ever link i have to say germany that s some pretty impressive underhanded shade you re throwing there you get the award for being the most passive aggressive little buggers at the winter olympics bless you make me proud of my german heritage posted by kellie delightfully ludicrous at 12 00 am 16 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels figure skating gay rights germany le jazz hot sochi winter olympics thursday february 6 2014 parenting win or fail either way this guy s just plain awesome source parenting is a strange concept isn t it it s like here have a human being try not to kill it before it s old enough to get a job would you still most people seem to manage okay at least so it would appear given how many of us actually make it into adulthood of course there are your parental nightmares the ones who shouldn t be allowed to look after a blue eyed kitten let alone a kid but for the most part parents just seem to be people trying not to let anyone else know they don t really have a clue what they re doing and then there are the ones who take parenthood to a whole new level take this guy for instance link this is what i call a parenting win or a parenting fail i m not really sure which either way he s my new hero i mean what sort of evil genius comes up with the idea of torturing their kid by waving to the school bus dressed in a different costume every day just because their kid didn t want them coming out to say goodbye i ve heard of some pretty good ones before picking the kid up from school wearing pajamas the use of mortifyingly sweet nicknames etc but this is some top notch humiliation of his many and incredibly varied costumes i have to admit my favourite is the wedding dress i bet it was his wife s and she had no idea he borrowed it can t you just imagine the yelling later on when he came in what the hell how did grass stains get over the hem of my wedding dress god damn it dale what did i say about wearing my dresses the toilet was pretty good too although it worries me a little that he just happened to have a spare toilet bowl lying around i do have to wonder though what a grown man was doing with so many different costumes and just what exactly was he thinking when he put on that little mermaid outfit those shells don t cover anything posted by kellie delightfully ludicrous at 12 00 am 19 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels costumes embarrassing dad parents monday february 3 2014 i think i ve found nemo he s on my desk at work source i ve worked in an office for almost twenty years and if there s one thing i ve learned about cubicle dwelling it s that you need to personalise your space hang up pictures scatter around little toys and novelty items that sort of thing hell you can even decorate your computer monitor mine is surrounded by polished stones all blue tacked in place or hang wrapping paper to disguise the fuzzy cubicle walls i chose a bookshelf motif well i do work in a library it s all about making the place your own considering how long you have to sit there every day but if there was one thing on my desk that always made it feel like mine it was snitchy s snitchington iii snitchy was a siamese fighting fish who lived in a small bowl on top of my filing cabinet for well over two years he was my office companion at least he was until he went into a gradual decline that ended in a six week death scene where he lay melodramatically at the bottom of his bowl and waved a fin feebly above his head what can i say i like my fish to have a sense of the dramatic even snitchy couldn t last forever though and eventually he blurbled his last and was given a 21 flush salute in the upstairs ladies bathroom as was his due he was a good fish and he was definitely missed but after poor snitchy s demise it was like i was cursed sushi mcfishsauce sir bubbles glubbington and monsieur poisson all followed in quick succession but for some reason it never seemed to go very well sushi was gone within a couple of weeks bubbles within a couple of days and i don t think monsieur poisson even m...